fabulousgal Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Ok, So in the words of No Foolin, "my ex isn't pimping this site". Why the f am I? Why the hell am I still driving around about to cry? Why am I still wanting to dial the phone? This is ridiculous. Before I met him I was like the most confident girl ever. I haven't had a bf in 5 yrs and I did not give a damn. I never went out to meet boys, I went out to be me and have fun with my friends. Every guy I am friends with thinks I am super hot and a great sweet girl. I make more than him. I cooked for him, baked things for him, bought him designer gifts, drove hours to see him, paid for dinner at least 50% of the time (and we're talkin all courses and drinks). WHY AM I TORTURING MYSELF!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Who cares why he left, he's a moron! *for anyone that doesn't know, we broke up bc of cultural issues, basicaly his family wouldn't accept me and he couldn't do much more than date me for awhile then break up down the road, but he tells me this 4 mos into it* He does not deserve another minute of my time. I just hope, that the people on this site, god, whoever keeps me in this mindset so I quit blaming ME. B/C quite honestly, he's the loser without a backbone. And I still make more money than him. so there.
2020vision Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 This is a good attitude to have to really start getting over your ex. However, Be careful not to concentrate too much on your ex. This is about you and moving forward. You need to dig deep and figure out why you let this happen, and how to make sure it never happens to you again. Good look, and keep progessing forward!
sodakki_lov Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 u rawk gal. I had n ex frm another race too, n he din hav much money when we went out, but we broke cuz my parents din approve of him, which was damn sad. Cool ur head and enjoy ur single-hood again, the cons of leaving him would b u gt to play e field again to find better-halfs. Dont go back to a guy that doesnt appreciate u. Guys that hav no clue on how to at least make their lady feel special dont deserve them.
Bullgator Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Repeat after me: "He's an ass. I deserve better. End of discussion." Keep repeating until it sticks.
BrandonBP Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Every guy I am friends with thinks I am super hot and a great sweet girl. I make more than him. I cooked for him, baked things for him, bought him designer gifts, drove hours to see him, paid for dinner at least 50% of the time (and we're talkin all courses and drinks). Well, I'm less a fiance and I'm not doing much these days. If you're hot, you cook, you buy gifts, and split the tab for dinner... Wanna go out?
bendit Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 He set himself up as the Prize in this relationship. My guess is he is a good looking guy, maybe a bit of a bad boy, maybe a bit elusive, mysterious, a challenge. Just guesses here. You tried to qualify yourself over and over to him by being "nice" and doing things to "buy" his approval. You thought being nice and his "dream" girl would make him love you. It sounds like he didn't do these things to get your approval. If you are driving a long way, then he is not. The family thing is likely an excuse, something that sounds good and something you would believe and "buy" as valid, and something that sounds reasonable. But love conquers ALL. It conquers FAMILY. It overcomes anything. Just watch Last of the Mohicans with Daniel Day Lewis. If someone WANTS something, they aren't going to let family get in the way. They are going to do what is right for THEM. They are going to do what makes them happy. After all people don't live for their families. There are plenty of interracial relationships these days. Plenty of Indians marrying Americans. Plenty of blacks and whites together. Plenty of Asians and Caucasians making a life together. Yes cultural gaps come into play. But they didn't seem to for 4 months did they? That's about the time of most "honeymoon" periods. Its about the time when boredom sets in, and the sex becomes routine. Its also the time to roll out the "family" excuse if you want to move on. If the family was an issue after 4 months then it was an issue for the first 4 months. But if he told you this right away, he would not have gotten what he wants. And we all know what he probably wanted. Next time, take a tip from your X, who established himself as the "prize". Do what he did. You are a fabulousgirl apparently, so start behaving like one and be the prize. Try not to seek approval by being nice. You have value apart from your willingness to be nice. Try and get to a more balanced place in your next relationship, one where both people are prizes and both parties are willing to work for the relationship, not just you. regards
Author fabulousgal Posted June 17, 2006 Author Posted June 17, 2006 He set himself up as the Prize in this relationship. My guess is he is a good looking guy, maybe a bit of a bad boy, maybe a bit elusive, mysterious, a challenge. Just guesses here. You tried to qualify yourself over and over to him by being "nice" and doing things to "buy" his approval. You thought being nice and his "dream" girl would make him love you. It sounds like he didn't do these things to get your approval. If you are driving a long way, then he is not. The family thing is likely an excuse, something that sounds good and something you would believe and "buy" as valid, and something that sounds reasonable. But love conquers ALL. It conquers FAMILY. It overcomes anything. Just watch Last of the Mohicans with Daniel Day Lewis. If someone WANTS something, they aren't going to let family get in the way. They are going to do what is right for THEM. They are going to do what makes them happy. After all people don't live for their families. There are plenty of interracial relationships these days. Plenty of Indians marrying Americans. Plenty of blacks and whites together. Plenty of Asians and Caucasians making a life together. Yes cultural gaps come into play. But they didn't seem to for 4 months did they? That's about the time of most "honeymoon" periods. Its about the time when boredom sets in, and the sex becomes routine. Its also the time to roll out the "family" excuse if you want to move on. If the family was an issue after 4 months then it was an issue for the first 4 months. But if he told you this right away, he would not have gotten what he wants. And we all know what he probably wanted. Next time, take a tip from your X, who established himself as the "prize". Do what he did. You are a fabulousgirl apparently, so start behaving like one and be the prize. Try not to seek approval by being nice. You have value apart from your willingness to be nice. Try and get to a more balanced place in your next relationship, one where both people are prizes and both parties are willing to work for the relationship, not just you. regards Well, unfortunatley my friend he pursued ME. I live at home with my parents, so I never wanted him to come visit. He gave me a key to his place, and did many nice things for me as well. He was the one calling, not me. If I know one thing, is that I play hard to get. It was mutual, trust me I'm no fool. And by the way, I am the one that walked out when he told me what he did, he wanted me to stay.
In Sync Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Hi, I've seen your threads and postings before..and sometimes when we are in the thick of things it's hard to take anyone's advice oor hear anything other than what we want to hear. On that note I have posted this audio on another thread and by any chance you may have come across it I plopped it hear. http://www.theonlineword.com/mp3/5246.mp3 It's not meant to impose my beliefs, because its given by a pator..if you can get past that listen to his words, because he deals with the topic of heartache and letting go quite on target...
bendit Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 fab, I know you are hurting. And I know you have a lot of pride right now. And you wonder why he isn't hurting like you are. Well its pretty clear you got hot and heavy too soon with a person you didn't really know that well. You put it all on the line right from the get go. He wanted to continue dating you after he told you that he could never ever have a commitment with you. That shows lack of respect. You yourself are wondering why he doesn't see how fabulous you are. You are!! He just is in a different place right now not wanting a commitment. Now In_Sync is right on again. Contact is not going to work for you. As you have figured out, even limited contact will prevent you from healing. I noted that you would get in contact with him to tell him you can't be in contact! The only thing that works is LETTING GO. No contact at all. Your recent contact with the X, who just seems to be sailing along here, has put you in a terrible state. Have you ever asked why the X's just seem to take it all in stride, and they aren't hurting as we are? Stop and really think hard about this because this is the key to discovering the truth of the relationship. The truth is he didn't love you like you loved him. He didn't have the same depth of feeling. He didn't put his emotions on the line like you did. He protected his heart. That's why its easy for him to be friends because that's the level of emotional commitment he has extended. And that's why this imbalance in the relationship can't work for you. You understand deep down that he has devalued you and it hurts. And now he wants to pretend like that never happened and work on a FWB relationship, even if he has not expressly asked for that. Is he respecting you with this unwelcome contact? I would look at these difficult questions FG. LET HIM GO. This is Preacher bendit talking.... regards
In Sync Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 LET HIM GO. This is Preacher bendit talking.... regards You're a riot!!! :lmao:
bendit Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 That guy was great. Its amazing how this stuff crosses all faiths denominations, everything. and he realized how big a problem it is for MOST people. I find that when something in my life is out of SYNCH, its usually because of a RELATIONSHIP. I loved it when he said you single people, you're the lucky ones...now don't get yourself in a MESS!! regards ps: IS maybe you could put that link in your sig CALIGUY style!!
Author fabulousgal Posted June 17, 2006 Author Posted June 17, 2006 I have already listened to that In_Sync, and its very helpful. Also, I'm not going to argue about how our culture can be absolutely terrifying when parents expectations aren't met. I am not defending him, but I am defending myself. I'm a very level headed girl that always approaches situations with caution. I can see bs, I am not stupid. I don't fall head over, and there was a lot of time and effort invested on both sides in this relationship. One of us unfortunatley didn't have the maturity to think before doing, and the consequences. Now it's over and I will let him go. He's initiated contact with me, and I've asked him to stop. I went almost a month of NC before he chased me down in public. I would never allow a FWB relationship. I'm too smart and too good for that. I come to this site to help me not pine, to keep me motivated. Dissecting the relationship itself is no use, there are only 2 ppl that know what happened and whether it was legit. And its over, so all I need is support to keep me focused in that direction.
In Sync Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 I have already listened to that In_Sync, and its very helpful. Also, I'm not going to argue about how our culture can be absolutely terrifying when parents expectations aren't met. I am not defending him, but I am defending myself. I'm a very level headed girl that always approaches situations with caution. I can see bs, I am not stupid. I don't fall head over, and there was a lot of time and effort invested on both sides in this relationship. One of us unfortunatley didn't have the maturity to think before doing, and the consequences. Now it's over and I will let him go. He's initiated contact with me, and I've asked him to stop. I went almost a month of NC before he chased me down in public. I would never allow a FWB relationship. I'm too smart and too good for that. I come to this site to help me not pine, to keep me motivated. Dissecting the relationship itself is no use, there are only 2 ppl that know what happened and whether it was legit. And its over, so all I need is support to keep me focused in that direction. Fabulousgal, Please understand that you have the support of a vast number of people here...and because we are all different we offer diferent forms of support like different ingredients in a cake. You don't need to defend yourself to anybody, what have you done wrong? You say you want motivation..we offer it by being real and not being sentimental. It would be easier to motivate you by just only noting his place in the story and how mislead you were, or saying you'll get better as time passes by...but sometime motivation is that word "motivate" inspiring you to take action by empasizing brushing the dust off your feet...
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