Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Someone made an interesting comment about missing their girlfriends 'ass' or their 'smile'. This got me thinking about the reasons men regret their break up decisions. I have been under the impression that the reason my ex kept coming back was because he missed me and the love we shared. Now, I am not so sure... I mentioned previously that I had a couple of pictures published in FHM magazine. One was a pull out *rolls eyes* which managed to make its way in to the bedrooms of anyone I had ever met (females included). My ex was saying how difficult it was to not miss me when he was constantly faced with the memory of me (perhaps he meant just my physical self ) as well as having to face the pictures of me. I thought he was referring to the pictures of us. Now I am not so sure. Now comes the arrogant part... He treated me badly, he hurt me many times over, but we fell in love at first site when I was 16. He was older and he had so many qualities I just adored. None of them physical. When it comes to men, I have been told 'I could do soooooo much better' I know they mean physically. But horror of horrors, although I don't want someone who is messy, lazy, or unfit, looks don't really matter much to me. I know this is the same for many attractive and un-shallow women *looks at Christina Aguilera and her husband*. I have awoken to his childish and heartless ways and no longer love him, but I do miss him. I miss his wonderful side and the memories we share. When I think of him, I never say "damn I miss his abs of steel" or any such thing. He would often call me the holy grail, and say things like "I have driven a Ferrari how could I ever go back to driving the Camry's of the world" *what a toss* My question.... How much does the way a women look affect your decision to be with her, stay with her, and more importantly want her back? ***My last thread was deleted because I mentioned I was a bored out of work journalist doing aimless research. This was perceived as an attempt to make a story out of the thread I started???? Have no fear moderators this has never been my objective on this site in the slightest. I am a political journalist. I am just trying to get my head around this 'love' thing.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I don't believe in the whole "love at first sight" thing, especially not at the age of 16. Kids that young know nothing about life, and love is something that has been grown and even learned, it takes time and maturity. It seems in your case you both settled into each other. It doesn't surprise me that men miss our bodies. Hell, I miss a man's body after I no longer have access to it. Men are more sensitive to sight as women are to emotions, so why would him missing your body surprise you? I think it's rather normal. It seems to me that you are so caught up in the whole "OMG I can't believe he left me" stage that your thinking is a little unreasonable, although I can completely relate. We as women miss the comfort those big arms can bring as well as staring into their eyes. I'm not saying a man cannot miss the emotional bond as well, but their sight stimulation might override emotions briefly, if not indefinitely, depending on the person. On an unrelated note, are you a native of Australia?
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Yes, I am. When I say love at first sight, I am sure the attraction was physical for him. He is much older than me so I admired this strong, and charming man. We saw eachother everywhere, and we would sometimes stare at eachother with a locked gaze. It wasn't until the third time we saw eachother that he finally approached me saying "I am the first person to ever give him butterflies". Just so you know, I have always looked much older so he had no idea of my age until a couple of weeks in.... I was also already starting my freelance work as a journalist for a teen magazine here so I was beyond my years. A native Australian would imply I am aboriginal. So, no. But yes, I am Australian, born and raised.
KarlCox Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 ok im a guy Look is definitely important.. if a girl isn't good looking.. it's a red flag for me.. i wouldn't date or talk to girls that ain't good looking after they pass the look test.. i go for personality test.. most usually fail because girls and guys are not in common.. and im not really interested listening to girls talk all night about their problems either.. or talk about how they want nice guys and stuff.. if a girl has a similar personality and compatible with me.. and good looking.. i would definitely value the relationship a lot... however... LOOK is still important.. i cant stand the fact i need to turn the lights off or dim or drinking half a bottle of vodka... this is reality here.. im not trying to be an @$$ or anything but... thats how i feel about it...
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 OK Guys point of view here. Yeah looks are important....... but everyones looks are catalysts with DIFFERNT tastes. I DO think of my ex's face, her beautiful eyes,.... and yes her legs boobs and bum! etc etc. But that physical attraction comes from the fact that I was allowed to know those things about her. I miss her eyes not just because they are beautiful,.... but because they were the most beautiful when they were looking into mine. Her body was most beautiful when it was holding me. My physical attraction memories of her aren't of her getting changed on the other side of the room. So yeah, you do remember and you do miss those qualities. But what i miss the most, is her telling me that she loved me, walking through town holding hands, her putting her head on my shoulder at the movies. Don't lose heart, yeah us guys have sex on the brain all the time, but we are emotional too. Well i am anyway. I have feelings I admit it!!! Heres a good example for a guy point of view. A guy could have a one night stand and if she was physically very attractive... yeah ok after you might think WOW! that was so great. But you dont miss it emotionally. You might miss it like you would an ice cream on a hot day,....... but when you are emotionally attached to someone you will miss it like a fish does water. i dunno if that made sense,..... hope it did some.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Good post. Very truthful and one in which many could relate. But I am looking for a response on a more contextually shallow level. Now he says he misses all of the things you mentioned. But when we were together he made references like "If we ever broke up, it would be harder for me than you because I will never get better". I was just wondering how much does this fair? Is it an important enough reason to work harder to keep them/get them back?
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 If he truely believes that then yes. he will try. I know the girl I was with, as far as looks, yeah she was hot, exactly what I like. I know I could get her equivalent if I found it,....... but it is the whole package i will truely miss. Of course he's gonna really try harder than he would otherwise. He feels he's losing something that cant be replaced. Did i answer correctly that time, ha ha....... probably not
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Also,.. hey...... its gotta feel better being told that by someone rather than "you're too good for me" now heres a mind bender.
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Hey, can I ask why YOU ask this??? Am interested in what u are thinking. I slipped out that I was gonna be hard pushed to replace my ex. As i will be, I may never to the same extent..... but am interested to know what that comment puts through their head. Would be great, thanks
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Our relationship was very physical for the most part. He was always commenting (at least once a day) about my looks. It feels like he didn't really value me, and my love and viewed me as his trophy girlfriend who he often flaunted in public and in front of his friends. He is now trying to get me back, and I am wondering why, as I know our love had begun to fade. Anyone else?
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Our relationship was very physical for the most part. He was always commenting (at least once a day) about my looks. It feels like he didn't really value me, and my love and viewed me as his trophy girlfriend who he often flaunted in public and in front of his friends. He is now trying to get me back, and I am wondering why, as I know our love had begun to fade. Anyone else? I told my girlfriend she was gorgeous lookin everyday too. But absolutely honestly. ITS NOT WHY I WANT HER BACK. Love can fade, but it can come back again. Honeymoon periods come and go I guess. He will want you back out of emotion. Not because he wants to show you off. I can promise you that Im sure. If he thought you and him were toxic,...... he wouldnt want you. Your looks will just be a big extra.
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Sounds big headed,.... but being honest because you are. At times I have felt like the trophey boyfriend with my ex. U can tell when they are showing you off. And so they can if they wish.... i wldnt worry me anyway. But I guess at the end off the day. If she was ever gonna want me back. I know that it would not be for those reasons. I could be different from other men,... who knows. And yes ha ha, i know that my situation would be different because men and women are so different.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Guess I'm only going to be hearing from you on this one
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Sorry ...........but we are the only ones really still awake over this side of the Earth / under the equator! Ha ha.
Tinman Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I told my girlfriend she was gorgeous lookin everyday too. But absolutely honestly. ITS NOT WHY I WANT HER BACK. Love can fade, but it can come back again. Honeymoon periods come and go I guess. He will want you back out of emotion. Not because he wants to show you off. I can promise you that Im sure. If he thought you and him were toxic,...... he wouldnt want you. Your looks will just be a big extra. Pretty much what RealBroken said.
justagirliegirl Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 How old is he? Unfortunately some guys just want a hot girl as a trophy or ego boost. They don't care anything about her as a person as long as she puts out and makes him look good in public.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 He is 26, it isn't just in public. I felt like I was undervalued when it was only us together. If I was speaking about work, or university he would show little interest. When I stopped speaking he would start commenting on how good I look, or commenting on my clothes, hair, or make up. It drove me insane. Anyway, this is beside the point now. We aren't together anymore. I was just curious about the reasons he finds it so hard to let go (when we have broken up in the past, as well as recently).
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 How old is he? Unfortunately some guys just want a hot girl as a trophy or ego boost. They don't care anything about her as a person as long as she puts out and makes him look good in public. To both his and my credit. I must add there was more to our relationship than this. This could not have possibly have held a relationship together for five years. We did have fun, and passion and romance, and wonderful conversation too. However in the end, we became toxic, and he began hurting him, and I began to make life hard for him. Everytime he wants me back he tells me he misses certain things 50% of the time it is regard to my body, my face or sex
justagirliegirl Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Maybe it was mostly about your looks? It is tough when we are pretty finding someone who also likes us and is interested in us as a person. I was a trophy wife for quite a few years. Yeah people really are capable of keeping up a relationship for years that is based on mostly shallow things. I didn't realize it until after we were married. I realized he really knew nothing about me as a person nor did he care to find out. I got lots of verbal abuse for not being presentable enough to him.
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Oh, I am so sorry to hear. I am thinking now more than ever that my looks may have played a bigger part than I had originally thought. Your post got me thinking about certain things and I am glad to say like you, I am out of this relationship. Even comments his friends have made about the way he bragged about me (which could be percieved as a good thing- but believe me in this instance, it's not). I am starting to feel as though I have been used
justagirliegirl Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I'm glad you are out too. You will meet someone decent in time. I was fairly young when I met him. I was 20 and he was 32. There were some good times but the bad outweighed the good and I left. I think they do use us for their own self gratification. I have someone new now who loves me for me.
Bex_23 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 the physical things are more tangable easier to express and more obviously missing. You state yourself he only refers to missing you physically 50% of the time pretty good balance I'd say. I think that maybe you yourself are a bit hung up about your looks ......You have chosen to display an avatar of a provocatively attractive buxom blonde!
Author Pink Amulet Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 I am fairly new to forums, and the other forum I am on displays ONLY pictures of themselves. I have plenty of web cam stills from friends I speak to in London. I feel this is the norm. Thank you, but I don't think it is a provocative photo in the slightest actually?!?! I will refer to a post I made in another thread about this issue... So much of my teen life was based on the way I looked. I was constantly being complimented on my face and body. These affirmations made me confident enough to model, and in not very much I might add! However, it also made me extremely insecure. I began to feel the people around me, didn't care to know who I was inside. Including my then boyfriend. I became obsessed with comparing myself to good looking women. It felt like my whole life began to revolve around the way I looked and I began to hate the way I looked! However, when my ex boyfriend cheated on me, I did not so much think she was more attractive than me, more so, that he was simply more attracted to her. Whether true or not, I decided then and there to end this shallow life and I began to focus on my career. Because of my modelling I had been signed to a teen girl magazine as columnist. I used this as a platform and ended up doing a double degree in political science and journalism. So basically, I have been programmed from a very young age to be concerned about the way I look. I was pressured in to placing a lot of value on "what I had". This made me somewhat insecure in other areas. I am working hard to overcome this. But even in journalism, I have been told I will get more work in broadcast. I have chosed however, to stick to print. I want to have one area of my life whereby my looks play a very small role. I don't think 50% is a good balance at all. I miss a lot about him and 10% of that is his physical self.
justagirliegirl Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Don't worry about your avatar. Make it anything you like. I really am relating to you as you remind me soo much of myself 20 years ago. Being very attractive is both a blessing and a curse at times. I'm almost looking forward to being 60 or so when nobody will care what I look like. I will be invisible to the majority of the male population. Being told every day how gorgeous you are and making money from your appearance and getting special treatment because of the way you look, you learn that being attractive matters a lot to other people. I think I was naive in thinking people were just liking me for me. I had my rude awakening after I had a baby and was fairly overweight and it took me about a year to lose the weight. All of a sudden I was invisible. Guys went from holding doors and elevators for me to slamming them in my face. So yeah I know both sides of the coin. I'm rambling on. There is no answer. Just live the best life you can and be selective about who you let into your life. That is about all you can do.
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