Guest Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Nearly two weeks ago, the man I've been seeing casually for the last year announced that a) he had stopped dating others because he didn't feel like seeing other people b) expressed uncharacteristic jealousy over other men I might be seeing c) in great agony told me that he felt we were only "comfort food" to each other and that he respected and valued me too much to continue. Then he proceeded to ask me not to return his emails, that he needed a few days and he would call or he might not call for six months. Prior to these admissions, he had asked me "What I was thinking?" as I snuggled up against him. A common question from him that I answer truthfully, "Nothing." All I'm doing at that point is feeling and enjoying him. This wasn't supposed to be a serious relationship. We like each other a lot both in and out of bed. We can talk for hours about something or nothing, and I'm thrilled when we are together. Sometimes he says things that mean so much to me that I would have never expected to hear from another person. But he's 28 and I'm 35. He's been engaged a couple times but doesn't feel quite ready to settle down. I've never put any pressure on him or addressed a future. He has alternatively alluded to a future and also to the NSA nature of our relationship. I'm devastated in a way that has completely caught me off guard. I find myself crying constantly. I've been through a divorce and other painful breakups, but I've never cried like this. I did email him since I would like to continue as a part of his life even if it is as friends. I expressed that I adored him and cared for him. He has not responded. That's the best summary of a complex relationship I can give. I dont know if I should contact him again and be a bit more direct about my feelings or if I should just move on.
garnet Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 You left him the one email and clearly stated your feelings. Doing any more will just drive him further away. Whatever you do, no matter how hard it is, DO NOT contact him. He will not have a chance to reevaluate or miss you if he knows that you are there waiting for him. Focus on yourself and your self respect. And read everything you can find on the boards about NC. You can do it. Good luck.
Bullgator Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I agree with Garnet. You have already made your feelings very clear. His lack of response is (painfully) your answer. Time for a change of focus.
Guest Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 It's so humiliating to admit that I don't know if I can do the NC thing or not. Advice from my friends has been the opposite. They feel I should call and get an absolute confirmation. They felt I should have used a more strong armed approach immediately. Part of me thinks if its over anyways what more damage could it really cause? I just hate having one eye on my email and one on my cell phone all day. I can't convince myself that's he not going to contact me. So I wait. I just haven't been this undone in a long time and the strength of my grief is overwhelming.
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 If he's gonna MISS you and want you back...... it'l be because you havent contacted him. If you contact him again and again..... it allows him to ween his way off you slowly. BANG...... NO CONTACT!...... hit him with it. See if he can cope!!! Push Pull theory. if you push him, he'll pull away. A girl in your face is not attractive neither is one thats annoying you. its almost a form of "NAGGING" men cant stand this. In fact in the middle ages women were severly punished for it, IT WAS LAW! Truely (i know some of you are laughing but its true) Anyway, back to topic..... Don't contact him. You need to him to believe that you can get on without him. Even if your not. Be seen by him to be out socially and busy as hell. If he contacts you,....... wait...... dont call or text or whatever back straight away. Good luck, let us know how you go OK. Chin up.
trillium Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Thanks for the advice and support. I'm reading through these boards, and it's helping me keep things in perspective, one of the better returns on my Google searches. So I decided to go ahead and become a member. I know the healthiest focus I can have is that things are going to be fine. It's just hard to hold on to that vision. I did manage to maintain a pretty healthy friendship with my ex during and after our divorce in a way that seems uncharacteristic. Our lulls in conversation were not forced by a declaration of NC. We just naturally seemed to take downtime without a lot of fanfare. But perhaps he feels differently, I'll have to ask him next time.
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