GuestNamedBob Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 i almost wrote a book here.. then realised it was gunna be way too long a post.. lol basically.. hopefully this time.. lol ummm a girl i was friends with years ago.. we recently reconnected.. became great mates.. and things ended up happening between us.. shes only been with the one guy (sexually).. so i think that is sorta maybe what has happened, shes holding onto that thought.. its just difficult to fathom.. cause.. we get along better.. she prefers my company,.. shes said numerous things regarding how.. i turn her on more.. how shes thought of me in times that shes been with him.. yet she can't let go.. we've met each others parents.. her parents really like me.. (she was concerned her dad would be weird cause he really liked her ex).., we've still hung out a lot since we were last 'together' (about 6 weeks now, shes back with the ex).. and we've kept the friendship going.. i've always held onto the hope that she might work out that she'd be better off with me (im pretty sure she knows that anyway).. but she can't let go.. we've had great times together,.. enjoy the same things.. this weekend (long weekend here).. we went camping.. we were away for 2 nights, 3 days.. on the second night.. i thought i'd try something... (she made a comment to which i thought ok.. ill try again).. she said i looked really really sexy.. must've been the new clothes i was wearing .. crazy girl otherwise.. lol.., so i sorta (we were in the tent) i sorta (on hands and knees) went over to her.. and grabbed her.. and pulled her towards me.. and we got really really close.. and she pushed me away.. and said she couldnt.. so i backed off.. and we started talking.. and said she couldn't believe it.. but just from me barely touching her, she really, really wanted me.. shes said similar things a couple of other times.. so.. to me,.. it seems like she really wants me.. so as you can maybe imagine.. its really really confusing me.. because i really like her.. i'd be pretty accurate in saying, that i can imagine being with her for the rest of my life.. we became best friends.. i really want her.. she really wants me.. i dont understand .. :S its not cool though.. i know shes wasting her time.. ive met the guy.. her sister doesnt like him.. her best friend thinks she oughta get rid of him.. ...etc i'll post this now, cause it pretty much covers everything.. if theres any more details any of you want.. just let me know.. Bob..
norajane Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 She's still seeing her boyfriend, so no matter what you think or her family thinks, that's what matters. All you're doing at this point is encouraging her to cheat on her boyfriend, which is not cool. Step back from this relationship, because you don't want to be her 'friend boy' while she's seeing her boyfriend. You want to be the boyfriend, so unless she breaks up with him, don't spend any more time with her than you do your other friends. She knows who you are and what a good relationship you have. If she wanted that, she'd be with you.
Yoyito Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 do the right thing, back off for now. let her make her decision without having to be duplicitous.
Naive Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Obviously, her feelings for you can't be too great if she is still with her bf. If she really cared she would not be with him, right? I think you should back away from her because she might end up really hurting you. I know it's easier said than done, but most relationships do not work out if the other person has a significan other that is NOT you.
rkman Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 This just has trouble all over it. He backs off, she will persue. He stays around, she will drag both men along. She persues him, the boyfriend gets hurt, then shortly later so do she and the new guy. Encourage her to raise her issues with her partner and leave it at that, seriously. Either way, you are definitely going to get hurt, better now than before you become more emotionally attached.
GuestNamedBob Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 hey hey.. yep, thats what i've decided to do.. we had the weekend together,.. and i'd sort of decided then that after the w/e, i'd leave her be for a while.. that'll give her time to sort out what she wants.. and either way it may turn out, i reckon i'll be okay with.. ive always been one to get over things quickly.. most of the time.. lol.. while i really like her,.. and think that we could have had something really special,.. if its not the time for it, theres nothing can be done about that.. so yeah.. we've stopped emailling.. i got one quick one from her yesterday,.. saying that if i ever needed anyone to talk to or anything at all, that shes there and stuff.. and i said the same thing back.. and yeah.. so now comes the hard bit.. not contacting her.. or seeing her.. as much.. hehe
RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Yep thats gud ur doing that. Dont intrude on an existing relationship. You'd be a rebound anyway. But yeah, u being on the scene is not right at all. Leave them be.
donpepot Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Be a man about yours keep your composure and cool and you will see... walk away...
GuestNamedBob Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 well.. shes started emailling me again.. she misses me.. asked me if i miss her.. said she had a dream about me the other night,.. and thought that it was me beside her in bed, not the other guy.. being that we're still friends, im seeing her tonight.. we're going for a run after work.. then going out to get some food.. i havent seen her since monday.. and got the email on wednesday saying she misses me.. that it felt like forever since she'd seen me, even though she last saw me on monday night.. one thing i worked out from the camping trip on the long weekend, was that she still liked me.. yet still had feelings for the ex still as well.. so.. its kinda a confusing time for me.. her as well i think maybe too..?
sirjay Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Tell her exactly what you feel about her and whats on offer, tell her she needs to decide between the two of you and she needs some time to get over him if she decides on you. you two should do some NC. just make sure she knows what choosing you has to offer her and how you feel and then back off and tell her not to get back unless she has made up her mind and taken time out from the other guy to get over him - at least a few months, i think. trust me, ihave been emotionally involved with 2 women at the same time and you get stuck and wont make a decision unless something major happens to make you. give her an ultimatum. if she really feels for you, she will come to you, and a person will ALWAYS want the person they cant have more. its basic psychology. you go up in her esteem if you deny her.
kaeferman Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Now this is funny to me. I would be the opposite, I mean, I would be the "ex". And because of that I would hate you... lol. I always had the sensation that you cant be with someone who RECENTLY dumped her partner or was dumped by her partner. It just wont work. You have to give it some time, or things wont work. I was dumped by my GF 3 days ago, she is flirting with another guy, but I know she doesnt love him. Worst of all, she said she loves me but doesnt want to be with me if shes thinking about another guy. Now I am wondering what all this is about... Anyway, if you want to know the story go to my post ;-) But, if you are really interested in her, just let her go and ignore her. Chances are that will turn her on. (We all know how this works!!). I have learnt (yeah, in the last few days) that being taken for granted is the worst thing you can do.
kaeferman Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 a person will ALWAYS want the person they cant have more. its basic psychology. you go up in her esteem if you deny her. How true!!!
RealBroken Posted June 16, 2006 Posted June 16, 2006 sounds like she doesnt deserve the OTHER guy. People should make themselves boundaries in a relationship. She obviously hasnt. Hey maybe she'll end up doing the same to you eventually. I take it she's young.
GuestNamedBob Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 yah.. shes 21 in a few weeks time.. they were each others first.. which is a pretty big thing.. the guy doesnt deserve her.. everything shes said about him annoys me.. but yeah.. the guy does hate me.. he hates how i make her feel.. (she tells him everything, the most honest and open person ive ever come across) .. just like she tells me everything.. that she still has feelings for him, etc.. he hates how i am, cause she likes everything about me,.. he hates that she still has feelings for me.. even though shes sorta back with him... so yeah.. overall.. im getting the feeling that he hates me.. lol
riobikini Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 re: Bob: " i can imagine being with her for the rest of my life..I really want her..she really wants me.." Bob, *she chose the other guy*. You want her, *she doesn't want you*. And -yes- your imagination is at work, here. A wake-up call, given in kindness, -Rio
GuestNamedBob Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 hmmmm.. more dramas of sorts i wish i had some system so i could record phone calls.. she rang me tonight.. shortly after i got home.. was on the phone for 68mins.. (phone has a timer).... at least half the time.... was spent talking about us.. (which she initiated).. numerous times a future between her and i was mentioned... only once, was her future with the ex guy was mentioned.. she asked me what i'd do in his situation... so i told her truthfully.. she asked what i'd do, if i was his age.. and had a gf that would have been ready to move in with her.. i told her truthfully. that i'd get her to move in. hell.. in the month or so that i was seeing her almost fulltime.. i thought, if we go out, i'll try and get her to move in.. but thats just me.. and she agreed that ppl are different, and that the oher guy, doesnt want what she wants.. etc.. so i know im not being a thieving prick when i say that i still want her.. because i know that she still wants me.. numerous things that she said tonight.. reaffirms that.. so.. that makes things all the more confusing.. i think im seeing her tomorrow night (tonight now,.. its 344am here)... i spoke to her tonight when i was in town (to escape someone else).. and she said if i needed saving again at anytime while i was in town, to feel free to call.. (i didnt, cause i didnt wanna wake her up..) so yeah.. im not a bad person... i havent broken them up.. everything thats happened between us.. some of it may have been initiated by me, but has been followed thru on by her.. so im not the utter complete bad guy here.. so.. yeah.. i know what i feel and i know i feel that she still wants me so .. again.. shes up for the same sorta choice she had a month ago.. cept now i know that she still wants me.. again.. i wish i had a phone recorder type thing.. cause then u'd all see where im coming from.. argh ..
Pantero Posted June 17, 2006 Posted June 17, 2006 OMG! NC NOW NOW NOW! You need to exit anything and everything that has to do with this girl and do it now before you're in a world of hurt and confusion.
GuestNamedBob Posted June 19, 2006 Posted June 19, 2006 OMG! NC NOW NOW NOW! You need to exit anything and everything that has to do with this girl and do it now before you're in a world of hurt and confusion. hehe i know thats what it seems like i should do.. but im not a very clever guy.. im not seeing as much of her,.. which is leading her to call me and etc more.. she visited yesterday night,.. we had dinner and watched a movie.. and there was lots of flirting coming my way.. to which i didnt respond much.. and when she was leaving, she reached for a hug.. so i wasnt gunna say no.. and it lasted longer than most of the other ones we've had.. so.. NC works.. at the moment, in my favour.. but whichever way things go.. i reckon i'll be ok.. i'm tough..
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