lynni31 Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 I don't think you should send her anything. Maybe you should try unblocking her for a day and see if she says something to you first.
thekhris Posted June 13, 2006 Posted June 13, 2006 Don't play games! Be yourself, but at the same time be true to yourself. True love will come back to you, and yes there is such a thing worth waiting for. Read the thread how to remain strong. I hate to mess this tread..but i just cant help it..this rkman is completely missleading a lot if guys who is in pain and really need some help right now.JESUS man! How can you say be your self when you your actually telling them to not contact their ex or say be yourself but your actually pushing them to disregard their instict to to call and to beg to the girl.. Cutting all contact is a good point on what to do of you want to win her back BUT ITS NOT ENOUGH! you see in my past experiences i have a ex whom i cut all contact after the break up some came back after 8 months some came back after a year...AND WHY IS THAT? bcoz that on that long time she finally realized that you moved on! CUTTING CONTACT IS NOT ENOUGH .THE REAL THING THAT CAN MAKE GIRLS TURN BACK IS if she actually see that you move on! THe combination of NO CONTACT and see you move on and sutviving and have a norman life without her is the key to winning girls back.. NO CONTACT will make her realized what she is missing without you and comapre the life w out you.. WHILE SEEING YOU MOVE ON(acting indifferent,no hatd feelings,be politeor have a new gf)will make her realize your value and the urge to act bcoz she reallized that she can really afford to loose you...and seeing you move on actually saves your diginity and attraction value.. DOnpepots advice really help me a lot my gf for 2 years dump me for another guy last 2 months and now after reading donpepots treads ...NOW WERE DAMN COUPLES AGAIN.. I think rkman is just promoting his e-book or somthing..and if you guys dont beleive me try to research on previous treads,that after the girl dump the guy ..why on earth she suddenly want him back?..what happened?what the guy do? the answer your looking for is in there..rkman and other guys who pushing the NO CONTACT is actually trying only to help you let go...not helping you to get back the girl completely and surelly..i repeat no contact and seeing you that you still enjoy life iwithout her is the answer for winning her back..ive been there...
Author RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 I UNDERSTAND ALL THIS What makes my situation different is SHE ASKED FOR NO CONTACT,...... it wasn't just me doing it! If i had just started not responding to her texts in the beginning and ignored her and started the NC thing I can understand how im in power and in control and how that would effect her....... HOW EVER SHE WAS THE ONE THAT GOT UPSET AND SAID NO CONTACT..... even though she was contacting me more........ i was just the one that wore the brunt of it. What I'm wanting to do is this;............ PUT ME......... yes ME in power of the situation. I want to show her that i'm moving on,.......... not just not contacting her because she asked me to like a authority figure. This is why i was contemplating an email............. something that is straight to the point,..... and ignores expected questions like "how are you" or "Im up to this" Im wanting an idea that will make her think "oh s*** he's moving on" The hard part is she wont get this thru word of mouth because she lives in another city 2 hrs away. I've decided i wont send that email....... you guys are right. But if anyone has a suggestion on how to show her I'm moving on please tell me!!!!........... the difficulty is this; 1; she has no way to find out thru other ppl coz of the distance......... and our communication is broken so i cant tell or show her...... or can I??? 2; she is in power and feels authoritive and that im not contacting her because she asked/demanded. Im just wanting to know if there is a way of changing this. No ur right i'm not completely over her. I'm not miserable like i was but she will be on my mind for a long time, i think its because i have no bad memories of us being together. Thats the bastard thing here. I am currently casually dating others at the moment, just socially,.... so im getting there. But wld like to advance in this situation step by step if I can. I just want the power back. I understand the principles; in fact I've made them work as we were breakin up, without knowing it. In a space of two weeks she actually attempted to break up several times, but would change her mind.......... because i was in charge. ie....... she wanted space because she was all confused again. I just said ok and no more. That night she text and asked if i was ok..... I said sorry i havent text you back,.... im driving. She said where, I said to XXXXXX (my parents town 4 hours away) She said why, I said "im sick of this, Im going home" She begged for me to come back and she wanted to talk again. Another time; i was at her place. She said I want to break up. I said,..... ok then, if thats what you want then ok....... I looked at her, said good luck with everything and began to walk out. She started to follow..... I said dont follow me out, theres no point. "see ya later" and I quickly left. She text me in the morning begging that she didnt want to listen to anyone else before and wanted to give it a good shot. Unfortuneately, that lasted only a week. So I see what you guys are saying and its all true. I'm not a fool, I do understand. But SHE's GOT THE UPPER HAND THIS TIME, and I dunno what to do. How can I get back the power?!?!?!!
Art_Critic Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 But if anyone has a suggestion on how to show her I'm moving on please tell me Nothing like actually moving on to show someone that you have moved on.. So you want to lie to her ? Why ? She is your past.. remember that.. your future hasn't been written yet.. but the chances are she won't be in it.. if you live your life like she doesn't matter.. move on and find someone else then and only then will she come back
Author RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Here's a situation that could maybe compared to this; about 5 years ago, my ex dumped me and moved out of our flat. I was a mess but anyway......... I delivered a phone bill with simply my amount owing crossed off, so she could pay the rest. Thats it, i put it in an envelope and sent it to her. I got an angry (or maybe hurt) phone call, asking "what is this with the phone bill in my letterbox?" I didnt understand, is said "well i've paid half and u need to pay the other half" Her response "I know that!"....... "but you didnt even include a note or nothing!! just a bill!!" What do you think, return her stuff with no note. or just dont return it at all. I'm guessing she has to ask for it back one day,.... and what about my stuff, is she intending on keeping it? Why do people keep stuff? I half expected it to be in my letterbox by now.
lynni31 Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Yep, Art critic is right. Besides, if you have to go out of your way to show her that you have moved on then she will probably sense that in fact you have not moved on at all. Because if you had truly moved on there would be no need to contact her to tell her about it . You have more power than you think and I hope I can be as strong as you with nc for as long as you have.
KarlCox Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 RealBroken.. here is the deal.. she told you no contact right... dont send either of those email that mention anything in the past.. say you want to get rid of this annoying girl... you told her never to contact you.. she later then send you an email indicating how much she cares about you.. it's not going to work... there is this strategy that it worked for me in the past.. i had an EX with 7 months of NC.. she told me never to contact and she ignored every contact i made within the first 2 months.. and ignored the happy bday contact 2 months before we contact again... here is the deal.. you can contact her.. (if you have anything at her place make it sound like you really NEED It back... yet mention nothing about her.. when she lets you take the stuff back.. JUST GRAB IT AND LEAVE.. SAY NOTHING no goodbyes but yet BE POLITE DONT LOOK PISSED OFF i was in a different situation.... i know where she hangs out... so just 2 months before we contact again.. i took my friends there and saw her.. and i completely ignore her even she made eye contact with me.... i didn't even move different or shook my body or look into her when my eyes glance through the room even though i saw her inside... BOOM 3 weeks after that she contacted me ask me how am i.. i was like okay.. just got back home... and going to sleep because i have school tomorrow... good night (IN VERY POLITE manner) convo lasted about 2 min called me during my bday which is 2 weeks after.. i happened to be celebrating with my friend outside eating.. so i was like.. yeah.. im eating ill call you back next time (polite) then she txted me said she missed me and tell me to call or IM her on aim sometimes for the NEXT a month and half i never made an initial AIM or phone call.. she called me every sunday night we talk for about an hour.. i mentioned NOTHING about our past... (cuz LEAVE THE PAST WHERE IT BELONG) dont talk about get back together.. cuz THERE IS NO GETTING BACK Start a new fresh relationship like how you WOULD DO IT with a new girlfriend.. and we finally meet up the first time a month later.. blah blah blah (just like what you do in a new relationship, never mention getting back) and we got back together for 3 years.... but so far we kinda broke off again and yeah i still like her a lot.. so i might have to do the same... again.. not sure if it is going to work again.. but at least i knew it worked on me before...
Author RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Were you school children when you applied these strategies.....??? Just you mentioned school? I would figure if I ignored her when seeing her she would take that as rude and think "f*ck you" for good. I know I would.
Author RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Let me know if you are young, I'm 27.... cld be VERY different.
KarlCox Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 yeah.. they would take it as f*** you for good.. in the beginning.. people dont stay pissed off forever you know? eventually theyll get over the madness and wonder what happened to you.. thats why you need to bump into her or call her up to pickup your stuff without mentioning anything or even saying a how are you.. yet maintain as polite as possible.. low profile... they'll think you are cool with them but yet... how come you are not saying anything.... in addition.. if you insist on email.. mention NOTHING about you liking her.. or you still care about the relationship or anything.. KEEP CONVO SHORT AND END IT ASAP.. treat it like getting a new girlfriend.. i dont think the first time you dated you said something like "i like you a lot i want you to be my girl" thats not going to work the first time.. let alone working in a broking relationship (which makes the relationship worst, you start out negative instead of ZERO)
KarlCox Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 if she ever contacts you.. doesn't mean she'll go out with you for SURE... you need to stay COOL.. showed that you are over her.. YET dont be like.. dont talk to me ever.. stay polite and make up excuses to get off the phone "school tomorrow, work, got stuff to do, etc.." that way.. she thinks you hang up the phone for the above reasons and not because you are mad or hate her... make yourself mysterious that she cant predict... make her want to know and understand you.... it's frustrating.. ppl like an answer.. yes/no they keep coming back when you dont tell them...
Author RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 OK the MSN thing.......... she just signed on, I unblocked her. She will see me as signing on then, it would have alerted her. I then put my status as "busy" (dnt interupt) Good start?
KarlCox Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 the fact that she sees you on msn doesn't mean all that much... but stay NC still she might expect you to msg.. then dont msg.... ppl dont think about the past or feel anything because they see your MSN screenname... it has to be something more dramatic like face to face contact. like my ex looked at me.. expected a hi or a wave.. but i just walked... past like i saw nothing...
Author RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Ha ha....... not for me,! I saw her online, and when i knew she could see me i got the f*ckn shakes!!!! I know what you mean though. Im thinkin, just wait til the end of the year when she's living in te same town as me. Although she will be around for holidays in one week arrrgggh. Im wondering if its too soon. If I see her, i'l just be polite, say hi and smile, but then I'l bugger off and do my own thing and talk to other people,..... makin sure I dont look over. The thing I worry about though is should i be doing something now, before she can get over me more. The longer the time, feels like the more difficult it will be. Maybe not, i dunno. Currently I have two girls chasing me hard out. But i'm so not interested!!! Thats probably why they are chasing me. Damn its stupid. To keep someone, you have to act as though u can leave at anytime and u have better things to do, rather than show them they are special to you. Strange world.
donpepot Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 I UNDERSTAND ALL THIS What makes my situation different is SHE ASKED FOR NO CONTACT,...... it wasn't just me doing it! its not different... she still know your in hell right now and feeling depressed and still not over her because that is the last impression you show to her she still imagine that she is in power.. 1; she has no way to find out thru other ppl coz of the distance......... and our communication is broken so i cant tell or show her...... or can I??? 2; she is in power and feels authoritive and that im not contacting her because she asked/demanded. how bout this you: hey xxxx i just called to say that i need my dvd back..dont worry im fine right now? no hard feelings..so hows u going?best wishes to your new relationship dont worry im ok now..any way if you have time to drop to my house my dvd and im not in there just live it to my brother..hey gotta go...im running late..ok u take care of your selve... bye (HANG THE PHONE)
Fun2BMe Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 how bout this you: hey xxxx i just called to say that i need my dvd back..dont worry im fine right now? no hard feelings..so hows u going?best wishes to your new relationship dont worry im ok now..any way if you have time to drop to my house my dvd and im not in there just live it to my brother..hey gotta go...im running late..ok u take care of your selve... bye (HANG THE PHONE) Are you serious? That's worse than his other two emails PLUS the card combined! Best wishes to your new relationship? Don't worry I'm ok now? No hard feelings? A million don't worries. It's disasterous.
Author RealBroken Posted June 14, 2006 Author Posted June 14, 2006 Ha ha ha ha Have you seen those cartoons where the little devil and the angel sit on the persons shoulders and argue with each other,........ while the eprson in the middle just goes insane. ha ha Thanks though guys. I think I just cant do a thing. I hate it but what can i do. Yeah, she's in control. She thinks im not contacting becasue she told me not to. What can I do, do you have any suggestions FUN2BEME? Thanks though DONDEPOT. I'm not gonna ring her on the phone..... to invasive of her 'space' if you know what i mean. Its going against what she asked. An email just seemed not as bad. Plus anything can go wrong on the phone, what if i got her at a busy moment,.... or i just went to s***. or she yelled at me before i got the chance to speak...... or her flatmates who were the catalyst for all this answer first. I think Phoning is definately out. I just hate it how time is ticking. Is it best to itercept the control now, or ride it out till end of year. just dont like the thought of her moving on and on and on and on and on...... I mean I'm moving on stronger and stronger everyday..... its great. im no longer kinda miserable now if you know what i mean. i just remember what we were, and it seems just a waste. Is it possible that she thinks the same?....... as in.... it was good, but i just wasnt ready and it was all just too hard with what my flatemates hating him and makin my life difficult and the long distance..... maybe another day if it works out that way. or do you think she would have told me that.??? She did try to search for solutions to fix us....... even the day of our breakup she asked would i move to her town til the end of the year, because she thought that was the way to make us work. I said yes, dunno if that was a bad thing or not. She said she was worried that i wld change my life for her and then what if we still didnt work out. Then finally she said, ive just hurt you too much, we need to breakup. But then she went bananas later and demanded the "no contact thing' burnt her bridges. Then i catch her with another guy......... hey maybe it amounted to nothing in the end......... just why would she be trying to find a solution to fix us...... when there was another guy. Wouldnt she have just left? Maybe she was makin it up to look good. i dunno. What do ya reckon guys. Its nice to have opinions. Thanks heaps. You guys are helpin me alot. Just to get everything out is great. ( :
KarlCox Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 you can ask for DVD back but DONT do it so early because she'll think you are cheap. do it after awhile.. and when you ask for DVD i wouldn't recommend no hard feelings .. nothing.. MENTION nothing about feelings... (guys should never TALK ABOUT feelings) it's extremely inattractive.. just ask for the DVD .. BE polite smile grab and leave.. and when you bump into her ever LOOK great and happy... ignore her.. look like you had a blast... cuz if she thinks you are over her... she wouldn't mind make contact to you.. however, you just walked by and see nothing.. it would hurt her feelings.. (she'll think, like our past doesn't even ring a bell to you) you get the picture...?
KarlCox Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 sorry make so many posts... the whole idea is.. make her feel like you *really dont care*.. yet stay polite.. people get frustrated when you dont care..... say.. she dumps you and the VERY next day she finds out you are dating a hot chick? i dont think she'll be tellin you not to contact her.... cuz ppl like to be cared.. same with you.. you want her to care about you right now... and she KNOWS you still care about her a lot...
Guest Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 no prob..like i always say...if your done doing your thing and your done trying all others advices... im just right here..but for now... go experimenting and do the trial and error things so when we finally talk again in the future we both can understand very well without the pain in the ass explanations... take care..
donpepot Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 ok as like always say..if your done doing all your thing and if your done trying all those other advices..ill be just right here.. i truely recomend you do that trial and error thing and i truely recomend that you should experience things first hand,...so that when we finally talk again in the future..there will be less hassle of pain in a ass explenations and we can really both understand each other well... take care..
GW7147 Posted June 14, 2006 Posted June 14, 2006 Real, I've been reading your posts and posted myself once before in this thread. After reading, it seems as if you are driving yourself crazy with the whole situation. Don't get me wrong, I know what you're going through because I'm going through it too. I've asked myself a million questions about what happened and why and what I should or shouldn't do. I got to the point where I was begining to think I was becoming my own worst enemy. I felt as if I was doing this stuff to myself. I can appreciate what you're going through and how you feel but, I think you should take a step back, take a deep breath and ask yourself "Why am I doing this?" (I know it's because you care about your ex and are looking for the best way to handle things). It just seems you're really pounding your head against a wall. It would be nice if we were handed the answers to all the questions we have. I wish it would happen for me sometimes too. I know you're looking for sound advise on LS, which, you have found. Everybody on this site reaches out to one another and I think I would have been lost without it. There are too many "What if's" that we have no control over. Have you read the post with the sermon attached to it "Let them go". If you haven't, check it out, It may give you some insight as to what you should do. Of course, you know you circumstances better than any of us and I'm certainly not trying to steer you in any direction. You just seem lost as to where you need to be and what direction you need to head in. It's a difficult set of circumstances and I would never wish being hurt on anybody. I hope you find the answers you're looking for and things work out the way you want them too. All the best brother!! Regards, GW
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