the_alchemyst Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Yep. I hit the lowest of the low. How nice. For those who read my last thread, I was wondering what to do about this car ticket I got. I had no idea I could have called somewhere to find out info. about it, since, well, it was my first ticket. I made a thread in which I asked if I should call him so I could go pick it up or not, but before I got a chance to check for replies, I got a call from him. He told me he could come drop it off, but I said I prefered to pick it up, since I didn't want him to come to my house. I left, got to his place, got the ticket and was about to leave, but right before I was, he asked: "So, how have you been?" I said I had been fine and asked him how he was--he said he was all right. I must have stayed there for a minute or something, but it felt really awkward. So, I was on my way again, and he said: "Oh! XXX, uhm . . ." and said nothing more. I asked him what he wanted and he said "nevermind." And then for some reason, I blurted out, "I need to talk to you" and so we went upstairs to talk. What about? Well, he and one of my closest friends had a HUGE fight last Sunday. He called her names and she called him names, and apparently they both insulted each other very much. I found her crying that night, but she didn't tell me what had happened. I actually found out through another friend that she and my exbf had gotten into a huge fight, which apparently started because of me. ! I asked him what had happened, and he simply said they had "exchanged a few words" and that that was all. I told him that I guess it was between them, but that I just wanted to let him know that I had nothing to do with it, and that I would appreciate it if they left me out of their conversations. He apologized, and with that I was going to leave, but then his phone rang. He answered and said that he would "be there at 8.30" and it was already 8. I got upset and blurted out again: "Well, sorry for wasting your time" and walked out. He ran outside, grabbed my arm, and asked me what was wrong with me. I told him to let go, he did, and his eyes got all teary, and he ran inside the restroom. Yeah, omg. I went to where he was, knocked on the door, asked him to please come out, and to stop being immature. He did. But he went straight to his car. I thought, well, fine. I went outside and I was going to leave, but he asked me to please get in the car because he was going to drop me off at my car, which was parked a block away from his house. I said no, but he said please, and it was then when I realize his mom was there. Trying to avoid an even bigger scene, I got in, but then I realized I had left my purse in the upstairs living room. Gaah. I got out to go get it and he went in, too, to my surprise. At the top of the stairs he asked me why I had stormed out like that--that he wasn't telling me to leave or anything, but I told him he didn't have to since it was quite obvious. He started to cry. He said, "You just came to make me cry some more. Why did you do that? And I was so happy to see you, since I hadn't seen you in a while. I was happy that you came, but then you had to do that." Impulsively, I hugged him, and said I was sorry because I felt like all I was good for was to make him cry. He hugged me back, and said that it wasn't true. We ended up in his room and I told him I was sorry for going because it was not my intention to stay around or to cause him any anything. He said he knew, and that he didn't mean to accuse me of making him cry--he said that he just can't help but do so when he sees me. We started talking and he hugged me very tightly, and I could hear him crying. He repeated that he was happy he got to see me because he had been missing me. I just huggged him back. I pulled away a little bit to try to brush off his tears with my hand, and BOOM. Kiss, kiss, kiss. I felt so bad and happy at the same time; a really bizarre feeling. He kissed for a loooong time, but then they knocked on the door, so we stoped. At that point I was going to head straight for the door, but he asked me: "Why? Why did you come to kiss me like that? You know I like you too much. You know I like your kisses too much. Why did you do that?" I told him that I didn't mean to and that I really didn't know how that even happened, but that it wasn't my intention at all. I said . . . "I guess I just can't help it," to which he replied, "I can't help it either. I still love you so much." And we kissed again . . . and then we had sex. Yep. Afterwards, he just asked why that had to happen, and I said I didn't know, but that I did know that it shouldn't have. He noded and said, "It just feel so right to be with you in every way. I just can't stop loving you." And then he cried more. I simply hugged him and told him not to cry--and then I said, "I still love you too." He smiled and gave me a big bear hug and said, "Aw, my little chicky (his favorite pet name for me)." By this time it was already 9, and he said that he was sorry that he had to go. We walked out but his friend was already there, so we didn't get to say anything afterwards. He called me later that night and talked to me much more nicely than the last time we spoke. Of course that came up, and he told me to not worry about it because it wasn't "wrong" since he still loves me and I still love him. Of course I told him it wasn't going to happen again and that perhaps I should just never see him again, and he . . . cried and said that I couldn't do that to him. He said he would always be close, anyways. I asked him when his next day off was--for what? Who knows? He said he thought it was Saturday and asked me why. I said, just asking and he replied: "Okay, sounds like a date." I said, "Huh?" and he laughed and said that he would see me on Saturday, so to not make any plans. I told him that maybe that wasn't such a good idea, and he said that it was, especially since I had to leave so rushed. . . . I can't believe myself. I have NO clue where this is going now. I feel so bad. And so ashamed. :(
fabulousgal Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Im really confused, did you break up w him or he u?
Author the_alchemyst Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 Uhm, in a gist: He broke up with me back in March because of some really stupid fight we had. A month and a half passed by and he contacted me. He had actually contacted me before via the phone and instant messaging, but I never replied. Then in late April he called me and I answered because I was waiting for another call, and I just flipped open the phone. We talked and he asked me to go over to his place, and I did. We reconciled that same night, agreeing to try again but to take things slowly, since we still had fresh wounds. I saw him every now and then and we would hang out, so in all honesty, it didn't even feel like we were dating. The last week we "broke up" again because of another stupid fight. I told him I wasn't willing to take his crap anymore, so I kinda initiated this last break up, but he sealed it off, saying that we shouldn't be together. We agreed to be friends or whatever, but we have agreed to this in the past, and it has never worked out, so I just agreed to it for the sake of leaving on peaceful terms. I really wasn't expecting to hear from him, but he called me last Friday to say hi. We talked for a little bit and then hung up. Yesterday I went to his house to pick up the ticket, and look at what happened. Is this situation confusing? I think so. But more than that it's just s***. And I actually have the nerve to see him on Saturday. What for, you know? I don't know.
dr strangelove Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I find your title amusing. I have feeling you have never hit rock bottom or ever will experience such a period in your life. I dont mind reading your posts because they are usually well written. But most of the stuff you feel is what alot of us had felt. Some of these people that felt just as alienated as you now hold positions of great power. Your feeling nothing more then teenage angst and growing pains. No need, for cry wolf titles. I thought something bad really happened. Try to enjoy the story as it unfolds.
2020vision Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Your feeling nothing more then teenage angst and growing pains. No need for cry wolf titles. I thought something bad really happened. I think "rock bottom" is a matter of opinion and personal standards, while it could be much worse, she slept with her ex...that's pretty bad. And don't really know what her age has to do with it...anyhow....... And I actually have the nerve to see him on Saturday. What for, you know? I don't know. You have the nerve to see him because you still care about him, its all too new. If you two really are not going to get back together, You need to give yourself a chance and stop making excuses to see him and go strict NC. Just remember how horrible you feel for doing this, and never do it again! Hang in there!!
In Sync Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I think that from what you've written and the tone that this is sort of like prolonging something that is slowly going down. And furthermore I sense you know it but will stay in denial. Now you are allowing this guy to dictate your future emotional status. Having sex with someone who broke it off with you is going to further screw your head up. I'm sorry for being direct but there was nothing in your post that lead me to believe that it was a good sign. If you don't know where you stand and he's already broke it off... And unless he's said let's work things out and get together again you are at his mercy..he's calling the shots. You feel confused because you haven't taken control of yourself you're just going along with whatever he feels. And I also sense even though you had sex with him, you know deep down that is no guarantee to keep him or persuade him. Be a little cautious of becoming dependent on this guy.
Author the_alchemyst Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 I find your title amusing. I have feeling you have never hit rock bottom or ever will experience such a period in your life. I dont mind reading your posts because they are usually well written. But most of the stuff you feel is what alot of us had felt. Some of these people that felt just as alienated as you now hold positions of great power. Your feeling nothing more then teenage angst and growing pains. No need, for cry wolf titles. I thought something bad really happened. Try to enjoy the story as it unfolds. I don't appreciate you making faulty assumptions in regards to my entire life, seeing as how all I post predominatly pertains to the struggles I am going through with this break-up. I have hardly mentioned anything else in regards to uh, the rest of my life, so you coming here to say that you don't think I have ever hit rock bottom or ever will is not only rude, but ignorant on your part. I have read your posts, too, and I don't see how what I'm feeling is more "angsty" than what you're feeling. So, please refrain from making assumptions on things you don't know about. Anyway, thanks for the input, guys. Yes, I do want to get back together with him, kind of. I do, but I don't--if that makes sense to you. And yes, of course I still care about him. I've known this person for almost 6 years now, and well, after you've known someone for this long, it's just difficult to pretend they don't exist all of a sudden. In fact, from the very beginning, I always wanted to remain friends with him regardless of what happened with our relationship. I guess you can say I love him more as a person than as a lover. I wish I had found out sooner that I could have called to get that information. Call me naive, but this is my first ticket (and not one I particularly felt like telling my parents about), so I had no clue. It sucks because I am fairly good with NC: while it makes me feel really bad, at least I know that he doesn't know I'm feeling bad, so it helps me keep going. Anyway, I wasn't expecting to hear from him until Friday. And to be completely honest, I was expecting him to give me some stupid excuse to cancel because, well, I guess I simply figured that after what had happened, what was the point of anything else, you know? Since nothing about us working things out was brought up, I kinda felt like that was it--how much lower can it possibly go, you know? Well, to my surprise, he called me tonight. I was expecting a call from my friend, so I just flipped the phone open. I was pretty startled when I heard his voice. (Caller ID is useless for people like me.) We talked for nearly 2 hours about, well, nothing, which was all to similar to the conversations we always had at night: long talks about many nothings. Just talked about how the World Cup is coming along (mainly because he knows I'm quite the soccer fan), some glasses he got at work, some songs he's been listening to, and stuff like that. I have no clue how that spanned to two hours, to tell the truth. At around 1 am he told me he had to go because he had to get up early for work. I said okay and made no mention of Saturday, thinking that if he didn't say anything, I just wouldn't go and that would be that. Well, I felt like he read my mind because he asked, "So, am I going to see you on Saturday?" I just said, "Oh, yeah . . . uhm, yeah, I guess so," and he just said that I had to go because it was a date or whatever, and I simply laughed, which prompted him to say, "Aww, your little laugh. How cute," so of course I shut up. Before he left he brought up to soccer game again, and mentioned that he remembered Italy (my fav) was playing again the US. He said he had set up some speakers in his room so that the games could be heard with surround sound, namely for Italy's game on Saturday morning. I asked why, since he's not much of a soccer person, and he said that he did so so that I could go watch it there. He then asked me if I wanted to, and I said no, and then he blurted the "fact" that he had set it up so that I could go watch it with him. I told him no again and that plus I had scheduled him for the evening, so he just asked why I couldn't do both or "if I was just too busy for him" and blah blah. After some repeated askings, I finally said okay, and he said that he "could go to sleep happy now." So, now I am even more confused. I really don't see where this is going, and I don't feel like asking because, well, I don't know. I talked to my friend about it today and she asked me if *I* had made any signs so as to signal me wanting to get back together, and that if I haven't, then maybe he is feeling just as clueless as me, and that if so, I should just go with the flow. So . . . now I'm supposed to make the move? Our break ups are always so tangled that it's hard to know who broke up with who--like in this one: I started and he finished it off. Our break ups always feel so mutual, and then when we are broken up, I always try to avoid him, and well . . . I'm just confused. I do wonder why he called me, though. Isn't he supposed to be out having "fun"? And to make matters better: My heart is malfunctioning again. I might have to undergo heart surgery next month. Either that or risk heart failure/brain damage in the long run. But I guess this is a normal thing, right? Blah.
riobikini Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Hmmmmm. After reading this (first, previously untapped thread,for me) -my mind's all aboggle. (Smile> haven't used that word since God-knows-when). Don't know if I have any *real* answers for any of those questions; they're shot through the post like random, unexpected, darts flying to ...wherever. Only one really landed -the one most likely: the ever constant " What do I do?" one. And it's still stuck there in the middle of my forehead -not quite penetrating my brain- actually, the tip just stuck no further than subcutaneous level, wobbling precariously there. (Smile, again). So I'll try, despite the circumstances, to give an answer. This is much too good to waste with LS. I concur with Strangelove (again, twice in as many days...and I'm wondering about myself). I think you should turn this whole thing over to a professional -a producer. I think it has greater capabilities, and more entertainment value than "Sex in the City". I really do. And I wish you luck with everything (even though) I am nearly empty-handed of any real advice this *one* time. (Smile) Take care. -Rio
Author the_alchemyst Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 Wait? Are you saying this is too much to be true? Do you mean to say that this is some drama that I'm making up? I never thought I'd get an insult like that from you, Rio.
bendit Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 "you got what you wanted, now you can hardly stand it no by now you know its not going to stop till you wise up." Aimee Mann... Its funny how our minds tell us exactly what our HEARTS want to hear. You were given a lot of advice about taking care of the ticket yourself. But that wasn't what you wanted because that wouldn't have given you the opportunity to see and confront the object of your affection, the X. So you plowed ahead anyway, despite all the advice you got that said don't do it, move on. This is called being in Denial of your reality. I also don't think the title tells the story at all. To me your story reads like an episode of Laguna Beach. It was dramatic, it was exciting, it was romantic, it was mysterious, it was charming, it was alluring, it was full of intrigue. But it certainly doesn't sound like rock bottom. It's obvious you still want him. You sure aren't over him. You want another try. You want this to work. You want this to be perfect and you two to have a perfect romance, and live happily ever after. I don't know your full story. But there isn't much difference among the stories on the coping forum. You are here on the love shack coping forum and people don't come here unless things are messed up. But instead of taking the advice of many experienced copers, advice that didn't suit your needs, you went ahead and did what you wanted to do all along. You had major contact and now you aren't exactly sure where you are headed. You immersed yourself right back into the drama of the relationship, drama that I think excites you and keeps your relationship fresh, and that's the worst kind of contact to have because it sets you back to square one. Its all so predictable. What has really changed except you missing him and wanting to be with him? What has CHANGED that is going to allow you two to live happily ever after? No my sense is that reality is going to bite pretty soon and pretty hard. You are going to be disappointed again. You are going to have to start this entire healing process over from square one. And I suspect your REAL rock bottom lies ahead of you. Right now, you are in the middle of an MTV mini series, and that doesn't sound like rock bottom to me. regards
In Sync Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I don't appreciate you making faulty assumptions in regards to my entire life, seeing as how all I post predominatly pertains to the struggles I am going through with this break-up. I have hardly mentioned anything else in regards to uh, the rest of my life, so you coming here to say that you don't think I have ever hit rock bottom or ever will is not only rude, but ignorant on your part. I have read your posts, too, and I don't see how what I'm feeling is more "angsty" than what you're feeling. So, please refrain from making assumptions on things you don't know about. Anyway, thanks for the input, guys. Yes, I do want to get back together with him, kind of. I do, but I don't--if that makes sense to you. And yes, of course I still care about him. I've known this person for almost 6 years now, and well, after you've known someone for this long, it's just difficult to pretend they don't exist all of a sudden. In fact, from the very beginning, I always wanted to remain friends with him regardless of what happened with our relationship. I guess you can say I love him more as a person than as a lover. I wish I had found out sooner that I could have called to get that information. Call me naive, but this is my first ticket (and not one I particularly felt like telling my parents about), so I had no clue. It sucks because I am fairly good with NC: while it makes me feel really bad, at least I know that he doesn't know I'm feeling bad, so it helps me keep going. Anyway, I wasn't expecting to hear from him until Friday. And to be completely honest, I was expecting him to give me some stupid excuse to cancel because, well, I guess I simply figured that after what had happened, what was the point of anything else, you know? Since nothing about us working things out was brought up, I kinda felt like that was it--how much lower can it possibly go, you know? Well, to my surprise, he called me tonight. I was expecting a call from my friend, so I just flipped the phone open. I was pretty startled when I heard his voice. (Caller ID is useless for people like me.) We talked for nearly 2 hours about, well, nothing, which was all to similar to the conversations we always had at night: long talks about many nothings. Just talked about how the World Cup is coming along (mainly because he knows I'm quite the soccer fan), some glasses he got at work, some songs he's been listening to, and stuff like that. I have no clue how that spanned to two hours, to tell the truth. At around 1 am he told me he had to go because he had to get up early for work. I said okay and made no mention of Saturday, thinking that if he didn't say anything, I just wouldn't go and that would be that. Well, I felt like he read my mind because he asked, "So, am I going to see you on Saturday?" I just said, "Oh, yeah . . . uhm, yeah, I guess so," and he just said that I had to go because it was a date or whatever, and I simply laughed, which prompted him to say, "Aww, your little laugh. How cute," so of course I shut up. Before he left he brought up to soccer game again, and mentioned that he remembered Italy (my fav) was playing again the US. He said he had set up some speakers in his room so that the games could be heard with surround sound, namely for Italy's game on Saturday morning. I asked why, since he's not much of a soccer person, and he said that he did so so that I could go watch it there. He then asked me if I wanted to, and I said no, and then he blurted the "fact" that he had set it up so that I could go watch it with him. I told him no again and that plus I had scheduled him for the evening, so he just asked why I couldn't do both or "if I was just too busy for him" and blah blah. After some repeated askings, I finally said okay, and he said that he "could go to sleep happy now." So, now I am even more confused. I really don't see where this is going, and I don't feel like asking because, well, I don't know. I talked to my friend about it today and she asked me if *I* had made any signs so as to signal me wanting to get back together, and that if I haven't, then maybe he is feeling just as clueless as me, and that if so, I should just go with the flow. So . . . now I'm supposed to make the move? Our break ups are always so tangled that it's hard to know who broke up with who--like in this one: I started and he finished it off. Our break ups always feel so mutual, and then when we are broken up, I always try to avoid him, and well . . . I'm just confused. I do wonder why he called me, though. Isn't he supposed to be out having "fun"? And to make matters better: My heart is malfunctioning again. I might have to undergo heart surgery next month. Either that or risk heart failure/brain damage in the long run. But I guess this is a normal thing, right? Blah. After reading this additional post I am struck my the unusual dramatics of your story...you've known this guy for 6 years! and STILL you don't know how to get to the bottom of what's going on in this relationship? Why all the games and the back and forth? You can't be honet with im after 6 years??? Something is not right in the state of Denmark....
KittenMoon Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Oh Alchy- What a mess, huh? I really know how you feel- about wanting to get back together but not wanting to as well. Once again, you and I seem to be experiencing a similar situation. Right now I'm insanely jealous because your ex is giving you attention, actually wanting you around him. I've been thinking a lot about NC in the past few weeks. And I've pretty much said "f*** it". He/I/We broke it Monday, and it led to some continued communication. Nothing leading towards any reconciliation, but rather what I hope will untangle the situation a little more. Or maybe it'll just be more drama. I don't even care much at this point. NC is good if you are really ready to let go. You're not, I'm not, plenty of people aren't. C'est la vie, c'est l'amour. Your ex is not abusive. He's not chasing other girls (as far as you know). He's going back and forth between contrary emotions, actions, and words- so obviously things aren't as solid in HIS head as he thought either. I say let the drama play itself out. If it's not physically or emotionally abusive, and you're not ready to let go, then it can't do much more than stress you the hell out. Which most people survive just fine (although your heart concerns me in this respect...?). Let the drama run itself out- to the point where one or both of you truly let go and move on, or to where reconciliation becomes a real possibility. Either way, you'll probably come out a stronger person, with a better sense of what she wants and more experience in communication. Some people thrive on drama- others don't. But maybe we all need a good dose of it at some point in our lives. I wish I had gotten it out a bit earlier. You're young, what the hell, take a chance, screw it up, make it better, or whatever. There are no rules to this.
KittenMoon Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 After reading this additional post I am struck my the unusual dramatics of your story...you've known this guy for 6 years! and STILL you don't know how to get to the bottom of what's going on in this relationship? Why all the games and the back and forth? You can't be honet with im after 6 years??? Something is not right in the state of Denmark.... I don't think this is that strange. IMO, and now in my experience, no matter how long you're with someone it's really hard to be honest when neither of you seems to know exactly how they feel, what they want, etc. In fact, you may be being honest with each other all the time- but with emotions running so high, things can be moment to moment, or just totally confusing all togther. It's not so much a matter of honesty as self-realization.
In Sync Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I don't think this is that strange. IMO, and now in my experience, no matter how long you're with someone it's really hard to be honest when neither of you seems to know exactly how they feel, what they want, etc. In fact, you may be being honest with each other all the time- but with emotions running so high, things can be moment to moment, or just totally confusing all togther. It's not so much a matter of honesty as self-realization. with all due respect, therein lies the problem. 'no matter how long', if one doesn't stop the repetitive pattern and say look what's going on here with us...why should it stop any of the drama? And yet the drama is causing unhappiness, stress, and confusion. where's the joy? I think being in tumulous relatonship is equally addictive because its exactly as you stated, emotions running so high, moment to moment...whereas being straight-up direct leaves that sort of mess behind.
KittenMoon Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 with all due respect, therein lies the problem. 'no matter how long', if one doesn't stop the repetitive pattern and say look what's going on here with us...why should it stop any of the drama? And yet the drama is causing unhappiness, stress, and confusion. where's the joy? I think being in tumulous relatonship is equally addictive because its exactly as you stated, emotions running so high, moment to moment...whereas being straight-up direct leaves that sort of mess behind. Sorry- let me clarify a bit. I meant that people can be utterly honest and direct for years with their SO. My ex and I were, I get the impression Alchy and her ex were as well. But people's lives can get to a point where they themselves have no idea what they want (not just limited to relationships), so even when they are being honest and direct about it with another person, it comes out jumbled, causes drama, etc. That's where extreme soul searching and self realization needs to come into play. IMO, The question is- if there's any chance of it being an "us" thing again occuring, will it be more effect to go NC and soul search alone for a while to figure out exactly what is wanted, go LC and still do it more on one's own, or stay close and try to do it together? It's a gamble any way you play it.
bendit Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 In_Sync is dead on. The drama is addictive. Many here crave the drama, the ups and downs. Without it, their lives are as flat as pancakes. The back and forth is addictive. The makeup is so exhilarating. But this is a dead end game. Its destined for failure. It delays the inevitable. Often its not so much we love the other person, we love the FEELINGS, the excitement, the fights and inevitable make up, the 2 hour phone calls about nothing. That's the enemy. The DRAMA!!!!!! Because that's what has a hold on us. regards
dr strangelove Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 You slept with your ex.. thats not hitting rock bottom. In fact im not convinced he is your ex. Sounds like you have had fights not really a break up. Theres a difference you know. You think im rude? You are entitled to your opinion. But trust me you still have not hit rock bottom. Your drama makes for good reading though. I envy you, you get to talk, touch, kiss, even have sex with your ex. If I was able to see my ex in person again.. Id already have her back. Maybe take a step back from the situation and you will understand it better. If you keep making the same mistake that causes time apart then maybe you should consider seeing a counsellor to help you understand the whole dynamic of whats going on. It sort of reminds me of this female friend I have, she is still seeing the same guy after how many years and bitching about how he is. At lunch today I couldnt help but laugh. She knows my situation, yet she couldnt borrow from that to get what she wants out of him. You dont have to feel bad about what happened. You are human and things like this happen. You feel that you have no control over the situation, but that is only because you fail to see what you have to do, or fail to see the moments when you have control. hmm..
riobikini Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 "Ditto! ", Strangelove, InSync, and Bendit. I concur totally, with your overall jests. But (Smile) we've all four got to stop meeting like this. -Rio
fabulousgal Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 "you got what you wanted, now you can hardly stand it no by now you know its not going to stop till you wise up." Aimee Mann... Its funny how our minds tell us exactly what our HEARTS want to hear. You were given a lot of advice about taking care of the ticket yourself. But that wasn't what you wanted because that wouldn't have given you the opportunity to see and confront the object of your affection, the X. So you plowed ahead anyway, despite all the advice you got that said don't do it, move on. This is called being in Denial of your reality. I also don't think the title tells the story at all. To me your story reads like an episode of Laguna Beach. It was dramatic, it was exciting, it was romantic, it was mysterious, it was charming, it was alluring, it was full of intrigue. But it certainly doesn't sound like rock bottom. It's obvious you still want him. You sure aren't over him. You want another try. You want this to work. You want this to be perfect and you two to have a perfect romance, and live happily ever after. I don't know your full story. But there isn't much difference among the stories on the coping forum. You are here on the love shack coping forum and people don't come here unless things are messed up. But instead of taking the advice of many experienced copers, advice that didn't suit your needs, you went ahead and did what you wanted to do all along. You had major contact and now you aren't exactly sure where you are headed. You immersed yourself right back into the drama of the relationship, drama that I think excites you and keeps your relationship fresh, and that's the worst kind of contact to have because it sets you back to square one. Its all so predictable. What has really changed except you missing him and wanting to be with him? What has CHANGED that is going to allow you two to live happily ever after? No my sense is that reality is going to bite pretty soon and pretty hard. You are going to be disappointed again. You are going to have to start this entire healing process over from square one. And I suspect your REAL rock bottom lies ahead of you. Right now, you are in the middle of an MTV mini series, and that doesn't sound like rock bottom to me. regards ouch, give her a break. i mean i am not saying she could have stuck with the NC but he did contact her, and her bad for letting it get physical...but she had a long relationship with this person and i'm sure the loss is hard and heat of the moments happen. and i do understand why she said rock bottom, i am a girl about her age and i pride myself on being very selective and having rules when i sleep w ppl, meaning only a boyfriend. so if i were to do something like that, i would feel like omg what did i just do. but it happens, and it sounds to me like the uncertainty of the relationship is what is causing her to be upset. she doesnt know where she stands, are they headed back together, whats going on....good luck AC, don't feel bad, just decide what you want yourself and then take it from there.
dr strangelove Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Hey I wrote this for you the_alchemyst and also for fabulousgal. Hit the bottom and the bottle Called you just to say im still alive, but hey you dont seem happy, or maybe its me. And then I start to cry.I guess what we had was just one big lie. Last time was just for you I guess, now you make me feel like im a pest. I cant keep living the past, but I really did you like you the best. Always seems like its goodbye forever and a day, but you come back and I wonder if its to stay, not to ever go away. Then just as you came, its back to the same, as it was. Then I hit bottom and bottle. Call you up, and ask why cant you stay? You always say leave it for another day.
dr strangelove Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I wrote this one for me.. but im sure anyone can relate... ----------------------------------------------------------- For you I broke all the rules, but whats a boy to do? For you I broke all the rules, but whats done is done. With just one look, you could always disarm me. With just one word you could always alarm me. With a smile you always took me by the arm. Tried to leave but you kept me on a short leash. Funny I thought the collar looked better on you then me. Walked away, but you ran to me. Wrote your name on a thousands walls, but you still didnt listen to me. I ask you want you want, but you never know. You call me the devil, but you sure aint no saint. You call me the man of darkness, but you forget who put me here. I should have paid attention to all the red flags, but I could not resist your red red lips or your big shapely hips. My head knew there was better choices, but my heart chose you. 1 year 7 months and a day. I thought these feelings for sure would fade. But they are still stuck in me with your rusty blade... You come around after visiting hours, tell me about some guy that gives you the moon and the sky. I still have to ask why, are you talking to me and not that guy? And then I know its all just a lie....
In Sync Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Look, I'm going to be the one who dares to speak out of line here on the subject of sex and these up and down break-ups and the drama that comes with it. Sex is powerful tool. Anyway you cut it...it will rock your world indeed...But the minute it is used as a tool for mere satisfaction on one persons part and a way of bonding for another ..there's gonna be problems. There might be some players who are able to say here 'Oh I can have sex and not get attached'...but I am sure that one out of the two of you who are having sex is getting sort of bonded to the other, even if it's a barely noticeable in the beginning. I am also certain that if sex was out of the picture in any story on this board there would not be this deep DEEP stuck in the "misery-go-round" that many write here about these otherwise unsatisfactory relationship. So if there are problem and you know that your exbf/gf is mistreating you...there's an addiction to the physical. So when that person in your life wants to dump you...if you can't NC, I double bet that sex is the first thing that is going to be the "tool" one relies on to see if things can fix themselves. Of course its pleasurable but the original problem about the relationship and compatibility is still there. So nothing gets better. And thereby the cycle begins...NC is about all you can do to cut yourself off from the sickness...(ooooooo did I say sickness?..addiction to the mess...a.k.a drama...and the famous word "confusion") Truly ask yourself would YOU reeeeeeeaalllllllly put up with a person's mistreatment if you were not being with them sexually? That's why it is almost easier to walk away from a buddy if they treated you like your ex did. Because sex was not involved. And all those who think you can be buddy with the ex after it's over...(come on..it's that tiny weeny minuscule hint of sexual attraction that keeps you hanging in there...and i've seen that on the boards here..that works until the ex gets a new bf/gf and then reality kicks in..it hurts) So drama from my experience and when I listen to others on and off these boards is based in addiction.
riobikini Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 InSync, ***Your post should be pinned....to the lens, collar, forehead, and dashboard of masses.*** I am proud of you, and I applaud you. (Super job!) -Rio
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