Guest Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I have read through a couple of pages that all of you have wrote. I hope that maybe I can get some help from you guys, and gals, too. Ok, here goes. Until 3 days ago, we were the happiest couple in the world. So madly, and deeply in love. Then all of a sudden she tells me "It's over." Holy crap I have never felt so.....numb. I am freezing, and burning up at the same time. I haven't eaten, and I can't sleep more than maybe 1-2 hours a night. I truly gave my heart to this woman, and she just stomped on it. I was married once when I was 18, and of course it did not work. We barely made it 8 months. I have 2 kids with different moms. Neither are with the one I am losing. I have a 5, almost 6, year old daughter, and a 3 year old daughter. She has a 7 year old son, whom I completely adore. She wants me to stay here, until I can get an apartment of my own. I moved 3 hours away from anyone I know with her. I am so confused on what to do. In some ways I want to stay, and hope maybe she will change her mind. I know she won't. I cannot see her every day. It is ripping my heart out over and over every time I look at her. It started out with me doing something stupid. I lied to her mom's boyfriend about calling my work. They wanted me to come in. I already didn't get enough time with her. She works 8-5, i was working 4-12pm. I didn't want to go in. In the end all I wanted was more time with her, and I ended up losing all of it. I burned bridges with my family to make this relationship work. I lost everything to have this. Now it's over. I feel so desolate. Any advice on what to do? How to jump over this hurdle? You all may, or may not, be professionals. Either way, I have read what you have given for advice, and I trust at least one of you can help me.
DesperateDad Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I'm probably not the best person to offer advice, as I'm right in the middle of a similar type situation. It sounds like you may have some issues of your own that need to be worked out, though. If you think there's anything left to be salvaged in your relationship, check out marriagebuilders.com and see if there's something there that can help you. Be open to the idea that you may have gotten married for the wrong reasons if it caused you to burn a lot of bridges. Consider getting away for a while with no contact. How long have you been married to this woman? They don't make these decisions overnight. It's likely that she's been thinking about this for a long time and has only just decided to pull the trigger. I'm sure others on this board will jump in with more advice. Hang in there and spend some time working on yourself. Don't obsess about her! Good luck!
Yamaha Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 She sounds unhealty for you. To burn bridges with your family for this gal seems like an obsession. She is probably doing you a favor as I don't think 1 lie would break you up. Do you really have a choice? It takes 2 people to have a relationship. She doesn't want one with you so all you can do is pick yourself up and learn to move forward. Do not look back. Hard to do but it can be done and in the long run I think healthier for you.
Gunny376 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 This didn't just pop up on the radar three days ago ~ its been coming for a good long while ~ and its been on her mind for a good long while. You however just got the news three days ago. Her interest in you is like an analog meter ~ it might have once been reading a ten, but its dead at zero now ~ and there's NOTHING you can do about it ~ NOTHING! Anything that you do ~ willl only alienate her more. The only thing you can do is "man-up" and walk-a-way from her like a man, walk like a man, stand like a man, talk like a man. No crying, no begging, no pleading, no flowers, no love letters, no talking, no contact, no telephone calls, no talking with her friends ~ NOTHING! Let her know you've got a life ~ a busy life ~ filled with friends, activities. If you do come into contact keep it short and brief, ~ neutral. If she asks you what you've been doing telling a list of activities. Make sure you're the one that breaks contact ~ "Hey! I've got to go! I've something (as in more imporatant that hanging with you!) to take care of. And, then do it ~ get busy getting a life. If you run into her ~ play it like you're not all broke up about her dumping you ~ I don't even care if you're crying you're eyes. This might work for you ~ and is Plan A, the reason it might work is because it gets her to thinking wondering what you're doing, who you're doing it with ~ and why isn't he all broke up over me? An even more excellent plan would be for you to spend about one day having a pity party ~ learn from your pass mistakes ~ grow from the experience, and go find you someone who appreciates you and what you've got to offer ~ and with whom you will expend 10% of the time, effort, energy, money on trying to get this one back ~ like say, any one of the other billions of other women on the planet. This is where you come back and say "Yea, but,.............as in "Yea, but, but, but,.........................I love and am in love with her!" Let me tell what Love is Pal, Love is the self-imposed dillusion that any one woman is better than the others.
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