litfish Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Does anyone have any insight as to why the people who are the breakers-up often want to stay friends? Is it just the selfish ones who do this because they want to ween themselves completely off of the person they've broken up with and spare themselves as much hurt as possible, regardless of the fact that it might cause more pain for the one they are leaving? My ex is halfway across the world right now, and he has called me several times, to let me know he is "doing fine." Three times in one day because he figured the time wrong and couldn't get ahold of me; he thought it was eight a.m. instead of 10:30 a.m. and was wanting to know "why was my phone off at eight in the morning?" Can anyone enlighten me as the what this s*** is? He broke up w/ me. He is dating others. He is in a different country. And, yet, he is concerned that I am not available when it is convenient for him. And, if I were to develop any kind of hope or warm feelings for him because it seems like he cares right now, and he sensed that, he would stomp all over it. Is it me, or is this just crazy?
Tim'sAngel Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I think people have a hard time letting go. I know for me (a female) I will keep in contact with an ex if I am trying to find a ray of hope or maybe hoping they will hear my voice and miss me. I recently got in contact with an ex because I needed closure and for that I needed him to answer some questions, but that was just a one time thing, I don't intend on talking to him again, so that wouldn't be a good example since you say he calls you a few times a day. So I guess, there are different reasons. I personally think it is necessary to apply NC after a breakup, it just helps to avoid hurt feelings and wouned egos from tearing into each other. I cannot talk to someone I have recently broken up with and keep it casual... I mean this is someone I really liked!! Someone I kissed and hugged and stared into his eyes... how do you really go back to being friends after you have taken it to the next level? I think it is selfish of anyone who tries to stay "friends" with someone they have broken up with. What happens when they call you up to tell you they have met someone new and interesting? What are you supposed to do as the "friend" cheer for them?? This makes no sense.
Author litfish Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 Thanks for the reply Angel, Before, I have always followed no contact when I broke up with someone. And, I can understand the tendency to want to "stay in touch" if you still want the person (i.e., they broke up w/you). I just don't understand him wanting to stay in touch when he is the one who wanted out in the first place. He has always seemed like a kind, thoughtful guy--this just seems so selfish, the way he's acting. Do you think he is confused? So hot and cold. I'm actually feeling a little sad right now...some days are pretty hard.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Thanks for the reply Angel, Before, I have always followed no contact when I broke up with someone. And, I can understand the tendency to want to "stay in touch" if you still want the person (i.e., they broke up w/you). I just don't understand him wanting to stay in touch when he is the one who wanted out in the first place. He has always seemed like a kind, thoughtful guy--this just seems so selfish, the way he's acting. Do you think he is confused? So hot and cold. I'm actually feeling a little sad right now...some days are pretty hard. That is quite understandable. I think it is selfish also, as I stated in my post above. If you are really having a hard time with the whole "friends" thing, then the only thing you can really do is tell him you are not comforable being his "friend" after being so much more. If he doesn't act like he understands that, well then he is selfish no doubt. It doesn't take a rocket scientist to figure that one out. Maybe he just wants his cake and eat it too.
Author litfish Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 Definitely not a rocket scientist here..just someone trying to cope with feelings that defy logic. Thanks for your thoughts.
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