Author RealBroken Posted June 18, 2006 Author Posted June 18, 2006 LONEPEARL; u are right in a way. We do know the people best. I tried to fight for her...... but it made things worse for me. Because of advice on this site, i havent contacted her again. One day i may. I dunno when. But I can say I AM glad I found these people to stop me diggin myself into a bigger and bigger hole leading further and further away from her. I pushed, she pulled. Was talkin to a female friend tonight and she agreed with all this advice. Women can be like that. She is with a guy at the moment that wld do anything for her and loves her so much. She is unsure. I asked, if he was a little more 'too busy' for you and didnt show all his love wld you feel more attached to him. She said, yes coz he wld be a challenge to chase i guess. As sick as it sounds..... its the way. She also told me that she took along time to get over me, and had huge feelings for me while we were to gether for a short period. I remember breakin it off because i was just far too busy with life at that point. I cant help but wonder,...... did she only like me so much,because to get ahold of my affection and time was a challenge.
donpepot Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 Women aren't so harsh - not all. Just like not all men are users and shallow. agree? and imature...lolz
Guest Posted June 18, 2006 Posted June 18, 2006 DONPEPOT your note was interesting and i did not take offense...because you only shared one viewpoint.. that where a woman has dumped a man. But i think RealBroken has to remember it isn't a gender issue. Women get dumped too for the same harsh reasons that men do and sometimes worse! It is about human behaviour - emotions, actions, responses and consequences for future in terms of learnings and loops of beahviour we get into as a result. Women aren't so harsh - not all. Just like not all men are users and shallow. agree? All i can say is, if you think she was worth fighting for, follow your instincts, advice is good but the decision must be yours alone - not because some great sayer said it on this site. its too important an issue to make a decision made by someone else for you! And if your heart says, nah i shall get over it once again and move on. so be it! Hearts DO heal and move on... esp if it wasn't the right one..more rather WHEN the right one comes along e.g. when i got dumped I was shattered and yet my instincts... i followed them. it got to a point where people were telling me its abnormal and i should move on within days!!! but i was angry and told them to let me be. support is different...sure you need it but ADVICE was irritating because no one else can ever live what you are living through - they may have had siumilar experiences but they can NEVER live what you are living thruogh. each ones experience is unique. to stand and wait and hope for a love you have felt and put in so much into - if you feel lik emoving on then thats ok..and if you feel like waiting then thats ok too.. and if you feel like fighting for it back.. then that is fine as well!! to me abnormal is not waiting or hoping they would return when you feel like waiting and hoping OR you feel like you have to wait and hope to show others when you really want to move on...because when you have feelings and have felt and given...there is no way you should be just able ta walk away and move on. no way! there will be hurt, pain, anger, anguish, times you will feel like you cannot breathe. i used to sit in a corner and scream and cry nonstop day after day and feel like the inside of me was emptying out. granted some men and women behave and react differently to grief e.g. some will block it and jsut continue etc. but the truth is we all need time to mourn....and if we do not allow ourselves that time to mourn then we run more danger of damaging what is within. mourning is good...and there is no fixed time.. for each of us is diff and our pain and our capacity to handle things diff. support is all that friends should offer...not advice.... support is all i therefore have to give! even though i am a nobody just typing on this site! p.s. i chose to wait and hope..and...he returned..and our relationship, though it was not the best way to become more aware and together...is moving forward better for both of us This has to be some of the best advice I have read on this forum!
lonepearl Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 LONEPEARL; u are right in a way. We do know the people best. I tried to fight for her...... but it made things worse for me. Because of advice on this site, i havent contacted her again. One day i may. I dunno when. But I can say I AM glad I found these people to stop me diggin myself into a bigger and bigger hole leading further and further away from her. I pushed, she pulled. Was talkin to a female friend tonight and she agreed with all this advice. Women can be like that. She is with a guy at the moment that wld do anything for her and loves her so much. She is unsure. I asked, if he was a little more 'too busy' for you and didnt show all his love wld you feel more attached to him. She said, yes coz he wld be a challenge to chase i guess. As sick as it sounds..... its the way. She also told me that she took along time to get over me, and had huge feelings for me while we were to gether for a short period. I remember breakin it off because i was just far too busy with life at that point. I cant help but wonder,...... did she only like me so much,because to get ahold of my affection and time was a challenge. what you can be sure of is your feelings..no matter what everyone advices here. sure you can draw similars and there will be women and men who will say do this do that from personal experience.. but there is one important part we are all missing out on... your ex and her real rationale and feelings ... we can guess, we can draw parallels based on similarities to other cases - but only she will know what really happened from her side and you only alone know the pain, anger and all that you have felt... it is good to listen to others...but dangerous to draw conclusions based on their information about YOUR event... listen to them to become more aware of experiences and the underlying messages and advice rather than the intent details and comparison. that is unjust to yourself and your ex. surely you knew each other and your own selves better than anyone on this site will... as a side story.. when my partner left me e.g. excepting 2 people who said its great he left because they thought i was too good for him and deserved way better, most friends just kept me occupied with myself.. my feelings..asking how i was doing..and how they can be there...not mentioning anything i should do about him etc..just helping me with "what do you think? what do you need? what can i do?"..and it was the best thing in the world! because you know..no matter how much we really want someone else to make it all better...inside we already know what we secretly want and have made up our minds about. yes theres confusion every damn second and doubt every damn half a second but through it all, we already have our heart set on something... ..people may say it got worse and you should stop re fighting fo her.. but i think you did the right thing..and if you stopped, it should have been your choice..not people here telling you and you being forced into it...your choice and a clear reasoning as to why. sometimes mistakes are good..because they are meant to be made to learn something anew... ..back to my story...on his side...most were telling him how horrible i was and he should let go and never go back. his best friend - i went to him and told him that if ever my partner wanted to come back cuz he missed me and realised he had done wrong...to let him know that i have forgiven way before that and am ready to have him back as i really velieve in love and these things happen. his friend said ok. but when my partner went to his best friend to tell him how i wasnt why he left but his own issues and others...and that he wants back..his friend jumped to tell him that NOOOO she will destroy you man. leave her. shes not good for you. I THANK GOD he did not listen to that advice....he heard it, analysed it, made up his own mind, and the next day...came over to see me.....*in tears again*...but you see what i mean? i am not saying she will be back..but whatever happens....one needs to be sure in life that there is no one else to blame or reward but youself for the decisions, actions and consequences we dish out. that is the onnly way we know we are growing and maturing...support...and listening to advice is one thing... but actions should be based on analysis of all and then based on decisions WE make....
lonepearl Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 LONEPEARL; u are right in a way. We do know the people best. I tried to fight for her...... but it made things worse for me. Because of advice on this site, i havent contacted her again. One day i may. I dunno when. But I can say I AM glad I found these people to stop me diggin myself into a bigger and bigger hole leading further and further away from her. I pushed, she pulled. Was talkin to a female friend tonight and she agreed with all this advice. Women can be like that. She is with a guy at the moment that wld do anything for her and loves her so much. She is unsure. I asked, if he was a little more 'too busy' for you and didnt show all his love wld you feel more attached to him. She said, yes coz he wld be a challenge to chase i guess. As sick as it sounds..... its the way. She also told me that she took along time to get over me, and had huge feelings for me while we were to gether for a short period. I remember breakin it off because i was just far too busy with life at that point. I cant help but wonder,...... did she only like me so much,because to get ahold of my affection and time was a challenge. sorry babbling away....one more thing. "Was talkin to a female friend tonight and she agreed with all this advice. Women can be like that." dont generalise to just one gender. otherwise i can make a statement and say REALBROKEN so what.."women can be NOT like that too". it would be better to say HUMANS can be like that.... ..dont wonder why she liked you so much...find out from her or if you dont...leave it at that. dont ponder this and that to add to self pity (i know because i have been there and done that myself!). heres a generalisation for ya.. MEN and WOMEN seldom say what they really mean especially in a love relationship. you heard me! its not jst women who say NO when they mean YES and u know why..its cuz we stay so formal in a relationship despite the closeness..."oh i didnt wanna upset her" "oh but hes so sensitive i didnt mean to hurt him" "oh what will he think?" " oh no what will she say when she finds out?" = its like HELLLLLLLLLLLLOOOOO people...you live together and can communicate right? well then why dont ya! ... a big hic up right there. easiest thing to say.... COMMUNICATE...and yet the complexity once again minimised... ..human behaviour is based on ... at the expense of sounding repetitive.. our mental models - both preexisting and those that have either been changed over time through experience or confirmed by the same... these lead to symptoms that show themselves out in our attitudes towards certain things...which effect our actions, interactions and responses to others actions on a minute by minute basis... ....and then lets add communication within a LOVE context. can you imagine the complexities there? LOVE itself is a complex and yet the simplest of expressions...this multiplied by the complexity of communication and its a wonder why any relationships ever work for more than past the first dialogue or even eye glance!!! ...there is one solution though...as i presented in my masters thesis years and years ago - same solution even for organisations actually.... wanna know? well before you can have the solution... you gotta isolate the REAL problem...not all the symptoms like fighting, moaning, bickering, she said, he said, disrespect, lack of understanding, hurt, breakups everything - the root cause is FEAR..and always has been FEAR..of the unknown... ...and the only solution really is...awareness. thats it. nothing more nothing less. awareness. of every moment. of every link between moments... i shall stop there as i feel i am gonna be sent to an asylum by you guys soon with all my ramblings that dont make sense!
Guest Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Just my two cents here ...... Funny - It's been 7 or 8 weeks for me - really who cares now because he is my X for a reason. I can tell you that you have two choices - continue to make yourself misreable or get out there and enjoy life. Stop punishing yourself and let go. Once you let go you will move however from reading the above you aren't there yet. I hate to be harsh when I know how bad you hurt - trust me I just went through it - but what I have learned is that life is great and you can feel the same thing about life without her. You just have to do it!!! And as far as being friends - this will kill you because you will never be able to let go. Cut the ties, get with your friends, and get out there! Focus on yourself and making yourself happy - you won't be able to make anyone else happy until you can make youself happy so stop wasting your brain energy on her, tears on her etc. Pray that God helps heal your heart and shows you the path he has created for you. Trust me - you can do it!!!!
thekhris Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 of corz every girl is all the same... is there any girl out there who after they dump a nice guy she suddenly want him back because he begged,cried give her a sweet flowers .. never!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!.....
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