Need Some nice words of Encouragment

[RealBroken]

Hey,

Have posted here lots already. Ex dumped me 7 weeks ago.

She claimed she didnt feel the same anymore. Her friends were the problem in the start. She lives with them for 3 years out of town. They were jealous of me takin her time. They spoke negatively to her about me, caused arguments and upsets with her about me. Eventually she got real down about it. Found a whole hoard of other reasons to break up, and I feel sabotaged the relationship. She was upset still about breakin up. In tears about the whole thing. She wld text up to a week after tellin me she was finding it hard and would say "goodnight xo" etc. Then it stopped. i saw her with another guy i know had declared his feelins for her. i have no idea what eventuated from that. But I told her wat i thought of it. Then cooled and sent her a card saying, what ever you need to be happy basically and im here as a friend goodluck. Trying to make things end nicer. She got horrible and said dont contact me again.

 

I haven't for 5 LOOOONG weeks.

I found myself not being so miserable. Of course i always miss her and think of her still.

Now, its all coming crashing back again, just as i thougt i was moving up. I dont know why this is happening. I'm just so upset all of a sudden again.

I feel so horrible, and the tears are back Im ashamed to say.

 

I dont know what to do.......... help

Every day that passes feels like another day towards her being further away from me.

 

Just need some words guys. i'm just really hurting now.

[Bex_23]

I'm sorry, it sounds like you are really hurting.

 

Looks like from what you said that it has probably been over for longer than you think, she just didn't tell you.

 

Nothing eases the pain of heartache except time, and it doesn't happen quickly!

 

I expect you are feeling really bad right now because you had begun to not think aout her ALL of the time and now it has come back full throttle!

 

Sadly thats how it goes, but gradually over time the amount that you think of her and feel the pain will become less, and then unlikely as it sounds now you might even start to feel happy.

 

I think that often when we mourn the loss of our exes, what we are really missing is what or who we hoped them to be rather than what or who they really were.....

 

Stay strong

 

B

[RealBroken]

its just so hard to understand sometimes.

 

Just a week before it all happened she was talking about the home we would own one day etc.

A month before she was writing cards that were so lovely and all about our future and how special we were.

WHY DID SHE HAVE TO GO AND DO ALL THAT.

 

Its not fair to say those things and then break up.

 

She broke up with me a week before the actually break up.

Then she called me in the morning all upset and wanted to make it work. I asked her what happened. She said that she thought after she did it , it would feel right,....... and it just didnt.

After the actual breakup, she sent texts like, "i just want hugs with you now".... i miss u etc.

WHY DID SHE HAVE TO DO THAT

 

I just cant help think that maybe she did it for the wrong reasons.

Is that possible for someone to do that, maybe it was all just too hard on her.

 

Its so hard to comprehend, that Imiss her SOOO much when i think about how special we both thought we were,........ but to me it seems, that she has forgotten, and everything meant nothing in the end.

 

Im almost scared she's gonna come crawling back. Its what i want but it would be so hard, coz ive just hurt so much.

 

She got angry at me, and i didnt even do anything wrong. i sent a card to say, its all ok. as long as your happy, goodluck and im here as a friend if u ever need me. Why would she get angry with that? I thought it was the mature thing to do, so it ended well. Its not fair because she contacted me all the time, then gets angry coz i delievered a card.

 

What the hell?!?!?!? answers.......

[RealBroken]

Im sorry guys, its just all coming crashing back again.

Hurtin real bad.

[Bex_23]

It's really hard to give you answers as maybe your ex doesn't even know herself.

 

Sounds as if she was very confused about whether she wanted to be with you or not.

 

People end relationships for all sorts of reasons, whatever the reason, there is always an element of uncertainty, and/or regret.

 

Even when you absolutely know that you should leave, it is exteremely hard to do so, you only have to look at some of the threads in the abuse forum to understand that.

 

From what you say, it maybe that she doesn't beleive that you are right for each other, she would really like you to be, but deep down inside she knows you are not, hence the mixed messages.

 

I know it's painful and the frustrating part is you may never get the answers you are looking for, sometimes it really is best to just let someone go.

[RealBroken]

I just made some mistakes..... but in the end she wouldnt let me fix them.

 

She asked me to move to her home town...... as she thought that that would be the only way to fix everything???????? help?????????

 

Then said, it was too much of an ask, and what if i changed my life and it still didnt work out.

 

I just cant help but be so angry at the people who influenced her, when all i did was treat her so so so well.

 

At the end of this year we will both be living in our home towns. I wld want another shot,...... but just fear that it got so messy in the end that bridges are burnt.

 

I thought we were so right for each other. Just circumstances made it messy. She agreed hat most of our downfalls (disagreements) came from the issue of distance.

 

I just wanna try again, coz we were so so good and happy. it all changed so so fast.

 

SOS!!!

[Diver012]

My own personal opinion on this one.. and I am speaking from recent personal experience....

 

Do you really want someone in your life thats capable of being that influenced by outside sources?

 

or how about someone thats so confused on what she wants she keeps breaking up and then coming back?

 

You will get over this.

You will find someone else

The next love you feel wont feel the same, but will be wonderfully new and different.

It will take time however...

 

Im dealing with the departure of a wishy washy ex myself. I dont want someone so indecisive. I dont want someone thats not going to be there through the bad times as well as the good. Yeah we had wonderful times together. I will go and have wonderful times with someone else now...

 

She can keep trucking....

[donpepot]

dude she is angry with you because when you said that good bye and still cool to be friends.she suddenly pick up that she might loose the string around you..FEAR IS EQUAL TO HATE -HATE IS EQUAL TO ANGER-ANGER IS EQUAL TO SUFFERING.

 

 

You hit it right on the head, buddy -- women simply can't believe that they can dump a man and he's actually surviving. Here she blows the guy off, his heart is broken, he's got this terrible emptiness engulfing his stomach, he can't eat, he's losing weight, and he's fighting with his boss, all over this 105-pound girl. But not you

 

Yes, it is just her ego that's bruised by your refusal to cave in and turn into a basket case when she tramples on you. When any other woman's Interest Level drops from 51% to 49%, you're supposed to beg. And that abject whimpering and whining will drive her Interest Level from 49% to 40%. Then, when she hooks up with the latest new guy, it will drop further, to 39%, and you're out. That's the way it works.

 

After a woman dumps you and you begin to move on with your life, she feels unwanted, undesireable, and jealous of any other woman who feels wanted and desired by you. She's doing what's natural to make those feelings go away: she's pursuing you! . This is why men get thrown into the "Friend Zone" after a breakup - because she can't handle the emotional shaking of completely cutting ties.

 

The "Friend Zone" is a neutral area where she still has control over you and how you affect her emotions without actually being in a relationship. When you're stuck in this neutral zone, she can have her cake and eat it by screwing any guy she likes while keeping you from disrupting her emotional equalibrium.

[donpepot]

EXCUSE TO ALL THE GIRLS THAT WILL READ THIS I DONT MENT TO DISRESPECT BUT THIS GUY NEED THIS...so hate me...

 

[COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana][sIZE=3]Shattered.[/sIZE][/FONT][/COLOR][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] It seemed that everything was correct. She was exactly what you were looking for. Though you protected your heart, everything still seemed right. This girl was so different, so perfect for you.

 

Next thing you know, your bubbly dreams become popped. She broke up with you. It was surprising but infuriating. You thought better of her.

 

Others will make fun of you. Some say this is what happens to ‘newbies’. They’re wrong. It’s what happens to those who stay Human. Coming from a break up myself, I know that to be hurt (as opposed to letting yourself be hurt like Mr. Nice Guy) is actually a badge of honor. If you aren’t broken up by life, affected, altered, then it shows you aren’t living life. It shows that you have a soul else you wouldn’t feel the dagger lanced into it right now.

 

The majority of guys will become teary eyed and stay that way. They will retreat to a womb of security. Or they will begin the same errors again with another girl.

 

You aren’t like other guys.

 

Men are not ‘broken up’ with women. Rather, they [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#ff0000]dodge[/COLOR][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] the [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#ff0000]bullet[/COLOR][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana].[/FONT][/COLOR]

 

[sIZE=3]Dodging the [/sIZE][FONT=Verdana][sIZE=3][COLOR=#ff0000]Bullet[/COLOR][/sIZE][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]

 

There was a study that discovered women were happiest when they married their first love. However, men were found to be at their unhappiest by marrying their first love. Apparently, men are happiest marrying their third or fourth love. Amazing, is it not? And here you are thinking you’ll be unhappy since you didn’t get the girl. To the contrary, you’d be extremely unhappy if you did get her!

 

Men do not ‘break up’ with women. Rather, they [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#ff0000]dodge[/COLOR][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana] the [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#ff0000]bullet[/COLOR][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]. Marriage or ‘grand relationship’ is what the women want and live for. This is not what men live for.

 

Let’s go through how some differences how men and women look at things:

 

Women say, “I have broken up with you.”

 

Men say, “No, I have dodged the [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#ff0000]bullet[/COLOR][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana]. I am free to get a better girl, to improve my life, to refocus my life. I have no rope around me.”

 

The women protest, “You must feel sad, beaten up, broken, and defeated.”

 

But men reply, “No, I feel as if I have been delivered from the shackles. Before, I was blind. Now, I can see. I am happier now than ever. The spell has been broken. Your mask has been removed.”

 

The women will grow angry. “We demand you be like other boys who cry and moan about us leaving you.”

 

Yet, the men respond, “My dears, you do not know who we are. We few, we men, do not live life from the vantage point of women. We are the measurement of our lives, not you. The glory of our lives is on us, not on you. We thank you for leaving us as now new opportunities arise.”

 

Women fear being single. Men don’t really care one way or the other as they have a world to conquer. When a woman is single, she is not considered a woman. But if a man is single, he is still a man.

 

Now, there will be much quacking of protests from many males. They are the gooey sentinels who, with lofty moral tone, barf bubbles in a poppy voice: “You distort the men for we desire connection. We are both prizes. And I have lost my girl, so I shall feel sad and defeated.”

 

Pook tosses them a gauntlet.

 

Gentlemen, history is against you. I will give you very clear examples of why a real man does not ‘break up’ with a woman but, rather, dodges the [/FONT][/COLOR][FONT=Verdana][COLOR=#ff0000]bullet[/COLOR][/FONT][COLOR=black][FONT=Verdana].[/FONT][/COLOR]

[FONT=Times New Roman][sIZE=3] [/sIZE][/FONT]

[Diver012]

dude she is angry with you because when you said that good bye and still cool to be friends.she suddenly pick up that she might loose the string around you..FEAR IS EQUAL TO HATE -HATE IS EQUAL TO ANGER-ANGER IS EQUAL TO SUFFERING.

 

 

You hit it right on the head, buddy -- women simply can't believe that they can dump a man and he's actually surviving. Here she blows the guy off, his heart is broken, he's got this terrible emptiness engulfing his stomach, he can't eat, he's losing weight, and he's fighting with his boss, all over this 105-pound girl. But not you

 

Yes, it is just her ego that's bruised by your refusal to cave in and turn into a basket case when she tramples on you. When any other woman's Interest Level drops from 51% to 49%, you're supposed to beg. And that abject whimpering and whining will drive her Interest Level from 49% to 40%. Then, when she hooks up with the latest new guy, it will drop further, to 39%, and you're out. That's the way it works.

 

After a woman dumps you and you begin to move on with your life, she feels unwanted, undesireable, and jealous of any other woman who feels wanted and desired by you. She's doing what's natural to make those feelings go away: she's pursuing you! . This is why men get thrown into the "Friend Zone" after a breakup - because she can't handle the emotional shaking of completely cutting ties.

 

The "Friend Zone" is a neutral area where she still has control over you and how you affect her emotions without actually being in a relationship. When you're stuck in this neutral zone, she can have her cake and eat it by screwing any guy she likes while keeping you from disrupting her emotional equalibrium.

 

Excellent Point.... Very excellent

[gfto]

When any other woman's Interest Level drops from 51% to 49%, you're supposed to beg. And that abject whimpering and whining will drive her Interest Level from 49% to 40%. Then, when she hooks up with the latest new guy, it will drop further, to 39%, and you're out.

 

Exactly. The real problem is that most men don't understand the implications of 49% to 40%. When her interest level is in this range, the relationship is over (even though she might still be with you in a technical sense). And, once her interest level has hit 49%, it can NEVER go back above 50%. In other words, you're out with that particular girl from now until the end of time. This is why, when a woman tells you she needs some "space," "time out," or whatever, the best thing you can do is just smile, wish her well, disappear in a puff of smoke, and start hustling new phone numbers.

 

Donpepot's point is absolutely correct. Most men hang around until she hits 39% (i.e., she has changed her phone number and gotten a restraining order against you!). But, when the man just quits calling her and disappears while she's in the 40% range, it will really ruffle her ego.

[RealBroken]

I kinda felt she may have got all upset at me sending the nice card.........

 

 

because it may have made her feel even more guilty. I know she felt bad..... but me being nice about it may have made her feel worse.

 

Or of course, as u say, it could have bruised her ego.

 

But you'd think she wouldnt have stayed silent on NC for the next 5 weeks.

[gfto]

She doesn't feel guilty. Once, she has hit 49%, she cannot possibly feel guilty towards you. She's just annoyed with you, because you won't go away. I'd put her interest level at 39%. It's just over. Move on.

[KarlCox]

do you have any stuff at her place maybe it would be time to ask it back... DONT make it sound like you are cheap.. say stuff like.. i sort of need it... etc... is it at your place?

BE polite... dont ask how are you or any other things..

keep conversation short... and reply with her response here....

and try to update the situation... because things 7 weeks ago could be a lot different now...

 

you have to realize.. in order to get your EX back

 

you, yourself the feeling of wanting to be with her ever second need to go away...

 

you'll know you still like her.. but it wont affect your daily performance or think too much about it....

 

otherwise your behavior in front of her would be abnormal and unattractive...

[Bex_23]

Ok I am a girl, I agree what you say is totally true about some women but not all of us.

 

The friend Zone is always a really, really bad idea.

 

I have never had any contact with any of my exes from the moment they ended, if you could be friends you wouldn't be breaking up

 

Move on, don't look back, It's never going to work for all the reasons the other posters mention.

 

You will feel pain, but don't torture yourself, don't look for answers, don't over analyze, don't try and be freinds and definately don't move.

 

lick your wounds hang out with your mates and when the time is right find some one new.

 

Being on your own is AWAYS better than being with he wrong person.

[Smung]

Yes very nice post and very true. The "Friend Zone" is NOT where you ever want to be. It's a trap that is there for one reason only!! To keep you on a string. A little short string to pull on like an emotional puppit. My ex wanted me to be "friends" and I unfortunitly said yes, but then turned around and stopped answering her annoying emails. If I had to answer one I would NEVER say anything about how I'm doing or what im doing. If you must reply always be positive and upbeat. Never show the break up effects you badly.

 

Think of it this way: Friends = Leash Emails/calls/letters from ex about how you are doing = Testing the leash.

 

If you fail to respond to the leash test it will start to make her/him question the control. It's much better to have them wondering about what's going on, rather than knowing "clown boy" will be there as a safty net.

 

Move on!

[RealBroken]

I think its crap how people say, there cant be anything ever again.

 

I know ppl that have broken up and are now married.

Including my parents as one of the couples and they have been married close to 40 years!

 

I have to move, IM GOING BACK TO MY HOME TOWN. It is also her HOME town. I just moved away temporarily for a bit.

 

How could she not feal guilty,...... its not like we only had a 3 week fling!

 

She told me she diodnt think she could go on, because she had hurt me enough already and couldnt do it anymore.

 

Some people, have absolutely no faith in the human species. People are beetr than this. I also refuse to think that women are THAT heartless and cold.

[RealBroken]

I also think u guys missed the importance and the reason of this thread.

 

U supposed to read the first POST TOO.

 

Anyway, Im gone now. Will probably post again, if something happens

[Guest]

She doesn't feel guilty. Once, she has hit 49%, she cannot possibly feel guilty towards you. She's just annoyed with you, because you won't go away. I'd put her interest level at 39%. It's just over. Move on.

exactly...

dude she dosnt feel guilty..you know why she is mad at you when you give that card..

because that card and poetic crap signifies that you still into her PLUS you mention that your alright and be friends and all..

 

I dont blame you if you dont get it..maybe bcoz your too emotional upset thats why its hard for you to pick it up.

 

You just intimidate her when you combine that card and godbye stuff.

 

she knows youre still in the palm of her hand and you said goodbye?..

 

shes been intimidated and challenged...

 

dude the only thing you should concentrate on is

 

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO MAKE HER REGRET LEAVING YOU?

 

if you said goodbye you should mean it i mean really mean it..if your letting go make her realise that youre really letting go.is she sence that your just bullzzhting her on that move on crap..she will eat you alive...

[thekhris]

She doesn't feel guilty. Once, she has hit 49%, she cannot possibly feel guilty towards you. She's just annoyed with you, because you won't go away. I'd put her interest level at 39%. It's just over. Move on.

exactly...

dude she dosnt feel guilty..you know why she is mad at you when you give that card..

because that card and poetic crap signifies that you still into her PLUS you mention that your alright and be friends and all..

I dont blame you if you dont get it..maybe bcoz your too emotional upset thats why its hard for you to pick it up.

You just intimidate her when you combine that card and godbye stuff.

she knows youre still in the palm of her hand and you said goodbye?..

shes been intimidated and challenged...

dude the only thing you should concentrate on is

WHAT SHOULD YOU DO TO MAKE HER REGRET LEAVING YOU?

if you said goodbye you should mean it i mean really mean it..if your letting go make her realise that youre really letting go.if she sence that your just bullzzhting her on that move on crap..she will eat you alive...

[RealBroken]

Yeah I do agree when i look back.

 

The only thing that is ever gonna get her attention, is if she see's me with someone else on my arm.

 

I think she'd have to be pretty too ha ha. From what ive heard, an ugly one wouldnt do the trick.

 

What ever i say , she aint gonna believe, nor want to believe.

 

I remember an ex driving past me years ago. She dumped me. I laughed and text her "that was the fastest get away ive ever seen!!!" she text back abusing me saying dont start that s*** with me, just get over me. The stupid thing was I WAS SOOOO OVER HER" i told her that, she didnt believe me...... i dont think she wanted to believe me.

 

I think that actions are the only way huh.

[RealBroken]

is funny though eh.

 

Do u agree with this?..........

 

From a guys point of view,... i wouldnt be angry at gettin a card. id be glad that she's not all bitter and can cope. i'd be glad that i could feel like i wasnt an arsehole and that if i ran into her we could say hi.

 

Girls are soooo different. God its like they got chips on their shoulders!

 

No offense girls.

[Pink Amulet]

LOL none taken

[RealBroken]

LOL none taken

 

Ha ha,.... damn! I'm waiting for one of the girls on this forum to say "NO YOUR WRONG!"

 

Not laugh.

[lonepearl]

DONPEPOT your note was interesting and i did not take offense...because you only shared one viewpoint.. that where a woman has dumped a man.

 

But i think RealBroken has to remember it isn't a gender issue. Women get dumped too for the same harsh reasons that men do and sometimes worse!

 

It is about human behaviour - emotions, actions, responses and consequences for future in terms of learnings and loops of beahviour we get into as a result.

 

Women aren't so harsh - not all. Just like not all men are users and shallow. agree?

 

All i can say is, if you think she was worth fighting for, follow your instincts, advice is good but the decision must be yours alone - not because some great sayer said it on this site. its too important an issue to make a decision made by someone else for you!

 

And if your heart says, nah i shall get over it once again and move on. so be it! Hearts DO heal and move on... esp if it wasn't the right one..more rather WHEN the right one comes along

 

e.g. when i got dumped I was shattered and yet my instincts... i followed them. it got to a point where people were telling me its abnormal and i should move on within days!!! but i was angry and told them to let me be. support is different...sure you need it but ADVICE was irritating because no one else can ever live what you are living through - they may have had siumilar experiences but they can NEVER live what you are living thruogh. each ones experience is unique. to stand and wait and hope for a love you have felt and put in so much into - if you feel lik emoving on then thats ok..and if you feel like waiting then thats ok too.. and if you feel like fighting for it back.. then that is fine as well!!

 

to me abnormal is not waiting or hoping they would return when you feel like waiting and hoping OR you feel like you have to wait and hope to show others when you really want to move on...because when you have feelings and have felt and given...there is no way you should be just able ta walk away and move on. no way! there will be hurt, pain, anger, anguish, times you will feel like you cannot breathe. i used to sit in a corner and scream and cry nonstop day after day and feel like the inside of me was emptying out. granted some men and women behave and react differently to grief e.g. some will block it and jsut continue etc. but the truth is we all need time to mourn....and if we do not allow ourselves that time to mourn then we run more danger of damaging what is within.

 

mourning is good...and there is no fixed time.. for each of us is diff and our pain and our capacity to handle things diff. support is all that friends should offer...not advice....

 

support is all i therefore have to give! even though i am a nobody just typing on this site!

 

p.s. i chose to wait and hope..and...he returned..and our relationship, though it was not the best way to become more aware and together...is moving forward better for both of us