lonepearl Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 sometimes a girl may be afraid to tell a guy whats wrong because she knows that he could never comply. for example she knows that although he is a great person and boyfriend, he would never be an exceptional provider and marriage with money problems usually suck! i agree with the money issues one. in our relationship i am the higher income earner at the mo and that has been a problem from day one. i pay all bills including most of his (except recently he has finally starting paying his own - since the reunion actually)... i dont mind it one bit! i dont even think of it as paying for 'him'. but he does. he has major issues with it.. but rather than be humble about it... he GETS back at me because hes feeling low re money by trying to destroy my esteem and making me feel hurt.. so that we are even. what the f**K?!?!?!!! i dont know what kind of women you guys meet but, i have met more men that are like that than women. must be the crowd i hang out with! and he hates being in our house because it isnt "our" house because i own and pay for it. how stupid!!!!!! if he had paid for this house and i was a house wife...should i have considered it "his house" alll my life too!??!! arghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh men. sometimes i think they are best off with dumb girls who are sexy looking and just plain old dumb! and just do his bididng nad hang off their arms to be the trophy girl / brolly dolly for the rest of their lives. i mean it. a friend once said to me..male friend..lone dont get so educated and aim so high professionally...you wont get a guy who will be happy. men like women with brains but just enough to not be a "dumb blonde stereotype" thats about it. but make sure you look after how you look right now...because you are gorgeous and man you could have any man you wanted just the way you look! i am serious! a man should be able to get home and gas around about his high and mighty self and have the wife in awe of him. e.g. if i came hoem to you, i wanna be able to lie to you about some great project i just implementedd and throw in a few complicated flash words to show how hard it all was but i managed it...but you the problem with you lone..you would turn around and say...but darling the most efficient way would have been blah ablah blah and then tweaked here and there...HAHHAHAHA...and so you see..i wouldnt be happy coming home to you...you know too much about too many things and that is frustrating..i wanna be the one in power...silently. sighhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.
riobikini Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 re: RealBroken: " RIO; You rock! Now thats what I'm talkin about. Theres a problem,..... ok partner lets fix this problem please. .....I wish more people would communicate with each other like this. If something is worth saving, save the damn thing quickly!" Glad to be of help. Now you know. (Smile) -Rio P.S. Your thread was entitled "A Question For All The Girls"...well, my answer was the *difference* between the kind of answer you get from girls...-versus the kind of answer you get from *women*. ('nother Smile). Take care.
RealBroken Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I think i agree with you there RIO, Im 27 and I always fall for the younger ones. Maybe its because im a nurturer, I like to take care. I like to protect. How old til they start thinking properly u reckon? I guess the age, they all start to get married ha ha....... 24 onwards. or maybe 26 -29 onwards. I really believe that my recent ex, who im so not over as u can guess..... it would have all been different if she was older. Its such a shame and it saddens me. She only had one serious guy before me, and that freaked me out...... but she always re-assured me. She wasnt one for numbers, she knew who she was...... and wasnt gonna run off "to find herself" one day.......... i guess even they can never tell. She agreed it may have been different if we'd met later in life. In fact she said, can u just leave me alone for a bit, and maybe we can be mates (friends) in later life. I dunno if thats just what it says or whether when we're both older there maybe another chance. Of course im not holding on to that, that would be stupid, my life aint goin on hold. But its a nice thought anyway. Even if just as a compliment.
Pink Amulet Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I don't know if it is so much about age, but experience. I am sure there are some 30 year olds out there who have only dated casually and don't have a clue. I am 20 and I have been in a relationship for a little over five years. I feel I have learnt far too much for my age. But, yes as someone mentioned earlier (or perhaps in another thread) you keep learning in relationships. It takes some time before you know how to affectively respond in certain situations and control certain elements (aka your self esteem) in your relationship. You may act a certain way in your first relationship and would never dream of that behaviour in your marriage.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 guys kinda need your help here and im sure it will be a big help to all the boys who will read this. I know its hard to find that mr.right in this panet and i dont blame you if you dump couple of guys from your past.. So is there is a story that you could share to us that after you dump that certain guy it turns out suddenly you want him back? could you tell us waht happened?what did you do?what did the guy do? A lot of guys would really appreciate your honesty,kindness and sincere help.. thanx I had really strong feelings for this one certain guy for about 5yrs...we got together finally and a month later he slept with two different girls. I dumped him...we remaind sort of friends....about a year or two later...we got closer and closer and closer...we had a one night stand together...which i thought was the start of something but he woke up the next day got dressed and walked straight out the door...no goodbye...nothing. A few months later...he apologised and said loadsa deep meanigful(less) crap that i took in with the help of alcohol lol and we were back together...for all of 10 mins...then i went to the loo and came back out and there he was getting off with some random girl and not even trying to hide it!!!!!!!!! So yeah i learnt my lesson....when i dump someone...there was a damn good reason for it and i should pay attention to it!!!!!!!!! lol Hope ive been of help lol
riobikini Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 re: RealBroken: " How old til they start thinking properly u reckon?" (Smile) -RB, PinkAmulet already pegged that one: -it's the *experience*- not necessarily the *age*. -Rio
RealBroken Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Oh great, my ex is a long way off then!!!! I liked it how she had preserved herself and was so innocent. Oh well, i guess now, she's got one more notch on her belt after me.
Mala Maya Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I dumped this great uy a lawyer , because he was too busy and I like a lot of attention. Afterwards I regretted it , but it was too late because he moved on and I didnt want to feel like a lose calling him back I also dumped my BF for 3 years and cheated on him because he told me he didnt want to marry me because I was not the same religion as he was and I was bitter. I regreted it because I really loved him and now we are back together. I also dumped in the past a guy because he lived in a different country and I didnt want to have a long distance relationship. I also dumped some guys but I never regretted it like one guy who was really fun but with no ambition. Also.. oh this is a good one I dumped a guy that I was in love with, because he went to NY on my birthday and didnt attend my b day party. I ended up regretting it but he didnt want to get back together because he was mad that I dumped him. Now we are really great friends!
RealBroken Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 About the ambition thing..... i wonder if my ex thought that of me. She tod me when we broke up, one big thing was I didnt really know where i was going in life. That comment really made me angry and upset. Why? I'l Tell you. I have been a mixed martial artist for 13 years. I was the top ranking in my country. I was hoping to compete overseas in the world games this year. I was injured badly and had 6 months off training. Then I met my girl. My training slipped because I made the time for her. It was long distance so proved difficult. But at the end of the day i WANTED to spend time with her. I am also a prof photographer. I started a business just as I met her. I had huge plans. The business went well. However thru our relationship we started talkin of movin in together and travel etc etc etc. When u start a business you are on the skin of your bum for quite some time to build it up. This means banks wont look at you for mortgages etc etc. I decided that in turn to have a good future like we were BOTH planning together. It was best that I end the full time business, and find a full time job where the money was garunteed every week to be the same and was SECURE so we could do the things we wanted etc. The business became very much part time. So I lived elsewhere to save costs and find a job. Finding a job was DIFFICULT and it did get me down a bit as was not easy. But was what i needed to do. THEN she dumps me! "One big thing she says,..... you dont know where ur going in life" Really wasnt fair. I really did know. I had huge goals. I succeed in everything i do......... but this time i made sacrifices for US, and she rubbed my nose in it. I stil find it hard to come to terms with, that comment. Never again, will i give up anything for a partner. I will have enough trouble trusting what they say they feel, let alone that. I cant go back to the business full time. Too mny memories and it just doesnt seem right now. I will never get to represent my country at the games either. I dont blame her..... I blame me. It was just her comment that hurt. And I hate that it was one of her reasons for breakin up. It just wasnt fair.
RealBroken Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Oh yeah,.... she didnt tell me this until AFTER we had broken up. I feel she was comparing me to her NEW man. He is very young (23) and has a huge business that he has just started. She obviously only sees his assets and believes its all going well for him etc. Ive since learnt that those assets are actually the result of his 2 million dollar debt, which was required to start the business. Lucky to have rich parents to back him huh. Lifes just not fair sometimes. She's not a gold digger by any means. but guess she sees him as successfull etc, and with ambition. It really sucks. Apparently the girl he dumped for my ex,...... is trying to claim half though through the fact that it was a de facto relationship and here by law she can claim half ha ha. She's doin it because she lent him 70 grand and he cant give it back. So she wants half. I hope she gets it. Some people are givin too much on a silver platter.
RealBroken Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I did tell her the reason i gave up the business, and why i was jobless at the time. I think it went in one ear and out the other though. ) :
Author thekhris Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 I dumped this great uy a lawyer , because he was too busy and I like a lot of attention. Afterwards I regretted it , but it was too late because he moved on and I didnt want to feel like a lose calling him back I also dumped my BF for 3 years and cheated on him because he told me he didnt want to marry me because I was not the same religion as he was and I was bitter. I regreted it because I really loved him and now we are back together. I also dumped in the past a guy because he lived in a different country and I didnt want to have a long distance relationship. I also dumped some guys but I never regretted it like one guy who was really fun but with no ambition. Also.. oh this is a good one I dumped a guy that I was in love with, because he went to NY on my birthday and didnt attend my b day party. I ended up regretting it but he didnt want to get back together because he was mad that I dumped him. Now we are really great friends! on all the girls that reply to this tread this is the only one who actually understands the role of this tread...thank you very much...for sharing ...really appreciate it... god bless to your future relationships
Author thekhris Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 You said you wanted honesty: I would break up with my ex with no intention to leave him. I would leave dramatically, announcing I couldn't take it anymore, I give up etc. Within two days of me leaving he would be outside my house with flowers, apologies and an open mind to work on our relationship. It was a test, a game, and a manipulation. Although it worked in getting me what I wanted I would never do it again, as it is a dangerous game for both parties. good points...that's why guys cant help to fall in love with girls like you...
daphne Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 A few years ago I dumped a guy that started off treating me like a princess. I saw a big red flag (he was too flirty with a lot of women at a party and ignored me) and dumped him. He tried to talk to me but I refused. Then a week later we did talk. And he started playing heavy games. Had his phone switched to his ex girlfriend's and I heard her voice. He made me the pursuer and for a short while I did pursue. I felt like I had taken a nice guy for granted and wanted to make reparations. Then I saw his online profile and realized that he was playing hardball and I never spoke to him again. Afterwards, I heard through a friend of his a lot of things about him that made me realize the red flag was a lot bigger than I had imagined and I was foolish not to listen to my gut in teh first place. He was a total schmuck, liar and womanizer. He got me for a minute to lose my pride, but he overplayed his hand and I had to deal with reality and I never went back. You can get turn things around on a male or female, but you do have to be careful how far you're willing to go. We all have our limits.
Thursday_le Posted June 24, 2006 Posted June 24, 2006 This post gives me hope...RealBroken. If you get the chance plz give me advice on my situation. Its in this forum called " I know Were young..."
lonepearl Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 Being a guy,..... I dont think i'd have too much pride. I just contacted an old ex, we caught up for a drink. Was easy. I wonder if women hold more pride. Or yeah?.... could it be the fear of rejection. I did that to him, too scared to ring? The question is.... would you if you could? THEKRIS mentioned before girls he knew that really regretted their decision but yet stil didnt reconcile. Did they try? Does the guy have to make himself unavailable yet..... available? ..if i could..lets say if i did dump someone...and if i could go back .. i would without hesitation do it. i guess ive grown up being the person who always says sorry and patches up first.. so i would have no issues. i have no pride! (well i do in terms of self respect but in love..there is no pride that can come between two people!) thats why when my partner left all his family was saying do what you want and we will support which meant he wanted out and they were supporting that. no one really advised unbiased. and so i told his best friend that if he ever sees him wanting to come back but cant because he feels hes screwed up and whether i would hate him endlessly.. i told his friend...let him know i am not angry but sad and dying and need him back...and forgive ebverything and he should return. my bad luck that the friend never told my partner that but when my partner talked to him about wanting to come back his best friend advised him "dont go to her man. she'll destroy you. stay single have fun and you can have better man." and so on and so forth...i am lucky ofcourse that he didnt listen to his friends advice
lonepearl Posted June 25, 2006 Posted June 25, 2006 About the ambition thing..... i wonder if my ex thought that of me. She tod me when we broke up, one big thing was I didnt really know where i was going in life. That comment really made me angry and upset. Why? I'l Tell you. I have been a mixed martial artist for 13 years. I was the top ranking in my country. I was hoping to compete overseas in the world games this year. I was injured badly and had 6 months off training. Then I met my girl. My training slipped because I made the time for her. It was long distance so proved difficult. But at the end of the day i WANTED to spend time with her. I am also a prof photographer. I started a business just as I met her. I had huge plans. The business went well. However thru our relationship we started talkin of movin in together and travel etc etc etc. When u start a business you are on the skin of your bum for quite some time to build it up. This means banks wont look at you for mortgages etc etc. I decided that in turn to have a good future like we were BOTH planning together. It was best that I end the full time business, and find a full time job where the money was garunteed every week to be the same and was SECURE so we could do the things we wanted etc. The business became very much part time. So I lived elsewhere to save costs and find a job. Finding a job was DIFFICULT and it did get me down a bit as was not easy. But was what i needed to do. THEN she dumps me! "One big thing she says,..... you dont know where ur going in life" Really wasnt fair. I really did know. I had huge goals. I succeed in everything i do......... but this time i made sacrifices for US, and she rubbed my nose in it. I stil find it hard to come to terms with, that comment. Never again, will i give up anything for a partner. I will have enough trouble trusting what they say they feel, let alone that. I cant go back to the business full time. Too mny memories and it just doesnt seem right now. I will never get to represent my country at the games either. I dont blame her..... I blame me. It was just her comment that hurt. And I hate that it was one of her reasons for breakin up. It just wasnt fair. wow. although diff details, i completely understand. God knows I never saw my partner and myself as two sep. people - always as a "us" and i did everything for it. when we met we both worked and were living together and yet i paid all the bills... because he was younger than i...so i felt he needs to spend money on his own stuff...young and a male and came from a background where he never really had time to be a kid you know? so he spent his money on games (video games) and his hobbies. then he decided to study to be better or so he said...and went back to uni. i was really happy he was feeling like doing something for himself and out of that slump his whole family said he had gotten into. i took all bills + bought us a house that we both liked...am paying that off on mortgage. i also left my full time job and started my own business and you know how difficult it is. all hours 60+ a week even if you are being paid for maybe 15 of them only. then after a year within the first 4 mths of buying the new property, i had a stroke aneurysm (the artery in the right brain burst). i luckily survived and had urgery which set me back jobwise. thank god ihad enough earnings to last for anotehr year of mortgage and life! but you know all this time (prior to the hospitalisation) - i always got the "you have no life" "no hobbies no friends no nothing an dyou want me to sit and home toow ith you". this is when he made some friends while at uni and always spent time with them and i finished last on his list between them, his bike and his computers. i am being honest. although, whenevber he wanted me free i made sure i was home..even if it meant shifting a client meeting. however, he never gave up anything ONLY demanded more. never took me out with his friends (who had their girls out with them) etc. etc. i know EXACTLY what you mean re the hurt when you hear the "you have no life" and his friends were told that too .. "she has no life and she wants to control me having a life" while he went with my card to go out and have a fun night with them.. sigh.... the honest truth is i am human too and want a life. but i was happy sacrificing it all so that he cuold have one.... i am not saying i am better and he is horrible. want honesty? i still think i am the bad one because i couldnt be the girlfriend he wanted and deserved. i guess but then i revert back to i am not good enough for anyone actually. i should really be single. sighhhh. he desrved someone young, slim with a tight flat belly. someone who had a life and was into the same stuff he is. someone smarter and not damaged like me. after the aneurysm i am worse off then i alreayd was as my brain doesnt function like it used to.... anyhow. getting side tracked! sorry!
donpepot Posted June 26, 2006 Posted June 26, 2006 ..if i could..lets say if i did dump someone...and if i could go back .. i would without hesitation do it. i guess ive grown up being the person who always says sorry and patches up first.. so i would have no issues. i have no pride! (well i do in terms of self respect but in love..there is no pride that can come between two people!) thats why when my partner left all his family was saying do what you want and we will support which meant he wanted out and they were supporting that. no one really advised unbiased. and so i told his best friend that if he ever sees him wanting to come back but cant because he feels hes screwed up and whether i would hate him endlessly.. i told his friend...let him know i am not angry but sad and dying and need him back...and forgive ebverything and he should return. my bad luck that the friend never told my partner that but when my partner talked to him about wanting to come back his best friend advised him "dont go to her man. she'll destroy you. stay single have fun and you can have better man." and so on and so forth...i am lucky ofcourse that he didnt listen to his friends advice damn good reply
Darkwall Posted August 3, 2006 Posted August 3, 2006 So is there is a story that you could share to us that after you dump that certain guy it turns out suddenly you want him back? could you tell us waht happened?what did you do?what did the guy do? I dumped and I've been dumped. (what an ugly word) I've never broken up with someone and then wanted them back. If I made the decision to break up it's because it was final and their was no way I saw a future. This has happened to me twice. I dated a man for some time and with much effort made on my part at communicating and/or working on the relationship... I knew we weren't right for each other. I knew it in my heart and soul. So I ended it. Some time later, our paths would cross and he would try to call me or make suggestions about getting together again. If it didn't work then it wouldn't work now. Those men have both since moved on to find love and are married or in serious relationships. You'll never forget that one true love though. But , you will move on to be happy with someone else and that old love will just be a painful memory. Time heals all wounds. Time healed my wounds.
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