Meaplus3 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 My E/A and slight physical affair has come to and end as of the end of May. The MM that I have fallen in love with happens to be a neighbor, some one I see everyday. When this whole thing started I think I really truely wanted out of my marriage. I have fallen in love very deeply in love with this man. We have shared so much emotionally and fooled around without going all the way. I think the main reason this came to and end was because we were so close to the act that we were both to scared to continue on with the way thing's were. The worst part is I feel like I have lost a best friend. Well, with all this said knowing that I probably will never be with the man that I have fallen in love with what do I do next? I am pretty much sure that I do want to divroce my husband but if I do I will ruin my comfortable life and the lives of my three small children. I plan to start counseling for myself just to cope but have not been able to as of yet due to a crazy schedule with my kid's. I just am so out of sort's right now. I did call MM tonight to see how he was. I was glad to know that we are still friend's and that he does miss me, I needed to hear that. I guess I was just wondering how everyone else at the end of and affair copes?
Iwanttohope Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 My E/A and slight physical affair has come to and end as of the end of May. The MM that I have fallen in love with happens to be a neighbor, some one I see everyday. When this whole thing started I think I really truely wanted out of my marriage. I have fallen in love very deeply in love with this man. We have shared so much emotionally and fooled around without going all the way. I think the main reason this came to and end was because we were so close to the act that we were both to scared to continue on with the way thing's were. The worst part is I feel like I have lost a best friend. Well, with all this said knowing that I probably will never be with the man that I have fallen in love with what do I do next? I am pretty much sure that I do want to divroce my husband but if I do I will ruin my comfortable life and the lives of my three small children. I plan to start counseling for myself just to cope but have not been able to as of yet due to a crazy schedule with my kid's. I just am so out of sort's right now. I did call MM tonight to see how he was. I was glad to know that we are still friend's and that he does miss me, I needed to hear that. I guess I was just wondering how everyone else at the end of and affair copes? You cope by putting one foot in front of the other and one breath after the next. You've come to the right place for encouragement. There are several of us here that unfortunately know exactly what you are feeling right now and I don't think any of us would invalidate your pain irregardless of how you got where you are. Did you end the A because you wanted to work on your marriage? Are you in no contact right now? Have you made any concrete decisions about what you want for yourself and for your children? I can't really tell from your post.
movinon05 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 You cope by putting one foot in front of the other and one breath after the next. This is exactly what I was going to say. You take one day at a time, or even one hour at a time. There are days where you feel like you have a weight on your chest that you just cannot overcome. The only thing I can say is... focus on your kids, try to focus on your M if that is what you want. It is a long weary road. But having come out of it, I can attest that life does go on. Joy does come. It just comes in its own time. (((BIG HUGS)))
Walking away Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Yep, I agree with everyone. Baby steps, as movinon would say. One minute at a time...It is hard, but once you give up the hope, that is when the healing begins. And, I know first hand how hard it is to give up hope. It is like pulling off a limb, but it must be done. Make some decisions about your marriage WITHOUT thoughts of a future with the MM. You must be comfortable alone without him. It is healthier that way. I know the pain that you feel. It is excruciating. I have been there, done that. Tell yourself that you deserve better than this. It helped me. Hugs to you. WA
Guest Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 much better to sit it out and try and think with a cool head, dont rush into separation from current partner clouded by thoughts of being with MM. I am working through this now and it is a very difficult time. i keep trying to put things in perspective, weigh up the good and the bad things in my current relationship. A has ended and it is getting easier - i still have constant thoughts of MM and some days just feel like hiding away and crying. very difficult to try and maintain home and work life with these feelings. counselling may help you work through your feelings towards your husband, and you always have to remember, it is your life too. if you are too unhappy to go on with husband (for whatever your reasons are), no point in staying for the kids. i am a child of divorced parents, and i turned out just fine. just far better to wait it out for a little while. my MM still kept in contact for a while, but it was like draggoing out something that was not to be. i feel jealous and hurt that he has gone back to the wife, but by the same token, i am still living with my partner, remember that MM is probably going through pain and hurt too at the end of the A. probably good to focus your attention on something else, kids, shopping, exercise, making new friends in case you do decide to leave (i call it feathering the nest!) so you have a soft landing if you decide to leave!!! also help you not to think about MM too much! good luck, and remember - everytime you have a bad day, there are plenty of others right there with you !!
sodakki_lov Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 Pls tink of ur kids if u want a divorce. i tink wat is wrong wif ur relationship wif ur husband is tat u hav grown tired through the long yrs of marriage, thats y u gt sexually attracted to ur neighbour. U sld stop now b4 u really betray ur spouse. Tink back on when u 2 were dating and try to rekindle that feeling. U mite also be hook on to the thrill of having a secret relationship wif some1 that lives so dangerously near. If u r, then talk to ur husband bout addin the thrill back to ur lives. There are many ways tat u can gt help on improvin ur sex life. If all fails u can bring u n ur man for marriage couselling.
LakesideDream Posted August 1, 2006 Posted August 1, 2006 I feel sad for you. Sometimes a short E/A (with a physical component) can have a lifetime of consequences. After a 25 year marriage my wife "left" with her high school boyfriend. I hardly saw it coming. That very day I contacted MY first love via "Classmates". It blazed white hot for 120 days, we met (long distance) a couple of times and it was glorious. I found out about love during that time. For better or worse I found out what I missed in my marriage. She didn't leave her H. It's five years now and I'm still not over it. I think about her everyday. Occasionally I send her flowers at work, a couple of times a year I call her. Sometimes she calls me. I can handle it. I just wish I didn't have to. I hope you have better luck.
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