xxbaddgurl83xx Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I have been with my fiance for 3 1/2 years. I'm 22 and he's 28. When we first got together he couldn't keep his hands off of me. We would hook up at least 4 or 5 times a week, well those days have come and gone. We now live together and I am lucky if we have sex once every other week. I feel like I'm the guy in the relationship trying to force my girlfriend to sleep with me! He tells me that its not my fault and he just doesn't have that drive like he did when he was younger. Hello he's only 28!!!!! What am I in for when he's 40!? I guess he's just comfortable with me now so he doesn't feel like he has to impress me in the bedroom anymore but what about my needs. I'm only 22 years old and I feel like a old married woman. When he doesn't want sex he tells me to use toys, well I shouldn't have to resort to battery operated toys when I have my boyfriend right there with me. Is it me? Is he just not attracted to me the way he use to be? Before him and I started dating he was a player and slept with many girls, I'm starting to wonder if he used up all his stamina on these one night stands so now he has none left for me. What should I do?!?!
Cecelius Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 You might try some new variations on your typical practices, just to get him reved up -- and you might try some one-sided attention too. I have to be deadly honest on this one, which only goes for me and not every other man, but to the extent that a biological desire to forge into new territory with a girl you start dating is what drives things early on, later when it's a lot more familiar it just doesn't give you the same thrill in quite the same way.
amerikajin Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 A bit cliche but you guys need to find a way to compromise. Maybe he feels pressured by you, in which case it can create the opposite of the desired effect. Or maybe he's just not into the relationship as much. Or maybe he's overworked and gets too tired to get up for the moment. Whatever you do, approach him about it in a way that doesn't make you look frustrated or upset, because that'll build up resentment.
crzyblndstar Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Well, if he wants you to use toys, then maybe that is what you should do. Lay in bed next to him at night and start using one. He may see how much you are enjoying yourself and get turned on by it and want to have sex with you. Its worth a shot.
Yamaha Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Before him and I started dating he was a player and slept with many girls, Maybe his lifestyle hasn't changed!!!
ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 From what you're telling us, it sounds like he's just a tad bit bored with things. Try to spice it up a bit. Buy some sexy lingerie, wake him up in the middle of the night in a sexy way, have a bath waiting for him when he gets home, etc. He needs something new & exciting, & if it's that important to YOU, I would advise you to be the one to initiate it.
Author xxbaddgurl83xx Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 I've tried spicing it up. We have done almost everything you can possibly think of. He can't be bored because I've done different things so he won't be bored, he just doesn't seem interested. As far as me using toys while he is in bed next to me, been there done that. It use to work but now he falls asleep while I'm doing it. A few weeks ago he woke up the next morning and was like "so did you get off last night?" I just wanted to punch him! But of course he is always down with getting a blow job but if it turns into me wanting to have sex he's too tired. Even on the weekends when he isn't working his butt is in bed at 9:00 and sound asleep before I can even make it into the bedroom to try to seduce him. Maybe his job is just wearing him out. Hopefully that will change soon because he just got hired for a office job so he won't be doing manual labor anymore. That could be the problem. I guess I'll find out after he starts this new job..... Oh and another thing, he suffered a brain injury about 10 years ago and he finally last year started taking medication for it. He has to take these pills every night before he goes to sleep. Do you think they could play a factor into him not wanting sex? If thats the case, than when should I do???
ashnicole Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Oh and another thing, he suffered a brain injury about 10 years ago and he finally last year started taking medication for it. He has to take these pills every night before he goes to sleep. Do you think they could play a factor into him not wanting sex? If thats the case, than when should I do??? Ask the doctor. Find out what the name of the medication is, and look it up on the internet. See if there are any sexual side effects. If so, that could be your problem right there. Then, talk to him about it. See if there is a different medication that he could take, that DOESN'T have the sexual side effects.
scrybe74 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 It could be the medication. Also, what about the health of both of you. Have either of you gained weight over the past few years? I don't think he used up stamina but he may be bored.
amerikajin Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Medication can definitely affect sex drive, as it affects blood flow to the penis; it might also be affecting his mood or causing him fatigue, both of which would also affect sex drive indirectly. <edited> He does seem to be going to sleep earlier these days, so either the job or the medication is causing him extreme fatigue, something for which he should consult a doctor. It's not good for someone to be in bed at 9 p.m. on Friday and Saturday nights consistently. If it's not medication or generalized fatigue, then the lack of sex is probably a sign that something's not right in the relationship. Spicing it up won't help unless you talk about the relationship in general.
RarePearl Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 It's either medical (low libido due to a physical change in his body or externally consumed chemicals) or he doesn't desire you anymore. I would bet on the former. Two things will help: talk, talk, talk.. and make him go to the doctor for a thorough examination. Be understanding and present it as a medical problem that you're worried about. Don't make it personal and negative.
weekell75 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Surely if he is up for a blow job, but won't do the same for you when you are up for it, he is just being lazy? I am in the exact same position with my H2B - when he is in the mood (and I can't have sex, because of the obvious monthly pain in the ass!) he loves a Bj. But then when I am in the mood, and he isn't - he just isn't. He won't do oral on me or anything. That just screams 'lazy' at me. And maybe it should with you too.....?
Author xxbaddgurl83xx Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Well my man and I got into a argument this morning over the whole lack of sex thing. We haven't done anything in probably about 3 weeks. Well he wakes me up this morning and wants to have sex which is great with me. So we start fooling around and then he ask me to get my toys. Okay no big deal well when I ask him to go down on me he gets a attitude and says that this is why we don't have sex much because its the same routine every time. WTF?!?! For one at 5:30 in the morning after being woken up I'm really not trying to get all freaky with toys and for another its not like we have sex all the time for him to get tired of a routine. Maybe if he didn't spoil me in the beginning of our relationship than I wouldn't expect it all the time now. I just dont understand what he means by routine. We have done different thing in bed to not make it a routine and then when I ask him to please me it is suddenly a routine. I'm getting so fed up with this. I'm not the type of woman who gets pleasure from sex alone, I need a little more than that if you know what I mean and its just frustrating that I have to result to toys in order to reach that because my guy thinks pleasuring me is a routine!!
weekell75 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 So what happened? Did you guys have sex at all? V. Interested cos I am in the same boat.
Author xxbaddgurl83xx Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 No.... once I asked him to please me he got a attitude so I asked him if he wanted to just stop. He said "yeah I guess" So I just got up and showered... and cried!!! I just don't know what to do! I feel like its my fault. All that keeps going through my mind is, what is wrong with ME!?
weekell75 Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Yeah, I feel ya. I am always asking myself the same thing. We had one of 'those' last night, and I have been feeling like s*it ever since. The thing with me is that I have never experienced this before with guys (I have always been confident in bed, and have never had droughts like this before - if anything, I have had to tell them to stop!), so this makes me think it MUST be with me. I asked my H2B if he had problems like this with his last GF, and he said no! That of course made me feel worse. What shall we do? I can't help being scared that this will drive me to be unfaithful (the thought at the moment makes me feel sick, but how can you tell?)
Recommended Posts