lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Why is it everytime I feel like I am ready to move on and get some closure, that is when I hear from him ? I thought I was going to try and move on and just be happy that I tried ..and then he e-mails me that tiny little e-mail, not saying much but just enough to give hope , so then I e-mail back and here I am, waiting to see what he is going to do next... again. So guys.. tell me .. can you sense it when she is giving up and does that make you want to contact her to keep her interested ?
ronnieromance Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 It's not about him, it's about you. There is a lesson to be learned about **not** letting yourself dwell and get caught in this situation...Again. Release the attachment. -R-
Sand&Water Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Oh no. By replying to his e-mail, you're letting him take control of the situation. You must refrain from contacting him if you want to move on. You have the will power to do so. The amount of energy and time you're spending on this guy, is not worth it. Spend it on a new nice guy. Good luck.
SurpriseSurprise Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 When growing up there was this one guy in my neighborhood who would always catch you as you were going out the door. He would always have some trivial favor to ask or what every. It was eerie how he could all way’s do it. He was so reliable at doing this I and other people would go see him when you were trying to find someone else. As long as there was pot involved he was game. In fact it was his commodity. The ability to catch someone at the time they would humor you just to get ride of you. I tell you would be sitting around doing much of nothing and he would suddenly say lets go see so and so. Of coarse there were other reasons to hang with this guy and by that you would be part of the network but this one facet used to amaze me. Take the others advice and move on. If he is anything like this guy he will be able to catch you at that one moment you would humor his attention. Again and again with out even stocking you.
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 The thing is , and I don't know if this makes any sense.. It's not so much that I WANT to move on, because I do still want to be with him. I felt I had no choice but to try and move on and then all of a sudden he sends that little email "just to say hi" ...UGH, so I guess I screwed up by e-mailing him back with a "hi back, how are ya ? " dammit.
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 I have yet to try nc, and don't know how it will work when I am the last one to make contact.. I realize I gave up control when I emailed him back and I was fully aware of this when I did it. But I will start nc as of today.. see what happens... and if it was meant to be ... ( I have tried dating other people but it's very hard when u still have feelings for someone else ) SO here i go... day one...
SurpriseSurprise Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Then if you are in to having a relationship with this guy you should not wait and talk to him more. It sounds like you are living in limbo with this guy. If you were ready to move on then you should be ready to find out if it is right or not with both of you. So talk more and don't sit around waiting.
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 OK , I have been down that road already and have told him that I care for him and that I want to be with him, to which he basically responded with right now he can't , he has to focus on getting his life together ( which I agree, his life does need some work ) and for now that is how it has to be.. so who can argue with that ? I felt I had no choice but to try and move on .. sent him what was gonna be my last email telling him that I did genuinely care for him and I hoped things were going well , I never expected to hear from him again..
2020vision Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I know the exact feeling. I always used to feel like that with my ex. And I even was crazy enough to misconstrue his shallow attempts at contacting me as him and I being "Connected" .... lol pretty funny now when I think about it. The first few times my ex contacted me out of the blue, I was shocked and somewhat flattered and went along with it. but, you have to build the courage to ignore. He is just emailing you for some attention, and I repeat: you need to ignore him. Block him from your email account, that way you do not have to trust yourself to ignore contact. I changed my number, blocked all his email addresses and moved...Sounds extreme, but you have to make a step in the right direction so you don't make this more of a cycle than it already is. Good luck! -2020
alphamale Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 So guys.. tell me .. can you sense it when she is giving up and does that make you want to contact her to keep her interested ? somtimes my left nut will vibrate in a funny way...it usually means that one of my numerous ex's is about to hook up with someone it is not unlike that bugs bunny episode where bugs would start to vibrate and get crazy whenever he was near gold.
SurpriseSurprise Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 With your last post and 2020's hind sight(sorry for the pun) you should move on.
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 I am going to try. Believe me when I say it was not necessary for him to say anything to me to get attention because I have been giving him plenty... probably too much, when I emailed him last week telling him I cared, he answered back two days later. ( if he is looking for attention only then he must need ALOT ...lol ). I would think that if he wants my attention he knows where I am and that I am willing ....I am going to do my best to keep seeing other people ( even tho I don't want to ) and just try to move on.. I have asked him straight out to just tell me if he doesn't want to see me again and the most I can get is "for now this is the way my life must be " ( which consists of church church church, obsessively working out at the gym .. and trying to find steady work ) . And this is definitely taking up too much energy, but for right now it is all I can think about ( no matter how hard I try not to ) and you people are a great help, it's much easier to come here and talk about what is going on rather than sending an email to him full of emotional babble..
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 ... and like I said .. after hearing from him saying that is how his life must be... well I figured nothing more I can do .. sent him my last (haha ) email .. thought that was it ... only to get his "just to say hi" email back... I almost felt that he was encouraging me to keep in contact.. that maybe he had changed his mind...
RarePearl Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 It's not about him, it's about you. There is a lesson to be learned about **not** letting yourself dwell and get caught in this situation...Again. Release the attachment. Very wise! Also this guy feels that you're "far away" and wants your attention so when he loses it, he wakes you up. It's tough. Ignore his emails and whatever attempts for communication and he will stop. There is no real hope for a second chance unless he comes to you and asks you to be with him again. Everything else is just bulls*** that feeds his ego. Don't fall in that trap! Froget him and move on. You can do it.
2020vision Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 There is no real hope for a second chance unless he comes to you and asks you to be with him again. Everything else is just bulls*** that feeds his ego. Don't fall in that trap! Froget him and move on. You can do it. Thats exactly what I was trying to get at with the whole "attention" comment I posted. He just wants to know that you are on the other end of the computer thinking about him. Emailing him is pointless, except if the point is to torture you.
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 Now THAT makes sense ! Wow... ok . How about this ? I am going to do nc and if he emails again with little things just to keep in contact I will keep nc unless or until I get something from him that I don't have to come on here to figure out what it means ... and of course try try try to move on..
2020vision Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Lynn, Your goal should be to not even CARE what his emails mean. Aim high. Best Wishes, 2020
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 You are right, but for me at this time since I can't stop thinking about him and wishing for another chance... well I have gotta aim small and work myself up to the big ones. Through all of this.. my confusing e-mails to him and everything he has been nice, tried to be understanding of my feelings has never once said anything bad to me since I met him... it's very hard to just walk away from someone that is like that. IF he were an ass it would be so much easier ...
ronnieromance Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 You need to start worrying about your mental and spiritual well being more that not exing his ass because he's a nice guy. Just get on webdate and find a new guy to email. -R-
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 Ronnie, You are so to the point! and so right ! but come on.. I am still looking for a little bit of hope here.. I have guys asking me out on dates, have gone out with about 5 in the past month, so I am trying. I have never had a problem letting go before , I would just move on to the next one..but this guy was different, I fell when I wasn't even aware it was happening and my head is still spinning..
AriaIncognito Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 If he is all that you say he is, then maybe get with him realizing he needs time to get his life together and don't push for the full blown relationship? Meaning, take the relationship as what it is, realizing it's not exactly what you want right now? I don't know. It seems that's your only other option aside from no contact which you dont seem to really want to do. If you really want a relationship on a level different than he's willing to provide, then for yourself, you'll really need to do NC and keep looking. Jennifer
Author lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Author Posted June 13, 2006 I am going to try nc, today is day one (since I e-mailed him back yesterday,but at least I managed to wait three days before e-mailing back which is an improvement ..for me anyways) seems kinda strange to start nc since I was the last to make contact, and I am going to keep trying to move on.
Recommended Posts