daisy67 Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Well, here goes. I will sum up my story as short as I can. I left my ex bf 6 months ago. We were together for 4 years. Things just fell apart; he wanted to go out to bars all the time and would leave me at home by myself because While I enjoy going out on occasion, its not really my thing to make a habit of it. I got fed up with the constant arguing and his excess drinking and left. It has been a struggle to continue NC since the break. He constantly contacts me and I fold everytime. The longest I have ever maintained NC was for a month. He has a new g/f and they moved in together about a month ago. My most recent adventure with him included him telling me that him and his g/f are broken up, I slept with him, he asked to borrow money I gave him $100 and he then proceeds to call me an hour later and tells me they are back together and he just can't do "us" right now. Repeating phrases like "You know we can't be together right now right??" and my favorite "I just need to grow as a person, and maybe we will meet up again in life...but further down the road." I know the fact that I allow him to treat me this horribly is a self esteem/respect issue, but just looking for advice/tough love on how to get over this and stay away from him. It actually feels much better to finally get all of this out. I cannot tell my friends/family about all this because it is so embarrassing, I am just lost. Thanks in advance, Daisy
Guest Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 This guy is a total scum bag Daisy for treating you in such a cruel way. I am currently trying to get over my ex girlfriend who left me for another guy 2 weeks ago and I know for a fact that if she picked up the phone tomorrow I would do anything she asked of me and I am angry at myself for that. Logically, we both know the sensible thing to do is move on and heal before trying to form new relationships but since when was there any logic involved in being in love? I hope you have the strength to do what's best for you but i'm not sure I have. Good luck Mark x
overseas2004 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 I have some of the same issues that you have and it has caused me alot of pain in my life. This time I decided to put a stop to it. I am not going to think lowly of myself ever again. I think that before you get into another relationship you really need to learn to respect yourself. BIGTIME. Otherwise you will have it happen again and again. Your concern about him should be secondary now. Look you and I both know he isnt coming back. I hate to be teh one to break it to you but I think you know that he isnt so I dont think I am sparing you any pain. So what is left? What is left is you. And you need to find someone else. To do that and to do it the right way. YOu must now make some decisions, get some self control and start to love yourself. How do you start to love yourself. That is tougher. YOu may even need a therapist. But I have found that the first thing I did is completely ignored my guy. He has written me and I have not responded. I said to myself. If this guy really loves me, he will come back even if I ignore him. Now his frequent text messages go unanswered adn that makes me feel good. So that was step 1. Step 2 has been to clean up my apartment and clean up myself. I looked like a mess and my coworkers were starting to wonder what happened. The third step was to stop smoking since my break up made me start with him again. Step 3 was to find a therapist. I am going next week. That should be enough of a to do list for you now. Once I get ahead of step three, if you want I can tell you waht is next. But you must learn self control adn learn self love. And remember it isnt defined by who you are with. ITs defined by how you view yourself. Can you start doing things that you will be proud of yourself for? Can you think of some things you havent done in life that you would like to? Can you start doing them? Step by step get yourself back. IT wont take long I promise.
destination_unknown Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Oh Daisy, dont let him have control over you like this, you got the power to end it girl - and to find something much better! I let a guy do this to me for a long time years ago, when he turned around and said to me, "Even when we are both married I bet we will still hook up for booty calls" - that was pretty much the last straw. Its cliched, but there is a reason for it - "YOU DESERVE BETTER", and heres another one - there are many millions of guys out there who will treat you right. Start looking at it like this - every time you have contact with this guy is potentially time that is taken away from a relationship that makes you feel good! Its really hard to stay away from someone you care about and yearn for, but when you keep getting hurt over and over what do you get out of the contact, yes the intimacy is nice but even then its not complete because you know he wont be there for you. I bet ya if you keep NC it will most likely be very hard and still hurt but each little hurt will be moving you towards healing.
Author daisy67 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 Thank you all for your replies and encouraging words. This is really difficult and does require a lot of strength and courage. I am trying my hardest. He called me three times today and sent me a text asking why I can't call him. I just ignored him. Sometimes I cannot believe how long I have allowed this go on. I just can't wait to get further and further away from the situation so I can stop feeling like such a push over. Step by step get yourself back. IT wont take long I promise. That is exactly how I feel, I allowed him to take away my life pretty much. I was feeling about going to see a therapist if I cannot snap out of this soon. Its not normal to allow someone to treat me like this. Let me know how the therapy session works out! Good for you for taking that next step, btw. "Even when we are both married I bet we will still hook up for booty calls" - that was pretty much the last straw. Oh my gosh. My ex always told me that we have to have a "pact" that includes us sleeping with eachother even if we are dating other people...how sweet Can't believe I used to think that was special. Some sort of "connection" -Daisy
bendit Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 Did you listen to the link in_sync posted? the preacher who talks about how to go NC? you should listen. this guy of yours has a real grip on you. He's not a real winner is he? It might make sense for you to be in counseling right now. you are doing things that are not in your best interest and you are powerless to stop. if you want to try things on your own the only way is to go cold turkey. you are going to have to LET GO of this guy. Talk to someone who can support you. this is serious business when you simply can't do what needs to be done. best of luck. regards
In Sync Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 http://www.theonlineword.com/mp3/5246.mp3 please listen to this audio link, I posted it on another thread but couldn't be sure if by chance you'd read it...the message speaks for itself...doesn't matter your religious background (the speaker is a pastor, still his words are just what you need and it covers this exact topic).
destination_unknown Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 If you block his number it will be alot easier
litfish Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 I am in a similar situation. I have not been strong enough to completely go NC, but it's nearly there. I listened to the sermon---it was fabulous. Gotta know when to leave the party; of course, I've never been very good at doing that. I stick around for the cleanup. lol. Anyway, hang in there. There's no way to go but up--and remember "some [people] will keep you down." We can't let 'em.
Author daisy67 Posted June 16, 2006 Author Posted June 16, 2006 If you block his number it will be alot easier This has to be the hardest thing I have done in a very long time, however, last night I went to Sprint and changed my cell phone number. I had my friend go with me for support. It is strange right now knowing that he cannot contact me. But, it is almost a relief that he cannot, because I don't have to worry about getting weak. Things are looking up though. My apartment lease is up in 2 weeks and I am moving to a new place and he does not know where, so pretty soon absolutely all forms of communication will be cut off. Insync, Unfortunatley I am at work and do not have a chance to listen to it. But will do so this evening. Thank you.
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