Brweyes31 Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Hello. My story is long, so I apologize in advance and would love people's feedback. Here are the details: Knew this guy for 2 years. We both ended relationships with other people at same time and became FWB for about 6 months. We then stopped the benefits part b/c we both knew there wasn't a future together and I was getting too emotional. The last 6 months we became very close friends (talking for hours each day, hanging out about 2 -3 times per week). He had told me previously he didn't want anything with me because of different reasons, the main one being we are from 2 different cultures. He has know the whole time that I'm crazy about him, though. A month and half ago - I propose something to him - that we date for the summer because he is moving at the end of the summer to a different state and I am also looking to relocate (to another state). We talked about it for hours - agreed there was mutual attraction and friendship- he was hestitant b/c of the feelings that are involved and didn't know what would happen if one of us feel in love with the other, etc. and there were emotional risks. I told him I didn't want a bf/gf relationship - but didn't want the FWB either. I told him to think about it before telling me what he wanted b/c I had already thought about it. The next day - we email back and forth - and he is very defensive about everything and really rude to me- and saying he would maybe take a chance - but it wouldn't go the way I wanted it to go. I got angry b/c of these emails and how condenseding he was towards me. I don't call that night, and send a follow up email the next day explaining what I want - and if he didn't want this summer romance with me, I would drop it and we could move on. Ok - never heard from him again. He never called, never emailed, or anything. I also didn't call - feeling it was his place to call me b/c I wanted him to make the decision on his own without feeling pressure from me. This was 7 weeks ago. I have wanted to call every day - but have resisted. This past weekend - I run into him at a club. I went up to him, said hello and gave him a hug (that was very awkard). We talked briefly (for about 3 secnds) and I left. He wouldn't even hardly look at me - looked really scared of me and so guilty. Okay - here's where I want advice. I really miss his friendship. Obviously he didn't want to take up my suggestion - which is okay - but i hate that he never responded. I take my responsibility in why things went sour and want him to know that i didn't mean to compromise our friendship. I feel really bad about suggesting the situation - and not trusting life to take it's natural course. Should I just let this go all together - or would it okay for me to call or email him? I don't want to be as close friends like we were - it was too confusing. I just want to know him as a friend again. There are a details I"m leaving out b/c it's such a long, involved story! But - he is in his late 20's and I'm in my early 30's.
AriaIncognito Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I wish I felt like i had anything great to say about this. Why is it that you want to have the friendship, I mean, do you really think you are able to separate the feelings of intimacy in order to remain friends? My biggest problem with going "backwards" in a relationship, so to speak, is that if there are residual feelings, you'll always be trying to win him back so to speak. Personally, if i care about someone, and want to be with them, and they reject me, I can't just say "ok, we'll just be friends then" because it hurts to downgrade the relationship, so to speak. That is not to say there's not a place in our lives where we can be friends, it's just not going to be any time shortly following the "breakup". I hope that makes sense. Considering what I'm going through with my whatever he is, I find myself all sorts of confused. Jennifer
Author Brweyes31 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 I find myself confused too. I was okay with just being friends with him, but thought I would be able to have a short fling with him - and move on. Now I just don't want it to be awkard when I see him and would love to call on him when I need a friend. He's a really awesome person and this whole thing has made me realize how much I took for granted. I think the best thing would probably be for me to give it more time - and allow myself to disconnect with the romantic feelings I have for him. I think I'm anxious to talk to him now b/c I realize how I screwed up in some ways and want a chance to redeem myself. These boards are great - because not only do you get advice - I think it helps to talk things out with yourself.
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