RealityCheck Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Back to the original question. I'm ashamed to say, we did sleep on their bed. Once I was in their house he didn't stop touching me so we did it practically everywhere. I didn't have the intention of having anything more than dinner with him and that was all. Now that I think back, I want to throw up. Damn!!! I adore your honesty Zara!
zarathustra Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Damn!!! I adore your honesty Zara! with my xMM, I don't know what happened to me. It like all the things I've ever believed in and all the values I've tried to live up to went out the window. I think that one good thing though is that I've become a much less judgemental person and have learned to empathize with many situations.
Author scarletletter Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 There are certain OW's that perceive any opposite opinion other than theirs an attack or a bash I certainly don't see where Alpha bashed anyone.. Instead I have seen 2 people bash Alpha for having an opinion Whatever! It was not an opposite opinion that she/he gave me...it was a question and I answered it. I also have lots of opinions, but I am too nice of a person to air them publicly.
Author scarletletter Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 Back to the original question. I'm ashamed to say, we did sleep on their bed. Once I was in their house he didn't stop touching me so we did it practically everywhere. I didn't have the intention of having anything more than dinner with him and that was all. Now that I think back, I want to throw up. Today I am feeling like crap because I gave in and went to his house yesterday. Although nothing happened, it clearly was not a place for me to be. I guess I screwed up AGAIN!! Oh well, I learned alot during that visit and now the W is more real to me. That may make me come to my senses but I seriously doubt it. I don't have a good history of coming to my senses.
RealityCheck Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Today I am feeling like crap because I gave in and went to his house yesterday. Although nothing happened, it clearly was not a place for me to be. I guess I screwed up AGAIN!! Oh well, I learned alot during that visit and now the W is more real to me. That may make me come to my senses but I seriously doubt it. I don't have a good history of coming to my senses. Hey SL..... Can I ask you what is it that you really felt when you were in their house. I do believe I know in an instant what I would feel and that is why I would not go in thier home. Do you want to open this up as a discussion?
Author scarletletter Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 Probably would be a good idea to open this up as a discussion, but I will tell you now how I felt. It felt like I was in a different world where I clearly did not belong. He kept reassuring me that it was HIS house and I did not need to feel bad. It's not that I felt bad, just uncomfortable. I saw pictures of his boys and a couple of the wife...I was seriously upset. I shouldn't have done it but I did. He just kept showing me improvements that he had made in the house, just like I was one of his buddies that had come over. It was an odd and strange feeling to see the bedroom, the kid's room, etc. The strangest things made me feel crazy...like sticky notes on the fridge with her writing to remind her of appointments, etc. I felt like I was the mistress in my MM's home...which duh, that is exactly what I was. I saw her clothes hanging in the laundry room...that was the worst of it all. I can only imagine how she would feel if she knew I was there...invading her space. I do not recommend this for anyone.
RealityCheck Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Probably would be a good idea to open this up as a discussion, but I will tell you now how I felt. It felt like I was in a different world where I clearly did not belong. He kept reassuring me that it was HIS house and I did not need to feel bad. It's not that I felt bad, just uncomfortable. I saw pictures of his boys and a couple of the wife...I was seriously upset. I shouldn't have done it but I did. He just kept showing me improvements that he had made in the house, just like I was one of his buddies that had come over. It was an odd and strange feeling to see the bedroom, the kid's room, etc. The strangest things made me feel crazy...like sticky notes on the fridge with her writing to remind her of appointments, etc. I felt like I was the mistress in my MM's home...which duh, that is exactly what I was. I saw her clothes hanging in the laundry room...that was the worst of it all. I can only imagine how she would feel if she knew I was there...invading her space. I do not recommend this for anyone. Boy!! I do believe I would feel everything you felt. Also, I want to add; I do believe my "idea" of my perception of my MM would change alot! I only see him in a world of the "best of each other". If I actually got a glimpse into his real world, I do feel my "idea" of who is is would change quite a bit. Did you feel that at all LS???
lovernotafighter Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I know that's how I felt when he "accidentally" wore his wedding ring in front of me..I seriously felt like I wanted to throw up. I have my MM's home address and as stalkerish as this sounds I am thinking tomorrow I'm going to do a drive by and look at the house for a dose of reality..because I went back a thousand paces this past weak..the ring thing made me break contact before I'm guess the will make me quit my job or something.
Author scarletletter Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Now, not only do I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I also have a feeling that he won't ever leave her because she is so pathetic and not able to deal with anything that causes conflict. I could be wrong, I know he is truly miserable with her but not enough to leave his boys. His boys mean more to him than i do, as they should and I am dealing with the fact that it will be years until they are on their own...6 to be exact. Still haunted by the house visit. Still madly in love with him. What a sick feeling.
zarathustra Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Now, not only do I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I also have a feeling that he won't ever leave her because she is so pathetic and not able to deal with anything that causes conflict. I could be wrong, I know he is truly miserable with her but not enough to leave his boys. His boys mean more to him than i do, as they should and I am dealing with the fact that it will be years until they are on their own...6 to be exact. Still haunted by the house visit. Still madly in love with him. What a sick feeling. SL, I know how you feel. And my xMM has 11 more years until the youngest turns 18. He has no intention of leaving even though he feels empty because when he is gone he will still feel empty because he would worry about them. He would miss them when they are not around. He would miss not being part of their lives 100% of the time. I've lived those nights when I held him when he cried because he missed them so much. I don't want to see it ever again because it feels so horrible to see a man feel like he's lost his children and his way of life.
dontbfooled Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 ive been to his house a few times. the first time i actually had dinner with him, his wife, and 3 kids. (we were working on a project together / we were business partners) It was soooo uncomfortable sitting at that dinner table. Another time I was there when she was out of town. Again, business-related work we did in his office. We've had sex in the living room and his office. I slept over ONCE. In their bed. We did NOTHING in that bed and I had bad dreams the entire night. I would have much rather have slept on the floor in the living room or something. She had a picture of them on her bedside table which is that last thing I looked at before I fell asleep. Another time, I actually saw wedding pictures. I wanted to vomit. NOTHING WILL MAKE YOU FEEL MORE CHEAP THAN GOING TO YOUR MM HOUSE. I DO NOT RECOMMEND IT. YOU WOULD NOT WANT SOME WOMAN IN YOUR HOME/BED IF YOU WERE MARRIED. I totally regret it and the whole drive home after leaving I was sick to my stomach. In fact, the whole affair in general makes me sick to my stomach now. But it's like a drug. Or rather, he is.
RealityCheck Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Now, not only do I have a sick feeling in the pit of my stomach, I also have a feeling that he won't ever leave her because she is so pathetic and not able to deal with anything that causes conflict. I could be wrong, I know he is truly miserable with her but not enough to leave his boys. His boys mean more to him than i do, as they should and I am dealing with the fact that it will be years until they are on their own...6 to be exact. Still haunted by the house visit. Still madly in love with him. What a sick feeling. You know SL... As a Mother, I can walk away from anything with the EXCEPTION of my children. If my exH had the power to keep the children, I must confess I would have stayed in a very unfulfilled marriage to be with my children. Definately I would have had an Affair for many reasons I am sure, and could very well have fallen in love with another, so I can see why and how affairs happen. I also believe your MM does love you and he really must be living his own secret war. How can't he be! Because I was able to take my children I didn't have to go that route.
Author scarletletter Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 You know SL... As a Mother, I can walk away from anything with the EXCEPTION of my children. If my exH had the power to keep the children, I must confess I would have stayed in a very unfulfilled marriage to be with my children. Definately I would have had an Affair for many reasons I am sure, and could very well have fallen in love with another, so I can see why and how affairs happen. I also believe your MM does love you and he really must be living his own secret war. How can't he be! Because I was able to take my children I didn't have to go that route. That is exactly how I feel...exactly. I know he is so unhappy in is world and that is what drove him to me and I to him. I am also in a world of hell in my marriage but I know I will get my child if I leave. MM just cannot put his own needs before his childrens. It is heartbreaking and very selfish of me to want him in a way that I cannot have him, because his kids need him more. He is the strong one in the family for them, the most influential and supportive and I think he is afraid of what will happen to them if he were to leave them at the age they are now. I accept it, but I don't like not being with him. I am so emotional about this right now. I think that I have some thinking to do. I have never in my life felt this way about anyone and I know he feels the same. I know I am not the first person in this situation nor will I be the last, but it doesn't make it any less painful to love someone so much that has so many other obligations and responsibilites.
RealityCheck Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 That is exactly how I feel...exactly. I know he is so unhappy in is world and that is what drove him to me and I to him. I am also in a world of hell in my marriage but I know I will get my child if I leave. MM just cannot put his own needs before his childrens. It is heartbreaking and very selfish of me to want him in a way that I cannot have him, because his kids need him more. He is the strong one in the family for them, the most influential and supportive and I think he is afraid of what will happen to them if he were to leave them at the age they are now. I accept it, but I don't like not being with him. I am so emotional about this right now. I think that I have some thinking to do. I have never in my life felt this way about anyone and I know he feels the same. I know I am not the first person in this situation nor will I be the last, but it doesn't make it any less painful to love someone so much that has so many other obligations and responsibilites. No, SL it doesn't make it any less painful when there are genuine feelings involved. This is where you have to decide "what it is" that you are prepared to live with. For me, I CAN live with my situtation. Why? Because I do know what I want and what we have I can live with. Should things change, I will deal with it when it comes. For me, its that simple. My MM is very emotionally abused by his W and he too adores his child but in todays world, Mothers do carry most of the rights to the children. He is miserable in his marriage and makes no bones about it! Quite frankly so is his W, but she is there for the cha....ching!!! Heck! It wouldn't surprise me if she was having her own A. And; Like I'm supposed to feel "responsible" for that! NOT!
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