Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Wow, this is the insight I was hoping for.
phyrespryte Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 My question.... How much does the way a women look affect your decision to be with her, stay with her, and more importantly want her back? I'm curious about the answer to this too. I think that depending on the guy, like if he was really low on the numbers scale...he'd be willing to put up with more crap from a woman that he thinks is extremely attractive. And I think the reverse applies for women too.
Diver012 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 My Ex Girlfriend was very attractive. We would walk into bars and such, and men would just walk up to me an go.. Nice! I hated that. She hated that. It really bothered the both of us. Weird thing about it though, she always referred to herself as my Brokedown Girlfriend. She was always complaining. Her hair was never right. Her weight was never right. Gotta go on a diet.. my knees creek. My back is messed up...yadda yadda yadda. She was so self concious about the way she looked on the oustside, when it was the person on the inside I was trying to get through to. I cant tell you how many times I told her I didnt care about them. She was capable of such acts of kindness, she was one of the most loving and tender persons I have ever been with....found out later shes was also capable of acts of betrayal too.... Thats what hurts the most....
KarlCox Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 to be honest .. from me since im a guy.. i cant love someone that is not good looking.
RealBroken Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 PINK AMULET U dont have to make excuses for being attractive. Some people will take it, others surprisingly will not take it well. I wonder why that is. But yeah, u dont need to explain yourself. Thats just silly. I actually liked it when people would comment on my girlfriend. I was fine with it. We were called the hot couple. I think its a complement. Its just difficult when they reciprocate the attention elsewhere that gets u a bit wound.
Pantero Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 My question.... How much does the way a women look affect your decision to be with her, stay with her, and more importantly want her back? Looks are very important for guys. I can go on and on about how it's a primal thing and that younger females with great physiques demonstrate greater fertility, etc. etc. This is a problem many "good-looking" people have. They meet tons of other shallow people who get by on looks alone, so that the "good-looking" ones with substance to them get burned. It happens to all of us. Me personally, physical charms toss salt on the wound. I miss my ex for who she was, but the break-up showed me who she REALLY was. And yes, she was attractive and physically fit, but when I get in my lousy moods, I don't think about that. I think about the companionship and the emotional inertia involved. But, that's just me.
Noos Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Pink Amulet As a fellow Aussie girl, I know the type you are talking about. Unfortunately, he seems to be everywhere and he is usually an ill-educated, self-absorbed, mysogynistic chauvinist. He is very insecure and yes, you are his trophy, and yes - that is your value to guys like him. It seems that plenty of Australian men like the one you have described want something pretty to boost their ego and so they may feel superior to their friends but want none of the maintenance i.e. dealing with your feelings, thoughts and opinions and sharing your problems. If you are a journalist and therefore, havea range of interests besides your looks, that attitude was always going to be a big problem for you. He is having torubvle letting you go due to his own ego. You make him feel better about himself and, in Australia's notoriously macho culture, you make him feel importnant, successful and special. However, he does not seem to want to deal with you as a person or put the hard work in tyo a real relationship. He thinks of you as an accessory and of himself as number 1. I have been on both ends of this phenomenon - that is, around men who want women for their looks and treat people differently according to their level of attractiveness. They are nicer to prettier women and don't care about less attractive ones if they are able to attain the beauty. As an ugly overweight kid for most of my teens and my twenties, being surrounded by this attitude gave me an eating disorder and bought me lots of appointments in therapy. The good part is that since I got my weight under control and tamed my hair and brows and have an income that lets me buy nice clothes, everyone other girls who was considered hot has now let themselves go and aged terribly. Guys who wouldn't look twice at me before are now wanting to be with me even though I'm the same person. They think looks are enough for me to want them back. The good part is being able to say to those men - I don't want you or need you - I'm going to date the 5'7" quiet, smart guy who may not be a 10 on looks but is a 10 on substance.
jmargel Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I haven't read the replies to your inital post and often don't. From what I read from you it sounds like your bf treated you very bad. Him making those statements are most likely due to his immaturity. He looked at you like a trophy or an ego boost. It's not because you are this way it's because of his personality. When I was with my ex-fiancee she had a gorgeous body. Looks of Julia Roberts with a 5'8 120 lb, 36D frame. When things didn't work out, now & then I would think of her body but only because that was partly who she was. I was not trying to disrespect her but when I would think of her that way it was because she was the one I lost my virginity to and all the great times that we had sex together. It's what I knew for 5 1/2 years. However that was only a minor attribute to her. I would think back about all the great times we had as a couple and all the things we shared, then would think about what I should have done different & what she could have done and learned alot. You are a beautiful woman but most importantly it sounds like you have a more beautiful heart. Looks over time will change, however the love, trust, respect & beauty you have within' doesn't change. Please try not to put yourself down because of this man or base your self-worth on him. Unfortunetly people change over time, sometimes for the better & sometimes for the worse. Eventually he will come to his senses & understand what he has done. That's something you can't make him see, only he could himself. Not all men are like what you experienced, there are alot of great guys out there who would love you for the beauty within'. Please don't become jaded over your situation. Whoever is your true soul mate is going to be one lucky guy.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Awww *wipes tear* that really was beautiful. Thank you. P.S Thunder is cute!
scrybe74 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Pink: I'm a guy so I'll do my best to respond to your question. In my experience I feel like looks do of course play a part but not a major part. When I've broken up with someone and I thought I was over them one of the last things for me to let go is the physical attraction. I'll see an ex a long time afterward and feelings of desire will come up. It took me many years to figure out that it wasn't that I wanted her back - just the physical experience. Particularly the ones I found most beautiful. When I was younger I would have sworn to anyone that I was still obviously in love but in reality I was just lusting. To have someone so physically attractive whenever you want and then after time to know that you can't have her ...but maybe....it's thrilling and exciting. Especially when you know that there are a ton of guys who would do anything just to spend one night with her and you know that you possibly could get in her bed if you wanted to ....possibly...it's just exciting. You forget about the problems you had, you forget all the bad stuff and convince yourself that it's her....not her boobs you miss. So...in other words...he may not even be aware that he's being so shallow. You say he's 26? He may be older but he's not necessarily mature. I'm 32 and I've been through a lot but if you ask older guys and gals (40's and up) they'll tell you the same. At his age he's still 'young and dumb' as they say. He probably tends to think with the smaller head if you know what I mean. As for you - I think it's great that a beautiful woman exists who really truly looks for beauty in another that's beyond skin deep. Good for you and I hope you find someone who can better appreciate you than this guy. I don't think he really truly knows what he has lost....but he will....someday....
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 He will when he sees me every night CNN haha, I wish. I just want to thank you for your sweet, and insightful words. Thank you for taking the time to respond so thoroughly. And yes, I do hope to find someone who can appreciate my and cherish the love (and kisses) I shower them with.
jmargel Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Thanks Pink And you will find someone who is on your level mentally, spirtuality & emotionally. Glad that you posted on here.
The slayer Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I'm new here so forgive me if I get the wrong end of the stick. Pink you sound like a really intelligent and together women and beautiful as well. Beauty is on the whole an assest but sometimes it can also be a disadvantage...some people will hate you for it and others will never be able to see beyond it. You seem to be the kind of girl who wouldn't want to know those people so sod 'em! The advantage of being beautiful is: you will have a whole load more potential partners to choose from (not all of them will be shallow, because beauty is irreistable to all of us!) The advantage of being smart: You have the skills to be discriminating when choosing the right one! You sound like you know what you are looking for in a man, and most definately have the brains to be discriminating. I hope you find what you are looking for and more importantly I hope that the man you choose has the ability to express his gratitude! Getting back to the original thead, I would be really dissapointed if my ex didn't miss my tits and arse! I think the physical side of a relationship is really important without that it would just have been a friendship......I would also be really dissapointed if that were all he missed, so I guess like everything else its all a question of balance. xx
MassiveAtom Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Hi Pink, I read another of your posts on a thread about nice guys "changing" and wanted to commend you. Kudos! I'm FRESH Out(?) of a relationship. I'm back and forth about wanting back, I left because of her mean spirited side. My girlfriend could be the sweetest thing though, beautiful and warm, and she had this soft side that would just make my heart sing. Yeah, she had a rockin body and was a real looker... and I do miss her sexually, but really, I just miss HER. The way she smells, the way she looks at me sometimes when her whole face seems to smile, the sing song way she'd tell me "You're crazy" when I told her I love her. Yeah, ::Sigh:: THAT's what I miss. I'm right in the throes of fighting the urge to call her and tell her I want one last go. But....then again....but that body! LOL!! I'm kidding. For me, it's not much involved in what I miss, just a part of her that I'll have to let go of too. Wish me luck? as always, MA
Billy Bob Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I mentioned previously that I had a couple of pictures published in FHM magazine. One was a pull out *rolls eyes* which managed to make its way in to the bedrooms of anyone I had ever met Just curious what issue? Any bodyshots out there on the net?
Diver012 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Speaking from personal experience here... I personally find it difficult, if not impossible to walk up to a complete stranger in order to try and date her. I just dont do that. I never had to. My first girlfriend was very attractive. She later went on to become a model. I chased her around till she was curious enough to become interested... we were kids after all.. lol She became my first love. I still think to her this day. A love that ended in friendship and respect. We split up because she moved out of state. My latest Ex, well im sure everyone knows the story by now.. but she was also extremely attractive. No self confidence though... that really bothered me. We would walk into bars and such, and dudes would just walk up and say.. Nice.. man.. Nice Catch. I f***ing hated that. She hated it too... alteast I think she did.. I think subconsciously it was an ego boost to her... as she was so caught up with how her hair looked, ect... But she always refered to herself as my "Broke Down" Girlfriend. I honesty dont think she ever felt good enough. Now Ive dated plenty of women inbetween that werent beauty queens. Its not the looks that attract me, its not the hair, the ass, the tits, the body, its the personality... let me say that again... Personality. My Ex had such a gently nature about her. She seemed so caring and appreciative of me. I fell so in love with her for that. That acceptance was all I ever asked for. Damn her looks. Damn her body and teh rest of it... They way she turned on me was very hurtful and dissapointing. I felt disrespected. You cannot find true love if your looking on the surface for it. It just will never be there. EVER. I find personalities more attractive than looks any day.
Billy Bob Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 I find personalities more attractive than looks any day The nice thing is that its not necessarily one or the other Find a gal with a good personality and a hot bod to boot!
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Let me just say, I am so pleased with the response by people on this sight. Occasionally, I am in fear of stepping out in to the dating world for literally the first time in my life. You have all reassured me that although I need to be very wary of shallow men, that they are few and far between. My personality is what they will love after all... Now I worry if perhaps my personality is good enough to keep my man from straying :/ Anyway, The Slayer: Welcome! Your words were very sweet and comforting. Thank you. Also, your statement about balance is perhaps the wisest words on this thread! Massive Atom: You restored my faith! You seem like a nice man. A gentleman too. Your ex is missing out on someone special. Don't call her! Stay strong. Cta: Yes :/ I found out yesterday one of my best friends has an msn space and uploaded them!!! She has one of them as a background for her blog entry! Haha. *shakes head* Diver: "Its not the looks that attract me, its not the hair, the ass, the tits, the body, its the personality..." I am so glad to here. I hope you find someone out there who is going to treat you better than your previous girlfriends! Also, you are right in saying that it is often the most attractive women who have the lowest self esteem. I was one of them. Not any more. I took the emphasis off the comments on my physical self and refocused on the praise I recieved for an investigative story I have published for example. Cta: If you can find a mixture of someone you are very attracted too and someone you could talk to for hours, then you have got it made!
The slayer Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Pink don't be daft! Even over the internet your personality shines through. Reading your posts I thought Damn this woman's smart and cool, I'd love to be her mate. Find the right man and with your attitude and ability to communicate I am confident the only reason you won't keep him, is you decide you don't want him. You will have such a good head start on finding the right man as your recent experiences have really enabled you to focus on whats important to you, what you need. When you are ready you are going to have SO much fun dating!
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Thank you slayer. I would love to be friends with you too! Awww. And yes, I know I am going to have so much fun dating. I just hope to find someone who is going to love me for me, and not my breasts (which are also great *laughs*). I think it will depend on where I look. Avoiding bars and clubs would be a start!
Diver012 Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Pink don't be daft! Even over the internet your personality shines through. Reading your posts I thought Damn this woman's smart and cool, I'd love to be her mate. Find the right man and with your attitude and ability to communicate I am confident the only reason you won't keep him, is you decide you don't want him. You will have such a good head start on finding the right man as your recent experiences have really enabled you to focus on whats important to you, what you need. When you are ready you are going to have SO much fun dating! Aggreed. Pink, Your outlook on situations and insight has helped many people here... You are a breath of fresh air. After I get my head screwed back on straight, which is getting there nicely BTW, I hope to have some fun dating myself... Lifes to short
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Author Posted June 22, 2006 Thank you Diver. Good luck with everything. You are right, life is too short to be sad when being happy is so much more fun...
Billy Bob Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 Cta: Yes :/ I found out yesterday one of my best friends has an msn space and uploaded them!!! She has one of them as a background for her blog entry! Haha. *shakes head* Link Please? Whats the deal changing your avatar picture and covering the jugs up? (thats the only reason us guys were responding to your posts!)
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