tonyp56 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 OK, I just have to share, my wife that left me for someone else, and who repeatedly says she's "Happy" every chance she gets, appears to be having a wake up call. After what she did to me when she left--and since, I at least deserve to be able to laugh my butt off I can't help to be a little bit happy about the following. She is my children's mother, and because of that I wouldn't wish anything really bad to happen to her, but this is long awaited. OK, first thing, her and her new man are fighting with each other about stupid stuff. I see her every weekend, and she gets more and more depressed, of course, she tries to hide it, but doesn't do a very good job. They are even fighting in front of me--when I say fight, I mean argue, I wouldn't put up with actual fighting--to the point of him getting pissed at her and walking away. Next, and it kinda goes with the other one, when she first left she quit smoking about two months later--she's smoked on and off for 3 or 4 years now--now, apparently because stress is finally catching up to her, when I took the kids back to her on Sunday, she was smoking again, but outside of her house and arguing with her new man. (he came outside and threw a dog bowl down and hit her with it, to which she said "ouch" and instead of saying sorry or oops, he just turned around and went back in the house, I took the kids in and the two of them wouldn't even look at each other) Then, about a week ago, when she was in the middle of "I am so happy now...you were so horrible"--I've taken ALL of the blame since the breakup--I again said "I am sorry for the past, but I can't do anything about that now." She turned--was facing me directly face to face--to her side and balled up her fist, stomped her feet--like a kid having a temper--and said the words I've been waiting for all along "I am sorry about everything too, I really am sorry." I've said sorry for everything 100's of times, even stuff that wasn't my fault, but she hasn't once said sorry since she left, that is why I've waited for it, and now I've been able to let it all go because of it. Then when I add to this how she acts around me. Before she would act differently if he was around, now she acts the same no matter if he is around or not. She more or less hesitates, like she has something to say, or wants me to say something. I mean everything will be taken care of and I have to be the one that says, "OK, bye" she won't anymore. The other thing, is that after I talked to my lawyer about rather or not joint custody was really worth fighting for--I wanted joint, ex wanted sole custody. I sent my ex a text message saying "OK on u having sole, but please please do what you said"--that she would include me in the children's lives. She sent back "k", then about 15 minutes later she sent "k why now". I asked myself, why would she care why, she was getting what she wanted. Unless she was just hoping I'd fight her, and that would mean she could slow things down and not have to get a divorce yet--I'm the one that finally filled around 8 months after SHE left me, after she "talked to a lawyer" in February. Anyways, I know I could be wrong about some stuff, but at the very least, things are not that "happy" in her life with her new man. Because they are fighting more and more, and when they fight in front of me--seems I'd be the last person on the planet she'd want to fight in front of, since how she is so happy--I know they've got to be fighting a lot more in private. Now I don't care if she wants me back, nor do I know that she actually does. I've moved on now, found new love and wouldn't go back if she got on her knees and pleaded and promised everything under the sun. But I can't help but smile when I think about her having problems. Now of course, I wouldn't wish anything harmful to happen to her, for better or worse she is still the mother of my children. However, the thought that she might be feeling a tenth of the hurt that I felt/feel makes things so much better for me. I guess you could say what goes around comes around, and it feels better to know she isn't so "happy". She has in the last few months, started telling more and more of her problems to me. "I don't even have my rent...I don't know what I am going to do about this bill, that bill, etc..." The funny thing is, I've taken on all of our marital debt, in other words, none of those bills are my problem, since I'm already responsible for everything we had together. That stuff is just her and her new man's bills/problems. I don't call her, text her or anything unless it is about the kids and or like Monday when I said she could have sole custody. I don't argue with her, I don't fight her, I don't ask her questions about what she does when she gets home an hour late so that I can drop of the kids. I agree with taking the kids when she needs more time off. I don't fight her mom when she calls wanting to know if I could bring the kids to her. Etc... So I can't be any of her problems, the problems that she has is her own. Sorry for being happy, but I can't help it. The fact that she is getting back at least some of what she gave me, and at the very least realizing that she is at least partially to blame for our problems and that she did make mistakes, well, makes my day. It wasn't one thing, it was several things that all added up in the same direction, she isn't happy, perhaps even regretful of how she hurt me, maybe even regrets leaving me, but at the very least, she isn't having a perfect relationship with her new man, the man that she traded me in for! And it makes me happy. I've been able to finally move beyond at least some of the hurt she has caused. Do I have more to do? Yes, but this has been a big step, finally being able to close this chapter in my life feels good.
DesperateDad Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I'm glad to hear things are going well for you. I understand how you feel about not wanting things to go great for the ex. I don't want my wife (who wants a divorce) to suffer, but at the same time I don't want things to be perfect for her. My greatest fear is that the OM will turn out to be perfect and she will be happier than ever and so will my kids. I guess it's normal to worry about this, though.
Woggle Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I don't blame you for feeling this way. After somebody has caused you so much pain it is normal to wish for her to get back some of it. She did it all to herslef as well.
dgiirl Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I'm glad to hear things are going well for you. I understand how you feel about not wanting things to go great for the ex. I don't want my wife (who wants a divorce) to suffer, but at the same time I don't want things to be perfect for her. My greatest fear is that the OM will turn out to be perfect and she will be happier than ever and so will my kids. I guess it's normal to worry about this, though. I had this fear running through my head for the longest time. It wasnt until I focused on my life and started having my own social life that I stopped caring about him. It takes time. The other day my exh came over with a brand new car, and my first instinct was "Jerk", but then I was happy that he finally bought a new car and one that he knew I wouldnt like lol (Jerk!). I've always been supportive of the things he wants, so it's hard to turn that off. My suggestion is dont dwell too much on her fortune or misfortune. Karma has a way of coming back to you when you are too happy about bad things happening to another. Try to be indifferent.
Author tonyp56 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 For me though, it isn't just the fact that she seems to be having problems. She actually said sorry, which by itself made my day, and in many ways helped me to close this chapter in my life. Like I said, I don't and wouldn't wish anything really bad to happen to her, even as bad as what I went through--because I know in my heart she couldn't have handled it.
Billy Bob Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Awesome, nothing better than a WAS realizing thier mistake after its too late! Talk about satisfaction! Sorry to be insensitive, but its kind of something we all wish for when dealing with a WAS, that eventually they will come to their senses and realize we were such a good thing and that they were just plumb crazy leaving us.
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