imperialpilotx Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 hello, my name is Don. hmm just got broken up with after 2.5 years. She wants some alone time, space, you know how it goes. didnt know if temporary or forever. Obviously first day very emotional, 2nd day too... but now im playing it smart. my feeling are, we just were too strong for it to be done. That is why it does not feel right.. but thats why I am using my intelligence, instead of my emotions to go about this. So this is what I did so far.. and plan on doing. her reasons have to do with me being stubborn, and once you hear it all it makes you realize it. With things like, being romantic and formal dates we havent had.. the fact that i am working on both my cars, and she has had to cartme around.. and feels like " mom" because I am very dependent on her. so she was saying how she is miserable. So thursday i talked to her and asked to go to the park, but i was using my friends car, to pick her up instead of her getting me, and i said it like. ill pick you up at 8. she said she didnt think we should hang out yet.. alls i said was ok in a very respectful and understanding way. She got me these coupons for valentines day, called "katie coupons" you know things like, movie night, 1 free back massage, but one said 1 free wish. stupidly i mentioned them to her the day of the break up. yes stupidly, because i was using my emotions not my other parts of the brain. She had said " theyre expired". We both work at Lowe's, she works at the front desk. Friday, I had put the coupon in her locker.. well thursday i did, but she got it friday at like 6am. I wrote on the back, " Just hold on, Our love has no expiration, Forever yours faithfully, - Don" ( Journey forever yours faithfully was like our song) I didnt call her the whole day, and the two times i walked by the front desk i didnt even look at her, and just acted completely fine and unbothered. I even did my hair how she liked it and just made myself look good. I know thats "tampering with her" but im not forcing her.. so im letting her feelings do their own thing. Today she talked to me again at work, because i became an uncle last night, so she asked about the baby, and i told her. Then I had walked by the front desk just having a good time laughing and joking with this guy i work with in the back, once again acting like im so happy or i dunno just normal. Then I saw her in the break room with her head down.. looked like crying that or she stopped as soon as I got in, and asked her whats wrong. She said she was tired blah blah blah, talked for a bit about a couple of things I guess she said, alls shes been doing is sleeping when she is home and how when she gets home from work she just sleeps... Obviously she is hurt. I asked her, if she threw that thing away i put in her locker, she said no.. and i just kind of said oh sorry about that, and she just gave me this look. I just HAD to know lol. Then when I left work early i had mentioned something about someone else me know that made her smile and i just left. But this is my plan as of yesterday, and am glad to see that things are friendly and that she has love wounds right now. If you read about me being stubborn this and that.. kind of losing that romanticism.. this is what I am going to do. Within the next couple weeks, I am planning on buying 2 tickets to disney world. We also wanted to go to cedar point. So what I might ask her is this, IF i can get her to hang out or however i do this. We have wanted to go to disney world, our entire relationship.. So I think it is VERY symbolic. we love amusment parks.. so it means more than just somewhere to go. Also one of the reasons she was mad, because I had to pay for doing things on my cars, and wouldnt afford disney this summer.. " so would you still like to go to cedar point this summer ?" (something like that) Then say, "Well I have a better Idea, and whip out 2 tickets to disney world.. Then say ... "This is what I want my 1 free wish to be" ( that coupon I put in her locker). Obviously my intentions are to have a re-spark, while still giving space for now until i know how she takes it. I think it will show the sacrifice and showing that I still am the person who she sees and originally met. Maybe it will backfire ? I dont know. But if I know her, and keep doing what im doing now, like not bugging her and what not.. I think it may work somehow. I am willing to go to these lengths for her. Like I said I am using intelligence, not emotion. Do you think I am a fool ? or guys could learn something from me ? I know every relationship is different, and its hard to tell since none of you obviously know us or her. But any help I would love.
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Do you think I am a fool ? Yes .. but when we are in love we do the stupidist things and when we look back we shake our head.. We have all done it.. many times in fact Do not buy the disney tickets.. You are not respecting her wish for time alone.. She can't miss you if you keep shoving yourself in front of her face and in the end she will just hate you Back off.. give her time and stop putting things in her locker at work.. that will in the end come back and bite you in the ass.. Work on yourself.. get a new hobby and let some time pass
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 17, 2006 Author Posted June 17, 2006 Yeah I have thought about that, but that Is why I am saying, wait to see how things go.. and i want to approach it on a friendly level, not on one, that im like .. take me back. and if I dont really do anything, what will that show ? Her whole reasoning is that I am not assertive, with dates and such. So just sitting around shows her the same old me and she will force herself to stay away. But I also want to let her follow her own feelings, yet show her something. If i wanted to force her back I could guilt trip her all day. but in the end I think charm and finding the reasons you were originally together are what make it work. That and letting her miss me. I probably wont talk to her today, either, and like I said she has been the one initiating conversation.. so i dunno.
Art_Critic Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 I probably wont talk to her today, either, and like I said she has been the one initiating conversation.. so i dunno. You are not listening.. it takes longer than a day to miss someone.. it takes weeks or months.. Right now the only thing on her mind is that she wants away from you.. by you continuing to contact her you are keeping the fact that she wants away from you on her thoughts.. Stop contacting her.. period.. let her contact you.. And at work keep it all business and leave the rest go.. remember that she dumped you Show some balls and start to move on.. if she has feelings for you she will come around. You need to read up on NC.. No Contact .. it is the only way for you to heal
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 17, 2006 Author Posted June 17, 2006 Like i said I havent contacted her.. even at work it was her talking to me for a moment, but i kept it brief. and like I said, the ticket idea is to see how things go in a few weeks. if i had unlimited time I would.. but i only have for the summer really. I have had two other previous relationships where they came back to me after a short while... but i didnt want them back.. because i moved on. So im not "moving on" until I know its over, it doesnt hurt me to stay in the neutral zone. but like you said no contact.. which I have started doing now that I am calmed down.
panthera_leo Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Hey imperialpilot. First off, sorry to hear you're going through this crappy time. Sometimes these things creep up and bite us in the ass when we least expect it. Secondly, i hate to say it but i agree whole heartedly with Art Critic. We have all been in your situation, ie wanting to win the ex back by showing we care etc. Unfortunately this only pushes them away...ESPECIALLY in your situation where she has specifically asked for time alone. You may think your situation is different... it isn't. DO NOT BUY THAT TICKET. Trust me on this one, nothing that you say or do will make her change her mind. She has to change it on her own. I know you'll feel like you cant move on until you have given it your all... just remember, thats not what she wants... thats what YOU want. It only has a negative effect. Ask everyone on this board... nearly all of us have pursued the ex straight after a break up and i bet not ONE of us have succeeded. I, as with many others on this board no doubt, deeply regret our actions after the breakup and i only wish i asked people on this board sooner. You really need to leave her alone right now. Let things settle, if she really loves you she will come back. As hard as this sounds, you have to just move on with your life and let go. The more you pester her, the more she will back off and any chance for reconiliation shall be lost. Good luck and keep us posted
Sergeant of Marines Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Imperial, Having been in your situation much like everyone else here I totally agree....leave her alone. My ex-wife of a 5 year relationship, 2 years being married and a son didn't want anything to do with me when we split. I tried to convince her that we should see a counselor to try and work things out maybe things will get better. All I got was her more and more piss-off with every session. So I did what everyone is saying and it worked like a charm. I started focusing on our son and myself. I took him places we didn't when we were together. I started going to school again, I worked out more often, I went out and did things I wanted to do. And you know what….after a good long time, I mean she came around after 2 years because she realized what a mistake it was to make the decisions she did. However when she came to me I was in such a good standing and happy with my life I didn't see the need in possibly opening myself to that kind of hurt again. Parting words - Be happy with yourself and don't let someone else make your decisions because you certainly can't make theirs.
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 17, 2006 Author Posted June 17, 2006 Well thats too bad that contacting exes doesnt work.. but Who has tried this ? Whats wrong with turning on the charm in a subtle way when you know theyre giving in ? Personally ive seen a few relationships come out of things like this.. kind of amazing. They break up, but the guy does certain things to kind of "re-spark" it if you will... one couple I know that has done crazy things like that.. they are engaged now. because he did everything right and smoothe. what im doing is kind of flaunting myself, because then they realize theyre not with you. If you just shut them out completely it may make them move on, because they think you dont wish to better yourself. It goes either way. I know that they hate it when you seem happy. But I know shes been going through rough times now. But im just saying knowing our relationship and my effect on her, I cant just shut her down completely. I havent bothered to contact her, but still. The reason it seemed to end was lack of romance.. it just got kind of dependent. I have no excuses for it, and i told her im not trying to make any. I told her why and what. So whenever I talk to her its formal and brief. and if I happen to hang out or see her at this time, I make it like.. " ok ill get you at 8". I just think its worth a try. I just feel I have to be willing to show, why we originally clicked. Im starting to think that is why she went to this extreme. I see nothing wrong in trying to spark some romance, but playing it safe, and not begging. we'll see.. I know i look like im wishful thinking but im sure you all know how it feels
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Seriously man. Take the advice. I did what you are about to do. It doesnt work. We cant understand the way a woman thinks, we can only be told and know the facts. They are soooo different. Push Pull theory..... SERIOUSLY YOU WILL REGRET IT OTHERWISE. LISTEN TO US!!!!!! If you push, she'll pull away. U have to Pull away so she wonders where the hell uve gone, and chases. Right now, she knows your are there for her and she can do what she wants. Dude, if another guy comes along RIGHT NOW (and he wldnt have to be much)...... you're history. The only thing thats gonna make her want YOU back is for you to DISSAPPEAR. She only want u back if your gone. She has to MISS what u have. Again....... she has to MISS what you HAD! This theory is the one hat WORKS! USE IT. please trust me. Youre heading down the same path i did and it leads to disaster. You will kick yourself so hard and so many times. She already KNOWS you LOVE HER. You dont have to show her or REMIND her. She loves you,.... and you love her. Dont remind her. She hasnt forgotten, you'll start to P8ss her off. What she doesnt have at he moment is the sensation she cant live without you. She will get this if you DISAPPEAR. OR NO CONTACT. Dont be nasty, just indifferent, act like you dont car. Act like youre too busy with other people to care. Best . Talk to other girls in front of her. Just trust me man. No Contact.
RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Even better than giving her tickets to Disney land.... Ok listen to this; You were lacking romance. This may be a better way.......... Have her hear from someone that you were about to, or you had ........HAD.......got tickets for her and u to Disney land. But then all this happened. This will get to her. She's missed out. I think that may be a better way. If she comes round......... THEN GET THOSE TICKETS AND GO. What i have just said could be completely without morals though. But just trying to help u with a way.
daphne Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 imperial, I have to agree with the other posters. I believe you'll push her away in your attempt to be romantic. In my experience, the exes that did this did push me away. I hadn't seen any change in them and knew that they were just desperate to be back in the relationship. The two that went the opposite direction, unfortunately, did get my attention and I wanted them back. It's unhealthy and frankly in those two situations was really stupid but it worked. It didn't work out ultimately though because they were both a**h***s but it does work. Human nature is a crazy thing.
gfto Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 imperial, sorry to say it, but it's over. Time to find a new girlfriend.
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 things happen for a reason.. well maybe. Things just happen but here is an update. We both work at Lowe's. I drive the delivery truck, she works customer service. I busted my toe big time today.. fridge fell on it when i was unloading the truck at the end of the day.. lots of blood.. nail came right off.. toe broke in 3 spots, and a nasty cut. I came limping back to the store going right by her everyone was seeing what was up and helping me.. i went right by her not even saying anything while all these other girls are like awww poor baby.. so she called me after asking if i was ok.. i kind of resisted and didnt act too sweet, or like I cared about her sympathy. I was nice of course, and she said she would call me later tonight. but they had to sew my nail back onto my toe basically, and its all stiched.. i wont bein work now so she wont even see me there.. but its odd this series of events. I bet that got to her huh.
LN8840K Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I am willing to go to these lengths for her. Like I said I am using intelligence, not emotion. intelligence = she told me it's over and I need space, perhaps I should honor that request and salvage any chance that may be left emotion = she told me it's over and I need space, so I'm going to take her to Disneyworld Like I said I am using intelligence, not emotion. are you sure about that ?
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 Damn you guys were right ha. dont really want to explain everything that happened today.. but i found out what REALLY gets to them. not being adored anymore. i still had sappy s*** in my profile.. but after i talked to her today everything changed.. and she was different to talk to .. but you just have to act like you move on and s***.. im just not making enemies. whats really irritating to her is im going down to PA probably hopefully to party with my "first love" who i lost my virginity to.. and she HATES her.. it also helps me cope. I think im ready for some Mild NC.. at least not "contacting her first". i also got all these girls on myspace.. When I got out of her car today.. ( long story dont need to know it) The Last thing I said to her was.. You will miss me.. You'll see. She didnt say s***. Wooot. Time for me to be in control bitch. If you love someone set them free.. if they come back to you.. set them on fire. Love is a f***ed up thing huh.
BrandonBP Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Love is a f***ed up thing huh. At least it's better than a red hot poker shoved up your dickeye.
Pink Amulet Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 If some guy said to me "You will miss me... You'll see" I would make it my duty not too. Just me.
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 yeah i know.. but its inevitible.. and oh well. Im pissed because i dropped a fridge on my right big toe at work right.. nail popped off completely, broke in 3 spots, had to sew the nail back in.. so now i have to f***ing be a phone operator.. which is in the same desk area as her.. what the f***. so much for "NC".. How should I act when im back there ? just kind of ignore her.. ? with no personal talk. maybe make some other girls laugh ? PS i love blonde aussies.
Pink Amulet Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 It sounds to me like you still desperately want her. I can see through the... "so now i have to f***ing be a phone operator.. which is in the same desk area as her.. what the f***." Just refocus. You need to begin to look at real, and affective ways of moving on. I would start by looking for a new job, or asking for a transfer. P.S Haha, thanks
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Yeah.. I had a dream about my ex from 4 years ago last night.. so at least that helps me refocus a little. right now im getting my sports car fixed up.. 90 Thunderbird Supercoupe and just going to be solo. anyone want to buy my other car ? http://cgi.ebay.com/ebaymotors/ws/eBayISAPI.dll?ViewItem&item=4652564467 Im just trying to be more responsible i guess and work on things. Im thinking of really moving far away.. plus I hate it here in Syracuse NY.. sucks any of you on here have myspace ? http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=576134
jmargel Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Imperial excuse me for being a little harsh but you are one of the most stubborn, ignorant, selfish people I have met on here. I have been on this forum for about 2 years and read & given advice on many different situations but from reading yours all you want is what's best for you. If you really love her you will LISTEN to her. Communication is not just about talking but it's about listening to her and doing as she suggests. If I was in your shoes I would have written her a letter, telling her how I love her, how I am starting to understand why she wants time away and that I will do this. Only because you asked me to. You are trying to maniuplate her into her coming back to you. If you truly love her you would be let her make her own decisions 'on her own' without you tryint to persuade her. I know it's hard to do that but if she were to come back to you, you know in your heart it's because she truly wants to be with you. Not because you are trying to temporarily schmooze her over. And this other crap by telling her you are going off with an ex is just that.. Crap. You are totally going to push her away by what you are doing. She isn't dumb, she isn't a dog where you can just present a bone and say 'come' and expect her to. Or if she doesn't take a rolled up newspaper and smack her. Honestly you are showing the reasons on here on why she wants her space. You want her to come to you? Then give her the chance. She knows these are just tactics that you are trying and you are not being sincere in showing her that what she feels and wants are important. She needs to feel UNDERSTOOD and you are doing the COMPLETE OPPOSITE. Stop thinking about yourself. Write her a letter, in this letter do not beg to ask her back. Let her know you still love her and that you won't be going to see your ex. Let her know that you need to work on how to communicate with her better and would like to have that chance to. Tell her if she thinks counseling might be best for us that you would go. Let her know that you know understand that she has done all the compromising and you would like to be given the chance to actually change the negatives in our relationship. In this letter let her know that she is not pressured to do anything. That you would give her space and you will respect her wishes because of your love for her. Then follow through with this. Let her come to you! Let her make the conversations. It's ok to say hi, or even just smile when you walk by her (which would be the best thing to do) but don't try to control her heart. These games you play will only fail. You really need to dig down deep and try to understand what really is going on.
Author imperialpilotx Posted June 21, 2006 Author Posted June 21, 2006 yeah i guess i have learned. thanks to everyone trying to help me out.. I guess i really understand now. I do have to work with her at the desk for the next week or so because of my toe.. im just planning on acting as nice/polite as possible.. how else can you really do something like that. I think she will come back or miss me after who knows how long.. i dont hold onto that feeling, but i guess it just depends on where our hearts are if and when that time comes. From what ive seen its kind of inevitible.. So long as i didnt keep up with my behavior i had for the last week. If its meant to be its meant to be, if it is not it is not. Life is strange. No more head games really. Just natural feelings. im doing better now focusing on other areas of my life and keeping busy.. Im not trying to jump into any other girls life or anything as that is just wrong.. but just taking it day by day. I dont really want anyone else, and am trying to gain independence again. I guess that is what she wanted.. and like I said I understand. So I told her friend to just tell her, that I love her and that I understand and am backing off. I also told her friends to keep an eye on her, and like make sure they keep her going.. as I just want her to be happy. and like I said.. if we are not meant to be, someone else in life will make us happier..
Diver012 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 You still want her. Thats a choice. You DONT need her. Thats a choice too. I know it sounds impossible. Im struggling with it to. I keep my ex at work as far the hell away from me as I can. I dont want to see her. I dont want to hear her voice, I dont want to see her car. The quicker you can push this behind you, the quicker you can start to feel better about yourself. I have been working on my house, getting in touch with old friends and some family, and forcing myself to realize that there is someone else out there not only better, but healthier for you. IMHO ofcourse.
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 You still want her. Thats a choice. You DONT need her. Thats a choice too. I don't agree. You still want her. That's a choice. You DON'T need her. That isn't a choice, it is a damn reality?! We're you not a member of our society before you met her? Capable of keeping down a job, and for that matter keeping down food? If so, and if you still have a job, and you are still eating, and essentially living you don't need her. Humans do not need much to survive. Physically and emotionally. To say "I can't live without her" is a lie. We adapt, resign yourself to the fact that you will adapt and you will stop loving her sooner or later, and you will be fine.
Pink Amulet Posted June 22, 2006 Posted June 22, 2006 P.S and if you can't keep down a job or even food. That isn't love sickness that is a mental illness and you need to see a doctor not your ex.
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