miranda beverly Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 My boyfriend/best friend/soulmate decided that our relationship was not worth saving after four years and everything we have been through. There really is not one situation that we have not overcome, we have gone through it all. When we laid down at night we both knew that what we shared together was special, and that our relationship was special. But now he just want's us to be really good friends. In fact, he used a Jerry Seinfeld reference and said that he wanted us to be good friends like Seinfeld and Elaine were. Which I took as a stab in the heart. He told me that we both had a lot going on in our lives and "just cant date eachother" anymore. And that we were driving eachother insane. That I was starting to be very controlling and he couldn't handle it. I thought that these were all natural stresses that relationships sometimes go through from time to time, and that it was nothing we couldnt just work out. So for the past two months, I tried just being his friend. I honestly did. It hurt me so much, and for the past two months there has not been a day I haven't broke down crying. He gave me this false hope that we would be getting back together eventually. Like a fool, I still slept with him. Until finally last week I made him basically admit that he wasn't in love with me anymore, that we really were "just friends", and he told me that we definitely were not getting back together. He tried to convince me to still be his "good friend" and that it would hurt really bad to lose me after all we have been through. I told him that staying friends only works if the feeling is mutual, and that he knows I am in love with him still. He told me that I would regret not staying his friend, that me and his cousin were the only two people he cared about and it would be stupid to not stay in contact. This that and the other thing. How I feel is that he felt guilty to break up with me. I was going through a lot, so was he, we both started to get a little overwhelming with each other. But I really do not think that is any excuse to lead me on the way that he did and still sleep with me, even though I told him pleanty of times how upset it made me that he still slept with me but didn't want a relationship with me. I feel so hurt. Sometimes I'm ok. I left his house last week and told him I was moving out of state and changing my phone number. I havent had time to change my number yet. With the whole breaking down at several points during the day and what not, it's been hard to get out of the house. I feel like he strung me along because he didn't know how to let me down gently. And I still feel used. I can't understand how someone could do that to me. Especially him. The one person that I thought would never hurt me, leave me, let me down. I felt we had an unsaid understanding and agreement with one another that was unique. Even the past two months of us not dating he still made references to our future. And got upset if I went on dates with other guys. I am very emotional still. Some days I feel like there is no point. I am depressed, suicidal, and I break down throughout the day. I have no family that live in the same state as me. Him and I were living together and I moved out two months ago when he first told me that he "just needed space". Now I live alone in a very lonely town, with very few friends that I never see and no family. It will take a long time for me to heal. His eyes told me stories of our future together. It will be a while before I dont see his face in the rivers, feel his touch when I go for walks, or smell him in the air. It will be a while before I am me again. It hurts badly. Everything. Please, someone say something comforting and supportive. I feel like I just lost half of my soul.
the_alchemyst Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I'm out the door at the moment--going to a friend's house to unwind and abuse the little bar she has at her house. BUT, I wanted to be the first one to send you a virtual hug. I think the hurt you are going through is rather similar to the one I'm going through, namely because it's a break-up with a person whom you love oh, so direly, and one whom you've know for so long, that their absense leaves you feeling empty. I have AIM (since I saw you mentioning it on another thread), and would be glad to talk to you through there, given I still don't have PM priviledges. *hug* Just know that you really are not alone. There is always someone there, even if far away.
garnet Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 ditto, another virtual hug. You're not alone. It sounds like trying to be "friends" really made an already painful process worse. These boards have been extremely helpful to me...read up on everything you can find about No Contact - it really is the way to go - and commit yourself to it. I know it doesn't seem like it now, but it really will get easier. But right now, really allow yourself the time to grieve, and stay on the boards. It really helps. Take care.
crazy_grl Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 {{{{{{miranda beverly}}}}}} I know it feels so completely aweful right now, but as lame as it sounds whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. It may take a lot of time to get over, but you will heal and things will be great for you again, maybe even better. I say that from experience, because my ex left me practically all alone and the only person I really knew in the area was him. I had never expected him to leave. It was horrible and lonely for quite awhile. I nearly broke down crying at work sometimes and I cried all alone in my room a lot. But my life is awesome now and if he hadn't left, I never would have known what I was missing out on. I think the same will happen for you.
Diver012 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 {{{{{{miranda beverly}}}}}} I know it feels so completely aweful right now, but as lame as it sounds whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger. It may take a lot of time to get over, but you will heal and things will be great for you again, maybe even better. I say that from experience, because my ex left me practically all alone and the only person I really knew in the area was him. I had never expected him to leave. It was horrible and lonely for quite awhile. I nearly broke down crying at work sometimes and I cried all alone in my room a lot. But my life is awesome now and if he hadn't left, I never would have known what I was missing out on. I think the same will happen for you. I am in a similar boat. I am in a strange town. I met this girl at work and my social life was surrounded by her. Now shes gone and im sitting here alone.. but forcing myself to get out of this rut. I go to the local Coffee SHop after work for about an hour and read... drink a few cups.. ect... Im getting back into swimming again... I refuse to be defeated.
Bangles Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Here's another big vurtual hug for u too! I have just recently went through a similiar situation and he told me the same thing. The one thing I have found out tho is that he already had someone else, so it was easy for him to be "just friends" with me. He even tried the "lets still have sex" thing too. I am just so grateful that I found this site. I think if would be good if you could try the NC thing. But if u can't stick to it don't beat yourself up. You have to do what you need to do to get by. It's hard to find stuff to do to replace the times spent with my BF but I am managing, one step at a time. You sound like a very intelligent person and STRONGER than you know. Keep coming back here and read, read, read, it's helps the healing process. Today I was finally able to keep food down. Today I went all day and didn't try to speed dial his number. I'm making progress, so will you. Lots of hugs to you.
In Sync Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 you will get through this, allow yourself to grieve FULLY without judging yourself. it's all part of healing... write out your feelings in a journal, don't sit on your emotions. But more importantly distance yourself from your bf..I mean while you are in this period of extreme vulnerability and being around him will confuse you more. Spend time with friends who care about you and cry on their shoulders. (((((hugs)))))).
Diver012 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Here's another big vurtual hug for u too! I have just recently went through a similiar situation and he told me the same thing. The one thing I have found out tho is that he already had someone else, so it was easy for him to be "just friends" with me. He even tried the "lets still have sex" thing too. I am just so grateful that I found this site. I think if would be good if you could try the NC thing. But if u can't stick to it don't beat yourself up. You have to do what you need to do to get by. It's hard to find stuff to do to replace the times spent with my BF but I am managing, one step at a time. You sound like a very intelligent person and STRONGER than you know. Keep coming back here and read, read, read, it's helps the healing process. Today I was finally able to keep food down. Today I went all day and didn't try to speed dial his number. I'm making progress, so will you. Lots of hugs to you. Keep getting stronger! 1 day at a time! Take it one day at a time. Ill pray again as I try to do every night, for everyone suffering in the world...
Author miranda beverly Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 All of you, I hope every one of you know and understand how much it means to me to hear all of your support. I keep reading it all over and over again. It seems so hard for me to just LET GO. I keep thinking that maybe there is some hope in everything going back to normal again. I knew our fairytale life was too good to be true, I should have realized it. Its so hard for me to just put my hands up and accept it. Realize that all of this probably came about because he has interest in someone else. Even just trying to choke down the fact that he simply fell out of love with me and there are just no romantic feelings there anymore. Repeating to myself that the only reason he has been wanting to be friends with me the past two months is out of guilt and pitty. That he felt bad. And he kept having sex with me because he's a huge f***ing a**h***. Today, I rode on the rollercoaster of being "ok" and completely breaking down and wanting to chase a bottle of asprin down with whiskey about, oh, lets say eleven times.
Diver012 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 A thought here... My Parents have been married for over 40 years. They have gone through hell and back... I see and meet other people that are happily married. Folks its a rare thing. Not impossible though. It might take a few times to get it right. You may never get it right. Life is just life sometimes. It takes hard work and determination. Happiness isnt given freely, its earned. The sooner that we can let go of the bad, the sooner we can accept the good in our lives. Good can be just, having a day of happiness. Do one thing every day that can bring a little smile to your life. Help someone. Smile at someone and make their day brighter. It will make yours brighter too. Little victories go a long way
Guest Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I'm beginning to believe loving, faithful relationships are a thing of the past in this modern world of ours. People of either sex with genuine loving hearts seem so incredibly rare in these selfish times. From bitter experience i'm too afraid to give my heart to anyone any more.
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