canadian303 Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I've felt like killing myself for about two weeks now. and its not the first time i've wanted to. I almost did kill myslef a couple of times a week ago. but something stoped me from killing myself a week ago and now that thing that stoped me last time is gone. and it seems like i have nothing to live for. can someone please help me cope with this felling?
BrandonBP Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I've felt like doing it before, too. But I know I couldn't do it. I'd be giving up a lot of years that I know will have happiness at some point. I still have hope that my girlie will come back to me and we'll get married like we'd planned. If she doesn't, then I'll hold out hope that God has better plans for me somewhere down the path. Try to keep hope. As hopeless as we both feel right now, you have to keep telling yourself that it'll all get better. I will get better. I promise. Brandon
PerfectLee Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 You're obviously here to get some advice, but something this serious...you need to contact a live person like a suicide hotline or something. Call one of your friends, someone who knows you and will somehow talk you out of this. My best friend from childhood of 20 years killed himself and within his group of friends and family, no one knows why. That was 10 years ago and I still can't cope or rationalize it. He was 1 year away from a college degree, a baby on the way, a great family, ME...no one knows. You always have something to live for, maybe you just don't see it because you're so depressed, wrapped in your own perceptions. You need to log off this site and call the suicide hotline and talk to someone....
Author canadian303 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 i do keep telling myself that things will get better and its not working, and i know that there is almost no chance of the girl i love coming back to me, which makes me want to kill myself even more.
Author canadian303 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 i've tried to talk to my bestfriend about it, i've tried to talk to my ex about, and i've tried to talk to my bestfriends girlfriend, but after talking to them i still want to kill myself. I even tried to talk to people i don't even hang out with but i still want to kill myself
Outcast Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Ok. Number one. You are depressed. And a depressed brain lies to you. It tells you there's nothing to live for. It gives you reasons to quit. And these are all LIES!!! Don't listen, please. It's an extremely common ailment and there are excellent treatments. Go to your doctor, go to Emergency, call 911 if you feel very bad. But understand it's an illness, please. It's NOT you. You can also go to http://www.metanoia.org and read it.
BrandonBP Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 If you've talked to all those people and now you're in these forums talking about it, then it's obvious that you DON'T want to do it. Think about it... if you really wanted to do it, then why talk it out? The answer is that you know that it's a huge mistake. It's something that's final. You can never take it back. You can fall in love again, but you can't undo suicide. I cry my eyes out at random times during the day. I can be at my computer at work or just driving down the highway and the pain and anguish of losing my fiance hits me all over again. I can't even begin to describe the pain I feel. So, I know what you're going through, but you have to get through it and know that you'll recover and live to have more happy times.
Author canadian303 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 yeah i don't want to kill myself, but i do want to kill myself, its weird.
PerfectLee Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I know what you're going through, but you have to get through it and know that you'll recover and live to have more happy times. Nicely said! You lost someone you love that you can't talk to her because she doesn't want to listen, you want to kill yourself and no one will listen, so you come on this website wanting strangers to tell you reasons NOT to.... Only YOU can stop yourself, Only YOU need to realize that there will be another in your future. Brandon's right...you can't take suicide back. At least now you have a chance to change things for yourself.
paige367 Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Hey, There must be some small thing that you're looking forward to. A birthday party, a tv show, payday. Some small thing. Try to focus getting to that one event and then re-evaluate what you're feeling. Things are sure to look better by then.
riobikini Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Canadian, You *don't* want to kill yourself. You *really* want to live to see if she comes back to you or not. And nearly everyone can identify with that feeling with some past experience concerning a heartbreak. Heartbreaks make you *feel* as if you are dying, -and the thought of hurrying it up so the pain will stop is almost constant in the beginning, when the hurt is so fresh and raw. You want comfort, -and you can't get it. You want *them* back, -and they won't respond. At least, not in the way you'd hoped. What you're feeling now, is all about those excruciating emotions that come from having something -someone- ripped right out of the middle of your heart. There are plenty of folks here who understand that kind of pain. Plus, -they -for the most part- are learning that it *does* heal as time goes on. Some can even tell you, they've improved -turned their entire lives around- because of the hell they've gone through, myself, included. (Smile). There are those, though, who have a tougher time coping, or a longer healing process for different reasons. If you stay in the forum(s) you'll learn some good coping methods, as well as *what not to do*: stuff like falling into the benign-looking email trap (i.e. " What's returning one little email gonna hurt?" ), or playing games with 'NC' (i.e. "I'll keep NC just long enough to make him/her want me back". ), or leaving/answering texts and phone messages/calling, etc. Information regarding tactics, maneuvers, game-playing, and the well-known almost Olympic version of 'chasing-after' will all be found here. *Careful what you put in your shopping cart, though.* (Smile). Look for the *real* answers. Which, by the way, aren't always that easy -nor painless- to accomplish. Posts, here, should give you lots of insight into your own situation simply by seeing/reading where others have (or are presently) going wrong in theirs. Look, -don't kill yourself...(Smile)...the pain of heartbreak is *survivable*: it's just how you deal with it that can make it worse -or encourage healing along, as it naturally improves with *time* and *your good effort*. Stay in the boards, share what you need to, and 'research' what you're feeling with the resources found here, as well as wherever you find reasonable, sound, and comforting information and advice. Hugs to you, -and well wishes. Take care. -Rio
RarePearl Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Suicidal thoughts are very "normal" for many people. I used to have them. But as I got happy they went away. It's not necessarily clinical depression and depression is not just a malformation of your brain cells - it usually is a consequence of continuous unhappiness. Acute feelings of how meaningless life is should be cured with hope and optimism. Friedrich Nietzsche said: "Think of death as a bird standing on your shoulder - you can always kill yourself, but try to live another day." Explore the limits of your life. When I've been most desperate - it's when all the wonderful things happened to me. I swear! I did some extreme things out of despair. I was angry and thought I had nothing to lose so I was honest, sassy, and BRAVE. The small steps I made at those times opened some big doors for me. But I only did CONSTRUCTIVE things using my courage at those days. I called some people whom I avoided to tell them that I am not as bad and deserved a chance (this was work)... and they gave me a chance. I approached the men I would've never approached... and they gave me a chance (this is how I met my husband!) Use your depression as inspiration, as your fuel to conquer the world and climb the highest mountains. Try the impossible... and you'll succeed!
dr strangelove Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Hey man so how would you do it exactly? I used to think sleeping pills. But now im more keen on a going down in a firefight with the cops.
BrandonBP Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 so how would you do it exactly? I'd die of old age.
Spank'n'Rationality Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Hey man so how would you do it exactly? I used to think sleeping pills. But now im more keen on a going down in a firefight with the cops. Yeah, I use to think I would go with the sleeping pills, but now I have to agree with Brandon that old age is my best bet; old, asleep, and warm in my own bed. However, I don't think suicide is the answer to most problems. We all go through moments of depression, some longer than other's. Just try not to fret about it, and all will end well. I also agree with paige; you should try to focus on something that is important to live for. For example, you can't die until you've read the last Harry Potter (maybe that's not giving you enough time ), or you can't die until you've seen the world. Give yourself something to look forward to. Or, if you are like me and you love anticipation, just think: life is short; you will die soon enough.
riobikini Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 re: Dr. Strangelove: " Hey man so how would you do it exactly? I used to think sleeping pills. But now im more keen on a going down in a firefight with the cops." You're *killing* me, here....I 'get' the humor. (Smile) -Rio PS. In regards to Brandon's thoughts on hoping to pass at the end of a very long life, and S'nR's add-in " old age is my best bet; old, asleep, and warm in my own bed. " My luck would be that it'd wind up being the bed with the big pool of pee in the middle of it, and in a nursing home where the heating and cooling system was always broken, and they were true believers in really 'good' security measures, knew a hundred and ten ways to make pureed food taste all the same, and very generous with injectables of all kinds. In my mental state, though, I probably wouldn't even be sure it was my own bed. I'm with Strangelove, -I'd rather go down in a firefight with the cops.
augustus Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Hey Canadian, I'm sure you have heard that suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem...Nothing in this universe is permanent, absolutely nothing...The way you feel now is not permanent, you will feel better...You are seeing your future through the pain of the present and the past...Memory is state dependant, so when you are depressed your mind will disregard all the positives and will focus simply on the negative... Also suicidal ideation is a sign of serious depression (like I'm telling you something you didn't already know...lol)... There is an awesome book out there, based on CBT by Dr. Burns called Feeling Good...It gives you a way to get at the barrage of negativity that keeps you stuck in your current state. Meds (i.e. antidepressants) are another option and they do work (hell I'm on them right now and I can tell you that you can feel better)... Anyway, I would suggest you seek some professional help...Start with your family doctor.
Ruff Ryder Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I have always not understood the cycle of someone who is willing to kill themselves. It comes down to a simple mind set if the mind is strong enough to want to take ones owns life then it surly can be strong enough to live it. I mean the power of thought in the negitive to the extent on wanting to take ones life is huge power. Just swing that in the other direction and you will have a vest for life second to none. I dont know maybe i just dont get it. I once contemplated sucide but man it took about 3 seconds to decide that life is worth living and anyone whom is willing to take there own life SERIOULSY can be super strong if they just changed their thinking. Think about it. Power of though. "you are the sub total of every thought you have had up till this point in your life" powerfull words. Think about it. Ask questions I will be more than willing to help and answer where possible.
etherealism Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I used to be really depressed for awhile in my late-teens to the point of attempting suicide. I mentioned this to my ex while we were still together. he looked horrified and said he never wants me to be in that spot again. recently, I had my first suicidal thought in yrs. 2 wks ago I was picking out the color of my new escalade. 2 days ago I picked out my funeral home. even tried checking on a suicide clause in my life insurance. I had gone to my doctor, and then to behavioral medicine in march as I was developing an eating disorder and tried to seek help. when asked if I was suicidal, I snorted and said no I'm past that. looks like i spoke to soon. sorry didn't mean to hijack your thread. you may just be feeling depressed and it will go away in time (which is variable). later on you may just shrug it off to "what was I thinking?!" I know I have. but in telling others, esp your ex ... are you seeking help or attention? I thought of calling my ex. unsure if he would answer. unclear if I could handle it if he did not. I was not seeking HIS attention. I wanted someone anyone to care. then I realized, I did not want him to see me like this so broken. how could I hurt him by showing this side, when I love him? how could I hurt anyone I love by showing or letting this side consume me? p.s. i would have done perscription pills. a gun seems too messy, there's a chance of bad aim and living life in a worse off way. same with the other "ways".
KittenMoon Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Razors pain you; Rivers are damp; Acids stain you; And drugs cause cramp. Guns aren't lawful; Nooses give; Gas smells awful; You might as well live. -- Dorothy Parker
Sup Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 yeah i don't want to kill myself, but i do want to kill myself, its weird. It's NOT you who is having these thoughts, Satan is putting those thoughts in your mind. Do you attend a church? If not, find a good church, one that receives Jesus Christ as Lord and Savior. I also suggest counseling. Praying for ya MAN:cool:
Author canadian303 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 i don't want to kill myself anymore
miranda beverly Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 i don't want to kill myself anymore Are you feeling better about losing her? If you have AIM, you can talk to me about it. I am going through the same thing right now. Only I hope you are feeling much much better than I am.
Outcast Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 It comes down to a simple mind set if the mind is strong enough to want to take ones owns life then it surly can be strong enough to live it. No it doesn't. You maybe were a bit blue and talked yourself out of it. However there is a recognized clinical condition in which the brain's production/uptake of serotonin is problematic and serotonin is critical to good mood. In these cases, clinical intervention can help by providing meds which help the body produce/use serotonin that it is unable to on its own.
HokeyReligions Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 i've tried to talk to my bestfriend about it, i've tried to talk to my ex about, and i've tried to talk to my bestfriends girlfriend, but after talking to them i still want to kill myself. I even tried to talk to people i don't even hang out with but i still want to kill myself You are not talking to the right people. You need to talk to a doctor to see if you have any medical problems and a counselor who can help you understand yourself and help you to find your own answers.
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