RaeRae82 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 HI! So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2.5 years. About 6 months ago we started partying a lot (cocaine-rare, ecstasy-often, heavy drinking for him-I don't drink). I stop partying so much about 2 months ago, getting to be too much and realized I need to focus on my future. He has a job where he works 2nd shift, I work 1st, so we only see eachother on weekends...he also works most Saturdays. So, really we only see eachother saturday night and Sunday. Problem is, I've been asking him to just spend a weekend with me for the past 8 weeks. His response is usually, "I only have one day off a week! I have to go out to wind down!" When I asked him tonight(because he has a saturday off for once) his response was "If I stay home my youth is wasting away!!!" This has replayed over and over every weekend for the past 8 weeks. If I get upset he says "well, if you're going to get pissing I'm FOR SURE going out!!" that's bull, if I didn't say anyhting he'd go out anyway! I just don't know what to do anymore. He is a VERY stubborn individual. He keeps saying he wants to go to college, but never does anything about it because he says he doesn't know what he wants to go for. I don't know if all of this is avoidance of growing up or a full-blown addiction. Maybe both. either way, I have no clue what to do. He won't listen to anything I say. I feel like I've lost the person I fell in love with, the only time I see him anymore is when I'm partying with him....that scares me to death
paige367 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Tell him you're getting your act together and want to have a solid future. If that's what he wants too he needs to get his act together too. If he is unable to within a certain time frame tell him you need to move on but if he is ever able to get his act together he can call you and if you're still available then you'll consider another chance. I call this closing the door but keeping in unlocked.
Pyro Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 HI! So, my boyfriend and I have been dating for about 2.5 years. About 6 months ago we started partying a lot (cocaine-rare, ecstasy-often, heavy drinking for him-I don't drink). I stop partying so much about 2 months ago, getting to be too much and realized I need to focus on my future. He has a job where he works 2nd shift, I work 1st, so we only see eachother on weekends...he also works most Saturdays. So, really we only see eachother saturday night and Sunday. Problem is, I've been asking him to just spend a weekend with me for the past 8 weeks. His response is usually, "I only have one day off a week! I have to go out to wind down!" When I asked him tonight(because he has a saturday off for once) his response was "If I stay home my youth is wasting away!!!" This has replayed over and over every weekend for the past 8 weeks. If I get upset he says "well, if you're going to get pissing I'm FOR SURE going out!!" that's bull, if I didn't say anyhting he'd go out anyway! I just don't know what to do anymore. He is a VERY stubborn individual. He keeps saying he wants to go to college, but never does anything about it because he says he doesn't know what he wants to go for. I don't know if all of this is avoidance of growing up or a full-blown addiction. Maybe both. either way, I have no clue what to do. He won't listen to anything I say. I feel like I've lost the person I fell in love with, the only time I see him anymore is when I'm partying with him....that scares me to death I am sorry that you are going through this. Many people that I know share the same story. No matter what, do not throw your future away. Some people need to experience the lifestyle of the partying and no responsibilities. He is at a crossroad in his life. He is going to pick one of two paths. He will either continue on with his partying and lose hope with sustaining a relationship and building a successful future, or he will experience it and realize that he is wasting his life and ruining things with you. You have tried talking to him and you voiced your opinion. The rest is up to him, but like I stated before, do not ruin your future on the count of him. The lifestyle that he is partaking in could really get you in trouble or hurt if you stick around. You already know what you want and he is still figuring it out. I hope that everything works out.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 This man (or boy) has not grown up yet and I'm sorry to say is not ready for a serious relationship. If you are happy being in a relationship you want to spend time with the person you are with. Not every waking moment of course, but jeez if he only has one day to spend time with you, he should want to. Very simple.
Author RaeRae82 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 ok, so last night when he got home, he said "well, if it really means THAT much to you I'll stay home." His tone was annoyed and, I think, hoping that I'd say "oh no, it's fine. You can go", but all I said was "awesome" Is this hope? or does he just want to shut me up for a while?
Tim'sAngel Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 ok, so last night when he got home, he said "well, if it really means THAT much to you I'll stay home." His tone was annoyed and, I think, hoping that I'd say "oh no, it's fine. You can go", but all I said was "awesome" Is this hope? or does he just want to shut me up for a while? Unless he shows how happy he is to stay with you, it sounds like hes trying to shut you up, or maybe he's just feeling guilty. Either way, he is being very immature.
Author RaeRae82 Posted June 27, 2006 Author Posted June 27, 2006 in the last couple weeks he has totally changed!!! We haven't had an argument at all! I am astounded. Some of our friends actually talked to him when I wasn't there, they know what's been going on. I think it really sunk inthat I wasn't just being crazy and trying to control him. He said he's completely quitting doing coke, cutting back on the drinking and ecstasy. So far, he's been upholding that statement and has been so sweet to me and much more focused on real life. YAY! He's even been trying to enroll in college finally.
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