dr strangelove Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 My last post I was pretty upset. I have no idea what I actually wrote. I was reading the post titled LIFE. I was feeling pretty sad from reading it. But I guess the difference is she seems pretty happy. And probably has a support system. I realize since my ex left me and I got rid of my assistant, how important a support system is. Seems like im a support system to other but I dont have my own support system. Im sitting here today trying to get caught up on work, and focus on work... but I find myself feeling so miserable. Im trying to fight it because I have so much to do, but its really hard. I guess im a bit too much of a giver. I like to see people happy. Yet seems no one is concerned if Im happy... I guess thats why I miss my ex, as much as she was a pain. She did alot of small things. I mean things I wasnt used to, it didnt feel right because I hadnt had anyone treat me like that in a long time or ever before. I guess many times I looked for a motive, and maybe thats why we fought because I always felt she had some alterior motive. It seemed like she was happy when she did these things and wanted me to feel the same. I guess she really tried, I feel like I was just horrible to her at times. Today I think I know how she is feeling, I cant believe I made her feel this kind of pain. I been thinking alot about contacting her lately. I just dont know what to say. I wanted to say I felt your pain. That I realize many things now, but she never seems to believe me, or she will just write back dont email me or she has my emails filtered.. ah whatever. I guess I have to wipe my tears and get back to work, figure out have to put on a pretend happy face. The other thinG I notice is. From my dating lately. Its tough to find someone who seems really into me. Most of the women I meet seem perpetually busy. I figure they just are not that into me, yet the still contact. I miss her calling me even waking me up at 4am. I know that is so majorly insecure. But many times I stare at the clock at 4 am and wonder if the phone will ring. I wish I would have realized that some as eccentric as me needs a loopy mate, that the behaviour I should find unacceptable seems sweet to me. Or maybe im just a dumb romantic...
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