ashnicole Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Thats great that you have a rewarding relationship' date=' but you shouldn't soley base your self confidence on the man you are with. You must be confident in yourself as a person, because if not, then if for some reason you guys don't stay together, you will lose your self confidence along with your man. I had to learn this the hard way. [/quote'] Oh no. I'm self confident, on my own. Granted, I love him - and if we were to break up, I'd be heart-broken... but my self confidence wouldn't go anywhere. The things I adore myself for, are not things that he would take with him if he left... so I'd have just as much self esteem as I have when he first got with me - there's no doubt about that. No man could get me THAT down in the dumps.
riobikini Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 re: Ashnicole: " When you're in a committed relationship, and you trust eachother 100%, you're not in competition with anyone... because your SO wants YOU, and no one else. That's part of being secure in your relationship. " Amerikajin: " When Alpha's talking about competition, I don't think he's suggesting that anyone can just waltz into a perfectly healthy relationship and destroy it in one fell swoop. I think he's referring to those moments when we're not at our best, when the relationship has seen some better days......I agree with Alpha, you always have to be on top of your game." AlphaMale: " yes that is what I was saying AMERIKAJIN....once someone gets too comfortable in any relationship then thats when bad things tend to happen. this applies especially to romantic relationships. " Agreed. But there *is* a point in very longterm relationships -when the hair turns this lovely silver, and the wedding rings have become a bit tarnished- where forgiveness, whenever necessary, -comes with no hesitancy, at all, -and competition is a ridiculous thought. It seems to me, there are fewer who are able to weather relationship storms in order to reach this point. But I *know* -intuitively- it's worth everything if you can. (Smile) -Rio
Tim'sAngel Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Oh no. I'm self confident, on my own. Granted, I love him - and if we were to break up, I'd be heart-broken... but my self confidence wouldn't go anywhere. The things I adore myself for, are not things that he would take with him if he left... so I'd have just as much self esteem as I have when he first got with me - there's no doubt about that. No man could get me THAT down in the dumps. Well that is a very good attitude to have!! More people should have it!
ashnicole Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Well that is a very good attitude to have!! More people should have it! I think there'd be a lot more successful relationships if this were the case.
Pyro Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Dude, being happy with yourself is one thing, a very good thing, I may add; but you must be aware of those in competition for your desired resources. -Sapiens If you are referring to my GF as the "desired resource", I will say that I will not sit there and worry that other guys around are trying to take her and I am in a competition to win her affection. That is not the case. I am going to keep being who I am and be the guy that she fell in love with and if worse case scenario she decides to cheat on me one day, well then she must have her own selfish reasons for that. Again, I am not and will not be intimidated by other guys. If I feel as though my GF is flirting or something like that, then I will talk to her, but I will not sit there and let my insecurities get to me and act like other guys are a threat to me.
Sapiens Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I think there'd be a lot more successful relationships if this were the case. I concur and second that! -Sapiens
Sapiens Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 If you are referring to my GF as the "desired resource", I will say that I will not sit there and worry that other guys around are trying to take her and I am in a competition to win her affection. That is not the case. I am going to keep being who I am and be the guy that she fell in love with and if worse case scenario she decides to cheat on me one day, well then she must have her own selfish reasons for that. Again, I am not and will not be intimidated by other guys. If I feel as though my GF is flirting or something like that, then I will talk to her, but I will not sit there and let my insecurities get to me and act like other guys are a threat to me. Dude, now you are knit picking! I think Alpha made the point that's all. I leave it at that. My best, -Sapiens
Tim'sAngel Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I think there'd be a lot more successful relationships if this were the case. I agree It took me a long time to learn who I was as a person. It also took me a long time to realize my self worth. I had one really bad year from age 18-19. I got pregnant at age 19 and I felt like my life was over after being abandoned by my baby's father. I met my SO a year and a half after that, and during that time I spent my days doing everything I could to build myself back up. I feel like a much stronger person now. I can relate with that "always being in competition" thing. I've felt that way before. It is very draining!! But it doesn't have to be that way. Only if you allow it to be.
alphamale Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 you guys spend way too much time talking about me nevertheless, i'm flattered
Pyro Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Dude, now you are knit picking! I think Alpha made the point that's all. I leave it at that. My best, -Sapiens Maybe I was but I am just trying to make a point but I see that a few others have already.
ashnicole Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I agree It took me a long time to learn who I was as a person. It also took me a long time to realize my self worth. I had one really bad year from age 18-19. I got pregnant at age 19 and I felt like my life was over after being abandoned by my baby's father. I met my SO a year and a half after that, and during that time I spent my days doing everything I could to build myself back up. I feel like a much stronger person now. I can relate with that "always being in competition" thing. I've felt that way before. It is very draining!! But it doesn't have to be that way. Only if you allow it to be. I had my son at sixteen, and trust me... I felt the same way, only I left him. We weren't good together, & I knew that, & I refused to bring my child up in an environment like that. The hardest part for my self esteem, was feeling like no one would want me because I was so young, and had a child with someone else... then I thought about it, and did a lot of soul searching, & I think it made me realize that I am a MUCH better person BECAUSE of my son. Who knows where I'd be without him... and I'm respectable, because I was raising him, alone, at such a young age. I love who I am, and I'm very picky about people that I choose to be with. My boyfriend is wonderful with my son, there's some sort of bond there that I'm not even sure my son has with his own father. I really lucked out on this one.
Mary3 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 We are all in competition with everyone else at all times. Your view is naive and causes many people to become to comfortable in their relationships. You must remain on your toes at all times. Gotta give you that one Alpha ! Never trust someone * 100% * . I like your new avatar .
RecordProducer Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 What women want, JCARSEY....is a masculine man who is confident and dominant and won't take any crap from women. It depends on the woman and the situation, but no does not always mean no. Many times women will test a man to see what he does.Hm... you can be masculine and dominant without being an arogant ass. My husband (who, for those who don't know the story, came from the US to Europe just to meet me), kissed me and held me on the first day, but wasn't too touchy-feely. I had told him on the phone previously that no sex will happen on the first night. He said sex didn't have to happen at all during his entire visit if I didn't feel like it. Then he told me on the first day: "You better not come back to the (hotel) room tonight or I'll rape you!" Of course I came back. I came to bed and kissed him. He touched me and licked me for like an hour or so. Then he suggested we go to sleep. I made him go buy condoms instead! He was very masculine and assertive, but as you see I led the game.
RecordProducer Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 you guys spend way too much time talking about me With that face on, you remind me on someone!
amerikajin Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 This invariably circles back to the 'do women want jerks or nice guys?' question. I've always answered it by saying the following: women want nice guys who can be jerks when they have to be, even if it means being a jerk to her. The latter is an absolute must - the guy must have the ability to let that inner jerk come out once in a while just to remind the woman that he can dominate if he has to. It is simply a biological need for women to feel that their man can dominate them - which doesn't mean that they necessarily want to be dominated during the relationship. But a woman has to know that she's got masculinity at her side, and I'm sorry - throw all the p.c. crap out the window - take a look around and look at who runs the world. The fact is, men run it. Men have been running it since the dawn of humanity - because they were the stronger of the two genders. Men were the ones suited to go out and fight to defend the clan. Humanity has, since the dawn of our existence, divided labor and roles between the genders. Men went out to hunt and to fight to defend their turf; women gathered things for the abode and nurtured. Up until just a few decades ago, it was almost men who were exclusively in the military. Men are the stronger, more dominant sex. Men made the rules, women obeyed them. Roles are of course changing to fit the times, but even so, the changes are recent - women still instinctively want men to be the stronger, more dominant sex. Given a choice, women will choose the relatively harmless, non-abusive jerk over the super sensitive 'always there for you' nice guy who doesn't know how to make a decision or establish boundaries. Women need a guy who is generally well-mannered and even-tempered, but who can in a moment put them in their place and remind them that he is more dominant than she. Any woman who doesn't fit the above description must be a closet lesbian.
SmoochieFace Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I've always answered it by saying the following: women want nice guys who can be jerks when they have to be, even if it means being a jerk to her. The latter is an absolute must - the guy must have the ability to let that inner jerk come out once in a while just to remind the woman that he can dominate if he has to. Utter crap as it doesn't apply to all. Men who have a need to dominate do it out of fear and insecurity.
BrandonBP Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Originally Posted by ashnicole I don't have to remain on my toes. I trust my boyfriend completely & I know he's not going anywhere, and I have nothing to worry about. See, I have one of those RARE relationships. Yeah I had a rare relationship just like that recently. I trusted her completely had nothing to worry about either, that is, until she left me.
RecordProducer Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 This invariably circles back to the 'do women want jerks or nice guys?' question. I've always answered it by saying the following: women want nice guys who can be jerks when they have to be, even if it means being a jerk to her. The latter is an absolute must - the guy must have the ability to let that inner jerk come out once in a while just to remind the woman that he can dominate if he has to. It is simply a biological need for women to feel that their man can dominate them - which doesn't mean that they necessarily want to be dominated during the relationship. But a woman has to know that she's got masculinity at her side, and I'm sorry - throw all the p.c. crap out the window - take a look around and look at who runs the world. The fact is, men run it. Men have been running it since the dawn of humanity - because they were the stronger of the two genders. Men were the ones suited to go out and fight to defend the clan. Humanity has, since the dawn of our existence, divided labor and roles between the genders. Men went out to hunt and to fight to defend their turf; women gathered things for the abode and nurtured. Up until just a few decades ago, it was almost men who were exclusively in the military. Men are the stronger, more dominant sex. Men made the rules, women obeyed them. Roles are of course changing to fit the times, but even so, the changes are recent - women still instinctively want men to be the stronger, more dominant sex. Given a choice, women will choose the relatively harmless, non-abusive jerk over the super sensitive 'always there for you' nice guy who doesn't know how to make a decision or establish boundaries. Women need a guy who is generally well-mannered and even-tempered, but who can in a moment put them in their place and remind them that he is more dominant than she. Any woman who doesn't fit the above description must be a closet lesbian.It really bothers me how you guys relate "dominant" to "being a jerk"! Is it something like when a woman says that all sexy chicks are dumb because she's jealous? Dominance comes from inside, you can't fake it. When my husband tells me: "You don't worry about the car, I'll take care of it!" he's being dominant. My ex-husband would say: "I don't know, call the shop, what can I do?" How is that being a jerk vs. nice? Moreover when a dominant man is being nice, it's even more appreciated and sexy, because you know what's inside but he compromises that to please you. There's nothing uglier than seeing a nice guy (read: wimp) being a jerk and being proud of it.
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Women need a guy who is generally well-mannered and even-tempered, but who can in a moment put them in their place and remind them that he is more dominant than she. Yep....there must be some element of fear in her to respect her man and to submit fully to him. He should also be unpredictable at times to create excitement in her.
a4a Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Yep....there must be some element of fear in her to respect her man and to submit fully to him. He should also be unpredictable at times to create excitement in her. Sounds a tad bit more like slavery than a relationship..... what would be the unpredictable excitement? Suddenly out of the blue bitch slap her so she submits? :lmao: Last male that attempted to put fear in me met the action end of a fireplace poker...... it's called self defense.
alphamale Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Suddenly out of the blue bitch slap her so she submits? :lmao: verbal and emotional abuse works best since there are no laws against them and the wounds sometimes never heal. I don't recommend physical abuse or violence.
a4a Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 verbal and emotional abuse works best since there are no laws against them and the wounds sometimes never heal. I don't recommend physical abuse or violence. :lmao: Oh so you have to implode her self esteem to keep her...... because you don't offer enough good qualities to keep her..... I get it now. :lmao: Do you advise any of the following statements to help: You are a fat ugly slob I don't know what I ever saw in you but your lucky to have me you lazy stupid cow! You are not worthy to suck my penis, but I will let you this time. :lmao:
RecordProducer Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 what would be the unpredictable excitement? Suddenly out of the blue bitch slap her so she submits? :lmao: No... kick her in the ribs while passing by... just to let her know who the boss is! This is what we were told (in a joking manner) when we purchased out first rottweiller. Turned out we should've done it cuz the bastard of the dog started biting us and doing whatever he wanted. We ditched him later, but my mom still has scars from him on her arm and face. I find it very narcissistic to state that you have to pretend to be a jerk to keep the woman. I think we are all naturally jerky and bitchy enough, we don't need to try hard to add some more on top.
catgirl1927 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 :lmao: Oh so you have to implode her self esteem to keep her...... because you don't offer enough good qualities to keep her..... I get it now. :lmao: Do you advise any of the following statements to help: You are a fat ugly slob I don't know what I ever saw in you but your lucky to have me you lazy stupid cow! You are not worthy to suck my penis, but I will let you this time. :lmao: AM, if doing this works for you, I'm going to need to see a picture of the woman stupid enough to tolerate this. Seriously.
Sapiens Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 Sounds a tad bit more like slavery than a relationship..... what would be the unpredictable excitement? Suddenly out of the blue bitch slap her so she submits? :lmao: Last male that attempted to put fear in me met the action end of a fireplace poker...... it's called self defense. You are missing the point, it is a given a man can overpower a woman physically. Let me give you an unpredictable moment: Sapiens driving with his SO in a dark secluded place, then he tells her to drop her panties and get her Pu__Y really wet to please him! She trembles in anticipatory pleasure...... -Sapiens
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