etherealism Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I feel like I lost my boyfriend, and now apparently it seems my best friend, and my mind. top 8 knock off is one thing. but UNFRIEND?! i've been feeling like something is up with her lately too. are we going thro one of those im mad and dont feel like talking stages? i could understand the busy with work, school, baby kind of thing, married. really i do. but its always trying to squeeze time to talk. if there's something for her to btich about, she'll call even if she doesn't have min. this is the person i know i can talk to at 4am about anything and vice versa. when my bf and i broke up nearly 5 months ago, i call her at 530am sitting on the side of the freeway sobbing. i'm the first person to know about the baby. her maid of honor. my exbf, is one her husband's best friends. that's how we met. and when i'm around them sometimes it pained me to watch such a family unit. it would feel awkward to me, the 3 of us with our 4th wheel missing. i don't even know what happened with my best friend. it seems so abruptly sudden for no reason. i'm so paranoid, i'm thinking she knows something about my exbf and isn't telling me. but she's always blunt with me. i've never felt more alone. i've always been alone or lonely. i grew up that way. I just dont know how i got here, or may be i do. i just dont want to be like this anymore. there's no tight knit circle of friends: college, hs, childhood, work. no sibling. no substantial relationship anymore. knowing how hard it is to see people engaged. married. in their long-term happy relationships, or starting out in new ones fresh. there's just me. even ppl i know who have kids, or is a single parent. i want my own now. a kidlet who will love me unconditionally until the teenage yrs. i've been told i'll be a cat lady. nice. with my friends allergic to pets nobody would even visit. i told him this before. he just kissed me and said he wouldn't allow it. we'd live together and he's not allergic to anything even the black lab we hoped to get one day. well my cat died when i was away, out of the country for a month to clear my head. I know i have no one but me now. this sucks. i miss him. i miss her. i miss being in love, and loving to experience life through those eyes. instead i'm in love, believing i'm at the lowest point i've ever been in my 24 yr old life. 5 months later after the breakup and i'm don't know if i'm better. i don't even know what that means beside an impossible dream. i don't even know WHY we really broke up. and i'm still hopeful i'll be blessed with a second chance.
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