A Question For All The Girls

[thekhris]

guys kinda need your help here and im sure it will be a big help to all the boys who will read this.

 

I know its hard to find that mr.right in this panet and i dont blame you if you dump couple of guys from your past..

 

So is there is a story that you could share to us that after you dump that certain guy it turns out suddenly you want him back?

could you tell us waht happened?what did you do?what did the guy do?

 

A lot of guys would really appreciate your honesty,kindness and sincere help..

 

thanx

[RealBroken]

guys kinda need your help here and im sure it will be a big help to all the boys who will read this.

 

I know its hard to find that mr.right in this panet and i dont blame you if you dump couple of guys from your past..

 

So is there is a story that you could share to us that after you dump that certain guy it turns out suddenly you want him back?

could you tell us waht happened?what did you do?what did the guy do?

 

A lot of guys would really appreciate your honesty,kindness and sincere help..

 

thanx

 

 

 

Oh God THEKHRIS........ what shall we do if no girls reply to this one.

OK its gotta be possible!

 

Ha ha, it is,..... i know people its happened to. Fingers crossed mate.

[lonepearl]

guys kinda need your help here and im sure it will be a big help to all the boys who will read this.

 

I know its hard to find that mr.right in this panet and i dont blame you if you dump couple of guys from your past..

 

So is there is a story that you could share to us that after you dump that certain guy it turns out suddenly you want him back?

could you tell us waht happened?what did you do?what did the guy do?

 

A lot of guys would really appreciate your honesty,kindness and sincere help..

 

thanx

hi THEKHRIS.. i just posted on REALBROKENS query - just search through all my listings and you will see...

 

i cannot tell a story of me dumping anyone..as i am always the one dumped ..but i do have a story of being dumped...and him returning ..and me still waiting for him....trying every possible way to ensure he could come back including driving 600 kms after him in the middle of the night like a madwoman doing mad illegal speeds and writing to him everyday and yet not crowding him with my pain but making sure his life was alright etc....

 

but that would be a boring story huh..

 

i have only had 1 prior bf and that lasted for nearly 2 yrs...he dumped me because his mother said i was too ugly short and fat for him... and so he listened to mummy dear

 

after that, my current relationship - 4 years+ now...is the only serious relationship i have been in. never had any short term men or one night stands.

 

oh wait.. i do have one tale.. but perhaps you might not count it as it was online and i kind of moved out before meeting him...and he kind of just disappeared away from me... he took it as a dump and moved but i didnt mean it that way?

 

i met paul online - he was in the states and i am in new zealand. almost a year...to the point of videotalk and even his parents had called and i have talked to them, his sister and brotherinlaw used to write to me and send me brithday presents etc as well. very nice family. father a police officer etc.. and a catholic family...

 

....and then i booked a holiday ticket to go spend 3 mths with him....that was my very first serious ''feeling' relationship with anyone if you are ok with me calling that even though we had not met in person.

 

and you know what...the day before the flight...i cancelled..

 

until today i never got a chance to tell him why...

 

..but we kept talking but always a quick hello goodbye from him...but i think he went quiet and just started coming online less and less and even wouldn't answer his calls.....he was really hurt and thought i had dumped him and found someone new....

 

...and then when he finally got back to me almost a year later....i wanted to talk to him so that i could explain what he never gave me a chance to explain....but i asked him to start first re whats been happening in his life...

 

...he met someone...and they have a baby together....and i dont know how to explain what i felt at that moment..because that whole year i had waited and only thought of him....

 

....he did not do me wrong..i just wish he would have stayed to let me explain. i still wanted to but he didnt want to hear as it was not important anymore and he didnt wanna talk about it because it really hurt him still thinking about 'us'.

 

you know its funny apart from inside my heart, this is the first time i am ever mentioning to anyone what my explanation was .. sorry am in tears real bad right now....

 

.....i was so ready to see him...but at the last minute i went to myself "he will hate me when he meets me in real. i am ugly and he will see me and i will crush his dreams of this nice beautiful person he is to meet. i cant go because when he does that i will die becaus ei wont be able to handle being rejected.". let me explain - since a child i have a really low self esteem esp re my looks... so... i was in pain and didnt go...because i didnt wanna lose him that way. i wanted him to be with someone better than me because no one deserves to be with someone as s*** as me those were the thoughts through my head as he was the nicest person i have ever met...sweet, simple, loving, cute. everything.

 

but i lost him anyway. neither of us did anything wrong...neither was mean nor meant to hurt the other...and yet both got hurt real bad....

 

sorry. need to go. crying too much :*(

[Bex_23]

Thats a sad story lone pearl, I feel for you.

 

One of the things that seems to cause the greatest pain and hardship post breakup is the continuing feeling that if only things had worked out it would have been perfect, if only we could get back together things would be perfect.

 

I think when we fall in love, we are often falling in love with who we want that person to be, or hope that person to be rather than who they really are.

 

What does love really mean anyway? when we break up we miss them, we want to be with them, we want our pain to stop.

 

These are all quite selfish feelings, expressions of what we want. Is that love? Not to me. Love can satisfy all your personal needs make you feel wonderful, but it has to also be about respecting and meeting the needs and desires of the object of your love, your girlfriend or boyfriend.

 

There is a lot of discussion on this forum about how to win back an ex, but there isn't a magic formula to make this happen.

 

Women and Men both treat each other badly, both play games and both cause each other a lot of pain and damage.

 

I am certainly not saying that reconciliation never works, it can and frequently does, but you are never going to live happily ever after just by trying to find a tried and tested method to win him/her back.

 

The acting cool method, ignoring your ex, seeing someone else in an attempt to make them jealous probably is sucessfull, in the short term.

 

We all want something more when we think we can't have it, and breakups leave both parties feeling raw, vulnerable, lonely and lacking in self esteem.

 

I can't imagine that winning back an ex this way could ever last for very long before the original problems that caused the break up return, and it happens all over again. Not to mention the pain it might cause to the person who has been used to make the ex jealous.

 

whether or not you can win back an ex really depends on why they left you or you left them in the first place.

 

It's easy to win someone back if they were only dumping you to try and force an issue, get you to change or gain more attention affection/attention...so welcome back to a manipulative relationship and get used to it because you will probably play games with each other for some time.

 

Of course you will miss someone when you first break up and it is natural to want them back, but that doesn't mean it was either right or it would work. Missing someone you love isn't the same thing as wanting them back

 

Only time will tell if you really want them back and more importantly if they really want you back.

 

Dont try and make them jealous, dont pursue them, just be there if they need you.

 

It's very common for someone to break up and start seeing someone else straight away. This is just as likely to be about trying to help them move on as trying to make you jealous, sit back wait see if it lasts.

 

If you really love them it's time to start trying to see things from their point of view, if they do something, say something maybe it's about them and how they feel rather than about you.

 

If you are going to seriously attempt a reconciliation you are going to have to be prepared to hear things you won't like or won't agree with, things you don't understand and work past them, they will be there or you wouldn't have broken up.

 

If you really do love them, how about trying to respect their wishes and choices and let them go?

[donpepot]

this thread is gonna be a big help..

 

still waiting for that honest girl..

[donpepot]

hi THEKHRIS.. i just posted on REALBROKENS query - just search through all my listings and you will see...

 

i cannot tell a story of me dumping anyone..as i am always the one dumped ..but i do have a story of being dumped...and him returning ..and me still waiting for him....trying every possible way to ensure he could come back including driving 600 kms after him in the middle of the night like a madwoman doing mad illegal speeds and writing to him everyday and yet not crowding him with my pain but making sure his life was alright etc....

 

but that would be a boring story huh..

 

i have only had 1 prior bf and that lasted for nearly 2 yrs...he dumped me because his mother said i was too ugly short and fat for him... and so he listened to mummy dear

 

after that, my current relationship - 4 years+ now...is the only serious relationship i have been in. never had any short term men or one night stands.

 

oh wait.. i do have one tale.. but perhaps you might not count it as it was online and i kind of moved out before meeting him...and he kind of just disappeared away from me... he took it as a dump and moved but i didnt mean it that way?

 

i met paul online - he was in the states and i am in new zealand. almost a year...to the point of videotalk and even his parents had called and i have talked to them, his sister and brotherinlaw used to write to me and send me brithday presents etc as well. very nice family. father a police officer etc.. and a catholic family...

 

....and then i booked a holiday ticket to go spend 3 mths with him....that was my very first serious ''feeling' relationship with anyone if you are ok with me calling that even though we had not met in person.

 

and you know what...the day before the flight...i cancelled..

 

until today i never got a chance to tell him why...

 

..but we kept talking but always a quick hello goodbye from him...but i think he went quiet and just started coming online less and less and even wouldn't answer his calls.....he was really hurt and thought i had dumped him and found someone new....

 

...and then when he finally got back to me almost a year later....i wanted to talk to him so that i could explain what he never gave me a chance to explain....but i asked him to start first re whats been happening in his life...

 

...he met someone...and they have a baby together....and i dont know how to explain what i felt at that moment..because that whole year i had waited and only thought of him....

 

....he did not do me wrong..i just wish he would have stayed to let me explain. i still wanted to but he didnt want to hear as it was not important anymore and he didnt wanna talk about it because it really hurt him still thinking about 'us'.

 

you know its funny apart from inside my heart, this is the first time i am ever mentioning to anyone what my explanation was .. sorry am in tears real bad right now....

 

.....i was so ready to see him...but at the last minute i went to myself "he will hate me when he meets me in real. i am ugly and he will see me and i will crush his dreams of this nice beautiful person he is to meet. i cant go because when he does that i will die becaus ei wont be able to handle being rejected.". let me explain - since a child i have a really low self esteem esp re my looks... so... i was in pain and didnt go...because i didnt wanna lose him that way. i wanted him to be with someone better than me because no one deserves to be with someone as s*** as me those were the thoughts through my head as he was the nicest person i have ever met...sweet, simple, loving, cute. everything.

 

but i lost him anyway. neither of us did anything wrong...neither was mean nor meant to hurt the other...and yet both got hurt real bad....

 

sorry. need to go. crying too much :*(

man really appreciate youre story..

[lonepearl]

Bex_23..not sure where you are coming from .. or was that msg for someone else sorry! because it didnt really make sense to my story .. i merely posted it cuz the original post wanted stories re reconciliation. i am not looking for that and the story i told was from when i was about your age .. i am quite old now hehe!

 

plus, my view of love is not what you have assumed it to be..

[westernxer]

They usually want you back when you don't want them anymore.

 

I'm not a girl, but I couldn't resist.

[Guest]

Your question is really too general for me to give you specifics but I can tell you that when anyone says they want a break, they are done, etc. it means just that. Somewhere the relationship has turned into something he or she did not want. From my experiences when it's over, it's over. Generally when the woman leaves it's done and done for good. However the relationships that I know of that reconcilied it was the man coming back. I don't know anyone or siutation where the woman came back. Sorry if that is too harsh but again just speaking from the experiences/situations I have seen. You know you will live to be 100 years old and never figure people out. But just remember people leave relationships for a reason.

[riobikini]

re:

 

thekris: "So is there is a story that you could share to us that after you dump that certain guy it turns out suddenly you want him back?"

 

I (almost every time) have been the dumper, and I have always had a *very good reason* for doing it, so there has never been any *true* feelings of wanting to reverse my decision to cut him loose.

 

I don't know how others do it, but when *I* make that final decision, I've already given it *everything I've got in me* to make it work, -and if it hasn't worked by the time I'm finished, it was never going to.

 

No need to waste my time chasing.

 

-Rio

[LifeinLimbo]

I got back together with an ex who I broke up with (this was the end of last April), so hopefully that answers your question... yes, it can happen.

 

My ex and I had a lot of great things planned for the summer. We were happy that we were both in the same city together for the summer. Then we found out, 4 days before he was to leave, that the army decided that they wanted him in New Brunswick for the summer. That's waaaaaay far away from me. Like a days drive. He was supposed to be posted in my city for the summer.

 

We'd only been together for 4 months at this time but we were really good friends. I couldn't see anyway that there could be a future to our relationship since the army is a big part of his life. When he was growing up he lived in different parts of Canada, Germany, France, England, and other countries (I can't remember them all). I couldn't see myself moving around with him, being tied down.

 

Also, I'd done the long distance thing once before over the summer (the guy was a 9 hr drive away) and it was killer. I swore I'd never do it again. So I broke up with him. He didn't want to break up, we talked and talked and talked about stuff and got back together the day before he left. All was good until the end of May. I saw him May 24 weekend and then he didn't call for 3 weeks. By that time I'd realized that I really didn't want to be with him and so we broke up. I couldn't call him because I had no way of getting ahold of him so I had to send him a letter to end things.

 

He's called me, e-mailed me, etc for the past year (he finally stopped 3 weeks ago). I stopped answering when I saw it was his number on my phone. He caught on to that and started using different numbers. My dad wanted me to get a restraining order. Ya, so in the end, we broke up for good. I stay as far away from him as I can now. We used to be best friends but now he just creeps me out. Oh, he also flunked out of school this past year because he couldn't handle our breakup. He didn't attend any classes or write any exams.

[thekhris]

its funny because every girl that i knew in my life ..my class mates form high school,my best friend, my sister,my cuzz..they all have a story to tell that somepoint in der lives..there is a guy that they dump and somhow want himback..not all the girls i knew make some actions to do somthing reconcilitation,but some have secret regrets to their hearts...but almost 50percent they actually act or did somthing for reconcilliation..well so far my prob was solve i got my girl back bcoz i followed some advices to this site..

but i make this thread bcoz i was hoping that der will be a girl that will spill it out and swalow her ego for the sake of good samaritan and helping some guys who having a bad situation right now...

[RealBroken]

THEKRIS;

 

The fact that you know girls that have wanted reconciliation is enough for me.... ( : Why didnt you say that at the start!!!! ha ha.

 

I think its def possible. I feel, maybe with girls though there may need to be a looooong break in between though. When people get older, they are differnt from when they were younger in some ways. Lets hope that relationships that have ended out of younger immaturity from the girl can be relit one day as they grow up and discover what life and love is about.

 

When people are young, they need to explore the world. both guys and girls. I think alot of us guys are getting hurt naturally because we are older than the girls we date (its how it happens).

I'm 27, my ex is 21. We both agreed things could have been different if we'd met later in life. Maybe she just wasnt ready for such involvement with someone. It all happened so quick,... yes she was in love, all of a sudden she was "confused". Then over.

I know other people had a big influence in her decision. Such as bitchy flatmates who were jealous etc. Maybe as people are older these sorts of things do not effect them as much.

When life is not about kicking beer cans around your flat and gettin drunk twice a week on the town, with testosterone boys giving you attention left right and centre....... when life becomes REAL..... they have a job, they find they have to save their money...... all their party friends are now living miles away,.... perhaps they grow up a bit.

My ex was very grown up in alot of ways, way past her flatmates etc of the same age...... but in the end, in other ways she was not. Emotionally she was not,... and she was influenced easily...... like a sheep.... follow follow. Maybe she'll become stronger one day.

 

Here's some more hope for us....

 

Alot of my female friends have looked at my situation and they all just simply say........ ah,... she'll be back, one day she'll call ya, u watch. "She'll realise that there arent an abundance of guys out there like you and she'll regret" Now this advice is coming from 27-30 year old girls. So yeah, I figure they have lived life and experinced a bit more than my ex. They know the truths. The nice part is,....... its the girls that are saying,.... she'll be back. For them to be saying it, its gotta be possible.

 

So theres somepositive thinkin for ya's ha ha.

 

Always look at the cup as half full, not half empty.

 

In life I think sometimes, we have to have faith in things working out. Even if in the end they dont...... human beings need faith. Without faith we are sad creatures.

 

Whether there is a God or Not, people require themselves to have faith in that there is,.... it comforts them.

People need to have faith that what they are doing will lead them to success,...... to simply keep them going. If they dont, life is miserable and so is the journey.

 

Thinking positively may help the end result in being easier........ or it may not.

But at the end of the day guys..... having faith in where or what you are doing helps you to smile occasionally, and have the feeling that hey, it will be ok.

 

Some will say "ah but you set yourself up for hurt!!!!"

 

Well I say,... well why bother living if ya only gonna die then.... how about we all dig our graves NOW!

Why buy your loved one flowers, if after a week they're only gonna wilt and die.

Hey! Why ever have a relationship with anyone at all...... after all its gonna end sooner or later,.... why bother.

 

I know this is kinda deep, but i say "Keep our chins up",.. think positively!..... coz one day, what ever the outcome. things will be better.

[lonepearl]

Your question is really too general for me to give you specifics but I can tell you that when anyone says they want a break, they are done, etc. it means just that. Somewhere the relationship has turned into something he or she did not want. From my experiences when it's over, it's over. Generally when the woman leaves it's done and done for good. However the relationships that I know of that reconcilied it was the man coming back. I don't know anyone or siutation where the woman came back. Sorry if that is too harsh but again just speaking from the experiences/situations I have seen. You know you will live to be 100 years old and never figure people out. But just remember people leave relationships for a reason.

I have no experience of dumping anyone so i don't know what i would do. to be honest, i am the kind who wouldn't dump and end up miserable in the relationship even though i sound so sure that i would just leave i couldn't dump anyone! i would wait to be dumped! pathetic i know...

 

i wonder though..is it because when women break up MOST (and not all) men because they have egos and pride wouldn't take the woman back when she comes back or is it mostly that she doesnt have guts to come back or what? hmmm yes that is why it would be interesting to have women who have dumped men to come and talk....it would be a learning experience for me too!

 

you are right though.. people do leave relationships for reasons..and those reasons can either turn out to be resolvable or not...

[lonepearl]

THEKRIS;

 

The fact that you know girls that have wanted reconciliation is enough for me.... ( : Why didnt you say that at the start!!!! ha ha.

 

I think its def possible. I feel, maybe with girls though there may need to be a looooong break in between though. When people get older, they are differnt from when they were younger in some ways. Lets hope that relationships that have ended out of younger immaturity from the girl can be relit one day as they grow up and discover what life and love is about.

 

When people are young, they need to explore the world. both guys and girls. I think alot of us guys are getting hurt naturally because we are older than the girls we date (its how it happens).

I'm 27, my ex is 21. We both agreed things could have been different if we'd met later in life. Maybe she just wasnt ready for such involvement with someone. It all happened so quick,... yes she was in love, all of a sudden she was "confused". Then over.

I know other people had a big influence in her decision. Such as bitchy flatmates who were jealous etc. Maybe as people are older these sorts of things do not effect them as much.

When life is not about kicking beer cans around your flat and gettin drunk twice a week on the town, with testosterone boys giving you attention left right and centre....... when life becomes REAL..... they have a job, they find they have to save their money...... all their party friends are now living miles away,.... perhaps they grow up a bit.

My ex was very grown up in alot of ways, way past her flatmates etc of the same age...... but in the end, in other ways she was not. Emotionally she was not,... and she was influenced easily...... like a sheep.... follow follow. Maybe she'll become stronger one day.

 

Here's some more hope for us....

 

Alot of my female friends have looked at my situation and they all just simply say........ ah,... she'll be back, one day she'll call ya, u watch. "She'll realise that there arent an abundance of guys out there like you and she'll regret" Now this advice is coming from 27-30 year old girls. So yeah, I figure they have lived life and experinced a bit more than my ex. They know the truths. The nice part is,....... its the girls that are saying,.... she'll be back. For them to be saying it, its gotta be possible.

 

So theres somepositive thinkin for ya's ha ha.

 

Always look at the cup as half full, not half empty.

 

In life I think sometimes, we have to have faith in things working out. Even if in the end they dont...... human beings need faith. Without faith we are sad creatures.

 

Whether there is a God or Not, people require themselves to have faith in that there is,.... it comforts them.

People need to have faith that what they are doing will lead them to success,...... to simply keep them going. If they dont, life is miserable and so is the journey.

 

Thinking positively may help the end result in being easier........ or it may not.

But at the end of the day guys..... having faith in where or what you are doing helps you to smile occasionally, and have the feeling that hey, it will be ok.

 

Some will say "ah but you set yourself up for hurt!!!!"

 

Well I say,... well why bother living if ya only gonna die then.... how about we all dig our graves NOW!

Why buy your loved one flowers, if after a week they're only gonna wilt and die.

Hey! Why ever have a relationship with anyone at all...... after all its gonna end sooner or later,.... why bother.

 

I know this is kinda deep, but i say "Keep our chins up",.. think positively!..... coz one day, what ever the outcome. things will be better.

thats the spirit... :*) faith and hope is so important if you feel it... you will be alright me thinks! and i think its an age thing.. my partner is younger than me by 4 years...and i think most of his issues are age related immaturity rather than gender related hahaha (and his friends like only 22/23 finalllyyyy). i am 31 now and he 27..but all those troubled days were when he was 24-26..so yeah. men do mature later than women MOSTLY mind you

 

gotta believe in what you believe in

 

p.s. hey ur birthday is march 29th! mines 11th march! although 1979 is my partners YOB...mines *cough* a bit earlier lmao

[RealBroken]

Being a guy,..... I dont think i'd have too much pride.

I just contacted an old ex, we caught up for a drink. Was easy.

 

I wonder if women hold more pride. Or yeah?.... could it be the fear of rejection. I did that to him, too scared to ring?

 

The question is.... would you if you could?

 

THEKRIS mentioned before girls he knew that really regretted their decision but yet stil didnt reconcile. Did they try?

 

Does the guy have to make himself unavailable yet..... available?

[Pink Amulet]

You said you wanted honesty:

 

I would break up with my ex with no intention to leave him. I would leave dramatically, announcing I couldn't take it anymore, I give up etc. Within two days of me leaving he would be outside my house with flowers, apologies and an open mind to work on our relationship.

 

It was a test, a game, and a manipulation. Although it worked in getting me what I wanted I would never do it again, as it is a dangerous game for both parties.

[riobikini]

Not backtracking to reconnect with an ex does not necessarily mean that you desperately *did not wish* him/her to have turned out to be the *one*.

 

Sometimes, a partner may have all but one or two of the *essential* qualities you are looking for -and with more time- they may just develop them, but there's no guarantee.

 

This also goes for qualities that are present which are *not so good* -or completely unacceptable: you *wish* those qualities could be corrected and aligned to better suit his/her own life -and yours- but your partner may not be willing (at this time) to make the necessary improvements.

 

And again, there's no guarantee they will.

 

I'm not referring to the 'little' things -insignificant mildly annoying habits or trivial personality traits- I'm referring to the greater, more important aspects of a person's general morality, personality, and the *core ideals* of a human being, here.

 

We can all learn how *not* to sweat the small stuff, -it's the much bigger, 'un-workable' things that push a decision to end a relationship.

 

Some of that 'unacceptable' stuff gets noted right away, (and exits with those can be accomplished, in most cases, without too much fuss, pain, and drama) but some of it may reveal itself later, after you have fallen for someone and have very strong feelings for them.

 

I think the original rule of thumb still applies: *you* change what *you* can -and *they* must change what *they* can; if *no one* can, or is unwilling to work on the major stuff -then there's no basis for a good partnership, here.

 

I, personally, look for the *want-to* in someone, to change any specific unacceptable behavior, etc. (some behavior is just remaining immaturity or insecurity from earlier lifestyles that has not been challenged to consider change, nor boldly be dealt with), -and I never make the decision to end a relationship with someone I have developed feelings for without first having given as much hope to the (reasonable) possibilities as I can, nor having devoted much time, deliberation and thought to the circumstances.

 

If I see no hope for change -nor the *will* to commit to positive change- I end it.

 

I do it *first* for my sake, sanity, and well-being, -and, secondly, -and subsequently- for others I am responsible to in my life, -like my children, for instance.

 

With those not having children as an inspiration, do it keep your job stability, for your friends and family, or do it to insure you do well in school or college, -the first promise of your real future.

 

*A romantic relationship should positively enhance and compliment your life -not disrupt, or destroy it.*

 

Hope this helps.

 

Take care.

 

-Rio

[RealBroken]

RIO; You rock!

 

Now thats what I'm talkin about.

Theres a probelm,..... ok partner lets fix this problem please.

 

God, better than " ok i'm not gonna tell u about the problem until i have actually fully fallen out of love with you and its too late "

We could have been wonderful but there is the one problem i didnt mention. Sorry all gone too late!

 

I wish more people would communicate with each other like this. If something is worth saving, save the damn thing quickly!

 

If I had only known what problems my ex had with me, i would have been MORE THAN WILLING i can promise you. ome people just sit back and wait or something.

 

My ex said to me just before the breakup. Those things that were wrong, you've fixed and thats a good thing........ but i think the spark is gone now...... well thanks for F*ckn telling me sooner!

Sorry, just had to get that out.

[RealBroken]

You said you wanted honesty:

 

I would break up with my ex with no intention to leave him. I would leave dramatically, announcing I couldn't take it anymore, I give up etc. Within two days of me leaving he would be outside my house with flowers, apologies and an open mind to work on our relationship.

 

It was a test, a game, and a manipulation. Although it worked in getting me what I wanted I would never do it again, as it is a dangerous game for both parties.

 

Yeah I have a female friend who did that to her husband all the time. He would always go running after her "im sorry " "im sorry"

She reckons the biggest shock ever was when he said "ok if u need to go, go honey" She walked out, got as far as the hallway and stopped not knowing what to do, coz he wasnt following. he he

 

Oh games....... i hate em.

[rkman]

 

Oh games....... i hate em.

 

I said it before, playing games is abusive. If you are playing games, you aren't resepcting your partner. There is nothign wrong with trying to give someone a kick in the ass, but doing so for personal benefit is just plain wrong.

[Pink Amulet]

Yep, games will bite you on the ass.

[Bex_23]

Bex_23..not sure where you are coming from .. or was that msg for someone else sorry! because it didnt really make sense to my story .. i merely posted it cuz the original post wanted stories re reconciliation. i am not looking for that and the story i told was from when i was about your age .. i am quite old now hehe!

 

plus, my view of love is not what you have assumed it to be..

 

Sorry no, I didnt mean that!

 

I meant to express my empathy with your situation, but the post was in response to the prevelant theme in several threads at the moment about trying to get exes back.

 

Really sorry about that none of it was meant to apply to the situation that you shared. xx

 

ps spelt your name wrong too in the title! sorry!

[Guest]

sometimes a girl may be afraid to tell a guy whats wrong because she knows that he could never comply. for example she knows that although he is a great person and boyfriend, he would never be an exceptional provider and marriage with money problems usually suck!

[lonepearl]

e.g. my partner hangs the "..or i will leave NOW" over my head all day long every hour.. even silently it is at the back fo my head.. its the whole I MUST COMPLY or he will leave me. not a good feeling to have. i dont even think he realises he is doing it though. my father was like that too..always that emotional blackmail hanging over mother...perhaps its not men or women but certain personalities in PEOPLE??

 

Also, my partne rleft and was all "no use talking. there were issues etc. and its gone. don't flog a dead horse lone blah blah". well his best friend knew ALL the issues - some help that will be!!! I knew none of them. i spent the last year of the relationship crying "its my weight isnt it" and he would fight and end up leaving the room and stuff at that with the usual "how shallow do you think i am. you think im a bastard and useless dont you. you think i am worthless. blah blah blah and shouting and screaming and thats it."

 

well part of it was the weight in the end.. but thanks for frikking letting me know!!!!! part of it were assumptions of what i was capable of doing and not doing.. which were ALL WRONG! you would think in a relationship people would TALK to partner FIRST... as in the other discussion chain, I am not one to come between anyone and their best friend but there are limits!!! what is the frikking point when your best friend knows all the issues you have with you partner, and he uses them against you to manipulate you and leave her etc. BUT NEVER actually tell your partner - where the issues could be resolved. i have told him time and again "honey, you NEED to tell me things.. there is nothing in this world excepting falling out of love with me or fallen in love with someone else..that cannot be resolved within a relationship. NOTHING!" But he still doesnt believe this....he is getting better..but i can see he still keeps things to himself..and says its cuz we end up fighting..even though hes the one who makes it into a fight!!! for f**ks sake!!! phew. i feel a bit better now lol more later