misslady7 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Let me explain: On Wedsnday my boyfriend called me and said that he was coming over and I was excited (didn't show it) because I hadn't seen him in a few days. So he came over and instead of greeting me with a hug and kissvhe just said "hey" and then he went on to his computer (which he left at my house so he can play his games) to check his e-mail. Once he was done he was lying down and I kissed him, the way he was kissing me seemed like he didn't really want to. So I asked him "why are you kissing like that" and he made a comment that I am always complaining. So then after that he fell asleep, now his plan was not to spend the night, he said that he was going to spend a few hours with me before it was time to pick his mom up from work at 2am. So anyway he ended up staying over. Since I had to go to work the next morning I asked him if he was going to stay while I was at work. So he did; when I returned from wotk I did the usual things that I do when returning home from work like clean, shower etc. So after all of that I started to kiss him and give him attention, and he told me he was "free" thinking so I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone, and his response was yea I'm just relaxing and thinking right now. Then he fell asleep. These two days that he's been at my house he's been like this. I asked him if there was anything wrong he said "no", and I told him if he wanted to talk that I am here to listen. But I have a gut feeling that it is something. And I am not use to him being this way. I wonder what I should do? I don't like to see him like this, it's like I am sitting here at work thinking of all the things I can do to make him feel better. Because I know sometimes I have my moment where I want to be left alone and something is bothering me and I don't reveal it. Perhaps he could be having his moment now. But what shall I do, I don't want to sit there like I don't care because I do. What do you guys think?
confused423 Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 seems like theres alot more to this... has this attitude game thing happend before? Has he been more distant lately? There are alot of reasons why someone can do as he did, one idea that comes to mind is that he might be testing you and making sure you still care, he could do that because hes jealous or just insecure. He could have done something hes not proud of and doesnt know how to tell you, and hides behind that falsehood. then like you said he could just have a problem in life that he needs to work out on his own. the thing is these are pretty much guesses, and nothings gonna be for certain unless he opens up or starts to change. Things like this hurt the trust between the two and consequently the relationship as well. If things continue down this road it will lead to a DEAD END.
Walk Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I think something is going on in his head that he's not ready to talk about yet. But I don't think it has to do with you. Or if it does, then it's not a negative (like ending the relationship) but more of a where's this going, where's life going. The reason I think this is because he chose to stay at your place even though he could've gone home. It seems to me that he wants your company, wants to know you're around, but isn't ready to share whatever weight he's carrying around. If he'd left shortly after coming over, created physical as well as emotional distance, then I would see it differently. But he wanted the feeling of you being around, being close. I don't think you have a real problem at this point. If he stopped contact with you, then I think you could assume its something wrong with the two of you. But because he came to you and seems to want to stay near you for a while, I'd take it that he has a personal problem and he'll talk when he's ready to. If after a few days he's still withdrawn, then try to open communciation up again. But don't make it about you. Just a simple, "I've noticed you're more withdrawn, what's bothering you?" Or "what's on your mind?" NOT "why are you mad at me, what did I do, why don't you love me anymore?"
Walk Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 I have a couple questions though. Has he acted like this in the past? And if so, what was the initial problem that caused him to act that way? Does he normally stay at your house when he's like that? How does he normally act when he's upset with you? From a logical standpoint, why do you think he's acting this way? Outside reasons, something happen in the relationship lately, problems with his family?
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