Author greystone08 Posted June 15, 2006 Author Posted June 15, 2006 I think she'll be very happy with it. And you will be too, because it will be her thing. For SO's to help with weight loss is a good idea if you're both overweight. But I really think when one is and one isn't, the one who is does better without a skinny person yelling at them! She will feel SO much better about herself and I think you'll both be happy again. TRUST ME, she knows you don't find her attractive and I promise it's tearing her apart. Well, I don't know her so I can't really say that, but I bet it's true... Catgirl you're right, she's aware. And i think that makes her nervous that it will cause me to find someone else, so she tries to work at it. And BTW , if your friends hated you when you lost the weight, that's nothing but pure jealousy
Tim'sAngel Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Catgirl you're right, she's aware. And i think that makes her nervous that it will cause me to find someone else, so she tries to work at it. And BTW , if your friends hated you when you lost the weight, that's nothing but pure jealousy Ultimately, this is something she will have to do for her, not you. If she is only doing it for you, she will become stressed and prolly give up. I've seen this happen a few times. I am going through something similar. I had a baby a year and a half ago and gained about 8-10 lbs that is still hanging around. I know how much my SO feels about us taking care of our bodies, and I am and have been unhappy with the way I look. I'm not terribly overweight, moreso just need to shape up. This is for me though. The fact that I will be hott for my SO is the big fat bonus. The more you keep telling her or nagging her to lose weight, the more stressed she will be, and the more she will eat. The thing that bugs me about this is she obviously isn't too concerned about her weight, or at least not enough to motivate herself you know. You will ultimately have to love her for who she is or it will never work, JMO. What if she loses the weight now, keeps it off until you guys get married, then gains it all back. What will you do then?
Guest Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 If she gains it back' date=' What will you do then?[/quote'] You pose an interesting question that i've thought about many times myself. And i know that relationships require work to keep the fire burning. It's constant work. She may very well put the weight back on if we got married. But it will be one of those things she has to constantly work at for her overall health. As mentioned earlier, she always mentions surgery and tummy tucks. According to her, she destined to get a tuck. I told her its dangerous and she can achieve the same goals with discipline & exercise. Most of the women in her family have surgery such as: a breast reduction. Her mom even had a tummy tuck. She says her mom is going to help pay for a tummy tuck once she graduates from college as a graduation present. But if it works then i say good for her.
Author greystone08 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 What if she loses the weight now' date=' keeps it off until you guys get married, then gains it all back. What will you do then?[/quote'] you pose an interesting question that i've often asked myself. Because when she lost the weight and was looking like the HOTTEST thing going, i saw how fast and easy she put it back on. Maybe i'm naive but hopeful that once she reaches her goal this time, she'll remember how good it makes her feel about herself and try to stay that way. One thing about relationships is that its constantly work, trying to keep that fire burning. It might be the same with diet and excercize. I mean she's not a obese woman. She's about 5'7 185 Ibs. 3 or 4 months ago, she had reached 197Ibs. She also really talks about a tummy tuck. Many of the women in her family have had surgery, either breast reduction or tummy tuck. I know her mom had a tummy tuck. She says that once she graduates school, her mom will help her pay for a tummy tuck as part of her graduation present. I tell her that surgery is risk and is dangerous, but she's determined. I say, if it works then good for her.
Tim'sAngel Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 She also really talks about a tummy tuck. Many of the women in her family have had surgery, either breast reduction or tummy tuck. I know her mom had a tummy tuck. She says that once she graduates school, her mom will help her pay for a tummy tuck as part of her graduation present. I tell her that surgery is risk and is dangerous, but she's determined. I say, if it works then good for her. Sorry to put it this way, but that is a cop out. The only reason a women needs a tummy tuck is because (like me) shes had a baby and the skin around her waiste is loose, or she lost an ecsessive amount of weight that left the skin sagging once lost. Anything other than that is nothing a little diet and exersize can't fix. Also, if she is accustomed to bad eating habits, don't think that tummy tuck is going to keep her from gaining weight. She will gain it all right back. Also, doctors don't suggest any kind of cosmetic surgery until after the patient is done having children, because the skin will just stretch right back out. I really hope she has done research on this decision. Her lack of motivation, and looking for the easy way out shows that she doesn't have much discipline.
Pendawn Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 It seems to me that you both are destined to have this problem from now till eternity, if you stay together, as it seems to be an issues which has come form the way you were both raised. She has clearly been raised with the idea that everyone has a fault that can be corrected with surgery, and she may be using that as an excuse to stay the shape she is, becuase she feels everyone in her family would be that shape if it not for surgery. You clearly have a family who places looks above personality. If your family are making comments/jokes about her shape, then clearly that's the main thing they see and what they base their worth of a person on. I have to say, I find that really sad. Nearly everyone I know has a partner who some might think could do with some kind of physical improvement - losing weight, dressing better, etc etc. But it doesn't matter to any of us because if we see that person makes our friend/family member happy, then who cares if they could do with toning up/losing weight/earning more money. The fact is there is usually something about our partner that turns us off them slightly, you just have to decide if you can or can't live with it. I think constantly hoping your gf will change, and/or putting rpessure on her to lose weight is going to lead to an unhappy life for both of you. What happens when she gets pregnant, or if she gets ill? If she constantly feels that for you to find her attractive she has to be perfect physically, she's never going to feel totally loved. To me love - the kind of love of marriage - is not really based on attraction. Of course you need to have it, but I know for me love is when that person could be in a horrific accident and look nothing like they did when we met, and I'd still love them. maybe I'm naive but i love the person, the outer them is just some pretty packaging.
catgirl1927 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Once again, getting in a horrible accident is different than gaining weight because you're not watching what you eat or exercising. Even if someone gained a lot of weight because of a health problem, they would still be the same person inside. What people seem to have a hard time with understanding seems to be that it's not so much the number of pounds someone gains as it is the attitude that they just don't care what they look like. THAT is what's unattractive.
Author greystone08 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 What people seem to have a hard time with understanding seems to be that it's not so much the number of pounds someone gains as it is the attitude that they just don't care what they look like. THAT is what's unattractive. exactly. i can deal with a person who struggles with their weight and i see them trying by eating right and exercising better than i can with someone who struggles but continues to put away a whole plate of food in seconds, eating cake and ice cream, and other fatty foods. its disgusting.
MarnieGirl Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 exactly. i can deal with a person who struggles with their weight and i see them trying by eating right and exercising better than i can with someone who struggles but continues to put away a whole plate of food in seconds, eating cake and ice cream, and other fatty foods. its disgusting. notice the word struggle. i've seen people be treated horribly for their weight; it's a stupid reason. don't look at them. it isn't any more pleasant to watch a thin jack-ass eat a "whole plate of food in seconds, and cake and ice cream, and other fatty foods." phew, it's a good thing you're perfect in every way so you can be this judgmental. otherwise, you would just be an a**h***.
Noos Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 She needs to drop about 14 kilos from what you've told me - to be in her healthy weight range. It is not easy to do but it's not overwhelming either as I have done it recently. I suggest that you both get a referral from your GP to a dietician/nutritionist. You tell them what you like to eat, what you don't like and give details about your lifestyle and time demands. They give you a plan that fits in with all of that and give information on what is a good choice for you and why and how much you should be eating. Join a gym together or if not, hire an exercise bike or treadmill and watch tv while you work out on that for an hour after work each day. The weight comes off quite easily when you have information set out quite easily on what you need, what contains things that have too much sugar for you etc. She will feel better apart from looking better and have more confidence and energy. You don't have to call people disgusting and you should not be ashamed of her. She's overweight but she's not hugely overweight. It's also a good idea to buy new gym clothes as you're more likely to feel good about working out when you feel you look good as you do it. But remember, it's not about dieting - it's about making a lifestyle change.
Alexandra Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 She says that she doesn't want to lose me so she'll do whatever it takes... meaning diet and exercise. Whoa that sounds bad. So those are the terms under which this is discussed? No wonder she isn't quick on doing much about it, who would be? While there's nothing wrong with being shallow there is plenty wrong with giving one's partner lifestyle ultimatums. Has it occured to you that maybe you're not ready to get married/make a LT committment or at least not to her?
stillhere Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I'm 5'8" tall, and i weigh 133 lbs, and i think i still could lose more, so in a way, i can see where he is coming from. My honey thinks i look perfect, but i want to tone up my stomach, it's not like it used to be. Before i got pregnant, i weighed 120 lbs, and that was too skinny, but i loved my stomach. She has to want to be sexy and proud of herself.........i worked out at curves and lost over 30 lbs, and damn i was proud of myself. I also have a thyroid condition, and now that i'm on medication, i don't gain weight like i did after my daughter was born. In fact, i haven't gained any weight back that i lost, and i haven't worked out in 8 months. Have her get checked for that. The doc can tell her if she has hypothyroidism. That's what i got, and a simple blood test will tell them.
littlepiggy1 Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 On the one hand, weight gain can lead to health complications and there is nothing wrong with wanting someone to maintain a healthy weight. As long as it is for the right reasons. On the other hand, in reading greystone08's posts, it sounds like he is treating his g/f more like a trophy than a person. I detect some insecurity on his part about his g/f's appearence.
Author greystone08 Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 I again want to thank everyone who's at least trying to understand my issue and giving me good solutions to working with it. To those of you who are making judgements and calling me insecure, maybe you're right in a sense. I am human and do have faults but i do know i treat that girl like a queen for the most part. And to Marinegirl, i'm guessing you've experienced a similar situation (maybe not with weight) with a guy to have such a harsh response. I believe when you're in a relationship, both men and women can't just let themselves go and not care about their appearance. Deep down, i think alot of you know that. I understand and respect there are some people that don't feel as strong about it. I'm sorry many of you can't relate to this issue but the harsh reality is, there's many people that do feel that physical appearance is just as important. It's kind of the same similar situation if someone goes around not brushing their hair and teeth, or wearing shabby clothes with a bad odor. l bet many of you would say, "love the person, not the clothes, unbrushed hair and teeth." Very unrealistic approach because it comes down to how a person carries themselves. No one likes a slob.
Guest Posted June 21, 2006 Posted June 21, 2006 if she's fat, dump her. she is disrespecting you by letting herself go. i love the post where the rationale for her getting fat is that now she is comfortable with you....yea right. she has caught her sucker , and the hunt is over and now she can let herself go. dont believe me??? then dump her, and see how fast she melts that blubber off....doing so to get back in the hunt and run with the pack. i guess if she bloats to 250, then she really loves you!! she knows that fat is not the way to get what she wants, so she looses it. you have to ask yourself why her weight would matter to her if you dumped her, and why it doesnt matter to keep you. i have seen this a 100 times. and you have also, if you think about it. if she doesnt respect your need to have her look good, then she never will. self discipline is her job, and you cant wish it on her and the great chances are that if she doesnt have it by now, then she never will. good luck
Guest Posted June 23, 2006 Posted June 23, 2006 Hey i was reading about your situation and i think i can help you. First of all its natural to be a little worried when are spouse, girlfriend,etc. puts on some wieght dont let anyone tell you that this is abnormal. Second of all if you really want her to loose some pounds trying going on the same diet together cause trust me if two people try it together thier is more support and also she will think that your not bagging on her or just nagging her. Thier needs to be some action taken and maybe you could help her along, cause imagine your on a diet and your girlfriend is eating a huge stake? Another thing that you could do is maybe exercise together that way it will speed up the process. Futhermore if she comes and visits you or she lives with you try to fill the fridge full of healthy food, dont let get full of junk food cause you know it only takes one slice of cake or some leftovers to start a food crave..Well hope these tips can help you out a little bit and good luck..
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