plainoldjared Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I have a complicated situation. I’ve been in relationship for the last 9 months with someone 2 yrs older than me; I’ve known her for 7 yrs. When we first met we casually dated but she never took me seriously because I was 18 and she was 21. Well we reunited a year ago, by some strange coincidence, and I instantly felt that same attraction and so we started talking and 3 months later were officially in a relationship. From the beginning she told me that she had an older man (28 yrs older) paying her bills so she didn’t have to work and could dedicate herself to school all she had to do was go out to dinner with him talk on the phone and basically be his trophy girl that he can parade around for work related events. He’s married and loaded, paid for her gall bladder surgery (10grand) and 100% of her bills but she said that if she ever found someone she would choose love over money any day. At the time I thought I could handle it, I really liked her and for months he almost disappeared out of our lives because he was going through some personal problems allowing me to think everything was fine and I fell in love with her. Well things calmed down for him and now he’s back. I moved in with her at the beginning of this month. It seemed like the logical thing to do, I was unhappy with my current roommate and spending the night with her every night and practically living with her. Well he doesn’t give her money like before he doesn’t pay 100% like before and she is moving into her moms in September when her lease runs out and I am moving into my moms so I can save money and buy a home for us to live together. I asked “since you’re moving into your moms in September you don’t need this guy to be around anymore because you don’t have bills right?” she responded with “until I live with you I have to do what I have to do to accomplish my goals, you and I are in a serious relationship but we’re not married so you cant ask me to stop anything. I’m so effin pissed and confused. I love this girl I want to marry her and have a family with her and give her everything she wants but I’m not some 50 year old guy thats owned his own business for 15yrs so I have to do it slow. It’s not like I’m completely broke anyway I make decent money for 23. I feel like this is a double standard. She can have him around because it’s a goal of hers to graduate and he takes the stress of finances away but me moving with my parents so I can save money to buy a house means we’re not in a serious relationship? I feel like I’m sacrificing too and she’s using it as an excuse to keep her bank account partially loaded.
michelangelo Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 You wrote: "I moved in with her at the beginning of this month. It seemed like the logical thing to do, I was unhappy with my current roommate and spending the night with her every night and practically living with her." Logic has nothing to do with it. Wrong head is "thinking." She is a some guy's mistress and you are confused about her feelings for you vs needing a sugar daddy. do you really want to marry someone and have children with someone willing to basicaly prostitute herself because she can? Move on!
HokeyReligions Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Talk about having her cake and eating it too! I imagine there is a lot more to the story than this, but based on what you wrote I would tell her to choose. Its not fair to you. What's she going to do in 10 years when you hit a bad financial patch together? It doesn't sound like your priorities match at all.
Author plainoldjared Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 angelo - thanks for replying. i would walk away, i mean i have never had a problem with walking away but i love her and yes i really do want to be with her and want to understand her point of view. i believe her when she says theres no sex involved i know it sounds ridiculous but i do and yea i really do. hokey - i feel like maybe it has come to that point, just ask her to choose. i dont want to seem like im controlling her life but i dont want to be f'ed with either. i can kind of, and i mean only if i search deep down and put myself in her shoes kind of, understand having this guy around financially right now because he's paying for her school but when shes with her mom she has no bills and school will be paid... alfa - shes said that exact same thing but i make my own money and maybe i cant give her everything right now but we're young give it time. and i cant support something that seriously bothers me. i try to keep my cool but it just burns and i get so angry when she has to go out to lunch with him and she wants me to go but how can i sit there with them thats just too strange. i dont know what to do i just want her to understand and put herself in my shoes. if she would only see that ive been this understanding and that its hard on me and that if she loves me she would sacrifice with me so we can have everything when we're both ready. why does it have to be everything right now?
norajane Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 angelo - thanks for replying. i would walk away, i mean i have never had a problem with walking away but i love her and yes i really do want to be with her and want to understand her point of view. i believe her when she says theres no sex involved i know it sounds ridiculous but i do and yea i really do. This is her point of view: she had an older man (28 yrs older) paying her bills so she didn’t have to work and could dedicate herself to school all she had to do was go out to dinner with him talk on the phone and basically be his trophy girl that he can parade around for work related events. He’s married and loaded, And she's already told you she won't stop this arrangement until you can take over and support her: "until I live with you I have to do what I have to do to accomplish my goals," and after you are able to support her, she will marry you and then, apparently, you can ask her to stop seeing her sugar daddy. "...you and I are in a serious relationship but we’re not married so you cant ask me to stop anything." So, is that what you want to sign up for? Because that's what she's offering. Take it, or leave it.
Trimmer Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Make sure you know what person you are planning on being married to. If you are OK with being married to the person she is NOW, then fine, but go into it with your eyes wide open. If on the other hand, you imagine that once you get married, she will suddenly change and her attitudes and outlook on money, finances, (and fidelity?) etc. and will suddenly fall into line with your vision of the woman you IMAGINE being married to, well... A lot of people make the mistake of blinding themselves to their partner's true nature, and assuming that they will change after they are married. She's telling you some significant things about her true nature. Are these things you want in the person you are married to, or are you assuming these are things that will change? Incidentally, this is a side issue, but I just have to ask for curiosity, and also since I mentioned "fidelity" in the "true nature" paragraph above: does SugarDaddy's wife know that he has a SugarBaby?
destination_unknown Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Erm, hello has she heard of getting a part time job? Plenty of people have to pay their own way through college, yep its a struggle and eating noodles 6 days a week with pasta the other day for a bit of variety sucks but ya just gotta do it. I think its unfair of her to ask you to be comfortable with this. Asking someone who you have been going out with for 9 months to only go out with you is NOT controlling, its the widely accepted convention of exlclusivity in a romantic relationship. But I have to hand it to her, she probably could have kept this a secret from you so she is at least being honest. The question you have to explore is - is this what you want from your future wife?
catgirl1927 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Your girlfriend is a prostitute. She's obviously ok with that within herself. Do you honestly think she's ever going to stop? Really? Do you have any idea how much money she can make? If you can't live with her being a hooker, then I suggest you cut your losses. Because she is what she is, and as much as I don't agree with it, she was honest with you about it from the beginning and so you can't get into the relationship and expect her to change.
alfagrl Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I know you want to be her one and only support system. And I can see your point of view,,,it hurts your ego as a man. I have seeen this scenario played out many times(esp. when going to college in FL) cute 20 somethings dating older men w/ $. Me coming from NJ and seeing this I was shocked because I always worked PT jobs while in HS and in college, but I too can see how you get sucked in. Its a lifestyle you don't want to give up. When something is handed to you for nothing (no sex) then its hard to find a reason to give that up. I was jealous of my roommate who got everything handed to her on a silverplater while I had to go work for 10hrs just to pay the phone bill in our apartment. I dabble in it too, but it wasn't my thing. But I never knocked my roommate about. She graduated on time, with good grades because she never had to worry about, going to work, costly car problems, books, rent money.. ect. I had to go to school PT because that was all I could afford. Your gf is not ready for something serious right now. She probably wants to finish school, get a good job, herself established and then would want to persue are relationship with you. But right now it sounds like she is on a steady track. And she is skeptical of giving up what is working for her for relationship that is still new.
thegoodhubbie Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 It is astounding what is considered acceptable in this sick society. If you think for one minute she is not having sex with this guy, you are nuts. You sound like a nice kid, don't do this to yourself. Move on and find someone else. I can guarantee that once she gets herself settled and begins her career she is gonna drop you like a hot potato. Like trimmer said, go in with your eyes wide open. What you don't like now you are going to HATE when you are married, and it is NOT going to change. It never does.
SoleMate Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Unlike some of the others, I do think it is possible that she and the "Daddy" are not having sex. It may be just an "arm candy" arrangement, and his special little feel that he's got his "Baby" tucked away. However, even if it is asexual, it is not compatible with her having a real/non-profit bf/lover. "Daddy" clearly feels the same and thus doesn't open up his checkbook the way he used to. YEECCCCCCHHHHH!!!! She can live her life any way she chooses, and I strongly advise YOU to live your life elsewhere and not be involved with her. Her choices and her reasoning say a lot about how she views relationships. I don't think you or anyone will be able to convince her this is wrong. She has already mulled it over and decided it is A-OK! So...end it. NC. Find a girl who respects herself and you enough to pay her own bills without recourse to disgusting practices.
Author plainoldjared Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 norajane - i just think that maybe she doesnt get my point of view and if i explain it to her in another way she'll get it Trimmer - no sugar daddys wife doesnt know, well at least thats what my GF and the Rich dude think. I love who she is but I dont love that shes willing to keep the situation up until I can take over financially even though she says when we do have a home together its going to be 50/50. My point is I had to work full time and go to school full time and it wasnt fun but Im reaping benefits from it now. Why cant she do the cup o noodles for a while and cut back on shopping especially when Im here to help her in any way I possibly can. destination_unknown - she did try getting a part time job but she suffers from depression and anxiety and she really couldnt handle working and school. I think its unfair too because Ive been quiet and let her do her own thing but I dont see any reason to keep him around once she will have no financial worries once living with her mom. Thanks for this, "Asking someone who you have been going out with for 9 months to only go out with you is NOT controlling, its the widely accepted convention of exlclusivity in a romantic relationship" because although I know that its ok for me to state my feelings, and youre right she has been upfront and honest all along, I dont want to come across the wrong way. She has a fear of being controlled and I dont want to give her that impression, I just love her and want her to do something for me and understand me! catgirl1927 - i see your point, and i know how it may sound when reading my original post but shes not a prostitute shes not sleeping with him she spends every day weekend moment with me but i dont want to deal with the phone calls and lunch dates once she doesnt need the financial support because its hard enough right now. alfagrl - its not just that i want to be her only support system, its also the fact that she wants it all right now and it doesnt matter how it makes me feel because its temporary and i should understand. I know it must be sweet to spend money and not worry about a thing but if thats the case why does she keep up this relationship with me? ive got to be a lot of stress in her life. i require a lot of attention and i get upset about the rich dude but she says she loves me and just wants me to be patient and understand. i do understand, shes getting her school paid a future secured and once shes able to stand on her own hes gone but why cant she do it like everyone else? her school will be paid and the lease runs out at around the same time and so now she wont have any worries other than finishing school. and hell i cant provide her with shopping sprees but we have fun! i make sure to provide her with good times and the essentials and she doesnt have to deal with the work involved because i know how that kind of stuff stresses her out... so why cant she give up the luxuries for a little while? im not saying forever but just until we can provide them for us? does she not love me? is it that she just reallllly likes me? could it seriously be that shes not ready for something serious right now? and if thats the case why isnt she honest with me instead of knowing that i have constant emotions and crap circulating my body? thegoodhubbie - i cant just move on i love her ive never felt like this for anyone, ive never even felt this. i would never have agreed with this situation but i wanted to her and she got to me. and what i dont get is why hasnt she dropped me? what benefit am i providing? i sleep in her bed take up her time complain about the phone calls and lunch dates leave my dirty clothes and she still is attentive washes for me cooks for me calls me to see how i am everything i want and need we have more fun with eachother than anyone else and i know she cares about me but i just dont think she gets it, because i think alfagrl made a good point shes used to havin the sweet life and now i just want to figure out a way that i can explain to her that she will have a sweet life but like everyone else you gotta go through some not so glorious luxuriuos times... SoleMate - I know, its unbelieveable. But she is not having sex, and even she has pointed out that the rich guy is jealous and not forkin it over like before. i guess i just think that maybe i havent made it clear that all im asking is she end it with him when she lives with her mom because its not necessary and never will be once we live in a home together because she has me and if the only reason she wont do that is because she doesnt want to give up the perks to consider how it makes me feel and to give that up for me because ive been more than understanding. and i know how that sounds "give it up for me" but jesus how else can i put it? if ending it is the only solution i dont want it to be over money.
jmargel Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I have a complicated situation. I’ve been in relationship for the last 9 months with someone 2 yrs older than me; I’ve known her for 7 yrs. When we first met we casually dated but she never took me seriously because I was 18 and she was 21. Well we reunited a year ago, by some strange coincidence, and I instantly felt that same attraction and so we started talking and 3 months later were officially in a relationship. From the beginning she told me that she had an older man (28 yrs older) paying her bills so she didn’t have to work and could dedicate herself to school all she had to do was go out to dinner with him talk on the phone and basically be his trophy girl that he can parade around for work related events. He’s married and loaded, paid for her gall bladder surgery (10grand) and 100% of her bills but she said that if she ever found someone she would choose love over money any day. At the time I thought I could handle it, I really liked her and for months he almost disappeared out of our lives because he was going through some personal problems allowing me to think everything was fine and I fell in love with her. Well things calmed down for him and now he’s back. I moved in with her at the beginning of this month. It seemed like the logical thing to do, I was unhappy with my current roommate and spending the night with her every night and practically living with her. Well he doesn’t give her money like before he doesn’t pay 100% like before and she is moving into her moms in September when her lease runs out and I am moving into my moms so I can save money and buy a home for us to live together. I asked “since you’re moving into your moms in September you don’t need this guy to be around anymore because you don’t have bills right?” she responded with “until I live with you I have to do what I have to do to accomplish my goals, you and I are in a serious relationship but we’re not married so you cant ask me to stop anything. I’m so effin pissed and confused. I love this girl I want to marry her and have a family with her and give her everything she wants but I’m not some 50 year old guy thats owned his own business for 15yrs so I have to do it slow. It’s not like I’m completely broke anyway I make decent money for 23. I feel like this is a double standard. She can have him around because it’s a goal of hers to graduate and he takes the stress of finances away but me moving with my parents so I can save money to buy a house means we’re not in a serious relationship? I feel like I’m sacrificing too and she’s using it as an excuse to keep her bank account partially loaded. Without reading the replies to your initial post. She is playing you like she's playing this other man. You will get hurt in the future, leave her. I don't often give that advice but she is way too immature and too dependent on other people to be trustworthy. Her actions don't match her words (her saying she would leave for love). She's addicted to the lifestyle and the moment you don't meet her expectations she will seek it elsewhere. Sorry you are going through this and I don't want to be harsh but I want to save you alot of pain in the future. Players are great at what they do, their #1 goal is to make you believe they are not a player and the love they have for you is genuine. Even if her love for you is true, she is still way too immature for a long lasting relationship. She needs counseling.
norajane Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 norajane - i just think that maybe she doesnt get my point of view and if i explain it to her in another way she'll get it No, sweets, that's wishful thinking on your part. She just doesn't care about your point of view because it doesn't meet her goals. She was very clear about that. I love who she is but I dont love that shes willing to keep the situation up until I can take over financially even though she says when we do have a home together its going to be 50/50. My point is I had to work full time and go to school full time and it wasnt fun but Im reaping benefits from it now. Why cant she do the cup o noodles for a while and cut back on shopping especially when Im here to help her in any way I possibly can. You don't love who she is - you love your imagined version of who she is. In reality, she is a woman who is happy to have a sugar daddy paying her bills despite having a boyfriend who is hurt by her behavior, and she has no interest in stopping her behavior. Why can't she do noodles? She's not the noodles kind of woman. She is the kind of woman who prefers sugar daddy to noodles even if that hurts you. She has a fear of being controlled and I dont want to give her that impression, I just love her and want her to do something for me and understand me! And she has told you that she won't. Nothing you say is going to change her plans. catgirl1927 - i see your point, and i know how it may sound when reading my original post but shes not a prostitute shes not sleeping with him she spends every day weekend moment with me but i dont want to deal with the phone calls and lunch dates once she doesnt need the financial support because its hard enough right now. You need to understand that a woman who thinks her current arrangement is a great way to meet her goals is a woman who will continue to do whatever she feels is necessary to meet her goals. So, when she finally is done with school and gets her own job, she may meet a man her age or even a bit older who is much better off than you financially and she will drop you to be with him. i do understand, shes getting her school paid a future secured and once shes able to stand on her own hes gone but why cant she do it like everyone else? Because she's doesn't want to do it like everyone else. She's an escort and she likes being an escort and having her life paid-for by someone else. so why cant she give up the luxuries for a little while? im not saying forever but just until we can provide them for us? Because she doesn't want to give up the luxuries. She's not the kind of woman who is willing to do that, she's not willing to earn her way, she's not willing to work along with you to create a future together. i would never have agreed with this situation but i wanted to her and she got to me. and what i dont get is why hasnt she dropped me? Why should she drop you? You agreed to the arrangement from the beginning. She likes you, she has fun, you obviously worship the ground she walks on, and you won't ever consider leaving her. She loves that kind of validation and security. if ending it is the only solution i dont want it to be over money. This is not about money. This is about values and life decisions. She's chosen to be an escort to finance her life, and she isn't going to changer her lifestyle because of your feelings. You don't share the same values.
catgirl1927 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 If you check into it, prostitutes have a price schedule, not everything is about intercourse. Still, I think you're being incredibly naive if you don't think there's actual sex, but whatever you need to think. She is, in fact, a prostitute. I think you're setting yourself up for some serious heartache here.
catgirl1927 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 *ask your GF whether it would be okay for you 2 marry her, build a buisiness, and in 25 years find some cute young thing 2 play sugar daddy 2? Her response should tell you a lot about her character and healthy choice-making abilities. This is a really good point. As well as the point about telling the wife. I mean, if she's really not doing anything wrong, why all the secrecy? I really don't mean to be mean, I know you don't like what I'm saying. I just think you're probably blinded by a pretty face and maybe something else. The most valuable service a hooker provides is being able to make a man think he is the only man in the world. This is her skill. I just really think you're aiming way too low by staying with this girl.
Author plainoldjared Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 jmargel - thanks for replying. the more i read these replies and go back and read my responses the more upset i get. im being an idiot and i dont know why i dont want to leave. this is so unlike me, well before i met her i seriously doubt that i would tolerate this bull. why the hell play with me when she gets money, which is whats obviously most important, from this f'er? thats what i dont get, i havent disrespescted her so whys she so insistant on treating me like what i feel and need doesnt matter? norajane - I truly appreciate you taking the time to reply to me. Im feeling pretty stupid right now. I know its all right there plain as can be. It just upsets me that I could feel so much and want to be with her and do everything to make her happy so bad and she doesnt give a damn. This completely sucks, wow I just dont get it. Why make such a big effort to keep me thinking she loves me and wants a future with me? Is having the validation and security so important that shes willing to put up with acting like she loves me? Thats so screwed up. Im going to talk to her, I have no idea what to say but i dont want her to know how much this is killing me. Is an altimatum really my only choice at this point. F man I want to just walk away and never see her talk to her or know anything about her but even typing it I know Im gonna go home and try to talk to her again. catgirl1927 - I cant believe this, i think this is worse than her lying and concealing it. How could i have agreed!? Im an idiot, I just realized it, she played me. She made such a big deal about money and how its just so she could go to school that I was always obsessing about taking care of that for her. She manipulated me. What the hell? What is this why do I hate what shes doing to me but I keep wanting to understand her? I know these arent really questions you all could answer but I feel like such an idiot Im embarrassed. she is beautiful but ive never been that guy its not like we have sex all the time either, the medication she takes for her depression and anxiety majorly slows her sex drive. and ive never made her feel uncomfortable or guilty or pulled any crap about oh we dont do it enough because i understand its not anything other than i love her and i wanted this to work out but right now im really angry and hurt and i want to know why she f'ed with me but im sure i'll never get an answer that will satisfy me... 2long - again thank you for responding this has all really helped me kind of put together all the thoughts and feelings ive had. i dont know why i want to be with her so bad. i'll say it again ive never acted like such a fool and im just pissed off that for the first time i was willing to be serious and i actually wanted to marry her and i set myself up for disappointment because i wanted to believe so badly that she loved me just as much and this was all temporary. im definitely going to make some calls i hate him for this what a disgusting abusive bastard, hes married have some respect man! and im starting to hate her i just feel deceived. im trying to stay calm because i just want to talk to her and i want to believe that she will suddenly get it but i know im just being ridiculous. for the last 9mnths ive felt insane trying to understand and accept and believe that she loves me and ive neglected my friends because im an idiot and all i got out of this was a f'ing bigger paycheck and some serious pent up anger and damnit what the hell for? im not the one having to go shopping every week. im such an idiot. i want to ask her how she would feel if i assume this sugar daddy role, but im sure she'll just avoid the question or say something totally unexpected and throw me off. im not 50 something and rolling in it but im 23 good looking good job funny blah blah blah im a damn good decent man why doesnt she see that!? shes so damn clever i feel like this whole time she was trying to figure me out so she could keep up this whole charade.
Author plainoldjared Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 Well, although I got some excellent advice and angry to the point that I was willing to end it, I didnt. I ignored things for another month and it seemed to be goin pretty well. Yesterday I was at work and she called me, told me she cooked dinner and that she would be taking clients that night at school in case I wanted to go get my hair cut (Ive been complaining about needing a hair cut for a while now). I said yes I will definitely go and thank you for dinner, then before I hung up she said just remember that the sugar daddy is taking me to school and he might be here when you come. I FLIPPED OUT and asked her how she could possibly think that I would be ok with goin to get my hair cut when that mother f'er was going to be there and besides that what the hell is she doing? Shes moving into her moms house next month, her school is paid for this last month of rent is paid for and she has no other bills so why? Then she tried to say that she didnt call him, he was the one that offered his money again and so if hes dumb enough then shes goin to take it and besides its not doing anything to me and if I cant handle it then leave. So I said ok if thats what you want fine. I went to the apartment got all my things and left. Around 11pm she was crying on my voicemail saying that she missed me and that she didnt think it would hurt her as much as it did to see that none of my things were there and to please come sleep with her because she doesnt want to live if Im not with her. I immediately went to her house and she was asking me if I stopped loving her and I told her no, I still love you but Im thinking of myself now I cant live with this anger inside me all the time I cant stand knowing that youre ok with all of this even though she knows it kills and hurts me and all just because he came to her. She said she would leave him completely because again having me leave hurt her and she made a mistake and promises she will change. Ive heard her say that so many times that I told her I just cant believe her anymore because I dont want it to blow up in my face and have me go even crazier. Im in pain, my heart aches I cant stop tearing up and wanting to just punch someone I feel like throwing up and I feel like a horrible person. Am I doing the right thing by just ending it even though she said she'd stop because she gets it now? Or is she just panicking?
Author plainoldjared Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 Well, although I got some excellent advice and angry to the point that I was willing to end it, I didnt. I ignored things for another month and it seemed to be goin pretty well. Yesterday I was at work and she called me, told me she cooked dinner and that she would be taking clients that night at school in case I wanted to go get my hair cut (Ive been complaining about needing a hair cut for a while now). I said yes I will definitely go and thank you for dinner, then before I hung up she said just remember that the sugar daddy is taking me to school and he might be here when you come. I FLIPPED OUT and asked her how she could possibly think that I would be ok with goin to get my hair cut when that mother f'er was going to be there and besides that what the hell is she doing? Shes moving into her moms house next month, her school is paid for this last month of rent is paid for and she has no other bills so why? Then she tried to say that she didnt call him, he was the one that offered his money again and so if hes dumb enough then shes goin to take it and besides its not doing anything to me and if I cant handle it then leave. So I said ok if thats what you want fine. I went to the apartment got all my things and left. Around 11pm she was crying on my voicemail saying that she missed me and that she didnt think it would hurt her as much as it did to see that none of my things were there and to please come sleep with her because she doesnt want to live if Im not with her. I immediately went to her house and she was asking me if I stopped loving her and I told her no, I still love you but Im thinking of myself now I cant live with this anger inside me all the time I cant stand knowing that youre ok with all of this even though she knows it kills and hurts me and all just because he came to her. She said she would leave him completely because again having me leave hurt her and she made a mistake and promises she will change. Ive heard her say that so many times that I told her I just cant believe her anymore because I dont want it to blow up in my face and have me go even crazier. Im in pain, my heart aches I cant stop tearing up and wanting to just punch someone I feel like throwing up and I feel like a horrible person. Am I doing the right thing by just ending it even though she said she'd stop because she gets it now? Or is she just panicking?
norajane Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 Im in pain, my heart aches I cant stop tearing up and wanting to just punch someone I feel like throwing up and I feel like a horrible person. Am I doing the right thing by just ending it even though she said she'd stop because she gets it now? Or is she just panicking? You are in no way a horrible person, or even a slightly bad person. You have done the right thing, the ONLY thing that makes any sense in this situation that SHE has been happy with, that SHE would not stop despite your pain and despite saying she would many times before. I know you are in pain now and feel awful, but this will pass. Imagine being with a woman who stands by your side and thinks of your happiness first. One day, you will have that now that you are free of her. She is indeed panicking, because her little house of cards has finally fallen apart. Believe me, no man would stick with a woman who calmly escorts a sugar daddy when he wants her, much less would accept the sugar daddy into his home. You have given her plenty of chances and plenty of time to show you that she cares more about you and your relationship than her own financial gain. If you go back now, she'll know that all she has to do is cry and you'll come running back...but she won't stop seeing sugar daddy as long as he keeps paying. She'll just hide it from you...she has no respect for you, and never has. You have done the right thing, and I'm happy to hear that you are finally standing up for yourself and your happiness. Don't let her crying and promises and begging change your mind, because deep down, she has not changed just because you left. She's desperate now...she didn't think you would ever leave her...so she's saying and 'doing what she has to do' to get you back and willing to support her in her lifestyle.
Author plainoldjared Posted August 2, 2006 Author Posted August 2, 2006 You have done the right thing, and I'm happy to hear that you are finally standing up for yourself and your happiness. Don't let her crying and promises and begging change your mind, because deep down, she has not changed just because you left. She's desperate now...she didn't think you would ever leave her...so she's saying and 'doing what she has to do' to get you back and willing to support her in her lifestyle. thanks Norajane you have no idea how much your words have helped me, Im a complete mess but all I keep telling myself is it will get better. thanks again I appreciate this so much.
norajane Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 thanks Norajane you have no idea how much your words have helped me, Im a complete mess but all I keep telling myself is it will get better. thanks again I appreciate this so much. You're welcome sweets, and you're right. It will get better. Right now is the hardest part for you, and that's understandable. But it will get better, and you will be free of this hurt and pain. One day you will look back and this and wonder WTF you were thinking to get involved with her. Thankfully, you're not going to let her continue to mess with your head and heart anymore. Stay strong, and keep posting if you need more support.
Guest Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 It sounds like she really doesn't mind being dependant on others at all and if given the chance will continue to let others pay her way for as long as she can get away with it. She doesn't sound like marriage material to me. You'd be better off finding someone who shows that they can fend for themselves... unless you want to end up being seen as nothing more than a paycheck.
SoleMate Posted August 2, 2006 Posted August 2, 2006 The ending of any intimate relationship, even if it is a horrible r/s, will be painful. It's due to our brain chemistry and pair bonding. The chemicals will fade within 3 - 6 weeks - faster with distraction and NC. She may be crying and very sad right now...that just means that she is also feeling that rupture of the pair bond. We all have the experience of how it hurts. Even though she cries now, a week for now she'll be taking his money again with a smile. Just wait for your emotions to catch up with your reasoning. Your reasoning tells you that: 1) your reasonable requests and feelings of hurt don't influence her behavior 2) she is comfortable being in a mutually exploitative, shallow relationship (I believe that she and the sugar daddy are exploiting each other) Hang in there, it gets easier fast if you stick to NC.
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