Chris123 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Hey guys, here's a story of my 2 1/2 yrs relationship, i will try to short it out so that it's easier to read. Please help me out, i know people on here been thru this and your advise will help me greatly. We started when we were in high school, i met her in one of my class and she's one the most gorgeous woman i have met. I never had any realationships before so i was really new at this. But I hold my gut together n started to talk to her. We got along well n we started goin out after i tried really hard. The first year was probably the best time i ever have in my life. I learned so much from each other and experience new life and we also lost our viginity to each other. We spent every moment together because we care/love each other so much. I love her to death n i get her wutever she want and asked for. after a year, we started to fight alot, we fight over small things and it always get out of hand (like saying break ups when i don't mean). After that it went downhill, whenever we fight and i don't "listen" to her, she would throw things at me, not pillows but whatever that she see (keys, pencils, remote). At first i would tell her to stop n she would punch me in the head or hit me really hard. I never touch her back or anything but telling her to stop . We broke up so many times afterward n i would always run back to her the next day(callin, beggin). I guess the bad move that i did made it worse. The hitting contiue and i remember one time we had an agrument in the car and she went out of control n threw her keys at my head, i bleed instantly, she cried and said sorry and i let it go. Months after months of being treated wiht no respect (whenever we had a conversation, she always say i am stupid or you are wrong). I was on the edge, she came to my house w/o my permission looking for her clothing because we had a fight earlier and she always comes in and pick up her stuff. I ignored her while she's pickin up her s*** in my room and she started to throw things at me AGAIN. I got out of control and pitched her on the bed n started to choke her.. I let her go after a few second but It was the biggest mistake i made in my life.. I realized what i did was so f***ed up and apologize to her. after having a really long conversation promising not to hit her ever again and crying, we made up. but the hitting didn't stop on her part. I was still getting hit by her whenever we fight because she knows i would never hit her back (i promised her). I guess she took advantage at it. Last week it's the same senario.. the fight was really stupid and misunderstanding on both of us, but she ended up pushing me to the window and hit me wiht her fist. After getting a middle finger shoved in my face and me hitting her wiht an empty water bottle. i finally said it's over... i laid myself on the bed after i said that n she smacked me in the ear causing a punture in my ear. I went to the toher room n locked myself n she left. I didn't tlak to her ever since... it's been a week of NC and i heard people said she hooked up wiht one of my brothers' friend right after and she's enjoying her life. I don't understand how she dind't have any feelings.. I honestly gave my 110% feelings to her. i loved her so much and why do i deserve this at the end?. Please give me some advice on how to get over this unbearable feeling.
Diver012 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I had a friend of mine that went through this. Sometimes 2 personalities can just be volitole together. The chemistry between 2 people just isnt good. She was doing the same things to her Ex boyfriend that your ex was doing to you. She had never behaved this way before. She had never behaved this way since. You need to let her go. Forever. Its gonna hurt like hell. But this relationship needs to be over for both of your sakes.
Buttaflyy Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 You need to let her go. Forever. Its gonna hurt like hell. But this relationship needs to be over for both of your sakes. Ditto what Diver said! I think you are ready to do this. Sounds like you are accepting the fact that it is over which is very good on your part. It will hurt tremendously but, you must let it go! You have to move on! As far as her moving on already. Maybe she has also accepted the fact that it is over. Don't stress over whether her feelings for you are sincere. I'm sure she did love you as much as you did her. This relationship is too dysfunctional to continue and it's just time to move on.
Bex_23 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 You have DEFINATELY done the right thing. There is no easy way to cope with the pain, but it will go away in time. You are young and there is a lot can learn from having been in a bad relationship. Work out what it is that you do want. Recognise the signs, the patterns and the behaviours of what you dont want. Feel good about yourself, you have proved at an early age that you are capable of having a committed relationship (some men never manage that!) You have proved too that you can be trusted. You never hit her back, despite being pushed to the limit. That does you credit. Talk about it as much as you can kindest regards Bex
Author Chris123 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 Thank you for all your kind comments. This whole week is been really hard for me.. the whole time i acutally thought about how to fix this and what i did wrong on my part so we can work this out. I still wanted give us a chance to change, not jus her, but both of us.. I stayed at home most of the time torturing myself thinking she'd know the mistake and call but she's just out having fun. And worse of all, at the end of first week of break up, i heard she hooked up with one of my brothers' friend. ( i know him too because we all used to hang out together). We broke up the day before prom. but I trusted that guy and told him to take care of her at prom because i couldn't go (long story). He acutally said "i will, don't worry, you know i won't do anything". I trusted him that he wouldn't do anything because he's a friend. Now he stabbed me in my back n hooked up with her. But that's another story, he's neither of me n my brothers' friend anymore. I never feel this painful in my life until i heard about what she did for the pass whole week. Thanks for reading this and hope someone out there will understand my pain. (i wish she's the one that will understand the most.) -Chris
Bex_23 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Hang in there Chris. Breaking up with your first Love is incredably painful. But trust me there will be other Loves, better Loves preferably that don't hit you! Its great that you are prepared to take some responsability for the break-up and consider what you have maybe done wrong, that way when you do meet someone else you wont make the same mistakes again. You sound like a nice guy, let her go. I know you are feeling very raw right now, but believe me nothing would make you more unhappy in the long run than staying in a violent relationship. Mope about the house for a bit, cry, listen to music, watch movies etc etc, then move on and enjoy your life. Bex
MisterJ Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Hey man, I was married to a violent girl. At 18, I was stupid to let her hit me. I can relate to you. She left me and slept with my boss, also a very good friend of mine. Don't be sad. Neither of them were worth the crap off your shoe. It was hard for me, being married to the girl who did it to me. This being your first serious relationship, chalk it up to experience. I had to. Hard to do at first, but I guarantee someday you will look back and think "what the hell was I doing staying in that?". It may not seem like it now, but you will. If she was so willing to do this so quickly, was she really worth it? No. Hell no. Thank whatever it is that you believe in that it's over. Just remember, others have been there. I am kind of new here, and going through an ordeal. Thats what brought me here. Quite a few people here have a lot of insight. Listen, learn. I am, and it is helping.
Author Chris123 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 Thanks for helping me, i feel alot better about myself. But it's easy to say then done.. jus 5 mins ago i was about to pick up the phone and call... I have so many things i wanted to ask her... I can't stand not being able to call because we used to be together or on the phone 24/7..
Buttaflyy Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Thanks for helping me, i feel alot better about myself. But it's easy to say then done.. jus 5 mins ago i was about to pick up the phone and call... I have so many things i wanted to ask her... I can't stand not being able to call because we used to be together or on the phone 24/7.. It's going to be hard but hang in there. This cycle must end! I've been here before, as well as plenty others here. As time goes by (and this may be a while but...) you won't think about her as often, then at all, till one day you won't feel the pain of missing her and finally... you will wonder "what the hell was I thinkin"??
Bex_23 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 What you are feeling right now is the brutal pain of loss. It's a big cliche I know, but the pain of loss always lessens with time. Right now I'm sure you can think about nothing but her and how much it hurts. Pretty soon you will find that although you still think about her and how much it hurts most of the time, some of the time you will think about other things. Then you will realise that you are think of other things more often and even feel happy some of the time. Then you will find that you are only thinking of her and feeling the pain some of the time. Eventually you will only think of her occassionally and the pain will be gone. Add that together with a few happy memories, that don't make you feel sad anymore, and some thoughts along the lines of "Oh my god what was that all about?"!! and you will be officially over it. As for wanting answers ....of course you do, but don't bother asking her any questions as even if she did know the answers she probably wouldn't tell you. Just stay strong and remember what you are doing is right, you have nothing to feel ashamed of or guilty about.
Author Chris123 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 here's an update it's been a week and a half of NC.. now she jsu callled few mins ago... i was curious of what she's gonna say but i dind't pick up...What should i do? i feel like my heart jus stopped. be honest.. i really wanted to give her a chance and see what she will say. But i don't know if i should jus jump in a pick up.. any help?
Pantero Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Pick up and tell her to go kill herself. If you would rather not do that, then I suggest not picking up at all and let her stew in her own toxins. I have no sympathy for abusers at all.
Buttaflyy Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 here's an update it's been a week and a half of NC.. now she jsu callled few mins ago... i was curious of what she's gonna say but i dind't pick up...What should i do? i feel like my heart jus stopped. be honest.. i really wanted to give her a chance and see what she will say. But i don't know if i should jus jump in a pick up.. any help? It's probably too late (and please update us as to what you did) but, it would probably benefit you more if you continue NC with her. In my experience, I could not face the guy for a while after a breakup. If you speak with her while your still vulnerable then you may wind up at square one. Good luck to you! And remember it WILL get better.
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