l2hvn Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I tried it. Broke up on the 3rd month after getting back together. Today will be day 4 of NC. It's hard to not talk to/see him anymore after being with him for more than a year. When we got back together, we both promised to make it right the second time around. We took it slow. Everything was nice. Well, it was good for about 2 months. The last month, I basically started to notice that he's reverted back to his old, egocentric, manipulative ways. He promised he would make it right at that time, that he would do whatever it would take to make this work. Well, you cannot hide a leopard's prints. I tried, and did my best to make it work. I tried to open the line of communication, which was our main problem, but I was just banging my head up against a wall. This time around, I don't feel as bad/depressed as the first breakup because I know I did what I could. I gave my all. I walked away with a clear conscience. No regrets. No wondering. No what-if's nothing. I still feel bad sometimes. There would be days/nights that I would miss him. Sometimes I don't. But whenever I miss him, I kept thinking about how unfulfilling it might be had I stayed longer. I suppose the only time second chances DO work is when both people have had some time apart (several months or a year or so, with NC) to really think and reflect on the relationship --- what went wrong, what could've been done, what lessons learned from the mistakes, etc. And by then if they still feel that it's worth reconnecting, then it might, just might work out the second time around. Other than that, the only thing I could say to my ex is that "Thank you for the lessons learned."
timidity99 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I'd say if the relationship lasted 2 years or more then play the waiting game for 6 months at maximum. Have NC for those 6 months. That gives the dumper plenty of time to reconsider. If the dumper is still set in their ways after 6 months then move on. This is not to say that they will never come around but if they do then it will be on your terms or the answer will be no. The latter was my case with one of my exes who put the offer on the table to try again like 9 months after the break up. There was NC for 8 months. I told her no.
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