catgirl1927 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I have a question about raising kids. There is a lady at work who just told me that if she sends her kid's father or grandmother to pick him up at school that he sobs and cries and won't go and makes a HUGE scene. That if he has to sleep in another house he will stay up all night sobbing, "I want my mommy. I want my mommy." That his dad and his new girlfriend (the dad's, not the kid, hehe) want to take him to Sea World, one of his favorite places in the world, and when she told him that she wasn't going he burst into tears and said he didn't want to go without her. He is four. She and the dad never married because he can't keep his pants zipped. Is this a normal phase that kids go through? Cause I think this sounds really unhealthy. BUT he's so little, aren't kids naturally attached to their mothers? What do the moms think? She's a good mom, but I have to wonder if maybe she doesn't foster a little of this neediness to satisfy her own need to be needed. I need to say need more.
quankanne Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 sounds about the right age for separation anxiety to hit … they are independent little cusses at age four, but only within boundaries they feel secure in! Think about all those little preschoolers and kindergarteners starting school for the first time ... lotta weepy eyes and tantrums because it's something new to them. best thing for the person with the kid to do is let them cry it out, then refocus attention on something appealing.
Touche Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I think it's an individual thing. I was like that at that age but my sister who is 14 months younger than me, never was. My son was never like that either. I don't think it's something the mother is necessarily doing. It's probably just that boy's personality.
climbergirl Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I have a question about raising kids. There is a lady at work who just told me that if she sends her kid's father or grandmother to pick him up at school that he sobs and cries and won't go and makes a HUGE scene. That if he has to sleep in another house he will stay up all night sobbing, "I want my mommy. I want my mommy." That his dad and his new girlfriend (the dad's, not the kid, hehe) want to take him to Sea World, one of his favorite places in the world, and when she told him that she wasn't going he burst into tears and said he didn't want to go without her. He is four. She and the dad never married because he can't keep his pants zipped. Is this a normal phase that kids go through? Cause I think this sounds really unhealthy. BUT he's so little, aren't kids naturally attached to their mothers? What do the moms think? She's a good mom, but I have to wonder if maybe she doesn't foster a little of this neediness to satisfy her own need to be needed. I need to say need more. In my experience kids go in and out of 'separation anxiety' (from primary caregiver) until the age 5/6. For example, my kids all hated being away from me when they went to kindergarten. However, it really is kind of unusual for him to not adapt once he gets into the routine (i.e.-dad picks up every sat. and protests at first, but becomes acclimated once there) or to protest every time.
Trimmer Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Were the mother and father "together" (albeit not married) for some part of the kid's life until recently, and now they've separated? Is the father's girlfriend fairly new on the scene? For how long in his life, if at all, did the child get used to mom and dad as a family unit before they separated? A 4-year old can, indeed, have trouble with separation anxiety, but it may be exacerbated and amplified by the "separation" of the parents...
Author catgirl1927 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 The mother and father broke off their engagement and a month later she discovered she was pregnant. They have never, throughout his entire life, lived together or been a couple. The new girl has been with him for about a year and a half. They've been living together for at least a year.
littlekitty Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 The mother and father broke off their engagement and a month later she discovered she was pregnant. They have never, throughout his entire life, lived together or been a couple. The new girl has been with him for about a year and a half. They've been living together for at least a year. I presume he hasn't been having the child every week or anything though? Otherwise you would expect that the child be just as happy with his father?
Author catgirl1927 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 I presume he hasn't been having the child every week or anything though? Otherwise you would expect that the child be just as happy with his father? This is what confused me. He spends the typical one evening a week and every other weekend over there. Sometimes it's more, sometimes less, because they weren't married they don't have a court mandated agreement for shared custody. He's a big part of his son's life, and it's not that the kid doesn't want to go over there, he just doesn't like to be separated from his mother. He doesn't hate his father or anything.
alphamale Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Is this a normal phase that kids go through? At this age, yes....jeez CG1927, i don't even have any kids and I know that
littlekitty Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 This is what confused me. He spends the typical one evening a week and every other weekend over there. Sometimes it's more, sometimes less, because they weren't married they don't have a court mandated agreement for shared custody. He's a big part of his son's life, and it's not that the kid doesn't want to go over there, he just doesn't like to be separated from his mother. He doesn't hate his father or anything. I knew children could be like that, but I presumed it would only be when away from his parents, not in particular the mother or primary parent! Gosh that's a little worrying then... I do hope that my SO's son doesn't suffer to badly with this as it would be horrible for my SO. I'm hoping it won't happen since his son is very social (is taken to work with her often and around lots of children and adults) and seem absolutely fine with us. Often he doesn't want to go back to Mummy and wants to stay with Daddy and I. He's currently 2.
Spiderman Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Deviating a little, I don't know about in the US but here in the UK 'kid' is such a derogatory term. It's often used by council estate type mothers with loud mouths! It just seems the term 'kid' is obviously more acceptable in the US. Child, son or daughter is much more pleasing to the ear
littlekitty Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Deviating a little, I don't know about in the US but here in the UK 'kid' is such a derogatory term. It's often used by council estate type mothers with loud mouths! It just seems the term 'kid' is obviously more acceptable in the US. Child, son or daughter is much more pleasing to the ear Hah!! So true... did you notice how I used the word child instead!!
Tim'sAngel Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Deviating a little, I don't know about in the US but here in the UK 'kid' is such a derogatory term. It's often used by council estate type mothers with loud mouths! It just seems the term 'kid' is obviously more acceptable in the US. Child, son or daughter is much more pleasing to the ear Well, ur right Sidy, that IS in the UK. This is the US we're talking about As for the "kid" Cat, I can't speak from experience yet, my son is only almost 2, but I do know mothers can play a role in not teaching their chilren to be indipendant... like tying their shoes for them, wiping their mouths, dressing them, instead of letting them learn to do it for themselves. So if that is in fact the case, no wonder he doesn't want to leave his mother, he woudn't be able to do anything
Spiderman Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Hah!! So true... did you notice how I used the word child instead!! I sure did LK That rules you out in being a council estate, loud mouth mother then!:laugh:
littlekitty Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I sure did LK That rules you out in being a council estate, loud mouth mother then!:laugh: It sure does....!! No Chav Momma here!! Although I'd kinda hope you'd have got that anyway!! Anyway.. like... I mean... like... who do you thunk I am... I mean... yeah... but... no... but yeah.... but no.... 'cos Kelly tits are bigger than mine....!! *Those in the US are going to be confused...*
Spiderman Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 It sure does....!! No Chav Momma here!! Although I'd kinda hope you'd have got that anyway!! Anyway.. like... I mean... like... who do you thunk I am... I mean... yeah... but... no... but yeah.... but no.... 'cos Kelly tits are bigger than mine....!! *Those in the US are going to be confused...* :lmao: Oh, my God! That is so unfair! This is like, well sexual harassment! If you like, fancy me why don't you just say so? God, this is exactly like the time Miss Rennig, who everyone knows is a total lesbian, made Candice Burton stay behind after PE, started telling her off for gobbing on Sunita Geschwani's hair. But everyone knows she only made her stay late because she wanted to get off with her, cuz when she was telling her off her legs were wide open and Candice reckons she could see her spider. Stop givin me evils!
Author catgirl1927 Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Um, no, I have never heard of "kid" being derogatory at all. To me, it's a more informal, intimate and affectionate word than "child," but that's just me. I have no idea what "council estate" is, either.
littlekitty Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 :lmao: Oh, my God! That is so unfair! This is like, well sexual harassment! If you like, fancy me why don't you just say so? God, this is exactly like the time Miss Rennig, who everyone knows is a total lesbian, made Candice Burton stay behind after PE, started telling her off for gobbing on Sunita Geschwani's hair. But everyone knows she only made her stay late because she wanted to get off with her, cuz when she was telling her off her legs were wide open and Candice reckons she could see her spider. Stop givin me evils! Ahh a good and well needed chuckle for me! Thanks for that Spidy!! Anyway, I heard Miss Renning was a lezza too!
Spiderman Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Um, no, I have never heard of "kid" being derogatory at all. To me, it's a more informal, intimate and affectionate word than "child," but that's just me. I have no idea what "council estate" is, either. [sIZE=-1]Council estate - Public housing or social housing is a form of housing tenure in which the property is owned by a government authority, which may be central or local. Usually the main inhabitants are of little or no education, mouthy and slightly dodgy, but that's just my stereotypical view for what it's worth. As I said, the term 'kid' seems to be lots more acceptable in the US, still kinda derogatory here in the UK [/sIZE]
littlekitty Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Um, no, I have never heard of "kid" being derogatory at all. To me, it's a more informal, intimate and affectionate word than "child," but that's just me. I have no idea what "council estate" is, either. In the United Kingdom public housing is often referred to as "council housing" and "council estate", based on the historical role of district and borough councils in running public housing. So basically it's public housing subsidised, or paid for by the local government. Which generally means it contains residents of the lower wage earning brackets and often class. *Ohh someone's going to bite my arse for that one!* So in England, to insult a poor, and rather uneducated/classless person, you might call them 'a council estate ragass'.
littlekitty Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 [sIZE=-1]Council estate - Public housing or social housing is a form of housing tenure in which the property is owned by a government authority, which may be central or local. Usually the main inhabitants are of little or no education, mouthy and slightly dodgy, but that's just my stereotypical view for what it's worth. As I said, the term 'kid' seems to be lots more acceptable in the US, still kinda derogatory here in the UK [/sIZE] Great minds...!!!
Trimmer Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Oh, my God! That is so unfair! This is like, well sexual harassment! Well, I can't tell if you're making fun of US slang, or throwing around UK slang, because, with the exception of "fancy, gobbing, and reckons", this could pass almost perfectly for a very specific American dialect called "Valspeak" which peaked circa 1980 with its epicenter in California's San Fernando Valley. Back to the child in question ( ), the problem with just looking at a behavior and an age and trying to judge whether it is "normal" or not, is that sometimes the very same behavior - like separation anxiety in a 4 year old - that can represent normal developmental progress, can also be triggered by some kind of difficulty or trauma that the child is trying (perhaps unsuccessfully) to deal with. So you have to be careful saying, with limited information, "oh, 4-year old, normal behavior", and if you really want to have confidence that he's OK, you have to look at the big picture and take in the entire context of the child's relationships, environment, etc... That's why I peppered you with all those questions about the nature of the biological parents' relationship, the girlfriend's place in his life, etc... Is this something that has more-or-less been happening all along with separation from the mother, or has it suddenly appeared at some point. Can you describe any significant changes in his life or lifestyle recently? Before you can make any kind of pronouncement at all, you have to ask a lot of these kinds of questions...
Spiderman Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 *Ohh someone's going to bite my arse for that one!* Here, here. I'm up for some LK arse biting :laugh:
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