cynthia77 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Hi there. I'm just curious. Has anyone on here ever successfully patched up a relationship or marriage after their significant other has cheated on them or deceived them to great lengths? I hear of so many people going to counselling to patch up their relationship after one person greatly hurt the other - but why do people do this? Isn't it just a waste of time? Has anybody been able to forgive a cheater and truly still love that person?
laRubiaBonita Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 i could not. i tried to forgive and forget, but i couldn't...... then again he cheated again, so maybe i "just knew". i ended it, it had to be done. it is hard, but i did give him the benefit of the doubt the first time......... in hindsight, i shoulda just let go then. but that is just me, and my situation.
catgirl1927 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I don't think I could ever do it, but there are people who say they have. I understand it's a very long and painful process, though.
a4a Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 That is one lined if crossed that I cannot forgive or forget about. But some do go on, not sure if they ever forgive or if trust is ever really back in the relationship.
Chump64 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 We're working on it. I'll let you know how it turns out. There are a lot of reasons why people try to forgive and move on, and the reasons are different with every couple. (However, it's not something I would do with a formerly-cheating spouse who wasn't 100 percent committed to trying to reconcile and recommit.) The "I could never do it / would never do it" mentality is common among people who've not experienced it. That said, I could never / would never do this again if there's any repeat behavior. I can tell you this, though: Moving on would be the EASY thing to do, at least in the short term. Fighting to save a bruised marriage is damn hard and painful work. Hopefully, we'll succeed, and hopefully, it'll be worth it. Walking away from a long and (hopefully) worthy marriage and having a family split up -- that may well be more painful than trying to fix what's broken -- assuming it's possible to fix us. Neither option is easy or pain free. I'll keep you posted.
Chump64 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Cynthia, I just read some of your other posts. It looks like your boyfriend had a couple other girlfriends (at the same time you were dating) without your knowledge, and that he has been diagnosed as a compulsive liar. My only advice is that the best indicator of future behavior is past behavior. Your call on whether you decide to forgive him and move on, but I’d be leery of marrying him until you know for sure he has changed. Protect yourself and your child. Good luck.
samsungxoxo Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Definately not, that to me would show that he was not thinking of me during that moment, even if drunk, no excuse. Screw me once and you're out, that's just me.
paige367 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I can only speak for myself but I think cheating is the worst way a man can hurt a woman emotionally speaking. I might be able to forgive but I will never ever forget that kind of pain.
silktricks Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Yes, I can say that I have forgiven my husband. We have patched up our marriage and things are going very well for both of us. He both says he is happy and acts very happy. I am happy. We are very much in love and tell each other through words and actions every day. It was difficult, but we are a success story.
NightsInWhiteSatin Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Hi there. I'm just curious. Has anyone on here ever successfully patched up a relationship or marriage after their significant other has cheated on them or deceived them to great lengths? I hear of so many people going to counselling to patch up their relationship after one person greatly hurt the other - but why do people do this? Isn't it just a waste of time? Has anybody been able to forgive a cheater and truly still love that person? It destroyed me...didn't destroy the relationship...we broke up because of something else but throughtout the 9 months we stayed together after he cheated....i lost huge amounts of self worth and self confidence...became secretly paranoid and jealous over all sorts...never fully trusted him...but i would pretend it was all fine on the surface and never show him my paranoia or jealousy...and how much it ate away at me that he'd cheated on me with my 'best mate'. I went into a weird denial thing when i found out...pretended like it could all be ok....said i'd forgiven him etc even though it hadnt even sunk in yet...but i dont think i ever really will forgive him.
SweetBabyJ Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 In my case, my H had an EA and I have forgiven him. We too are a success story, but it hasn't been an easy road to travel. As far as forgetting... can't, never will. I think there will always be something that will bring back the memories of his brain fart. Trust is the most difficult for me personally to re-establish, and it's a day to day challenge. Rebuilding a broken relationship is NOT for the faint of heart! It is possible but it takes commitment from both partners.
SueBee3490 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I found out over 3 yrs ago that my H cheated and I just can't get over it. I've tried for these 3 yrs on that roller coaster of emotions from believing I couldn't live without him because I loved him so much to thinking I can never get over the pain of what he did and live with him. I finally decided I can't live with him and the knowledge that he could do something like that. I would rather start over. I also think if it's a one time thing, maybe even a one night fling or slip up, it would be easier to really forgive and go on together if the betrayer is remorseful and really willing to work it out. But in my case, he did it over and over with different women over a time period of at least 2 1/2 yrs. That's unforgivable to me. He had to think about the wrongness of what he was doing at some point during those 2 1/2 yrs! My H did "slip up" one time during dating at which point I took him back and forgave him but he continued to cheat on me and I knew then that I should have just not given him that 2nd chance. He used me for another yr after that.
cuckolded husband Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Wife confessed 8 9 months ago and I'm still having a hard time. today we got into a fight and (he said she said) some mean things and it came back up. Guess what everything that I had done in the wrong in past keep comming up how she forgave me and that I should forgive her and get over it. *&^%$#&*(^$&) She has had 20 years to build everything I've done wrong in my life to use against me and I'm wondering if some of the things were to set me up? I would like to think that but....... I don't know if I'll ever get over it like she wants.
SueBee3490 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 Cuckhold - I know what you mean about the cheater using anything they can to try to make you feel like the bad guy. My H's excuse for cheating on me the whole time we were dating was that at the very beginning of our relationship (I'm talking within the 1st month), I said I would be willing to move to another place (outside of my homestate). My H and I lived in different states at the time we met (450 miles apart). Well when you are just getting to know each other, you "dream" about how life could be. I didn't actually tell him I'd move to "his" state or in with him - I think I was daydreaming and thinking, you know if the relationship was "right" then I'd consider moving. Well he claims that that one little line that I said at the beginning of our relationship was why he was cheating. As time went on, I knew I couldn't move just yet with my situation with my 3 kids so no I couldn't move to where he was. So he has held that over my head as being the reason he was cheating for 2 1/2 yrs while dating me. He is one sick person when all he had to do if that was so important to him, was break up with me. I was even willing at a later point in our relationship to wait until all our kids were out of school then one of us make the move. I would be willing to move if I knew he really loved me. I'm glad I didn't uproot my kids and quit my job and move to another state only to find out that he was cheating on me. I thank God that he was looking out for me.
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