stillhere Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 You all know that i'm not prepared or willing to leave my MM at this point in time. You all know that i've seen and met his W. Well yesterday took the cake. I was at a graduation party with a few of the guys from work. My MM and his W showed up with their kids ( I knew he was coming with her, and in a sick way, i wanted to stay until he got there so i could see him) and of course they came right to our table. Everything was fine, their kids were playing with my daughter, i ventured off so i could keep an eye on him, yet still stay out of the conversation. When i wandered back, they were talking about work, and his W started talking to me. Mainly because i was the only girl there that she somewhat knew. Sh*t! All i was thinking was "Don't talk to me, that man you are standing next to, your husband, just told me that he loved me 2 hours earlier. I'm the one who's going to hurt you. Don't try to befriend me, when i'm actually your enemy." She was so sweet. And i always knew that, he's only said good things about her. But i've never talked to her, i've only seen her around. And there i sat, looking like a slut basically, with a mini skirt, heals, and a shirt that barely held my boobs in, and she's dressed like an old lady. If i would have been her..........i would have told him that he's not working anywhere near me ever again. When he called me today, he asked if i was alright with the situation last night. I told him that i did feel guilty because she was so sweet. Obviously i don't feel guilty enough because i'm not ready to give him up, but it makes it hard to know that i'm going to end up hurting someone that is so innocent. I don't feel responsible, but i do feel guilty because she feels comfortable around me apparently. Just knowing that while i was talking to her, i'm thinking of taking her husband in the bathroom and f***ing the sh*t of him. It made me feel bad. And if we do get caught, and she finds out how long we've been together, she'll know that i was deceiving her last night. And now their daughter wants my daughter to come to their house and play. Talk about uncomfortable. I try to make excuses, but i'm gonna run out of them eventually. Damn it. Anyone have any advice? Anyone else been in a situation like this? Like i said, i'm not giving him up right now, but i don't want to be involved with her as a friend. If i wasn't in love with her H, we could have probably been good friends.
Guitar Wizard Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 ... this is all very ba'dong. Very, very ba'dong. Usually Im just a total dick when someone posts about being involved with a married man, for obvious reasons, but instead im just going to give you one thought that I hope you think about for a long time. When you felt guilty, Why did you feel guilty?
RealityCheck Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Stillhere..... That's gotta be rough! I can't say I have been in that situation nor would I ever want to be! That would definately play on my conscious to say the least! WHEW!!
movinon05 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 You are basically in the position I was in. We were all friends when all this started. There is no way to justify what you are doing. I couldn't. I was just so in love with him, believing everything he told me, that I thought we could make it work. Our friends were children too. It was horrible seeing them all the time and talking to each other. You will be found out one day. Mark my words. I don't know how to tell you to walk away because I was unable to do it myself. Stillhere, I can only tell you this is going to get worse. And until you go through this day to day, week after week, month after month, and even year after year, someday you are going to come to the point where it isn't enough. I wish I could give you the strength I have now to walk away. But I know I can't. You are going to have this guilt. It will work on your brain. And truly, I can't believe he has the hutzpah to ask how you're doing with all of this. He told you he's not going to leave. He's expecting you to be able to carry the burden of this when he has nothing to offer you. He's being more selfish than you realize. That, in itself, will take its toll on you. If the shoe were on the other foot, would he be able to carry on with something like this?
luvtoto Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Obviously i don't feel guilty enough because i'm not ready to give him up, but it makes it hard to know that i'm going to end up hurting someone that is so innocent. These kinds of situations...nobody wins. You will get hurt, she will get hurt, he will get hurt, children will get hurt. Everyone associated with you or them will be impacted in one way or the other, when the truth comes out. Sometimes, entire towns turn on the other woman...or the cheating couple. Trust me, I've seen it happen.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Anyone have any advice? Anyone else been in a situation like this? Like i said, i'm not giving him up right now, but i don't want to be involved with her as a friend. If i wasn't in love with her H, we could have probably been good friends. Um... Hunny, what other sound advice could anyone possibly give? Move to a deserted island? Pick a fight with her? Pit your daughter against her daughter?? See where this is going?
Author stillhere Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Yeah, rough is putting it lightly! It would be so much easier if she was a b*tch! Why did i have to fall for a MM who's got the nicest W in the world? ugh
Guitar Wizard Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Yeah, rough is putting it lightly! It would be so much easier if she was a b*tch! Why did i have to fall for a MM who's got the nicest W in the world? ugh Why did you have to fall for a MM in the first place?
movinon05 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 My exMM 's W is a bytch. (And don't anyone bother coming down on me for that. I've known her for 10 years.) But it still doesn't make you feel any better if she is one or not. And speaking from personal experience, if you're in the same town, the town will come down on you!! Not him! Do you think you can handle that as well?? Refresh my memory Stillhere. Aren't you married as well? Or maybe I'm wrong. If so, your H is being left far out of this equation and discussion.
Author stillhere Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Why did you have to fall for a MM in the first place? He pursued me, we weren't supposed to fall in love........sh*t happens. Refresh my memory Stillhere. Aren't you married as well? Or maybe I'm wrong. If so, your H is being left far out of this equation and discussion. I kicked him out Jan. 31, we are separated and i have filed for divorce. He is no longer in my life except for my daughter.
RealityCheck Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Why did you have to fall for a MM in the first place? Hmmm.... I don't believe "Why" has anything to do with falling in love with anyone type of situation. It just happens.
movinon05 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Rc, you know no one is going to believe that. Of course, we know differently.
Author stillhere Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 So true RC, so true........and thanks for coming to my defense, as i know we are both in similar situations. MO, girl, someday i will wise up and follow your advice, thanks for being patient with me.
Guitar Wizard Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Hmmm.... I don't believe "Why" has anything to do with falling in love with anyone type of situation. It just happens. I dunno, I guess im crazy. Once I hear the word marrage associated with anyone that might be attracted to me, my brain automaticly thinks "No". Not to mention even if I didn't listen to that first instinct of "No", then eventually the little voice in my head would eat away at me, thinking about all the lives I was wrecking, and I would be infinitly reminded of the ageless term, "When you play with fire, you get burned." That's just me though. Im weird.
movinon05 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I dunno, I guess im crazy. Once I hear the word marrage associated with anyone that might be attracted to me, my brain automaticly thinks "No". Not to mention even if I didn't listen to that first instinct of "No", then eventually the little voice in my head would eat away at me, thinking about all the lives I was wrecking, and I would be infinitly reminded of the ageless term, "When you play with fire, you get burned." That's just me though. Im weird. Most people don't go looking for this. In my situation, I wasn't looking. It really did happen. I wasn't trying. There comes a point where your heart takes precedent over your brain
RealityCheck Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I dunno, I guess im crazy. Once I hear the word marrage associated with anyone that might be attracted to me, my brain automaticly thinks "No". Not to mention even if I didn't listen to that first instinct of "No", then eventually the little voice in my head would eat away at me, thinking about all the lives I was wrecking, and I would be infinitly reminded of the ageless term, "When you play with fire, you get burned." That's just me though. Im weird. I don't think your wierd at all! There are times that we don't listen to that "little voice" then BAM! We're right smack in the middle of something we would never have thought possible. I do believe in "Never say Never" because s*** happens.
Guitar Wizard Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Most people don't go looking for this. In my situation, I wasn't looking. It really did happen. I wasn't trying. There comes a point where your heart takes precedent over your brain Yeah, I know, Guilt comes strait from the heart, and that's what I would feel. I just could never get involved with a married girl, no matter how beautiful, rich, or persistant. Im tired of the world looking at marrage as a mere Inconvenience, it should mean something when you exchange the vows "Till death do us part". Marrage vows are turning into nothing more then hollow words.
RealityCheck Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I dunno, I guess im crazy. Once I hear the word marrage associated with anyone that might be attracted to me, my brain automaticly thinks "No". Not to mention even if I didn't listen to that first instinct of "No", then eventually the little voice in my head would eat away at me, thinking about all the lives I was wrecking, and I would be infinitly reminded of the ageless term, "When you play with fire, you get burned." That's just me though. Im weird. I don't believe your wierd at all!!! Sometimes we refuse to listen to that little voice inside of us and before we know it BAM! We are right smack in the middle of something we never thought would happen to us. There is truth in "Never say Never". s*** happens!
Author stillhere Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Sometimes life isn't all black and white. Do you think we all want to be in this pain? Do you think we all wanted this, NO WAY IN HELL! I was married, he was married, i just want someone to replace what i was missing in my M, and so did he. Stupid, yes, but it happened, and now we are in love. I don't want to hurt anyone, although i know i will. That is something i'm going to have to live with.
Guitar Wizard Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Sometimes life isn't all black and white. Do you think we all want to be in this pain? Do you think we all wanted this, NO WAY IN HELL! I was married, he was married, i just want someone to replace what i was missing in my M, and so did he. Stupid, yes, but it happened, and now we are in love. I don't want to hurt anyone, although i know i will. That is something i'm going to have to live with. Sure, life isn't all black and white, but with a strong sense of right and wrong, and a iron-clad will to see that you never betray your own personal sense of right and wrong, then you will never have a feeling of guilt in the first place. I've done many things in my life, but i've never regreted anything, because I make sure that ever choice that is important enough desirves a lot of thought, and even more thought after that. Life gets hard, and yes, s*** happens, but if you hold true to your values and never faulter then life will be good. It is for me, at any rate. And please, Im just projecting my humble opinion, Im not trying to pass judgement on you or anything, even though it sounds like it, I can't find it in my heart to blame you, I just feel bad because I know your f***ed, and that this situation has no chance at all of ending even remotely good. 1
Author stillhere Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Sure, life isn't all black and white, but with a strong sense of right and wrong, and a iron-clad will to see that you never betray your own personal sense of right and wrong, then you will never have a feeling of guilt in the first place. I've done many things in my life, but i've never regreted anything, because I make sure that ever choice that is important enough desirves a lot of thought, and even more thought after that. Life gets hard, and yes, s*** happens, but if you hold true to your values and never faulter then life will be good. It is for me, at any rate. And please, Im just projecting my humble opinion, Im not trying to pass judgement on you or anything, even though it sounds like it, I can't find it in my heart to blame you, I just feel bad because I know your f***ed, and that this situation has no chance at all of ending even remotely good. Thanks GW, at least you empathize, even though you don't agree. I don't always agree with myself either, but i've dug myself a pretty deep hole.
RealityCheck Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Sure, life isn't all black and white, but with a strong sense of right and wrong, and a iron-clad will to see that you never betray your own personal sense of right and wrong, then you will never have a feeling of guilt in the first place. I've done many things in my life, but i've never regreted anything, because I make sure that ever choice that is important enough desirves a lot of thought, and even more thought after that. Life gets hard, and yes, s*** happens, but if you hold true to your values and never faulter then life will be good. It is for me, at any rate. And please, Im just projecting my humble opinion, Im not trying to pass judgement on you or anything, even though it sounds like it, I can't find it in my heart to blame you, I just feel bad because I know your f***ed, and that this situation has no chance at all of ending even remotely good. You know the most important RULE when I make a decision, is can "I" live with myself. In my case with my MM, YES I can. I never loose sight of "Myself" in any situation. If I suffer consequence, then it really boils down to "I" and dealing with it without EVER pointing a finger at the other for my choice.
Chump64 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 If i would have been her..........i would have told him that he's not working anywhere near me ever again. Why would she tell him that unless she knows you are seeing her husband? Most married women don't go around forbidding their husband from working with hot women.
Guitar Wizard Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Most married women don't go around forbidding their husband from working with hot women. Yes, yes they do.
RealityCheck Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Yes, yes they do. *LAUGHING* Yes your right! I know a few myself!
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