ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Are you the type of person that trusts someone from the get-go, or do they have to "earn" it, so to speak? & why are you this way? Is it because of past relationships, or is it just the way you've "learned."
tanbark813 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I'm an "earn it" person. I don't distrust someone right off the bat, but I'm neutral. Then my trust level goes up or down depending on what happens between us. I am this way because girls are shady.
basscatcher Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 When I was younger I immediately started with trust. Over time and lots of disappointments and heartbreak I no longer put complete trust in the beginning. I have expectations when I'm getting involved with someone. Trust in its true sense and completeness--in my opinion--has to be proven, earned.. I have a difficutl time entering in blind. I know what is possible in the real world and until I know the man better, feel out his morals and values, learn his behaviors and habits I then slowly figure out if I trust the guy or not. Too many of them that have strolled into my life are cheaters, liars and players..
Author ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 I'm an "earn it" person. I don't distrust someone right off the bat, but I'm neutral. Then my trust level goes up or down depending on what happens between us. I am this way because girls are shady. Yeah, as are guys. I'm beginning to realize that I can't bring my past relationships into this one... that's just asking for trouble. My boyfriend is so wonderful to me, and I trust him completely... & I know he'd never do anything that he knows I wouldn't approve of. But, it's kind of odd... because I NEVER trust people this easily, even if they don't do anything to make me dis-trust them... it's kind of odd, really.
2sunny Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Although it is earned to me - I don't allow them to think I feel this way. Most EVERYTHING in life is earned - really when you think about it.
Author ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 I think it says a lot if someone is willing to work hard, in the beginning of a relationship to prove to you that you can trust them.
2sunny Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I think it says a lot if someone is willing to work hard, in the beginning of a relationship to prove to you that you can trust them. I believe it shouldn't really need to be "work" Either it is in their general nature to be this way (decent and forthcoming) or it's not. Different circumstances just show it more glaringly when they react to the situation...
Art_Critic Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I trust from the beginning up till the point they give me a reason to distrust..
a4a Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Would you hand a stranger $500 and ask them to hold it for you for a few days? Probably not. I do not understand why people tend to value their life less than money. With me I am like Tan..... I will take you at your word for now...... prove yourself true to your word through your actions over time and you earn my trust. Lie to me and you are out of my life.
Art_Critic Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Would you hand a stranger $500 and ask them to hold it for you for a few days? There certainly are levels of trust A4.... giving someone $500 and ask them to hold it for you is different that lets say when you give your car keys to a vallet.. your car is worth 30-40k but you trust that they will bring it back in the same condition you gave it to them.
Author ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 I believe it shouldn't really need to be "work" Either it is in their general nature to be this way (decent and forthcoming) or it's not. Different circumstances just show it more glaringly when they react to the situation... A relationship is work. At first, everything may be just fine... but people change over the years, and a true relationship, takes work. So, like I said... if someone is willing to "work" and show me that I can trust them, then they're worth it to me. I have major trust issues, so if someone just "has it in them", that may not be enough for me. I need someone to PROVE to me that I can trust them, and a lot of people just aren't good enough at doing that... thus all my failed relationships.
SurpriseSurprise Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 There certainly are levels of trust A4.... giving someone $500 and ask them to hold it for you is different that lets say when you give your car keys to a vallet.. your car is worth 30-40k but you trust that they will bring it back in the same condition you gave it to them. That is a great example. We want to go to the fancy restaurant and not think about details like parking we want to just enjoy. Different situations we have a different expectation of trust. If the valet was not wearing one of those red vests but a tropical shirt you may trust him. The crook probably would go to the trouble to get the red vest. People start relationships in the same way. Some times we set the bar higher with some people then others and get easily disappointed. I tend to like to think the best of people and go from there. We all know that they don't have to lie to us for our expectation to change. We just start seeing certain behaviors or patterns that are not familiar or part of a previous bad experience and we start questioning trust. Let your gut be your guide. Works for food unfortunately the valet stole my car. Darn those guy's in the red vests fool me every time.
Buttaflyy Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I also trust until it's taken away, but I don't feel this is neccessarily a good thing. To me it's abnormal being that I've been through plenty of bad relationships. It's kinda weird because I'm glad that I don't carry old baggage into new ones. But at the same time, I think I've been through so much from trusting people so quickly only to be dissapointed.
Author ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 I also trust until it's taken away, but I don't feel this is neccessarily a good thing. To me it's abnormal being that I've been through plenty of bad relationships. It's kinda weird because I'm glad that I don't carry old baggage into new ones. But at the same time, I think I've been through so much from trusting people so quickly only to be dissapointed. That's my problem. I bring my old relationship problems into my new ones... and that makes people (my boyfriend now) think that it has something to do with them... when it doesn't... it's just MY issues that I'm holding onto. I want to get over this, but even with counseling, it hasn't helped. It's not just my relationships I bring this into, but my friendships as well. I just think I might be a little TOO cautious.
Buttaflyy Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 That's my problem. I bring my old relationship problems into my new ones... and that makes people (my boyfriend now) think that it has something to do with them... when it doesn't... it's just MY issues that I'm holding onto. I want to get over this, but even with counseling, it hasn't helped. It's not just my relationships I bring this into, but my friendships as well. I just think I might be a little TOO cautious. That's one of the benefits of trusting automatically. You have to give people the benefit of the doubt. It is very easy to bring old baggage into other relationships (relationships meaning everyone, not just love relationships) but it's very unfair to the receiving person. My BF is like this. He has been hurt by many ppl in his life and although I don't expect his feelings to disappear, I sometimes get blamed for what other people have done in the past. I feel he knows me better and should trust that I won't hurt him as other people has. Easier said than done right? But it's a process to be learned. He's working and getting better at it but (I know you've heard this before) Trust is one of the main ingredients to any relationship. You have to have a certain degree of trust for people and when/if they dissappoint you, then you hold them responsible.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 trust no one.................................................. ........................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................... I find it hard to trust from past experiences of trusting people who have all turned out to be completly untrustworthy in very bad ways....nothing surprises me anymore!
catgirl1927 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I try really hard to give people the benefit of the doubt until they prove they can't be trusted. I'm outwardly trusting, and inwardly very wary and scared. It's wrong to punish someone for something someone else did. So I do the best I can, and always keep one ear to the ground. I don't like to be caught unawares.
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