overseas2004 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 My boyfriend broke up with me roughly a month ago. We are both 38 and we only fought once. But the fight was a long culmination of me keeping things that really bothered me to myself. The problems were this 1. He did not call me often, I called him more often. Sometimes we wouldnt have contact for a week. (We live really really long distance but see each other once a month) 2. When I had planned business trips to or near his city he would first say that he might have to go away. The excuses were s***ty. Once he said he had to have an operation, the other time he had a sick and dying friend to take care of. He never went however and always ended up being there when I arrived and being with me. I stayed in this relationship because he told me that he wanted to marry me and he asked me to move to the city he lived in. I asked him "does that mean you are ready for me to quit my job". He said yes. We also took AIDS tests at his insistence. I asked him what if I get pregnant. He said "that would be good". On my last visit we had unprotected sex for the first time. But he pulled out at the last minute. For me that was the culminating point of the other stuff and that. I blew up, we had a fight. A few days later we broke up. We saw each other one more time where we discussed our problems or the problems that I had with him in a calm and rational tone. We left it that I would talk to him when I got back to the States but he didnt say he wanted to make up. He said just lets talk. When we broke up I was a bit sick and the doctors told me that I needed some minor surgery. He knows this. I wasnt expecting him to call or write until about now. But he has sent several text messages asking me how I am. On Tuesday I got an angry one saying "if you didnt want to answer my earlier messages the least you could have done is let me know how the surgery went. Mind you all its minor surgery. I have not responded. But I feel that by today if I will I need to. Why dont I want to? I want him back and I dont know what the best strategy is. If I write back it would be I am fine now, how are you? And then would give the power back to him. If I dont call, if he cares, wont he pursue me further?
ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 He may just think that you're not interested anymore. You're playing a game with him - grown men don't tend to care for that too much. He's obviously trying to make contact with you, so why not just talk back to him, instead of ignoring him, and making him think that you don't care about his feelings, or the fact that he's obviously trying to show you that he still cares about you.
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Just call him, get together and talk. BOTH of you are acting immature and not adult-like. Respect eachother, and don't play games. The fact communication has become an issue is part of the reason why things are the way the are. Relationships are hard work, so if you want to marry this guy, WORK hard to make it work! Talk to him, confide in him about everything. He's hurt, your hurt and because of that, you both are feeding off of reactions and fears...Fears because neither of you know what the other one is thinking.
Buttaflyy Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Hi Overseas! Between now and your previous thread you seem to have come along way. Be grateful that you don't wish to contact him. Maybe you realize that the relationship is over. I believe that there is a higher power that protects us and our feelings. You needed strength and it seems that that is what is being given to you. If you respond, you may end up right back where you started. Be thankful that you don't have the desire to contact him. Do you feel as if your ready to move on?
ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Why would he be hurt? We're all assuming that he still cares about you. If he didn't, he wouldn't be checking on you. So obviously, because he still cares about you, he's hurting through all this too.
Buttaflyy Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Overseas, I am confused. I think I may have confused your thread with someone elses. Sorry if I did. Can you link your last thread relating to this?
Author overseas2004 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t90938/ This is the original story. Since then he has sent me two sms texts. The first one asking "Are you better". Teh second text message arrived to me on tuesday and he said "since you didnt bother to answer my sms on are you feeling better, the least you could have done is tell me what the doctor said". As I mentioned to you all he broke up with me while I was having some health problems. He did offer to help me go to the doctor and all that. But I did nto want him with me since he said we were breaking up. I dont know whether to continue no contact or to write. It is clear he is concerned but its not clear if he wants back. What is clear is that he is angry that I have not responded to his first text. But you will see from the thread what the problems were.
whichwayisup Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Until you actually talk to him by phone or face to face, you don't know for sure what he thinks or feels...Just as he doesn't know what you think or feel.
Buttaflyy Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I still feel as I stated earlier. If the relationship is over, since you did want him back maybe you shouldn't contact him. Especially if you were the one doing all the giving in the first place. I think he's probably finally taking you seriously since you were the one doing most of the calling and were in pursuit of him most of the time before. A healthy relationship is 50/50 and nothing else. If you were unhappy with the way things were then you shouldn't be in it. I wouldn't call. Do things on your own terms.
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