Emotionally Vulnerable People?

[ronnieromance]

Pada, *you are right*.

 

That's what I normally discover about the men in these particular situations.

 

They all have one thing in common: they're all like loose cannonballs, carrying their hearts and emotions, and undealt-with baggage from other failed relationships on their sleeves.

 

And they desperately want you (I) to be the *one* to 'fix' it all for them.

 

They take any 'mistake' you may make to heart, eye it with resentment and caution -and they store this, developing it into later resentment.

 

They are also more likely to be harboring overwhelming capacity for jealousy.

 

They want romance, -total romance- and barely even look in on the real world of everyday responsibility. It's like they run from it.

 

But they still manage to appear normal.

 

Until you get to know them better.

 

-Rio

Television babies. Just like the people that want to medicalize everything and apply therapy or a mood enhancing drug for a fix.

 

 

-R-

[riobikini]

Ronnie, I don't know if the people I'm attempting to describe here, really know what living a normal life *is* -but I'm convinced that they have *no clue* how to live one, -even if the opportunity came up and bit them in the a*s.

 

Nor do they really know what they're talking about when they describe 'true love'.

 

I agree with what I *think* you mean, when you say they are 'television babies': they're only mimmicking great romances in the storylines of television series. Several come to mind.

 

Maybe that's their idea of a relationship -dunno- but I do know that it doesn't seem to be working -for them- or anybody.

 

-Rio

[Bullgator]

Just a thought, Rio, but could it be that you've got the right bait but you're fishing in the wrong pond?

[Outcast]

After me, he moved in with his newest victim (as I like to call her.. <<Smiling>>) after only 4 months of knowing her.

...

 

Mine did it within three weeks LOL. And I think they're married - last I ran into him he was trying to hide a ring LOL. If he was true to form, he was pushing her to have the wedding at the six-month mark. And I bet she's sorry now

[riobikini]

re:

 

Bullgator: "Just a thought, Rio, but could it be that you've got the right bait but you're fishing in the wrong pond?"

 

Thing is, Gator (Smile) -I hate worms, so I don't do much 'fishing'.

 

Let me clear that up -I absolutely love the male gender. They're my preference. What I mean is, I don't like all the fuss of 'fishing' for someone, -so I don't.

 

Where I live (same as you) -the men are steeped in tradition. Or maybe I heard it wrong and what was really said was more like "stepped in bullsh*t", -or something like that. (Smile)

 

I'll have my hearing checked.

 

Here, (as you know) people are quaint and comfortable, -rarely leaving their small town- much less the state, and while this may create a warm and nearly untouched environment by more sophisticated standards, it also has some major drawbacks with the views passed down -expressly to male members- from family to family regarding women, their 'place' in the world (and their 'world' is still, for the most part, -at home), and utterly sets the stage for beliefs and practices which takes us back at least fifty years or so.

 

I'm not found preaching from the women's libber stump often, ( I detest loud people, would never burn my bra because they cost too much, and they don't serve tea at the gatherings) but this has been a pet peeve of mine for some time about the region where I live -and where I grew up.

 

But I'm finding that the problem is still found all over the country in little pockets, especially stubbornly rooted in the southern states.

 

It's hard to kill that sort of thing. Maybe impossible.

 

So I've accepted that it's here to stay, -and so am I, just as stubbornly rooted.

 

I pick my battles as carefully as I can.

 

Neither fishing in my own pond appeals to me, nor *chasing* after the smell of testosterone that grew somewhere else. (Smile) I'm waiting for it to come to me -in the right package.

 

I might be waiting for a long time -I realize that- and I am also aware of the possibility that I might be holding my own hand when I finally pass.

 

That's ok.

 

As long as I've got two of them.

 

(Smile)

 

-Rio

[Bobbie]

but whilst I would say I am 'emotionally vulnerable' because of my past etc. Nope- no instant declarations of love, don't like 'gestures' and long-term realtionships I guess just have to be two people patiently getting to know each other and working it out.

 

I think it's true though- wanting to love and be loved before you really know the other is about neediness or control issues rather than affection/ lust/ relationships.

[RarePearl]

Posters, what are your thoughts on those who say they are 'in love', (and are 'sure' about it) or propose within days or weeks of meeting someone?

 

I think they are brave and naive, but not necessarily wrong. Just because you hadn't had the chance to get to know somone doesn't make them bad.

 

When you have met a lot of people you totally don't like and then you meet a person who seems like the whole package, you think: "That's it, I should look no further!"

 

I knew my ex-husband for years before we hooked up. My current husband I knew for a short time, but he ended up great.

[riobikini]

re:

 

RarePearl: " When you have met a lot of people you totally don't like and then you meet a person who seems like the whole package, you think: "That's it, I should look no further!" "

 

 

I agree with what you are saying in this sense: there are those who have had enough experience with relationships to have gained enough knowledge about their own likes/dislikes, which (they *think*) allows them to be able to make a less lengthy decision in whether a prospective partner is 'up to par' for them, -for a lifetime commitment.

 

But with this, I still believe that -likewise- the *prospective partner* must also have had the same (or similar) experiences, though, in order for that to have greater potential to work.

 

*Cohesive potential for viability.*

 

Moreover, I believe the future for these unusually quick unions are *more likely* to weather the greater brunt of possible oncoming negative events, if both partners have given *enough time* for the relationship, itself, to prove itself.

 

Seeing a potential partner react to tough situations as well as everyday routines (<like balancing a checkbook vs. handling an irate person in a business matter, for instance), watching the personality, and coping, and reasoning skills at work, in business and personal scenarios -and actually *being there* as the true heart of the person is revealed while dealing with compelling emotional matters, I believe, is *essential*.

 

These things tell you who you have really chosen, and only *being there* to witness the outcome -which involves the *time* to do so- can produce that kind of information.

 

-Rio

[Marlien]

I haven't had any luck detaching my co-dependent boyfriend as of yet.

It almost happened last night, but to no avail, he continues to stick on like a remora to a shark's butt.

 

Sorry for the poor imagery, but it's the best way to describe it. He got really attached, really quickly.

[jerbear]

Seeing a potential partner react to tough situations as well as everyday routines (<like balancing a checkbook vs. handling an irate person in a business matter, for instance), watching the personality, and coping, and reasoning skills at work, in business and personal scenarios -and actually *being there* as the true heart of the person is revealed while dealing with compelling emotional matters, I believe, is *essential*.

 

Sometimes years! In one of my situations, it ended she up putting me in the friend bucket because if she dated me there was potential in the long term for me to leave. I was able to help her start many things in life, only person there "she trusted" to motivate, trust, and have actual experience in helping her. As a friends, she put up barriers yet other options were both lost and gained. Her actions unfortunately for a emotionally vulnerable person creates an attachment to count on the person while the opposing party MAY get some benefits because (s)he was there. The reward is given out by the vulnerable person yet bigger crumbs. Sort of stringing the person along till the subject of commitment and usually sex comes up.

 

These things tell you who you have really chosen, and only *being there* to witness the outcome -which involves the *time* to do so- can produce that kind of information.

 

very true, sometimes years!

[Mary3]

I'd estimate that 90% of men are like this with women. The are impatient and desperate and fall head over heels when they meet a beautiful women. These guys are morons and have no self-control. If they can "fall in love" with a particular woman in two weeks then they can do the same with any woman. They are needy and emotionally immature and should be wiped of the face of the earth

Wow !............

[riobikini]

I do agree with Alpha that these types of men possess a certain distinct "clingy" aspect to their behavior and personality that causes women to -eventually- panic and run in a totally *opposite* direction.

 

Me, included.

 

-Rio