Guest_005 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Hello all, You probably get these threads all of the time, but here I go. The title says it all. Never been kissed and too scared to do so. I have never had a girlfriend, never had a random snog with a girl and never thought I was gay. I used to always say "I am too ugly to be gay", but that was just a joke. However about a month ago I had this little scare. I was at basketball practice and my best mate was on the other team. At one point he kinda grabbed my shoulders a way then another time he grabbed my hair. At the time I felt uncomfortable with him doing that. I thought about it and it, but didnt let it get to me. I wondered why he had done it. I asked myself if my friend was gay. A few days past and I was watching a film at the cinema. It was Mission Impossible 3, but just as the end credits hit a thought came into my head and it just said "oh my god! Am I gay?" And I took that thought seriously. I started thinking about what my mate had done and that it made me feel uncomfortable. And I started getting worried. I even thought about trying to ask a few girls out, but I thought that doesn't do anything, but as I thought about asking out a girl who was nice I started to get feelings of anxiety. I got really bad butterfly;s in my stomach and could not eat. I went to the doctor and talked about it. Talked with my parents as well. I was having anxiety, which is what caused me to feel so scared. I thought about my life and how I have never had a sexual relationship or encounter (like a random snog). I've read a lot of views on the forum and been part of the belief that I am a straight person, but a straight person who can recognise a good looking chap when they see one. But now because I had the whole gay panic it's been in my head. I've been analyzing people, are they good looking? ugly? This is not good because when I relax and say my mind forgets about what I was worrying about I am fine. I feel like my old self. But of course the thought comes back at that moment. I had never worried or thought I was gay, but now all of a sudden I am being weird. I find some girls attractive and others not so. I know there's the whole thing that not all gay people fancy every bloke in the world and so therefor not all straight people fancy every girl in the world (and vice versa for women). I think a lot of men can get uncomfortable about being around gay people just because they think "oh he's gay, he fancies me..s***. bum to the wall!" The thing that worries me the most is that I have never been a girl. I've liked girls, and asked girls out and been rejected. I was always bullied about my appearance by the bullies and grown up hating the way I look so I've never thought I am good looking. I've always thought that everyone other guy is good looking and I am not. So before hand when looking at guys I would think, "I wish I was them, maybe i might have a chance with someone if I was betetr looking." Or I'll see a guy who isn't your stereotypical huky guy and is more than ordinaraly plain, possibly uglier than I and he'll be with a girl and I'll analyse that guy and think, wtf has he got for crying out loud? I've probably thought of asking out lots of girls, but only asked out a small portion of those because most of the time I would tell myself, "Why should I? They'll only say no as I am not good looking enough." If i am around a girl I like I can never be myself as I get embarrassed or no, I don't want to do something and make myself look like an idiot and spoil my chances. I imagien what it would be like to be perfect, but then realise who I am and that I just don't have a clue how to take a relationship with a girl. I always think about the first time you go to kiss them. I've kissed a girl and feel I don't know how to do it. I was at a party once and dares was being played. There was a dare to one girl, whom I had liked, to kiss the shortest guy in the room and that was me. My heart was racing and I froze in fear she kissed me, but I did not kiss back. So the kiss was over like that. So I suppose the title should be, never kissed. Of course I've never been kissed so never had sex. Only thing experience of sex is through watching it. And I always feel bad or ashamed about doing that. If you've never had a sexual experience of your own it just makes you feel worse, but sometimes you just can't help it. I know I am nearly 24, nearly a quarter of a century, but it gets harder and the older you get the more fragile you get. You look around and people are getting married or having babies or getting girlfriend no problem and me is having problems talking to a girl. If i like a girl and maybe want to chat to her I won't because i am somehow scared to let them think I like them. It is weird I want to date girls, but I am scared to let a girl know I like them. At another party I was at i had this distinct feeling a girl liked me. She had her arms around me she was hugging me, dancing with me, but if I think about it I really wasn't playing back off her. I liked the attention, but I don't know why I never returned any sentiment. When i think about it, I just don't know what to do. Too scared man. I could probably go on forever, but am very confused at the moment with my sexual orientation and my past like in dating and romance does not encourage me. There is a side of me that looks back at all the negative things between me and girls and just makes me say "well I must be gay", but it doesn't seem quite right. I feel there is more to my problem than ones sexual orientation. I was just wondering if anyone else had similar experiences?
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