katherine123 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Ok, I don't understand my situation at all. I've been dating my boyfriend for 5 months and he is confusing the crap out of me. We've been spending pretty much every minute together the past couple of weeks. We both have our own places, but I honestly can't remember the last time I actually stayed the night at my place and 2 weeks ago we started working together and have been spending all our breaks together. All of a sudden he pops up with he needs time away from me because he feels smothered and that he's been so accomodating that he doesn't have time to himself and that it's been that way for several weeks. I know my boyfriend loves me and wants to be with me, but he also said he doesn't want to be with me if he can't have time to himself. He actually has proposed to me 3x in the past 5 months and as you can imagine, I hadn't told him yes....yet. I thought if you were proposing to someone, you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them, right??? Any advice would be appreciated.
MeganD13 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 It sounds like it was just too much too fast. Not that he doesn't want to be with you, but if you're staying the night together, working together, and having a social life together, there really doesn't seem to be much breathing room. Maybe either start by sleeping away from eachother, or not taking breaks together. My boyfriend and I went from seeing eachother twice a week to living together.. it was quite a shock and I had a lot of adjusting to do. Just give it a little time. best of luck.
Author katherine123 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 Thanks. I had been thinking that we might have been spending too much time together, but didn't really put any thought into it since he didn't say anything. We did talk about it briefly two days ago and I told him that I would only spend a couple of breaks a week with him, but we decided to spend a couple days apart so I haven't seen him since Sunday and agreed that we would talk about the situation tomorrow. I know I'm gonna need some answers before we talk tomorrow about all the time we spend together. I know I don't want to scare him off, but I'm having a hard time figuring out how much time is too much.
norajane Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Too much is what you've been doing - that's why he's feeling smothered. Frankly, I might too if I were working, socializing, and seeing a guy at home. Way too much no matter how close you are! When you talk with him, talk in specifics, not generalities, so that you both understand each other's expectations. Maybe keep things at work on a professional level virtually all the time - no breaks, no lunches. Plan to spend X number of days per week at your place...discuss which days are best...pick specific days when you know you will see each other, days when you know you will be sleeping at your place, and days that you are both flexible. That way, you can look forward to your time together and it will be more special, rather than just being around all the time. Then, make sure you are involved in other interests. If you spend every minute together, things can get pretty stale and boring and leave you with very little to talk about. Run your errands without him. Make plans with your girlfriends. You need to maintain your own life so that you are not subsumed by togetherness. Don't always go along with him when he is doing something - he should go out with his friends on his own, and also be involved in interests that have nothing to do with you. Plan fun things for your time together, so it doesn't become just hanging out, but more like it was when you were dating. You can find the right balance, though it may take a little trial and error. Good luck!
Buttaflyy Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 He actually has proposed to me 3x in the past 5 months and as you can imagine, I hadn't told him yes....yet. I thought if you were proposing to someone, you wanted to spend the rest of your life with them, right??? Any advice would be appreciated. The rest of your life together...yes! Not every waking moment though. I love my SO very much and we also live together. Love spending time together etc. but if we worked together too... I'd need some time to myself. Slow things down some. He'll come around.
Author katherine123 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 I appreciate that, but it seems that the situation just got worse. i made another post so if anyone reading this one could read that one it would explain how things have gone from ok to bad in 2 seconds flat.
ashnicole Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I guess I should feel a little lucky in the fact that me and my boyfriend work together, live together, go to the store together, and spend every minute of the day together, and it's been that way for two months, and neither one of us is tired of it. In fact, I think we both kind of wish there were more hours in a day so we could spend even MORE time together. It's almost like we yearn for it. -shrug-
Buttaflyy Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 I guess I should feel a little lucky in the fact that me and my boyfriend work together, live together, go to the store together, and spend every minute of the day together, and it's been that way for two months, and neither one of us is tired of it. In fact, I think we both kind of wish there were more hours in a day so we could spend even MORE time together. It's almost like we yearn for it. -shrug- That's the way love goes...in the beginning. And I hope that it stays that way for the both of you, but 2 months is the very beginning of a relationship. The peachy creamy days is what me and SO calls them.
Author katherine123 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 You're exactly right buttaflyy. Me and my SO spent every waking minute together the first 3-4 months (happily) before things started going downhill with time. It's the honeymoon phase when ur still getting to know each other and are really just trying to impress the other person. Once me and my SO got out of that phase (between mos 3-4) there doesnt seem to be ENOUGH time in the day sometimes. Ain't love grand sometimes?
Jadey Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Just give him the break he wants! It will do you BOTH good. That's a LITTLE too much time spent together, lol. Good luck with everything .
Author katherine123 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 Thanks I was thinking about maybe only spending like 2 nights a week together with him and to just hang out with our own friends on our breaks at work.
Jadey Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 Thanks I was thinking about maybe only spending like 2 nights a week together with him and to just hang out with our own friends on our breaks at work. That would be good:) . Just talk to him and work something out where you can still see eachother but he can have time to breathe. Again, good luck!
Author katherine123 Posted June 30, 2006 Author Posted June 30, 2006 Thanks. Hopefully, I can convince him that this would be the best thing for us to do and that spending time apart by breaking up isnt going to solve anything.
ashnicole Posted June 30, 2006 Posted June 30, 2006 That's the way love goes...in the beginning. And I hope that it stays that way for the both of you, but 2 months is the very beginning of a relationship. The peachy creamy days is what me and SO calls them. I didn't say we'd only been together for two months, I said we've been living together/working together/hanging out together for two months. We've always seen eachother atleast once a day, for a few hours, since the beginning of our relationship, until we moved in together... now we're together all the time. Hell, we even shower together. -shrug-
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