Part 1 of my story (the beginning), and yes its long, sorry

[Sunshine32]

I have decided to start a thread with background information and then follow up with the individual issues. Any advice without understanding the background might be useless and I am seriously here to resolve and understand my issues. Sorry but this is going to be long once its done, lol. Here we go……..

 

I am 32 years old, educated (3 degrees), and have had 2 relationships before my current one. The first lasted 6 years, started when I was 18 and ended when she moved away. The second lasted 4 years and ended in summer 2003 when she was cheating on me for the second or third time. Both situations had problems but they were normal relationships more or less.

 

My GF is 25 years old, educated (3 degrees and currently working on her PhD) and she also has had 2 relationships, but her situation is very different from mine. She met her 1st BF during her junior year in college and initially wasn’t interested in him after pressure from him and her friends she decided to give him a chance. Two months into it she realized it wasn’t working out and attempted to break it off, but he never really left her alone and the relationship continued for 2 years. She had never kissed a guy before she had met him and he basically cornered her and forced himself on her. They never went out like a normal couple (movies, dinners, etc) but they saw each other frequently, she took him dinner to work and drove him home everyday. She never dated anyone else because he said it would hurt him too much yet he dated other girls. He was the type that would fight with her about which store she went to, how much she tipped at the car wash, etc etc. This continued for two years and their relationship was only physical, well as physical as it could be for a virgin, she is still a virgin. It ended just after graduation when he called her and told her he had found someone else. This was in the summer of 2003. Sometime after that she decided to post a few profiles on various dating sites. All of her dates since then have almost exclusively been people she has met online. Her second BF is one of these guys and they were together for 6 months, broke up in March 2005. Again it wasn’t a normal relationship. They basically met up once a week to have dinner and then went home. There were a few situations where they went to social gatherings or what not but basically that was it. This relationship ended because she didn’t have enough in common with the person, she cut the ties. Everyone else she has ever met hasn’t gotten passed a third date. I met her in June of 2005.

 

I am not into on line dating or meeting people online, no offense to anyone.

However, she found me online in some weird stroke of luck. Immediately we had a connection, intense chemistry. I never thought much of it and never had any intention to meet her in person. We chatted and had a good time. I had never chatted with a stranger and I found it very interesting to know someone new and have someone in my life who wasn’t really a part of my life. Two weeks after our initial conversation my family and I went out for dinner and she knew where I was going and as I sat there with my family she showed up with her friend at the same restaurant. I was very uncomfortable and freaked out a bit. Initially she denied it, eventually she caved and admitted it was her. I knew it was her the moment she walked in the door, it was obvious. At that point she was uneasy because I hadn’t behaved the way the rest of the guys she has met did. She is used to excessive attention, compliments, drooling, etc. She wasn’t sure where I stood so she started with her little games. She suggested that we only maintain an online friendship and never meet in person. Initially I agreed but soon there after I changed my mind and pursued her. She definitely played hard to get and at the time she was dating one of her on line matches. They had nothing in common (she has a LONG list of criteria) but at this point she was willing to give a chance and see if people would grow on her. We started spending more time together and eventually he was out of the picture.

 

Our connection is amazing, we can finish one another’s thoughts. I have had great relationships in the past but I never thought such a connection is possible. Even she will admit we have a great connection. She openly states that I am the most amazing person she has ever met and that I am the perfect BF. At this point anyone reading this is wondering how we could have issues, but its all downhill from here, lol.

 

When I first met her she portrayed herself to be very different than she actually is. The best example I have of this is her telling me about how it didn’t work out with some guy once because he suggested she lie to her parents and say she was going out of town with the girls but instead go with him. Her reply to him was if I want to go with you I don’t have to lie to my parents I will tell them where I am and who I am with, you don’t need to tell me how to lie to them. Well, eventually in our relationship the time and opportunity came for us to go out of town. As you can probably guess by now she couldn’t go, in fact she has told me she most likely can’t go anywhere with me until we are married. Clearly a contradiction from the image she painted of herself in the beginning. The reason we can’t go anywhere is because its not right, what would her parents think and more importantly what are her parents supposed to tell someone who asks where she is. By someone I mean the neighbor or aunt or uncle. You can now see how ridiculous this is getting when we have to worry about what the neighbor is going to ask or think. This is just one example of things that developed differently than she had suggested. Another example is her curfew, she always insisted she didn’t have one, and I guess she doesn’t have one imposed on her from her parents but she is home by midnight the latest almost anytime we are out. Even her parents start calling at 10:30-11ish to she where she is and when she is coming home.

 

I guess this is sufficient background information, slowly this saga will unfold on this forum and in the end I hope to understand what the problem and my mistakes were. At this point I don’t know if I want to salvage this relationship (I think I do) but I certainly want to know if I did anything wrong so I can avoid this in my future relationships.

 

I apologize if I wrote too much.

[Bullgator]

Thanks for the background, Sunshine. Hopefully you can tell us more specifically what your worries are, and folks can give you some feedback that will help you decide what to do.