Outcast Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 most women feel this way, that is why its so hard for them to accept it when a man does not want them any more. most men feel this way, that is why its so hard for them to accept it when a woman does not want them any more. Difference is that a lot more men beat, stalk, and kill the women who reject them.
the_alchemyst Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 If I was a guy or a lesbian, I'd date you Alchymest! The sentiment goes both ways, Kitten. most women feel this way, that is why its so hard for them to accept it when a man does not want them any more. You're right alpha, most women do think this, but there is one little thing: while most women may think they have many good things going for them, a lot of them really are run-of-the-mill types of females. Example: This girl my exbf is hanging out with--she thinks she is bad.ass. She thinks she's the greatest there will ever be, yet she fails to see that she is nothing more than a rehashed version/replica of an extroverted party girl. So, while she may think she's a good catch, she's not. It's really hard to explain. A lot of girls think they are the greatest thing ever, but in reality they are not. I know I'm not the greatest thing ever, but I do know that I'm a lot better than most girls--especially around here, where superficiality reigns supreme. And Kitten is right: You are not in the infatuation stage after 5/6 years; it is something much more deep and meaningful than that. And I think that if something lasts this long it's because there's something definitely right going on. But obviously that something went wrong or was confused to be something wrong. I KNOW that I am exactly what my exbf wants because he has said it himself, and before someone gets cynical, I don't mean that he said, "Oh, you're exactly what I was looking for" or any of that spurr of the moment thing. Since before we dated, he told me of all of these characteristics he looked for in a girl, and I matched them all. Why do you think we lasted so long? At one point, he even wanted to marry me, but I told him we were waay too young for that. So, what happened? I really believe he is confused, not really knowing what he wants: whether he wants to be serious with me, since, as he puts it, he "still loves me," or wants to live it up. He wants to live for the moment right now, and have no one to deal with or to answer to. He wants his "freedom," and thinks that by having it, he will eventually find a girl in that same scene. And he probably will. But later down the road, he will realize how much he messed up. And writing like this makes me feel that I have nothing to be sad over, but you have no idea how much it hurts.
dr strangelove Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Comments some of the women here are so obsessed over their ex. I also find they are incredibly self absorbed. Women never admit to being wrong and they also have a tendacy to do really annoying things that drive men away. I can list off any number of things my ex did to drive me away. Its not fair really, I was in a great headspace when I met her. But I just thought after all I have been through do I really need someone like this? Is there not a better match? There was better out there for sure. More attractive More fit. More money. But the feelings were not there. I wonder if you two have ever taken a long hard look at yourselves from the perspective of your ex boyfriends? I have taken alot of time to try and see things from my exes point of view. Not much good it makes because I will never see her again. What does this have to do with self confidence? Perhaps confidence is not the reason you broke up. My confidence level has little to do with anything right now, I can be as confident as I want it doesnt take this pain away, or the loneliness. Its tough to go on with life knowing that you will always be alone...
Author KittenMoon Posted June 17, 2006 Author Posted June 17, 2006 some of the women here are so obsessed over their ex. I also find they are incredibly self absorbed. Women never admit to being wrong and they also have a tendacy to do really annoying things that drive men away. I can list off any number of things my ex did to drive me away. I ask myself what I did wrong every day. I realize I could have done more little things to keep our relationship alive, but I don't feel much at fault because HE didn't do any of these things either. I did a lot, I paid attention to the things I did that bothered him a lot, and I altered my thinking on many of them, accepted things in many cases, and it worked and the problems were resolved. He, however, did not do this for me. In reality, I feel I only had one huge mistake- all the time he wanted to marry me I always said I wouldn't. That we'd never be married. Not long after I actually began considering it in my head, things began to go downhill (for mostly unrelated reasons). I don't play games. I would tell my ex EXACTLY the things he did that hurt me, bothered me, etc and I would ask him to be more considerate in the future. Not to change, just realize what he did/said that hurt me. Except it was like "in one ear, out the other". So then, yeah, after a while I'd get "bitchy girl" about it. It was because of certain things he did and ways he treated me that things began to slide, then I began to pull away, and then he began to pull away, and finally it self-destructed. I asked him to be more considerate of my feelings on these things that hurt the relationship, but he utterly refused to accept that by doing them, he hurt me. In his head he decided that because he saw nothing WRONG with what he did or how he acted, it meant it didn't or shouldn't bother/hurt me. But it did. (And just so you don't think I am being self-absorbed, intimate friends of ours made many comments about these things to me afterwards, at which point i actually began to realize these things) And I will openly admit to being wrong, at fault, etc. But only if I am getting the same consideration and respect from someone. It's 50/50, and at least with my ex, I was made to carry that entire burden.
fabulousgal Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 I heart Kitten Moon and AC, bc you know what, we do rock. Make a list of the nice things you did, and then your "faults"...I did that this morning (and yes I did put a lot of time into the faults section). What I realized is that my good far outweighed the bad, and no one is perfect, and if he can't see that- then by far it his loss. AC, I totally understand where you say that you are quite the catch. There are good girls out there that are bright beautiful and most importantly genuine...just like you, me, and KM and pity the fools that lost out on a great thing! Now its Saturday, let's go out and play!
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