ImWithHim Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I don't even really know where to start and my mind is so bungled up right now that I'd rather not go into all the backstory, so this is for those of you that have bared with my (our?) posts... He's been gone 6 weeks now so there's still 4 1/2 months to go before we can get back into "real" contact again. It took about 2 weeks for the mail to arrive, but once it did he kept up on his writing and while I started, I haven't been writing lately. I think it's been two weeks since I've written him now and I hate myself for it. Initially I kept telling myself I was just too busy (I really am busy, but not too busy to write..) or had too much on my mind to sit down and write a letter. Every day I kick myself for not having written, but I'm beginning to understand why I keep putting it off. For one I guess I had hoped that this would be the make it or break it point in this mess we've gotten ourselves into. I thought in the back of my mind that he wouldn't write. He doesn't get that much time (an hour at the end of the day tops), to do any personal stuff, and I had figured he'd use the time to write his family. Why would he write me? I began to doubt his feelings since we hadn't met. I thought he would cut off contact and that would be the end of that. But he didn't, and every day I look forward to checking the mail and reading about what's going on with him. Part of why I'm having so much trouble writing back is that I know now that the reason I'm so stressed out lately and the reason there is so much on my mind is because I have no one to talk to and no one to share things with, both good and bad. The first person I think of is him and I can't get past that. I don't want to get past that. I feel like I should give him this time to sort out HIS feelings and if I keep writing him and stay in regular contact, it's unfair to him and his family. On the other hand, I can't imagine if I were in his shoes and he wasn't writing me back. I'd be completely heartbroken. Please help me sort this out.
zarathustra Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I don't even really know where to start and my mind is so bungled up right now that I'd rather not go into all the backstory, so this is for those of you that have bared with my (our?) posts... He's been gone 6 weeks now so there's still 4 1/2 months to go before we can get back into "real" contact again. It took about 2 weeks for the mail to arrive, but once it did he kept up on his writing and while I started, I haven't been writing lately. I think it's been two weeks since I've written him now and I hate myself for it. Initially I kept telling myself I was just too busy (I really am busy, but not too busy to write..) or had too much on my mind to sit down and write a letter. Every day I kick myself for not having written, but I'm beginning to understand why I keep putting it off. For one I guess I had hoped that this would be the make it or break it point in this mess we've gotten ourselves into. I thought in the back of my mind that he wouldn't write. He doesn't get that much time (an hour at the end of the day tops), to do any personal stuff, and I had figured he'd use the time to write his family. Why would he write me? I began to doubt his feelings since we hadn't met. I thought he would cut off contact and that would be the end of that. But he didn't, and every day I look forward to checking the mail and reading about what's going on with him. Part of why I'm having so much trouble writing back is that I know now that the reason I'm so stressed out lately and the reason there is so much on my mind is because I have no one to talk to and no one to share things with, both good and bad. The first person I think of is him and I can't get past that. I don't want to get past that. I feel like I should give him this time to sort out HIS feelings and if I keep writing him and stay in regular contact, it's unfair to him and his family. On the other hand, I can't imagine if I were in his shoes and he wasn't writing me back. I'd be completely heartbroken. Please help me sort this out. Maybe send him one letter and let him know that you are going to stop writing not because you don't want to and not because you don't care or love him. Just let him know that you want him to be able to have the time to figure things out. This way, he won't misunderstand you. I'm pretty stressed out today... actually for the last two days with my xMM. Today he did another I care and want what's best for you and understand what you are doing... all bulls***. I hope he'd stop pretending. Then he asked me to go for a walk. Told him I didn't want to be around him... 15 minutes later he goes looking for someone and takes the long route... you've got it... walked across my f***ing desk. There's no respect whatsoever for my wishes. This is getting soooooooo f***ing old. So while I don't the share the same kind of stress, I'm sure we share the same level. Here's a toast to you... IWHim... here's to us! May we feel happiness in our hearts soon! Gives me a headache. I must have taken too much painkillers already.
Art_Critic Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 It seems to me that you are not living your life for you right now.. Go out and experience life..get a new hobby.. start gardening..even go out on dates.. You need to remember that no matter what he physically isn't in your life and you need to compensate for that.. Don't sit at home waiting for the mail or by the phone.. Start thinking of your future instead of the past.
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