Guest Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Posts: n/a What does he want from me? I met this guy at work. he is not my boss, but I work with him a lot on projects.... and He is 12 years older than I am and we are both married.... the whole thing started when he went on a busines trip to Italy.. He imed me and told me he is all alone, and I am not there (I speak italian)....I thought that was cute... then he came back and gave me (only me) a label from a beer bottle that was a local brew from a town where I was born.... That was so sweet, i thought.... Then I went to Italy on buisness, he called me at 6am his time to check in to see if I was checked in the hotel.... I was so touched by his kindness.... I am buying him coffee and lunches whenever I get one.....because I started to like him..... Then one time, he tickled my feet.... and he did it again a few days later... I put my feet on his chair between his legs..... instead of telling me that I am out of line.. he actually moved his chair forward and continued our conversation.... one time at the parking lot, I took his car keys away and won't give back to him, then he took my car keys and put in his front jean pocket... I have to put my hand in and fish it out.... I talked him quite a lot, espeically on the way home and i would call him or he would just call me and we talk about work and about nothing.... I don't know what is going on.... I can't keep him out of my mind.... I felt like he likes me more than just a someone he works with...... What does he want? I am trying to resign my job and get his behind me.. but I can't.. I think I might be in love with him... What do I do?
Guest Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Posts: n/a Run away--don't walk! Run as far as you can before you start something that you can not stop! Believe me! I know. What started as fun and flirty has now turned into a 7 month affair that is making me sick. Get out before you get more attached.
norajane Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 You aren't in love; you're flattered by the attention and flirtation. He makes you feel attractive. Step back from this relationship, because you like the attention too much, you are already crossing touching boundaries, and he is too much on your mind. How do you feel about your marriage? Your husband?
Guest Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I love my husband, but not in love with him anymore.....he and I are the same age, so he does not pay attention and take care of me like my co worker does (like a dad sometime) especialy when on a trip.... yes, we were on a trip together.... he took care of me..... he hated when I am moody... i was in his room past midnight twice.... i gave him a backmassage with his shirt on... he then say he needs to take a shower, so i told him i am leaving and then left.... he was on vacation and so was I in two different times within a month....just one day out of the month, he and I both will be in office.... I told him that i will not come in office to see him, but he made it difficult for me not too becaue I have a project to talk to him about.... when asked him if he has time to meet???? he cleared his aftnoon schedule just for me.... so he got to see me... is this just flirting, or he want something from me? I fall for him so much that I am about to drop $800 to buy him a watch for just because. i don't want him..... i actually like him being happy with his wife......it takes presssure off me... i just like him.... i want to do something nice for him.... am i crazy? I want to run away from him, so I take business trip a lot to be out of sight and out of mind... but it never works because he alway call to see hi and check in to see how am i doing.....
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Posts: n/a 1. What does he want from me? 2. What do I do? 1. Pardon the expression, but what he wants is to get into your pants. I doubt you are the first, either. 2. Turn and walk away. Any other alternative is going to end badly. You may want to take a good long look at your marriage - what is missing there that allowed this to happen with this guy? Do you want to find that feeling with your husband? Are you ready for a divorce?
pricillia Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 ah the question what do I do, I aksed myself the same question and did not listen to my answer and now... well I got involved and know that I deserve more from a relationship... can not even call it a relationship. Go out and try to meet someone else...you don't want to give in to him and let him get closer before it is too late try to put some distance between the two of you, you will get hurt like many of us OW have before it is painfull, and wrong to get involved with another womans man what would we do if the shoe was on the other foot??? It would suck for us
Guitar Wizard Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Well, Cheating is Ba'dong. Think about your husband and such, your married, he's married, this is NOT a good situation to get involved with. So, do the right thing, walk away before your in too deep. This guy is quicksand, stick with him too long and he'll consume you.
2sunny Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Go out and try to meet someone else...you don't want to give in to him and let him get closer before it is too late try to put some distance between the two of you, you will get hurt like many of us OW have before it is painfull, and wrong to get involved with another womans man what would we do if the shoe was on the other foot??? May I point out that SHE is ALSO married! Run! Do not go down this road unless you want to make yourself miserable... Work on making your marriage better!
Guest Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 I tried and tried.... I even quit the job once and my boss refused..... i told him that i am sick of working and i want to quit... he said just go find a job in italy, and he will come to visit me.... or find a job that rquires to travel to italy, he and i can sync our schedule... i am new to this company and he has been there for a while... he has no reputation of being hitting on someone that he work with..... i tried to go cross line, so he can tell me to stop....but he never does.. I gave him back massages from his shoulder to his tail bone, he never said stop... i masssaged his head and messed up his hair, he never said stop...... I want him to tell me.... I like him so much..... because no guys in my life say things or do things taht show me that they really cares, that include my husband who will never growp up..... my father was never around and i miss that attention from an older man, a father figure in my life...... he happens fill the avoid that I had in my life, not 100%, but 10%..... that means a lot to me.... i would ask him for advice on work and sometime personal stuff (rarely personal), he always speak to me with authority... and I follow..... again, don't get me wrong.. I would never divorce my husband because I love him, but I don't get that fatherly love from him becasue he and I are the same age...... also, whenever he complains about this wife... I would always take his wife's side...... and said he is deserves of her yelling at him beause he always late.... or she calls him too often, I would say she loves you... that's way.... Am i conflicting myself here? that's why I really want to buy him a nice watch for just because and his 50th is coming up.....
movinon05 Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Why do you ask what this guy wants from you? I have to ask, what do you want from him? You put your feet between his legs, you put your hands down his pocket, you give him full body massages. You want to buy him an $800 watch????? Yet, you say you want him to stop you???? You sound like you want more, not less!! Do you really need a father figure partner as well as your husband partner? I don't get this at all.
whichwayisup Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Your boss cannot forbid you to quit. PERIOD. You let him talk you into staying. again, don't get me wrong.. I would never divorce my husband because I love him, but I don't get that fatherly love from him becasue he and I are the same age...... Because of this (and don't take this the wrong way) I think you need to sort out some issues from your past involving your father. Relationships are not meant to become "fatherly" and if you're looking for a father figure, fine - But keep it PLANTONIC - NOT SEXUAL.
Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Very true-- all of you are right......the thing is I dont know what i want from him.... if he comes to me and told me that he really wants me and love me.... i would turn around and run.... that's not what i want..... i have never felt this way beofre...... i want him, but not in a sexual way (that was a back massage only, not a full body..)... I want him to hold me tight, that's all..... yes, I have issues with my father...... that is the main reason that pumped me fall for him..... He really started the whole thing as I was never even acknowleaged him until he started being sweet and nice to me..... i am confused as ever been before..... i want things back to normal.. I want him to treat me the way he treats people that reports to him...... i want to buy him something nice becuae his major b-d coming up and his watch happens to be broken.. so instead of buying it for his bd, i decided to get it for now.... i muled over and over and over and over if i should spend 850 on a watch for him..... I want nothing back from him.... I just like him and want to do something nice for him.... yes, just got back and bought the watch.... but i am so scared to give it to him... i have bought gifts for him before..... expensive restaurant gift cert.......vodka and set of martini glasses..... cartier business card holder....all quite expensice... he has accepted all..... but this watch is way to expensice than any of the above.... i don't know if i should give it to him if all i want is for him to be happy......
norajane Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 i tried to go cross line, so he can tell me to stop....but he never does.. I gave him back massages from his shoulder to his tail bone, he never said stop... i masssaged his head and messed up his hair, he never said stop...... I want him to tell me.... Clearly, he won't tell you, and is likely to encourage you. You have to stop on your own because crossing those lines is wrong. It's disrespetful to your husband, whom you love, and to his wife who loves HER husband. This is not right. Stop pushing the boundaries or you will end up having sex. again, don't get me wrong.. I would never divorce my husband because I love him, but I don't get that fatherly love from him becasue he and I are the same age...... Then you must stop what you are doing with this other man. Because if your husband finds out, he will be very, very hurt, and it could lead easily lead to divorce. Then you will have no one...not your husband, and not the man at work - he will stay with his wife. Do not take the chance of hurting your husband like this. Am i conflicting myself here? that's why I really want to buy him a nice watch for just because and his 50th is coming up..... Ack! No watch! You cannot give this man gifts! If you feel the need to buy a man gifts and spend $800, give it to your husband.
norajane Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 i want things back to normal.. I want him to treat me the way he treats people that reports to him...... If you really want this, then you have to stop this, immediately. You are not treating him like a colleague at all. i want to buy him something nice becuae his major b-d coming up and his watch happens to be broken.. so instead of buying it for his bd, i decided to get it for now.... i muled over and over and over and over if i should spend 850 on a watch for him..... I want nothing back from him.... I just like him and want to do something nice for him.... yes, just got back and bought the watch.... but i am so scared to give it to him... i have bought gifts for him before..... expensive restaurant gift cert.......vodka and set of martini glasses..... cartier business card holder....all quite expensice... he has accepted all..... but this watch is way to expensice than any of the above.... i don't know if i should give it to him if all i want is for him to be happy......
movinon05 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 You want him to be a father figure to you, but fathers don't do sexually explicit things with their daughters. And daughters don't do sexual things with their fathers. He cannot be both to you. This man cannot give you what you need. And how is he supposed to explain away all these gifts you give him to his W? You are headed down a very bad road. A watch is not going to "make him happy". He may like it and all but you say you just want him to be happy. Happiness cannot be bought with gifts.
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I think you need to focus this energy into your husband and fix your marriage. Seeking a certain intimacy with another man, father figure or not, isn't right. Even more so because you work with him. The lines are being crossed and it's completely inappropriate AT WORK. If you don't stop this now, you will become obsessed and it will ruin your career and reputation at work. Get some one on one counselling. Talk to your husband about these issues too. Don't involve this MM, your boss, in your life and your problems. And for your own sanity, you need to emotionally detach from him as well. (The MM, not your husband.)
Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 u r right... i know what i am doing is wrong.....like i said, i tried to serious, almost cold.. not responding to his tesases... and travel more.... but each time, i fail because when he look at me.... the gaze from him.... i just don't know what to do..... i like him.... really really like him.... he let me throw temper tatrum at him... he would try to make me laugh becuase i am in a bad mood..... one time, i was so stressed out.... i called him and cried over the phone.... he asked if everything at home is alright... if i need him to be with me... I said thank you... then he said if you need me, call...... i don't know if he only trying to be nice, or want something else......i want to know how to deal with him..... knowing what he really wants from me really going to help me to end this...... thank you all for helping me to sort this ......
Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 yes... the difficult part is to be emotionally detached from him..... btw, he is not my boss...... he is a boss to some other group.... i work with him almost exclusivly on all my projects..... that's way i got to know him and vice versa..... the way he look at me... smile at me..... i am a such a SUCKER. I talked to my husband about him.... i told my husband that i don't know why i like him so much... i talked about him often at home.... all my husband said is that whatever you do, just be careful......
whichwayisup Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 all my husband said is that whatever you do, just be careful...... Your husband's reply. What do you think he meant by that? I know exactly what he's talking about but I want to see if you're understanding. I commend your husband because the fact that you talk about the other guy at home alot, you've admitted that you like him too, to your husband means that he (your husband) trusts you NOT to cross the line with this guy. This is how you detach. Stop thinking about him daily. Don't involve yourself in his life, meaning the less you know about him, the less you'll care. Don't tell him everything that's going on in your life, that way he won't ask. I know you can't do this all at once, but when your mind drifts, change your thought pattern to your husband. Eventually you'll just realize you aren't thinking of him as much.
stillafool Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Guest, you keep talking about you need a father figure. Do you have a father-in-law? He is now your father. Tell your husband that you need a father and would like that relationship with his dad. I bet they both will be touched. Don't try to make a father figure out of this man when his attention towards you is anything but fatherly. Leave him alone now and whatever you do do not give him that watch. What if your husband found out you gave this guy a $850 watch. What do you think this guy's wife will think or feel? Stop acting like his personal assistant and picking up his lunch and doing things for him. You as a colleague needs to gain back your respect or start looking for another job.
Guest Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 My father in law is too selffish. he is not Ia good father to my husband either.... he is too busy in his own little world.... I have not give him the gift..... I really wanted to give him like a gift to a good friend or a dad..... I so much want to give it to him because I can't return it..... my husband already have the same watch...... I know, I am stupid and I am making a mistake..... My brain tells me so, my heart tells me otherwise....
norajane Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I so much want to give it to him because I can't return it..... my husband already have the same watch...... If you can't return it, you can donate it to a charity, or sell it on eBay. Giving it to him isn't your only option.
Guest Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 [quote=norajane) will do.... thank you all for your advice....
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