Noos Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Does anyone else have this problem or have you had it before? I never get the men I'm attracted to, only the ones that I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever. Does one's luck ever change? Why do some women get whomever they want and I can't even get even one guy I want? Frickin' hell!
lovelorcet Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Hey Noos, Maybe you need to try to be more positive about everything. From your other posts I can really tell how frustrated you are. Even a little bit if bitterness can be really unattractive if it comes across. As for hooking a guy I think you have to show interest but at the same time show him that you don’t care if he picks up on it or not. Kind of like I am happy and fine without your interest. It is all about the happy and confident person you should try to project. It is not only about luck, you can make your own fortune. I think a girl hooked me like this. I didn’t know what was going on for a while and by the time I actually figured out how interested she was she already had me. Or maybe I was doing the same thing and we hooked each other.
funkify Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I hear ya! Lately, I've been meeting these great guys that I'm definately not attracted to physically at all. But I've also been meeting gorgeous guys who aren't interested in pursuing anything remotely serious either. Lose-Lose situation! I think if you just hang in there eventually you'll find someone that you like AND is interested in you. When we meet people, it's just luck of the draw and come to think of it, the odds of someone great who feels the same is not as common as you think. Just have fun meeting people and practising your social skills! THen when you meet the right one you'll sweep him off his feet!
Lonestar Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Does anyone else have this problem or have you had it before? I never get the men I'm attracted to, only the ones that I have absolutely no interest in whatsoever. Does one's luck ever change? Why do some women get whomever they want and I can't even get even one guy I want? Frickin' hell! That's the law of dating. We only want what we can't have. They sense how much you want them, so you're too easy.
Guest Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I have observed this in my life too! I am a guy and everytime I happen to find a girl very attractive its almost 100% positive that she is already taken. Lonestar, You are right as well, but the problem that the OP and I are talking about is when you feel a powerful attraction upon meeting some one new and then learn that they already have a bf/gf. I certainly believe the important role luck can play in relationships and life in general!
Author Noos Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 They sense how much you want them, so you're too easy. I'm always told that I appear aloof and that I have to look more approachable. As for the easy inference - well, guys love slutty looking girls in Barbie proportions so when has being easy been a problem. Me? I can count the guys I've been with on one hand. I'm kind of wondering whether the head over heels attraction ever really happens. I've met someone that I like and I have stuff in common with but I'm not crazy about him physically but not repulsed either. At what point should you accept that you can't get what you want and just go with someone who is a great friend and partner but not what you prefer physically. Or is this just settling? Should I wait for the ga-ga physical stuff with all the other stuff combined? It may never happen. What do you guys think?
Tim'sAngel Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I'm always told that I appear aloof and that I have to look more approachable. As for the easy inference - well, guys love slutty looking girls in Barbie proportions so when has being easy been a problem. Me? I can count the guys I've been with on one hand. I'm kind of wondering whether the head over heels attraction ever really happens. It does! It happened to me!! I got the guy I had been wanting for a long time, and he is so freakin in love w/me and into me it's amazing!! I think attraction has so much more to do than choosing what to wear. Do you have any insecurities? Like maybe insecure about you looks, or your personality? Or maybe just nervous that you won't attract the men you are attracted to? If so, IT SHOWS!! I was very insecure about attracting "attractive" men, and I had a guy friend once tell me I give off the impression "leave me alone, I'm not looking for anyone, I don't need a bf". And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that I was self conciously giving that impression off to protect myself from being turned down or rejected. I had to unlearn how to do that, and I now have the most amazing SO in the world!! :love: He is everything I wanted looks wise, personality wise, emotionally, physically, I could on and on... Also, what is it that your looking for? Have you set your standards so high that you can't reach them? I know men are incredibly attracted to confidence, so much that they will overlook a few extra pounds or funky hairdo. Remember, although very important, the looks aren't always the thing that attracts a man to a women. Personality speaks volumes. And some men are shy too. If you look even a bit unnaproachable, they will pass you up. Smile, be graceful, be assertive, and you shouldn't have a problem. I've met someone that I like and I have stuff in common with but I'm not crazy about him physically but not repulsed either. At what point should you accept that you can't get what you want and just go with someone who is a great friend and partner but not what you prefer physically. I know looks are important for women as well, but you shouldn't always base your opinion of him on what he looks like. I know so many men who were great guys even thought their appearance wasn't up to par.
Maria33 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Wow, some great ideas! I've been kind of flirting with this guy for a couple of months and now we are both unattached he is paying attention to me. But, I'm afraid if I act too eager, he'll get scared off. But on the other hand, he is kind of shy so I do want him to know that I'm interested in him. It's hard to find a place in the middle of those two. I try to go back and forth from one to the other. One minute I'm trying to flirt with him then later I pretend I'm too preoccupied to bother. I hope this works. At least enough that he might ask me out one day. Anymore ideas on this subject? How to look available but still enough mystery to make them interested in you, and want to find out more.
j.carsey Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 But, I'm afraid if I act too eager, he'll get scared off. But on the other hand, he is kind of shy so I do want him to know that I'm interested in him Imagine all the potential great couples that never happen because both sides are thinking, I like him/her but I don't want to come on too strong. I mean sure you can ruin the chances if you act too eager but if you both act uninterested, how will you hook up? Such difficult stuff! I haven't been very good at this either (I'm a guy). Have definitely scared off some girls, and missed opportunities on others by not taking action.
j.carsey Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 One minute I'm trying to flirt with him then later I pretend I'm too preoccupied to bother. I hope this works. At least enough that he might ask me out one day. Oh a girl is doing exactly this to me right now. Sometimes giving me signals she is very interested, other times avoiding contact with me and never initiating any contact back to me. It leads me to think she just wants attention, and that doesn't make me want to pursue her. Let me ask you this, you have already been spending a lot of time with him right (couple of months). So exactly what kind of a move are you waiting for him to make? Isn't it clear from the flirting he already likes you?
Outcast Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 We only want what we can't have Um. Not really. We want what we want. That sometimes we can't have it doesn't make us want it more; it's just we hoped we'd get it and don't stop wanting it right away. It's frustrating, not tempting, to not get what you want. is when you feel a powerful attraction upon meeting some one new and then learn that they already have a bf/gf. That's because 'powerful attraction' is biological and no indication of whether the person will be right for you. Your genes don't care if someone's loving, caring, and good to you. They just want compatible DNA. I've been 'powerfully attracted' to all sorts of people who are completely not the kinds of people I'd want a relationship with. If I only listened to 'attraction', I'd be one of the posters posting about how miserable I am with some guy who doesn't treat me well. I've also been 'powerfully attracted' to some married guys, so I keep a wide berth because I will NOT go there. I wish people would stop believing that that kind of 'attraction' is the cue to love! So that the people you're so attracted to are taken could well be a blessing.
riobikini Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 re J. Carsey: " I like him/her but I don't want to come on too strong. I mean sure you can ruin the chances if you act too eager but if you both act uninterested, how will you hook up?" Totally agree. I see this kind of thinking everyday, here, in the boards, and lay my head down on my desk to ease the brain surge of "Why????" Whatever happened to good, old-fashioned meet-ups, and honest people moving their mouths to form normal, everyday conversation? Abandon the pick-up lines, avoid the 'cutesy' quips, and learn how to say a *genuine* "Hello, I've been seeing you around and....", or " just "Hello" with a *friendly* smile. I realize it's a jungle out there, (Smile) -but you *always* start with the *simple* version, before you go up the totem pole to more complicated solutions. And don't buy into how everyone else is doing it, just because it's popular: it seems to be ,mostly, just based on rampant fear evolving out of a growing paranoid, fragile society, in regards to relationships. -Rio
Maria33 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Okay, my main concern is the rejection. I want to let him know that "yes, I am interested", but, I want it to be him that makes the first move. This cuts down on MY rejection. I really don't want to play games though. What's a good way to let someone know you are interested without actually asking them out? We kind of flirted a lot yesterday and I thought "okay, he is interested". Then today, he seemed to avoid me all day long. This dating thing is way too confusing! Help!!
j.carsey Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Okay, my main concern is the rejection. I want to let him know that "yes, I am interested", but, I want it to be him that makes the first move. This cuts down on MY rejection. I really don't want to play games though. What's a good way to let someone know you are interested without actually asking them out? We kind of flirted a lot yesterday and I thought "okay, he is interested". Then today, he seemed to avoid me all day long. This dating thing is way too confusing! Help!! There was a post in another board that sounded great to me. She said that she will try to make guys aware that she is interested by: always returning calls in a timely fashion (tells the guy his attention isn't falling on deaf ears). And one I liked is suggesting a date, rather than asking him out you are just suggesting something you could do together. As in, HINT HINT ask me out. Calls out of the blue can also be nice. Not too often, but it makes a point. "How are you?" or something simple like that. I find it kind of funny that women worry about "scaring off" guys. I think it's usually guys who do the scaring (too sexual, too soon, too creepy). I think really this fear of rejection is the big issue that makes things complicated
kitten chick Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 It's funny, I never think about not getting the ones I want because I never really meet anyone that I actually want.
Maria33 Posted June 15, 2006 Posted June 15, 2006 Okay, did I forget to say that this is happening at work? I know that some people won't date people they work with. Plus, if I put myself out there and ask him out or something, and it goes bad, it could be uncomfortable. We don't work together but we're still in the same area working. I guess that's why I'm really looking for a vibe from him as to if he's interested in me or just flirting because he likes to flirt. It's really hard to tell sometimes. Thanks for the ideas!
Author Noos Posted June 20, 2006 Author Posted June 20, 2006 Don't do it. If you're working on the same floor in different companies it might be okay but if you're working in the same company but in different parts of the same floor, it will be disastrous if he's not into you. If he is into you, you won't need to look so hard for clues - it will be a bit more obvious.
Butterflying Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 I mean, flirt with everyone, all the time. I've been studying the art of flirting. And I've been practicing everywhere, with everyone. I don't worry about his race, religion, marital status, or anything really. I just flirt for the hell of it. I was standing in the check-out line at Walmart last night. It was late. There was an extremly cute guy in front of me. He only had two items. I only had three. I asked him a silly question that made him laugh. Then I complimented him on his smile. Next thing I know, he was asking me questions about myself. It wasn't serious. But as I was getting into my car in the parking lot, he was driving past me in his car. He stopped just to simply tell me to have a good night. So I think if I really wanted that man, I could have made the conversation more serious while flirting with him. I could have gotten his phone number, or given him mine. And the key to getting the number is make it about something other than dating. For example, I may want to give a guy my number during a conversation where he has told me that he is planning a vacation. Since I'm in the travel industry, I tell him to call me to get the best deals on traveling. Unfortunately, this sometimes backfires when some guys ONLY call for the specific reason I've offered. In that case, I start asking for something in return to make sure it's a give and take situation and I'm not being taken advantage of. But flirting is the best thing because you increase your chances of getting the man you want. Flirt with ten guys you actually want. At least one of them is garanteed to work out. And you must remain positive at all times.
j.carsey Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 Geez you want to flirt with everyone, why not just bend over in public. You'll have plenty of men coming up to you. It's really not that hard to begin with To be serious, I think initiating flirting is something more appropriately done by men. It is considered normal for men to do this, but if I see a woman flirting with everyone I get more than a little suspicious... is she starved for attention? Is she crazy? Why isn't she waiting for men to approach her, what could possibly make her desperate? No problem if you're flirting now and then, but if you do it excessively it will probably hurt your chances.
phyrespryte Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 It is considered normal for guys to flirt? It's more appropriate when men initiate flirting? That sounds so bizarre to me. When it boils down to it...isn't it really the women who make all the first moves? Yeah a guy might be the first to approach. He might be the first to say something. But would he have approached her if he didn't see her smile at him? Would he have even said anything if he didn't see her looking back at him also?
IWalkAlone Posted June 20, 2006 Posted June 20, 2006 No, women initiate flirting just as much as men. The answer the the question of who makes the first move is this: Most of the time, men make the first overt move, such as asking for a number, making calls, inviting a woman on date, etc. However, women usually make the first subtle move, such as smiling at a guy across the room, initiating conversations, complimenting him, etc. These behaviors are green lights for a guy to make an overt move. If women didn't do this, then guys would have an even harder time figuring out which women like them, and they'd waste more time & "ego-equity" asking out women who aren't interested. It is also a tool for both sexes to indirectly let someone of the opposite sex know they're interested, and to gauge interest my them. Because the subjects of dating aren't directly brought up, there isn't as much of a feeling of rejection if the other party isn't interested.
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