bonny doon Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Just moved to L.A. and I think it's like this with any big city (lived in NY also, etc.). WTF is up with flaky people? I've met a bunch of guys who initially express a ton of interest and meanwhile I'm kind of hanging back (okay maybe that drives them away) but still showing interest (ie I'll return their phone calls and agree to meet up or even bring up the subject of meeting again) and they'll completely express interest and then one or two weeks later, all of a sudden they go AWOL or they go into "indifferent" mode. WTF????? Sorry, just venting. Just for the record: I am NOT looking for a boyfriend so I don't think I give off those vibes (but then again, maybe I do, Who the F knows at this point). I think I give off confident vibes, like "Hey, it's me, Bonny Doon. I'm really cool. I think you're interesting too" type of vibes. meanwhile the guy is like, "OMG Bonny Doon you are so amazing I really like you." fast forward a week later. " ... " silence. F'in jokers. Can people just be real??? Anyone else experience the "joys" of flakiness?
basscatcher Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Anyone else experience the "joys" of flakiness? all the time dear... Men are just introverted at most and think they know women..! Find yourself something to keep your mind off these clown asses. If you don't, its going to drive you crazy. I tend to keep myself busy as much as possible or I begin to think to much about how aloof men are and how they 'flake-out' all the time. I take the attention at the time it's given and even if numbers are exchanged I don't think much into it anymore because I've had more guy's ask for my number then NEVER call or they offer me their number and ask me to call them and they never answer or call back.. F* men, if they want me then they have to show some initiation. In the meantime I keep moving forward and I do things for myself. Why would we want or need a flake of a man anyway? He will be the same in a relationship. Flakey..
basscatcher Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 woman are much more flaky....a lot more I would agree with this completely. I've delt with my share of these. That is why I have a circle of friends scattered because its hard to find ones all together in one area that aren't. I am finding that younger men (college age) and older men with lots of baggage are just as flakey.
NTB Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I am finding that younger men (college age) and older men with lots of baggage are just as flakey. that's cause woman make us this way
Author bonny doon Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 thanks padameckla. i've read a lot of your posts about your situation so it's good to hear from you! hope you're doing well. yes i definitely keep myself very very busy - which is probably why it bothers me when people flake (i.e., my schedule is so tightly packed that when i agree to meet up with someone on, say, wednesday or thursday night, they better the hell show up or else i'm forced to rearrange my tightly-packed sked for no reason and it *really* pisses me off.) that's not to say I have unscheduled days - i do have some unscheduled days, and i like the freedom to decide on a whim what i'll be doing/workign on that night, for example. i just don't want to come off sounding like i'm too uptight...
Sapiens Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Why would we want or need a flake of a man anyway? He will be the same in a relationship. Flakey.. That is why actions speak louder than words. I have never been a believer in that people change. If they are unreliable in the beginning they will be unreliable in the middle and end, as in always. -Sapiens
basscatcher Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 That is why actions speak louder than words. This isn't always true.. Actions are great and all but if there are no corresponding words to verify audibly the actions you will find something missing also. I know this first hand... Actions back up words.. Words back up actions. You have to have both to be balanced. AND yes people can change... Change is a choice by the individual. It is not easy.. I have chosen to change things about myself and it take a lot of hard work..
Sapiens Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I have chosen to change things about myself and it take a lot of hard work.. Key words....Hard Work. Actions back up words.. Words back up actions. Words with no action, are in effect empty words. Actions without words, are still actions. I tend to trust actions more than words, for in effect they become fact. -Sapiens
j.carsey Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I've met a bunch of guys who initially express a ton of interest and meanwhile I'm kind of hanging back (okay maybe that drives them away) but still showing interest... all of a sudden they go AWOL or they go into "indifferent" mode. ...Just for the record: I am NOT looking for a boyfriend You sound pleased that guys initially showed lots of interest (are attracted) but then you say you're not looking for a boyfriend. If you have no romantic/sexual interest anyway then what exactly are you frustrated about? Do you WANT something to happen with these guys? Are you just upset that the attention stops? Or are you upset about losing what looked like a promising friend? Sometimes I have "hit it off" with ladies, they seem flirty and attracted but at the same time reject anything further. Yet they keep being flirty. A guy might think this is an insecure girl trying to boost her ego by having a bunch of horny guys chasing after her. i.e. if you're just after attention but don't like the guy, there's nothing in it for him. If you do like the guy, why don't you do something about it?
basscatcher Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 just because someone says they aren't looking for a boyfriend doesn't mean they arent interested in having one. It means they aren't chasing or desperate but if a potential mate enters her life and she finds him interesting she expects him to keep up with his interest instead of disappearing.
j.carsey Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 just because someone says they aren't looking for a boyfriend doesn't mean they arent interested in having one. It means they aren't chasing or desperate but if a potential mate enters her life and she finds him interesting she expects him to keep up with his interest instead of disappearing. padameckla, thanks very much this is something I still was not understanding 100% although my instincts always told me to kind of ignore the line "I'm not looking" On the other hand I would say lots of girls don't reciprocate the interest the guy shows, making it look like she is not interested or not attracted. And then the guy gives up, because there are other girls out there. And she is left thinking, "why can't I ever hook up with the ones I like" I guess the lessons learned from this is that guys should be persistent with gals they want, and the gals should reciprocate interest and be careful not to shoot down a guy.
Sapiens Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 just because someone says they aren't looking for a boyfriend doesn't mean they arent interested in having one. It means they aren't chasing or desperate but if a potential mate enters her life and she finds him interesting she expects him to keep up with his interest instead of disappearing. See, this is the play on words that women use all the time. In womanese this means: "I am too proud to admit I am desperate for a man. However, should one come my way, I will not let him know I like him because that may make me look desperate and if he doesn't read my mind and stick around long enough to figure out I may like him, his loss, I am too good for him anyway. Why are men like this, they are so flaykey." -Sapiens
Author bonny doon Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 there's no winning here. if i express too much interest i chase them away, if i express too little i chase them away too. WTF. I do the following: (1) return phone calls in a timely fashion (same day or next day) (2) accept dates if I like the guy or think he is interesting (3) suggest dates if i say that i want a bf people will jump all over me to "take it slow, get to know people, don't be so desperate." if i say i don't want a bf people think i'm just out to casually date and/or have sex. there's no winning. what do i want? to meet people, get to know them, and spend time with guys that i like and/or think are interesting. making out without sex is fine too. if a relationship follows, that sounds wonderful to me. what do i NOT like? guys expressing interest initially and then flaking out all of a sudden. i guess it's the way it is. i guess i've done it before but
Author bonny doon Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 there's no winning here. if i express too much interest i chase them away, if i express too little i chase them away too. WTF. I do the following: (1) return phone calls in a timely fashion (same day or next day) (2) accept dates if I like the guy or think he is interesting (3) suggest dates if i say that i want a bf people will jump all over me to "take it slow, get to know people, don't be so desperate." if i say i don't want a bf people think i'm just out to casually date and/or have sex. there's no winning. what do i want? to meet people, get to know them, and spend time with guys that i like and/or think are interesting. making out without sex is fine too. if a relationship follows, that sounds wonderful to me. sorry for double post
basscatcher Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 padameckla, thanks very much this is something I still was not understanding 100% although my instincts always told me to kind of ignore the line "I'm not looking" On the other hand I would say lots of girls don't reciprocate the interest the guy shows, making it look like she is not interested or not attracted. And then the guy gives up, because there are other girls out there. And she is left thinking, "why can't I ever hook up with the ones I like" I guess the lessons learned from this is that guys should be persistent with gals they want, and the gals should reciprocate interest and be careful not to shoot down a guy. Believe me if a gal is interested in a guy (even when she isn't looking or involved with someone) she will show interest. Otherwise she wont. I told a guy last summer before I met him I was looking for friendship. (That was my way of not getting his hopes up on more.) Upon spending the evening with him. I was strongly drawn to him, very attracted to him, found him just as appealing in person as online. He made the comment to me 'I thought you just wanted to be friends." I told him straight out that I don't want to lead anyone one that more will develop just because I am meeting him. It is playing it safe so I don't have to hurt someone. Someone may appear attractive online, on the phone and in email conversations and pictures might be attractive as well---BUT, I have encountered meeting people and there is absolutely no connection in person. Everything I expected was blown out of the water because for some reason I didn't find myself physically atracted to him. Maybe his body was unappealing, or some kind of movement he does annoyes me, or he hide his flaws from me or something.. Usually its a visual or audiable thing that turns me off. I don't want to lead someone on thinking we will become a item. It safer to say friends and if more develops them all the better for us. (I corresponded with the guy for about 4 weeks and he went aloof. He admitted a year later when he starts to develop feelings for someone he gets scared as runs as fast as the wind will blow him..) It's his loss because he didn't give us a chance and I'm not going to wait around for him to wake up..) You can tell if a woman is interested in you or not. If you don't think she is then don't persue a relationship other then friendship or nothing at all. Ask her friends if she is interested in you. They will tell you.. Then you will know.
j.carsey Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I do the following: (1) return phone calls in a timely fashion (same day or next day) (2) accept dates if I like the guy or think he is interesting (3) suggest dates ... what do i want? to meet people, get to know them, and spend time with guys that i like and/or think are interesting. making out without sex is fine too. if a relationship follows, that sounds wonderful to me. bonny I think you are doing the right things then. You can't reasonably do more than accept dates, and suggesting dates is pretty forward so you're doing a good job. Many guys don't get it, eventually you will run into someone who does. From what you describe, if I met a girl who I liked and she was doing what you were doing, I think it would smoothly flow into something physical and probably into a relationship.
Author bonny doon Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 j. carsey thanks for the encouragement like i said i get pissed off when i pencil someone into my (*busy*) sked and then i have to rearrange everything all over again when they cancel and or no/show. (meaning, i had planned to do such and such on tuesday, planned to work on this and that wednesday, planned to go to whatever show/event thursday, etc. etc. etc., wtf. sorry to be complaining. just needed to vent. people suck. if you're not interested in me, why are you showing me all this attention and flirtation and stuff, coming on so strong? i think i am just gullible/dumb. i have a lot to learn.
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