allina Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 As some of you know from my whiny/sad posts I went through a recent breakup.Now I'm slowly dusting off and feeling better. I'm in college and I go out a lot therefore I meet a lot of people and get asked out a lot. Now, I'm not over my ex, but going out and meeting people sure helps. I actually have been out w/ a great guy 2 times now, but I am not at all interested in or ready to date someone. So how does one handle this? I enjoy hanging out but I don't want to start 'seeing' anyone. Should I say something?
Pyro Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 As some of you know from my whiny/sad posts I went through a recent breakup.Now I'm slowly dusting off and feeling better. I'm in college and I go out a lot therefore I meet a lot of people and get asked out a lot. Now, I'm not over my ex, but going out and meeting people sure helps. I actually have been out w/ a great guy 2 times now, but I am not at all interested in or ready to date someone. So how does one handle this? I enjoy hanging out but I don't want to start 'seeing' anyone. Should I say something? Yes. You definitely do not want to lead anyone on. This guy may or may already have developed some feelings for you. You need to let him know that you are not ready for anything serious.
Sunshine32 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Tough situation but he deserves to know. I think after spending more time with him you will acctually realize its much easier to get over your last BF and move on with this new guy. Hope it works out for you
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Yes. You definitely do not want to lead anyone on. This guy may or may already have developed some feelings for you. You need to let him know that you are not ready for anything serious. I don't want to lead anyone on, I'm a pretty thoughtful person, but I also don't want to jump on this guy with "I don't want anything serious" who knows if he does. I also don't want to bombard him wuth the whole ex bf speach. So I don't know what to say amd when to say it, but I think it's still too soon.
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Tough situation but he deserves to know. I think after spending more time with him you will acctually realize its much easier to get over your last BF and move on with this new guy. Hope it works out for you Thank you It is helping me, but that does not mean that I want to move on 'with' him. He's great and someone I would be interested in under normal conditions but I think that people do themselves a great disservice by jumping from one partner to another. I enjoy his company but I want to be completely unattached for a few months at least. How should I tell him?
Pyro Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I don't want to lead anyone on, I'm a pretty thoughtful person, but I also don't want to jump on this guy with "I don't want anything serious" who knows if he does. I also don't want to bombard him wuth the whole ex bf speach. So I don't know what to say amd when to say it, but I think it's still too soon. Just take things casually. When you see him, treat him like a friend. He may get the hint that you don't want anything serious with him, but if he attempts to make a move on you, then let him know that you are not ready. You don't have to mention anything about your ex, just tell him that you are not ready to date, thats all.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 if you want to date him then date him. if you don't want to or are not prepared emotionally then tell him this so as you don't waste his time and your time.
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Just take things casually. When you see him, treat him like a friend. Maybe already kissing him and holding his hand was not the best idea I think I will push things in a more friends only direction, and if he specifically asks then I'll explain about not being ready.
Pyro Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Maybe already kissing him and holding his hand was not the best idea I think I will push things in a more friends only direction, and if he specifically asks then I'll explain about not being ready. Not the best idea, but yes, if he does ask or if he tries to furhter pursue you romantically, then tell him. Chances are you will have some explaining to do.
alphamale Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Maybe already kissing him and holding his hand was not the best idea definately no penile penetrations I think I will push things in a more friends only direction, No...don't do the "friends" thing. Either you date him romantically or if you're not interested then don't see him at all. Or you could tell him you may want to get togehter in 3 or 4 months to see how you feel.
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 if you want to date him then date him. if you don't want to or are not prepared emotionally then tell him this so as you don't waste his time and your time. You're right on about the wasting his time thing, it's not wasting mine though because I'm having fun and getting over my ex. I want to date him as in hang out, go on the occasional date, but I dont want to date date, hah if that even makes sense. And Riddler, thanks for all the replies I hope I won't end up w/ having too much explaining to do
Pyro Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 You're right on about the wasting his time thing, it's not wasting mine though because I'm having fun and getting over my ex. I want to date him as in hang out, go on the occasional date, but I dont want to date date, hah if that even makes sense. And Riddler, thanks for all the replies I hope I won't end up w/ having too much explaining to do Your welcome. If you explain where you stand and he still wants to be around, then his time is not being wasted. You are in control of this situation. the amount of explaining is up to you.
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 definately no penile penetrations No...don't do the "friends" thing. Either you date him romantically or if you're not interested then don't see him at all. Or you could tell him you may want to get togehter in 3 or 4 months to see how you feel. I don't mean the whole "lets just be friends thing" I like to do dancing with him, I enjoy kissing him, he's hot. I just want him to know that it will not move past that, at least not for a long time. I'm just gonna tell him, f*ck it And no penile fun of any sort will be going on
j.carsey Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I don't mean the whole "lets just be friends thing" I like to do dancing with him, I enjoy kissing him, he's hot. I just want him to know that it will not move past that, at least not for a long time. I'm just gonna tell him, f*ck it And no penile fun of any sort will be going on grrr I've been on the receiving end of this mindset, girls who think I can't handle this And why exactly can't you keep making out with him? As long as he knows you're not looking for a relationship... as a man he can probably handle physical intimacy without a relationship mindset better than you can. You're just worrying he's thinking "we're dating". I think he's less likely to think that than you are. Or maybe you're really worried about how your mind will change about the situation? Fear of pleasure? Why not at least put the ball in his court? If he can't handle having fun, then he will stop seeing you.
j.carsey Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 it's not wasting mine though because I'm having fun and getting over my ex omg I'm sorry for all my bitterness on this topic (I'm in similar issuse) but look at what you wrote this is so right on. YOU ARE HAVING FUN. Fantastic! why on earth do you want to deprive yourself of fun? Just because you worry it might get out of hand? And I'll read into this a bit more, here is what I strongly predict... if you get rid of this guy, you're still going to be seeking fun so you'll still be picking up guys and dragging them along for a bit. Maybe some one night stands am I right? If you're having fun, and he's having fun, WHY KILL THE PARTY? Just make sure you communicate your situation. Or do you prefer to just go through a large number of new guys, the hassle of meeting them, the danger of abuse/disease/reputation... all because you are WORRIED this guy can't handle having fun with you. again I speak from the perspective of someone who is specifically in the situation of your guy friend you describe
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 grrr I've been on the receiving end of this mindset, girls who think I can't handle this And why exactly can't you keep making out with him? As long as he knows you're not looking for a relationship... as a man he can probably handle physical intimacy without a relationship mindset better than you can. You're just worrying he's thinking "we're dating". I think he's less likely to think that than you are. Or maybe you're really worried about how your mind will change about the situation? Fear of pleasure? Why not at least put the ball in his court? If he can't handle having fun, then he will stop seeing you. You COMPLETELY misunderstood my entire post. I in NO way think that he can't "handle" this, or that he thinks that we are dating. What I was asking about is whether I should bring up my situation, if so when and how. I never said that I could not stop kissing him, I simply said that he was very attractive and that I enjoyed it. I have no idea what you are trying to say by asking if I "fear pleasure"
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Maybe some one night stands am I right? If you're having fun, and he's having fun, WHY KILL THE PARTY? Just make sure you communicate your situation. Or do you prefer to just go through a large number of new guys, the hassle of meeting them, the danger of abuse/disease/reputation... all because you are WORRIED this guy can't handle having fun with you. again I speak from the perspective of someone who is specifically in the situation of your guy friend you describe Ok now you sound STUPID, and NO you are not right about "some one night stands" This thread has nothing to do w/ sex so don't assume anything about my sex life. You are misunderstanding my entire post so please either reread it or stop responding, and being rude
johan Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 And no penile fun of any sort will be going on Sure! Of course there won't... Don't overanalyze it. You don't have to bring it up just to unload your conscience. I mean sure maybe if he weeps outside your door regularly. But why don't you just see how things go before you go trying to lay out boundaries. If he wants a definition, he'll make that more than clear to you. Just respect his feelings and be consistent. Don't act like you're deeply in love with him one day and then blow him off the next.
j.carsey Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Ok now you sound STUPID, and NO you are not right about "some one night stands" This thread has nothing to do w/ sex so don't assume anything about my sex life. You are misunderstanding my entire post so please either reread it or stop responding, and being rude Fair enough. Not the first time I've been stupid. Also I am not literally implying sex when I say "one night stand", I'm talking about the motions people go through (cuddly, kissy, whatever) when they like to pretend they are with someone when they really are not. To answer your original question then, yes I would suggest explaining your situation to him
Author allina Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 Sure! Of course there won't... LOL I'm serious! But what I really mean is not that I think he's falling for me or anything, I'm just curious to know if there is a set time/number of dates type of thing where it should be made clear or if it's okay to just date someone, seeing them twice a week or so. I'm not going to stop seeing him I'm just not sure if I should be totally blunt or just let it be. Also this is about dating after a breakup in general not just one guy.
j.carsey Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Be blunt, otherwise you're leading him on towards something he can not reasonably be expected to guess on his own (he is not a mindreader)
LN8840K Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 But why don't you just see how things go before you go trying to lay out boundaries. If he wants a definition, he'll make that more than clear to you. Just respect his feelings and be consistent. Don't act like you're deeply in love with him one day and then blow him off the next. truer words have never been spoken, I was in a situation like this once, you have no clue whether you're being led on, a back up guy or what. It became quite annoying having everything defined and not being able to enjoy the moment, and not only did a relationship not develop, eventually her need to control ruined a potential friendship as well.
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