thegoodhubbie Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Maybe you wanna give me kisses sweet But only for one night with no repeat And maybe you'll go away and never call And a taste of one is worse than none at all In that case I don't want no part I do believe that that would only break my heart Oh, but if you feel like loving me If you've got the notion I second that emotion
scrybe74 Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I think it's not that simple. I for one have had casual sex with women before and don't see a problem with it. But at the time I wan't interested in anything but the chase and the capture I suppose. I went on a 2 year stint of this behavior and after awhile I got really tired and bored with it. Like anything else too much of it is bad. Besides...that sort of attitude shouldn't be had for long term in my humble opinion. On the other hand....for some reason I could never have sex with a woman in exchange for money. Some men can have sex with prostitutes and think nothing of it. I just can't imagine sex with a woman who isn't attracted to me. I want to be wanted so their is a little emotion in there even when it's casual. Over all though.....the best sex I've ever had always involved someone I loved deeply and she feeling the same for me. So...I think casual sex is sort of a sell-out because you can't or won't deal with real relationship stuff. I'm not afraid to admit it- and I felt that I was aware of that and was honest with the women I slept with. They respected that and so things rarely got messy with it. In fact...there were times that I would be dating 2-3 women at once and I didn't have to sneak around because I was honest with them about it and they knew where they stood and how much they should invest emotionally. In other words they didn't take me too seriously and protected themselves emotionally (and physically of course) so all was fair. (Disclaimer: these situations rarely lasted more than a few weeks)
Author clynn Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 thanks for the disclaimer. when something is ongoing it becomes less casual
vi_pn_babe25 Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 so what if it goes on for a year? (FWB relationship)
Author clynn Posted June 19, 2006 Author Posted June 19, 2006 I'm not really sure what FWB is (I know it is friends with benefits) but still I think there must be something developing if people are ongoing with these relationships. But of course that is me, and likely different for other people. That being said, I do have one fwb (probably we could call it that) - we don't call it that, but we kinda know what the score is and neither of us is interested in anything more. That being said, at one time we did explore the possibility of being closer and have realized were not really good for each other. But we still like to have fun now and then. Even still, it is very rare and infrequent. I couldn't imagine being involved in a regular ongoing thing without feelings.
ashnicole Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 I'm not really sure what FWB is (I know it is friends with benefits) but still I think there must be something developing if people are ongoing with these relationships. But of course that is me, and likely different for other people. I don't think anything has to be going on at all for someone to have a FWB type of relationship. I mean, I think often times, it turns into one of the parties wanting something more, but I've known plenty of people that can "keep up" with the best of them, by just having a casual sexual relationship. It's ONE person for you to have sex with, whenever you want it, without strings attached. In some good cases, it's someone that you're good friends with, and can hang out with, and talk to about anything - but then again, those are often the ones that someone ends up wanting more. Me, myself, I could never have a relationship solely based on sex. It disgusts me.
shoedevil Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 In some good cases, it's someone that you're good friends with, and can hang out with, and talk to about anything - but then again, those are often the ones that someone ends up wanting more. Me, myself, I could never have a relationship solely based on sex. It disgusts me. I agree with you. I've seen a few of friendships end very badly due to this, but I suppose that's what happens when you change the nature of the friendship by introducing "no-strings" sex. I don't know the reasoning behind FWB. I've never wanted to receive the benefits of a relationship without accepting the costs and responsibilities as well. This has never happened to me, but if I had started dating a woman and found out she was sleeping with one or more of her male "friends", I'd most likely stop dating her.
ashnicole Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 This has never happened to me, but if I had started dating a woman and found out she was sleeping with one or more of her male "friends", I'd most likely stop dating her. I think anyone in their right mind would do that... of course, depending on exactly what it is that person was looking for. If all they wanted from her was sex, then they probably wouldn't care, as that's what they were getting, and now they know there don't have to be any strings attached to it.
Guest Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Fortuitously happened upon this thread about men and emotional connection. Fortuitous because six weeks ago my SO of 9 months, who called us two peas in a pod, told me it wasn't working for him. He said the compatible companionship, intellectual and sexual relationship were great, but that he felt no emotional attachment. He was shy; sex only entered the picture six months after we'd been dating. Before we had sex, he told me he'd backed away from other opportunities because he didn't want to commit, but that with me, he was ready. Neither of us ever said "I love you." We never had a talk about the relationship. What did I do wrong? Am I better off without him? I'm sadder; I'd like to be wiser. Any suggestions for next time?
riobikini Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 For me, the phrase "longterm and meaningful" regarding romantic relationships are synonymous with a phenomenal emotional connectivity. -Rio
Author clynn Posted July 11, 2006 Author Posted July 11, 2006 I'm so sorry. How difficult to understand that.
Trimmer Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 For me there are two types of sex....the sex with someone you love and the sex with someone you don't love. Both types have their pros and cons but one is not better than the other. See, I agree with this, but I take it beyond just two types of sex to a whole continuous spectrum of experiences. Forgive me for cutting and pasting, but here's my philosophy from another post back a year ago: Just as I can't speak for all men, even from my own experience, I can't give one explanation of what sex is like every time. Sex doesn't come in one form, nor does it fit the same mold each time - even with the same partner. I have come to think of having sex metaphorically as eating food. It can be a deep, complex, emotional experience, (like a multi-course meal at a fine restaurant), or it can be something still emotionally safe and connected but not quite as spiritual (like a more casual meal at an Italian restaurant), or it can be an unattached quickie without any real serious emotional investment (like a jelly donut on the way to work.) ...or it can be done all by yourself in the shower, kinda like having a bag full of dextrose solution dripped through an IV needle in your arm - minimally nourishing, but not really all that satisfying in the end. Just as many different ways there are of eating, that's what sex is to me - you can't say "This is what it is for everyone", or even "this is what it should be." The fine meal may appeal as the pinnacle experience, but sharing a jelly donut can be mighty satisfying at the right moment... The food analogy works pretty well for me. If it's been a long time since I've had something to eat, then I'll be hungry, and I might be more open to any type of food that's available. On the other hand, even if I'm feeling pretty satisfied, if my partner spontaneously says "wanna get something to eat?", then usually unless I'm absolutely stuffed, then yeah - I could still enjoy doing that... The real trick is to be able to match your expectations to those of your partner. If she's thinking 5-courses with cloth napkins and wine, and you're only looking for a bag of chips, can you see the mismatch? Even more interesting is where you have a mismatch of outlooks something like this: for me, sex is like eating food, as I've described. But for a partner I once had, it was more like scratching an itch. When the itch arose, right at that moment, it felt really good and satisfying to her to do it - yes, right there, a little lower, oh oohhh, YES, YESSSSS!!! - but if there's no itch, there's no interest, and once the itch was scratched, another one might not come around for a while. I might try to be spontaneous and say, "Do you want to have something to eat?", but she would hear that as an odd question: "Do you want me to scratch you?" So she responds quizzically, "What makes you think I would want you to scratch me?", but as I hear it, it becomes "What makes you think I want food?" So I'm left wondering... how can you go so long without getting hungry and wanting to eat something? And she wonders, why in the world is he always wanting to scratch me? Bottom line: in spite of our infamous simplicity and primitive nature, I don't believe that you can paint all men with one broad stroke of the same brush, with a single cliche ("intimacy to have sex/sex to have intimacy"), or that you can even assume a single individual experiences sex in the same way every time. We are, actually, just a tad more complex than that. And god, I could sure use a jelly donut right about now...
Kengne Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 Sorry to be off topic, but I love your siggy! Imagine what you want your future to be. Now start working towards it. So simple yet so utterly profound. Love it! K.
alphamale Posted July 11, 2006 Posted July 11, 2006 I know it is a pretty common statement to say that men don't attach emotions to sex in the same way that women do. For me sex with someone I love is not better but its different in some way, maybe more intimate.... But when it comes to sex its all good CLYNN, whether or not there is an emotional attachment. Actually some of the best raw sex I've had is with one-nighters and some of the best intimate sex i've had has been with someone i love. ....The point being that one type of sex is not better than the other, just different.
been7077 Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 Yes. I have done it both ways, with feeling and emotion and without. I always regret the quick bang. Always. Oddly, it only takes one or two dates to have sex come up. It's not that I am some sort of stud or hottie. I just don't know. I have refused too, and sometimes this makes some women think I'm gay. I have had this asked more than once. I used to take offense, but now I think it's funny.
LikkleMissConfused Posted July 12, 2006 Posted July 12, 2006 AMEN..... Power to the Pussy!! Love it! That is so funny. And so true. If I am going to have casual sex then the partner that I choose must be super hot!
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