lily7093 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 **When I can’t sleep, I tend to write and this is a journal entry that I wrote one late night when I was feeling frustrated and left wondering about my life. I’m not speaking for all women here. I’m speaking for me and my few experiences and what I want. I want a man who is…………..reliable. If you say you’re going to call, then call. If you want to go out on a date, then ask and stick to it. If you can’t make a date, then actually call and say these words, “Name of woman, I’m sorry, but I can’t go out tonight. Let’s reschedule for (insert day/time/place) and we’ll go out on that date. Is that okay with you?” And, then stick to that date. Is that soooo difficult for you to do??? Are you all that terrified to say those few words??? Do you all have to avoid the situation like a scared little boy thinking that it will just disappear?? I will still like you even if you cancel on me just as long as you explain what is going on and you don’t make it a habit. Be reliable---which is dependable and trustworthy. ]I want a man who………..eventually---not a.s.a.p.---wants to have a long lasting relationship or marriage and a family. If you don’t want those things, why are you dating women who want them?? I think that most women---not all by any means—but most women between the ages of 28-40 want to have long-term relationships or marriage and want to have children some day. So, if you are a man that doesn’t see that in his future---which is fine----then don’t date me. Why go through all of that pain?? Why go through the torture of hurting another woman?? To see that look of hopelessness/hurt/pain in her eyes as you let her down again and again and again. I want a man who……….will make me priority #1 in his life as I put him first in my life. I know how to manage everything/everyone around me so that the man in my life comes first. (And, yes, I know that I should put me as #1 in my life and I do. But, I also believe that a long-lasting relationship requires that you make your partner a priority.) I want a man who can put me first. I can do it. I want to do it and that is the difference. I want to put a man first in my life. And, I believe that men---not all, but some---have an extremely difficult time putting the woman in their lives as a top priority. I feel that you all need to learn how to manage everything/everyone better. I know you can all do it. It’s just a matter of wanting…having the desire to put that woman first in your life……learning how to let her in and trust her….to let her become a part of your life….to let her be involved in your life. I want a man who is…reliable, committed to the relationship, and makes me a priority. Is that so much to ask for in a man?? I’m not asking any man to do something that I’m not willing to do in return. I’m just so confused lately. Thinking about my past relationships with men and wondering what happened……Thinking about possible future relationships and wondering what will happen…….I don’t want to be bitter……I’m not that type of woman. I’m a very warm, loving, and giving person…..but I’m wondering if I’ll meet the man that wants what I want…..that wants to be reliable, committed and make me a priority……Have I found him already and he can’t be those things for me right now?? Will he ever be those things for me?? Will I meet him sooner or later in life?? Or, will I just need to accept the fact that men are selfish and that I will be alone?? I am fighting with all my strength not to believe in that last idea. I can’t believe that God would put me on this planet with all of my capacity to love someone for me to be alone……I’m refusing to believe that…….and so I’m left to wonder……and while I’m wondering about all of this…..I’m taking the time to think about my life…and what I want out of it………making sure that I’m the type of person that I want to be……the type of daughter I want to be…the sister….the friend…the teacher…..everything that I want to be…..I’m taking this time alone to discover me………….and maybe in time……I can add that man into my life…………………..
BrandonBP Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Or maybe the guys WERE committed to you, but you misunderstood their behavior. Just like my ex-fiance who means everything in the entire world to me but says I didn't show her enough attention.
timidity99 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 My flesh & blood family & occupation comes first before any woman. I think it's rather unhealthy to put your girlfriend first. No I don't want a woman to put me first either. I expect her to have her own life and take care of her own business first. I expect her to put her flesh & blood family (parents, uncles, grandparents, siblings) before me. What does that mean? For example I expect her to spend thanksgiving day and christmas day with her family instead of wanting to go out of town with me. I spend those holidays with my family too. It's a time for family gathering. I can hang out with my girlfriend anytime. Family is very important to me. Women come and go. You can't count on them to be there for you during the storms of life but you can always count on family to be there for you. My parents will die way before me. I only have a limited time to spend with them but I have the rest of my life to settle down with a woman so there's no way she's going to come first. Blood is thicker than water. Alot of americans do not believe in this philosophy which I think is a sad thing. The only time it's good to put a woman first is when she becomes your wife or if all of your family is deceased. Your girlfriend is not your wife. I was raised to put family first and honor my parents regardless of my age and regardless if I moved out on my own or not. I will not even date someone who would make me choose between her and my work and my family.
Sapiens Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 My flesh & blood family & occupation comes first before any woman. I think it's rather unhealthy to put your girlfriend first. No I don't want a woman to put me first either. I expect her to have her own life and take care of her own business first. I expect her to put her flesh & blood family (parents, uncles, grandparents, siblings) before me. What does that mean? For example I expect her to spend thanksgiving day and christmas day with her family instead of wanting to go out of town with me. I spend those holidays with my family too. It's a time for family gathering. I can hang out with my girlfriend anytime. Family is very important to me. Women come and go. You can't count on them to be there for you during the storms of life but you can always count on family to be there for you. My parents will die way before me. I only have a limited time to spend with them but I have the rest of my life to settle down with a woman so there's no way she's going to come first. Blood is thicker than water. Alot of americans do not believe in this philosophy which I think is a sad thing. The only time it's good to put a woman first is when she becomes your wife or if all of your family is deceased. Your girlfriend is not your wife. I was raised to put family first and honor my parents regardless of my age and regardless if I moved out on my own or not. I will not even date someone who would make me choose between her and my work and my family. Once she becomes your wife and the mother of your children she becomes you flesh and blood. Religious doctrine requires responsiblity and insight to understand what's about. The parent is responsible for the child, for his/her proper upbringing; i.e. to be self reliant, respectful and principled. A parent that expects a child to put him or her first above his spouce has ill conceived notions. -Sapiens
timidity99 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Once she becomes your wife and the mother of your children she becomes you flesh and blood. Religious doctrine requires responsiblity and insight to understand what's about. The parent is responsible for the child, for his/her proper upbringing; i.e. to be self reliant, respectful and principled. A parent that expects a child to put him or her first above his spouce has ill conceived notions. -Sapiens As I already stated earlier I do believe once your girlfriend becomes your wife she is to take first place in your life. There is a big difference between a girlfriend and a wife. Dating may lead to marriage but not necessarily so. But if you are a single man living on your own then your parents are first until they die or until you get married (whichever comes first). I also believe in honoring the parents of the girl I want to date or want to marry. What that means is asking her father's permission to date her, see her, or marry her. If her father says no then continuing to pursue a relationship with his daughter is a dishonor to her parents as well as her. Now that's just me. I just believe that's common courtesy and politeness to get her father's permission before dating or marrying her. If her father says no then there's a reason for it and a man should respect that.
whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 So, what you're saying is a girlfriend will always come last, no matter what. If she needs you, ahead of family and work, she'll still come last UNTIL she becomes your wife - THEN it all changes...But, until then, a girlfriend is someone you can f*** when you feel like it, hang out and talk when you feel like it, but when it comes down the nitty gritty she won't be put first. Boy, you're gonna lose alot of women if you treat your girlfriends like that. PART OF getting to know someone and involving them in your life is to spend time with their families. Some people celebrate Thanksiving on Sunday, some on Monday. So, it's WRONG to do two nights so you both get to be with eachother's family? I know I'm exaggerating here and there, but when you get to a certain age, most parents expect not to be put first and only want the best for their kids, and if that means their son/daughter is sharing and dividing their time, so be it.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 So, what you're saying is a girlfriend will always come last, no matter what. If she needs you, ahead of family and work, she'll still come last UNTIL she becomes your wife - THEN it all changes...But, until then, a girlfriend is someone you can f*** when you feel like it, hang out and talk when you feel like it, but when it comes down the nitty gritty she won't be put first. Boy, you're gonna lose alot of women if you treat your girlfriends like that. Well WWIU, common sense would dictate that you are correct in your last stmt above but in reality they hang out longer when you (as a man) have other priorities. I've been there and done that, trust me.
timidity99 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 So, what you're saying is a girlfriend will always come last, no matter what. If she needs you, ahead of family and work, she'll still come last UNTIL she becomes your wife - THEN it all changes...But, until then, a girlfriend is someone you can f*** when you feel like it, hang out and talk when you feel like it, but when it comes down the nitty gritty she won't be put first. Boy, you're gonna lose alot of women if you treat your girlfriends like that. PART OF getting to know someone and involving them in your life is to spend time with their families. Some people celebrate Thanksiving on Sunday, some on Monday. So, it's WRONG to do two nights so you both get to be with eachother's family? I know I'm exaggerating here and there, but when you get to a certain age, most parents expect not to be put first and only want the best for their kids, and if that means their son/daughter is sharing and dividing their time, so be it. Then there won't be anything wrong with celebrating thanksgiving with my family on thursday while I celebrate it with my gf on sunday then. The day of the week doesn't matter. A good woman understands the importance of family gatherings. I will still lose alot of girlfriends if I put them first. Like I said women come and go. You can't count on them to be there for you during the storms of life. They have their own problems to deal with. You should be able to rely on family for emotional support more than anyone else. So if it's true that I'm going to lose alot of girls from not putting them first then I guess I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I will still lose alot of girlfriends if I put them first. Like I said women come and go. You can't count on them to be there for you during the storms of life. They have their own problems to deal with. You should be able to rely on family for emotional support more than anyone else. So if it's true that I'm going to lose alot of girls from not putting them first then I guess I'm damned if I do and damned if I don't. at least someone around here has some common sense...
Pyro Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 **When I can’t sleep, I tend to write and this is a journal entry that I wrote one late night when I was feeling frustrated and left wondering about my life. I’m not speaking for all women here. I’m speaking for me and my few experiences and what I want. I want a man who is…………..reliable. If you say you’re going to call, then call. If you want to go out on a date, then ask and stick to it. If you can’t make a date, then actually call and say these words, “Name of woman, I’m sorry, but I can’t go out tonight. Let’s reschedule for (insert day/time/place) and we’ll go out on that date. Is that okay with you?” And, then stick to that date. Is that soooo difficult for you to do??? Are you all that terrified to say those few words??? Do you all have to avoid the situation like a scared little boy thinking that it will just disappear?? I will still like you even if you cancel on me just as long as you explain what is going on and you don’t make it a habit. Be reliable---which is dependable and trustworthy. ]I want a man who………..eventually---not a.s.a.p.---wants to have a long lasting relationship or marriage and a family. If you don’t want those things, why are you dating women who want them?? I think that most women---not all by any means—but most women between the ages of 28-40 want to have long-term relationships or marriage and want to have children some day. So, if you are a man that doesn’t see that in his future---which is fine----then don’t date me. Why go through all of that pain?? Why go through the torture of hurting another woman?? To see that look of hopelessness/hurt/pain in her eyes as you let her down again and again and again. I want a man who……….will make me priority #1 in his life as I put him first in my life. I know how to manage everything/everyone around me so that the man in my life comes first. (And, yes, I know that I should put me as #1 in my life and I do. But, I also believe that a long-lasting relationship requires that you make your partner a priority.) I want a man who can put me first. I can do it. I want to do it and that is the difference. I want to put a man first in my life. And, I believe that men---not all, but some---have an extremely difficult time putting the woman in their lives as a top priority. I feel that you all need to learn how to manage everything/everyone better. I know you can all do it. It’s just a matter of wanting…having the desire to put that woman first in your life……learning how to let her in and trust her….to let her become a part of your life….to let her be involved in your life. I want a man who is…reliable, committed to the relationship, and makes me a priority. Is that so much to ask for in a man?? I’m not asking any man to do something that I’m not willing to do in return. I’m just so confused lately. Thinking about my past relationships with men and wondering what happened……Thinking about possible future relationships and wondering what will happen…….I don’t want to be bitter……I’m not that type of woman. I’m a very warm, loving, and giving person…..but I’m wondering if I’ll meet the man that wants what I want…..that wants to be reliable, committed and make me a priority……Have I found him already and he can’t be those things for me right now?? Will he ever be those things for me?? Will I meet him sooner or later in life?? Or, will I just need to accept the fact that men are selfish and that I will be alone?? I am fighting with all my strength not to believe in that last idea. I can’t believe that God would put me on this planet with all of my capacity to love someone for me to be alone……I’m refusing to believe that…….and so I’m left to wonder……and while I’m wondering about all of this…..I’m taking the time to think about my life…and what I want out of it………making sure that I’m the type of person that I want to be……the type of daughter I want to be…the sister….the friend…the teacher…..everything that I want to be…..I’m taking this time alone to discover me………….and maybe in time……I can add that man into my life………………….. Don't get discouraged. There are millions and millions of guys on this planet. You can't expect to meet a great one right away. Unfortunately it can take some time. You just need to remain positive and confident, and most of all be patient. Finding the right mate does not happen overnite.
Curmudgeon Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 at least someone around here has some common sense... ...or has a habit of choosing poorly!
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