I dont understand

[kaeferman]

We have been dating for 3 years now (will be 3 years exactly tomorrow) and she broke up suddenly with me yesterday.

We always had a good relationship, and were VERY close to each other and shared everything, but I always had the sensation I always was more open to her than she was to me. Anyway, here is the long story. Yesterday I found out she had been flirting with a guy on Friday and I went to her home and asked her to explain me everything. She was very reluctant to this idea until she said she told the guy that she always liked him (he is a friend of her since high school) and the guy told her that he would be with her if she wasn’t with me. Great thing, after that she tells me she wants some time to think. She also tells me she KNOWS she wouldn’t be with this guy because she couldn’t find in him all the things she finds in me. And that she loves me. But she says she cant be with me if she is thinking about him. She doesn’t feel right about it. I know I should have left the room after this but instead of doing that I told her that I also cheated on her twice and after that things started getting complicated… She looked like she was very upset because of this and told me “you are going to hate yourself for doing this”. I replied that I still loved her and that cheating on her was not important to me and that I wouldn’t do it again. She wouldn’t change her mind. So, in the end I mixed up things heavily… I had to stand up and leave and of course she said she had to think about all this…

What I don’t understand is that we had the BEST weekend in a long time (when she was supposedly thinking about the other guy) we were together the whole weekend and suddenly this happens… on Monday. We even planned our next vacations and she said she really wanted to go with me…

Last year she did the very same thing (about one year ago), she dumped me one day telling me that she didn’t love me anymore, I was broken, but didn’t call her or anything for 14 days, then she went to a party where she KNEW I would be and ended up being together again… I am sure NC is the only thing that worked there…

Any ideas of what could be going through her head?? I don’t understand anything… Please help! And sorry for my bad English…

[beautifulearth83]

First of all, your english is wonderful. lol.

Second, It sounds like you're a pretty open and honest guy. Being able to admit your cheatings was very noble of you and you should give yourself some credit for taking responsibility for your choices.

 

I can relate to your situation in that I always felt more open with my exgirlfriend than she was with me, and it led to me getting very frustrated. It's all about reciprocation, man.

 

As for what your ex-in-limbo-girl may be thinking, she's seems younger and more confused, exploring her options. She may not know what she wants. That can be very rough on a person like you, as I've put my ex in that position. If you can't seem to stay mad at her or move on and you still love her, then you could give it time. If you back off and indicate that you're moving on with your life and you don't call her, don't message her, don't stalk her, the fire of her love may start back up again and lead her back to you.

 

It's just unfair that it needs to happen this way, but just remember that I'm sure it's not easy for her either. People are all compassionate underneath, regardless of their confused choices.

 

Wish you well

[kaeferman]

Well, yeah you impressed me She is 3 years younger than me and I am 22.

I just wanted to add that she tried to brake up with me several times in the past (at least 4 times in the last 3 years). This happened every time something was not going well but short after that she regreted. She knows I am weak when it comes to braking up and that I hate that moment and I cant wait... And I think she loves this feeling. I am considering she might be enjoying it. Yuck! Why should I be with someone that enjoys my suffer???

I would really like to move on, but it will be difficult, especially on weekends when we used to be together all the time.

And I am also afraid she could be at any moment with the other guy, but well, if it has to be it will be. I am not so sure how she will be able to handle a relationship with him knowing that she loves me (if she couldnt stand being with me "thinking" about him!).

I wish this was easier and people had an exact answer for me but unfortunately this is not possible. BUT I am waiting for any comments, from anyone... Please!

[Winfield]

I just wanted to add that she tried to brake up with me several times in the past (at least 4 times in the last 3 years). This happened every time something was not going well but short after that she regreted. She knows I am weak when it comes to braking up and that I hate that moment and I cant wait... And I think she loves this feeling. I am considering she might be enjoying it. Yuck! Why should I be with someone that enjoys my suffer???

 

Well, everyone falls out now and again...but to break up 4 times in 3 years when "something isn't going well"? If that's what it's been like so far, and you're prepared to stick around with her, I'd say be prepared for even more drama. Continuous break-ups aren't healthy - the warning signs are right in front of you, and I think you know things aren't looking great. Nobody ever said that relationships are easy (they do require work), but you have to draw a line when things are getting out of hand.

 

I would really like to move on, but it will be difficult, especially on weekends when we used to be together all the time.

 

If that aspect is the only one holding you back, you have to let her go. Yes, it is a culture shock when a relationship breaks down...all those things you did together, all the places you went to, all the time you spent together...I think it's change which we fear the most when a relationship ends. Things get comfortable, you get accustomed to a partner...then all of a sudden when things change for the worse, you wonder "what do I do now"?

 

A scary prospect, but it has to be dealt with in order to move on...why not meet up with some friends instead, have a beer or 2, share some laughs (this list is endless). The purpose of this? To take a bit of "time out" from relationships and re-assess whether this relationship was worth it or not all along.

 

And I am also afraid she could be at any moment with the other guy, but well, if it has to be it will be. I am not so sure how she will be able to handle a relationship with him knowing that she loves me (if she couldnt stand being with me "thinking" about him!).

 

If she's with this other guy, she can't love you - if she did, she'd be with you and not him. I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but can you say you're 100% happy thinking along the lines of "hey, she's with him, but she really loves me"? If she's with him, you can't stop her...painful, I know, but she's got to make her own choices too.

 

I wish this was easier and people had an exact answer for me but unfortunately this is not possible. BUT I am waiting for any comments, from anyone... Please!

 

Well, whether it's helped you out or not, that's my take on the matter. But don't be taken for a fool by this girl - because I feel this is what she's doing to you, knowing that you'll be the guy there for her no matter what. Have some respect for yourself...and move on! Good luck!

[kaeferman]

Do you guys think this girl said she needed a time because she is confused with this other guy or just because she got really mad because I cheater on her? Yesterday I had to see her to give her the "day-after" pill because we had wonderful sex last Saturday (the day before she said she needed "some time"!). I went to her house, her Dad opened the door and I went to her room. She was sleeping at 4 pm. I woke her up and gave her the pill. I know I shouldnt have said anything and just left but I told her, hey, I need to tell you something. You cant be so pissed of at me because of what I did, I have excused so many things to you, and you know who I am and what I want, so you cant just let me go because of this. All right, bye. Then I left. She didnt say a word and looked surprised.

You all must know that last year when we broke up for two weeks she also tried to aproach to this guy every chance she had. She even wrote nice things that I read when we got together again, something I shouldnt have done either! Anyway, I did. She just wrote these things, and flirted around with this guy (to my best knowledge nothing happened between them), then after the two weeks we got together again. But, at that time I had no idea this was happening.

Now I know she "has him in her mind". But I cant believe the whole story. I dont know why, maybe I am just stupid, but I know she loves me and in the worst case she only feels atracted to him. I KNOW there has been no contact between them in the last year, its not like she has been hiding from me to send him text messages or emailing him or calling. Hey, I was at her place almost the whole day and she never ever received a call from a guy. I am only afraid that she is behaving this way because this guy doesnt really show her that he cares, I mean, he doesnt show any interest, except telling her that he would be with her if she wasnt with me. I am feeling that she is getting too excited about the whole story and wants to "get him". Great, but in case she gets him what? She will get tired and call back again, but I know I dont have to answer.

Well, this could be an option but maybe she is too mad at me because of what I did and now she wants to show me that I cant "f***" with her. Would you take this as an option? This girl is really "stubborn" I dont know if this is the best word to describe her but she is a very "proud" girl and I know maybe she could be doing this because of how she feels. Maybe its a mix of both things?

Yeah, my Mom tells me this is just plain stupid and that she will come soon back, but I have to stay in strict NC. Last time she suggested this it worked.

Thing is, I am getting desperate, I have no idea how to handle these kind of situations, and worst of all, she knows that.

I have asked an ex-gf from 4 years ago to go out on Saturday with me, my ex hates her, she really does, and I dont know why I did this but it helps me calm down a bit.

So guys, what do you think this is all about? Is it because of this guy or just because I cheated on her? Please, comments! Thank you all.

[kaeferman]

Oh yea, we would have been 3 years together as of yesterday, two days after we broke up. I didnt call, didnt send any messages, nothing. Neither did she. I only wonder if she was waiting me to call or anything. I am almost sure she did, and that she thought I would have been weak and couldnt stand it. Yeah, it was tough to be eating with some friends instead of taking her out (man, I love her!). But this is what I did.

[RealBroken]

You cheating on her has given her a "proper" excuse to justify breakin up with her. If you'd left the toilet seat up she may have used that instead.

 

I am suspicious if my ex has just done the same with me.

 

She was trying to decide whether or not to break up........ then.........

WOW look out she's met someone who she's known for 10 years and he's coming out of a relationship to.

 

I know he declared his love for her. And last i knew, they were seen casually together going off somewhere.

 

My ex is 21. i dunno if it is a trait of young girls. But it scares me that they may be able to switch to different hearts at the click of a finger. Its disgusting I know.... and i dnt understand it in my own mind how someone could switch to someone else so fast especially after they have declared exactly how much you mean to them. Girls if i am wrong here, Pleeease correct me, because I would like TO BE WRONG about this!

 

Dont contact her dude. Read all the threads here, especially all of "what to do if she dumps you"...... and many others. The advice is sound. Take it. I was too late to take it and now I'm suffering.

 

Good luck man.

 

Keep us posted on what happens. (:

 

Lets hope a rebound for her wont work out, like they're not supposed to do.

[BrandonBP]

But it scares me that they may be able to switch to different hearts at the click of a finger. Its disgusting I know.... and i dnt understand it in my own mind how someone could switch to someone else so fast especially after they have declared exactly how much you mean to them.

Good luck man.

Holy crap it sucks, doesn't it? I thought the same damn thing. We had sex in the morning; she said she loved me; she kissed me goodbye, and then that night she doesn't think it's gonna work out and she "needs her space" (If I never hear that phrase again it will be fine with me).

 

How in the hell can you want to marry someone for a year and a half and then all of a sudden not give a rat's ass if you ever see him again?

 

Well, apparently there's a bit of wisdom in these forums from persons that have already gone through this mess (why didn't I read all this stuff SOONER!?). The girl didn't stop liking you "all of a sudden." She's been losing interest over a period of time and you just didn't realize it.

 

I talked to my ex-fiance two nights ago and she finally confirmed that this was indeed the deal with her all along. She said she had started worrying about our relationship all the way back to last November. I was like, "You could have let me know!" She says she was trying to let me know her concerns over the last few months and that I just ignored it. Well hell, I DID ignore her because she would say that something about us bothered her and it just sounded like trivial crap to me. I merely wrote it off as her being a woman and being entitled to make drama on occasion without reason. But she'd always tell me at the same time that she loved me more than life itself and wanted to spend the rest of her life with me.

 

If I had known SHE WAS GONNA FREAKIN' LEAVE ME, I would have paid more attention to her whiny sessions. Now she's let it build up over the last 6 months until she's at the point that she doesn't love me anymore. For petes sake, all the reasons she left me are stuff that I could have easily fixed if I had only known that it was making her lose her love for me. I could have gone ahead and bought her the damn ring she had evidently given up on, and I could have gone to see her 5 or 6 nights a week instead of 3.

 

So no, it wasn't all of a sudden, partner, even if it feels like it because she screwed you that morning, told you she loved you, kissed you goodbye and now you haven't seen her one time since (in my case anyway).

 

Lets hope a rebound for her wont work out, like they're not supposed to do.

Heavens please don't get my hopes up. I want my ex-future-wife back so damn bad that my heart tries to latch on to any wishful thinking about her changing her mind later and coming back to live with me happily ever after. She's my entire world and I'm gonna break apart inside trying to move forward.

 

I know damn well what's going to happen. I'm gonna find someone I really love and care about (but not quite as much as my ex) then my ex-fiance is gonna find out that we were meant for each other and I'll have to be a huge jackass and ditch some woman that I truly care about to get back with my soulmate because she took forever to make up her friggin mind!

 

Women: you can't live with 'em...

[RealBroken]

Yeah its hard to comprehend...... ive thought about that theory that they were losing interest long before we knew.

 

But 2 weeks before it happened, she declared she wanted to leave her flatmate/friends... that were causing half our issues, change her course (to live in my town) and wanted to move in with me.

 

A month before the breakup, she posted me a card saying........ u are the perfect boyfriend for me, I love you so much, im always smiling because of you, i dont care where I live next year as long as im with you every moment I can be. I thought this was the most beautiful thinng anyone had ever written me. It was of course longer than I have quoted.

 

Then BANG! its over.

 

The worst part is she was in tears over the breakup, and also 2 weeks after agin in tears when im talkin to her on the phone. She sent messages such as "im finding this really hard and miss you, but guess it was never meant to be easy"........ and "goodnight xoxo" etc etc. Then she spent a weekend in her hometown, around another guy who was also going thru a breakup,,.... and had become kinda friendly with him....... and i never heard from her again.

 

People say LOVE CONQUERS ALL...... is this really true. Can life and situations just be too much to allow a loving relationship to continue? Her friends put so much pressure on her to leave me and made her life very difficult. She would have possibly had to ditch all her new uni friends and life for me to stay with me. it sucks. It sucks that I dont hear from her. Has been 5 weeks of NC, and 7 weeks since the breakup. I still miss her so so much,...... im always wondering, does she still miss me. or can it be possible that she just switches a switch and Im gone.

[Pink Amulet]

Second, It sounds like you're a pretty open and honest guy. Being able to admit your cheatings was very noble of you and you should give yourself some credit for taking responsibility for your choices.

 

 

I disagree.

 

You told her out of spite. You felt jealous so you wanted to make her feel jealous. That isn't noble. Telling her at the time would have been noble. The fact you did it in the first place... makes you anything but noble in my opinion. You broke her heart and now some of the qualities she found in you that kept her around, are gone.

[BrandonBP]

A month before the breakup, she posted me a card saying........ u are the perfect boyfriend for me, I love you so much, im always smiling because of you, i dont care where I live next year as long as im with you every moment I can be.

 

Then BANG! its over.

Yep, same thing here. I'm her one and only true love forever and ever. Then I'm not later that same day.

 

We made love that morning at her house, she kissed me goodbye, said she loved me, and told me she'd see me later. That night she "needs her space" and I haven't seen her in three weeks to the day.

 

People say LOVE CONQUERS ALL...... is this really true.

I truly hope so, buddy. I can't fathom spending the rest of my life without her.

[RealBroken]

Hey, at least your only having space........ Keep ya chin up

 

Ive lost mine altogether ):

[kaeferman]

I dont understand why we are here writing about these bitches who make us suffer so much. Why cant we just say, hey, screw you.

It is incredible how we could so easily forgive in just a second somebody who has damaged us so much.

I am here waiting while she is having fun with anybody??? Yeah I am also trying to have some fun but I dont find anything really fun.

And when those images of somebody else screwing our ex-es come to our heads its the worst part of all. I gave her everything for 3 years and now this little boy comes and gets everything? And we still sit here... waiting patiently.

Right after one month of happiness (things were going great) and the best weekend with her in a long time, on Monday she says I have to go. Oh yeah, but she still loves me. Crap.

Yeah, she had tried several times to make me understand some things I DIDNT want to hear at the moment, she was mad about that. But I am sure we were fine together... and other people could see that too. I wish I hadnt been such an ass and listened to her for one moment... but I was too busy. Now, I would give everything for her. Whats all this about?!?!?

I wish I could just take a pill that makes me forget her so I can go on with my own live, which BTW I love. Just that everything reminds me to her. Its impossible to live this way. Somebody, please give me a solution.

[kaeferman]

She just called, she asked how I was, then short after that she said she wanted to talk with me. I remembered all the lessons here and told her that I couldnt right now, that I was busy studying for an exam. She said she only needed 20 minutes. It was like huh for her, you not available to me? Anyway, I am thinking all she wanted to tell me is that we are done. Nothing else. Remember we were in a "time". Whattttttttttt please inputsss

[AriaIncognito]

God, I so wish there was an easy solution, for any of you. For myself. I think the only solution for any of us, is to live our lives. Try to make the most of it. Try not to dwell on what we had with our exes, but what we might be able to have with someone again, be it our exes (if they get intelligent) or with someone more worthy. It's so sad that we are all here, pining away for them, pouring our hearts out for all of cyberland, while they are what? What are they doing? Are they pining for us? Do they care? Do they care that they f*cked us one day but then left the next? I wish I knew the answer, I really did, but what I do know, is there's no better revenge, than finding happiness. So hopefully, we can all do that. Somehow. Someday.

 

Jennifer

[BrandonBP]

She just called, she asked how I was, then short after that she said she wanted to talk with me. Whattttttttttt please inputsss

Let her call back. If it's platonic then don't give her a lot of time. If she's not calling to say she misses you and loves you then don't give her the satisfaction of hearing the hurt in your voice. Tell her you've got plans and you have to get ready to go out.

 

I'm not one for playing games, but don't let her run you through the gutter.